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Clips from Seinfeld - The Bookstore (S09E09)

TV Series 1989 –1998 Season 9, Episode 17 22 min ★ 8.8/10 (390,457 ratings) 359 clips
Comedy

Episodes from this show

Title Season Episode
Good News, Bad News 1 1
The Stakeout 1 2
The Robbery 1 3
The Stock Tip 1 5
The Ex-Girlfriend 2 1
The Pony Remark 2 2
The Jacket 2 3
The Phone Message 2 4
The Apartment 2 5
The Statue 2 6
The Revenge 2 7
The Heart Attack 2 8
The Deal 2 9
The Baby Shower 2 10
The Chinese Restaurant 2 11
The Busboy 2 12
The Note 3 1
The Truth 3 2
The Pen 3 3
The Dog 3 4
The Library 3 5
The Parking Garage 3 6
The Cafe 3 7
The Tape 3 8
The Nose Job 3 9
The Stranded 3 10
The Alternate Side 3 11
The Red Dot 3 12
The Subway 3 13
The Pez Dispenser 3 14
The Suicide 3 15
The Fix Up 3 16
The Boyfriend: Part 1 3 17
The Limo 3 19
The Good Samaritan 3 20
The Letter 3 21
The Parking Space 3 22
The Keys 3 23
The Trip: Part 1 4 1
The Trip: Part 2 4 2
The Pitch 4 3
The Wallet 4 5
The Watch 4 6
The Bubble Boy 4 7
The Cheever Letters 4 8
The Opera 4 9
The Virgin 4 10
The Contest 4 11
The Airport 4 12
The Pick 4 13
The Movie 4 14
The Visa 4 15
The Shoes 4 16
The Outing 4 17
The Old Man 4 18
The Implant 4 19
The Junior Mint 4 20
The Smelly Car 4 21
The Handicap Spot 4 22
The Pilot 4 23
The Mango 5 1
The Puffy Shirt 5 2
The Glasses 5 3
The Sniffing Accountant 5 4
The Bris 5 5
The Lip Reader 5 6
The Non-Fat Yogurt 5 7
The Barber 5 8
The Masseuse 5 9
The Cigar Store Indian 5 10
The Conversion 5 11
The Stall 5 12
The Dinner Party 5 13
The Marine Biologist 5 14
The Pie 5 15
The Stand-In 5 16
The Wife 5 17
The Raincoats 5 18
The Fire 5 19
The Hamptons 5 20
The Opposite 5 21
The Chaperone 6 1
The Big Salad 6 2
The Pledge Drive 6 3
Title Season Episode
The Chinese Woman 6 4
The Couch 6 5
The Gymnast 6 6
The Soup 6 7
The Mom and Pop Store 6 8
The Secretary 6 9
The Race 6 10
The Switch 6 11
The Label Maker 6 12
The Scofflaw 6 13
Highlights of a Hundred 6 14
The Beard 6 15
The Doorman 6 17
The Jimmy 6 18
The Doodle 6 19
The Fusilli Jerry 6 20
The Diplomat's Club 6 21
The Face Painter 6 22
The Understudy 6 23
The Engagement 7 1
The Postponement 7 2
The Maestro 7 3
The Wink 7 4
The Hot Tub 7 5
The Soup Nazi 7 6
The Secret Code 7 7
The Pool Guy 7 8
The Sponge 7 9
The Gum 7 10
The Rye 7 11
The Caddy 7 12
The Seven 7 13
The Cadillac 7 14
The Doll 7 16
The Friars Club 7 17
The Wig Master 7 18
The Calzone 7 19
The Bottle Deposit 7 20
The Wait Out 7 21
The Invitations 7 22
The Foundation 8 1
The Soul Mate 8 2
The Bizarro Jerry 8 3
The Little Kicks 8 4
The Package 8 5
The Fatigues 8 6
The Checks 8 7
The Chicken Roaster 8 8
The Abstinence 8 9
The Andrea Doria 8 10
The Little Jerry 8 11
The Money 8 12
The Comeback 8 13
The Van Buren Boys 8 14
The Susie 8 15
The Pothole 8 16
The English Patient 8 17
The Nap 8 18
The Yada Yada 8 19
The Millennium 8 20
The Muffin Tops 8 21
The Summer of George 8 22
The Butter Shave 9 1
The Voice 9 2
The Serenity Now 9 3
The Blood 9 4
The Junk Mail 9 5
The Merv Griffin Show 9 6
The Slicer 9 7
The Betrayal 9 8
The Apology 9 9
The Strike 9 10
The Dealership 9 11
The Reverse Peephole 9 12
The Cartoon 9 13
The Strongbox 9 14
The Wizard 9 15
The Burning 9 16
The Bookstore 9 17
The Frogger 9 18
The Maid 9 19
The Puerto Rican Day 9 20
The Chronicle 9 21
The Finale 9 23
I'd like to see you come up here and say that to my face.
"I'd like to see you come up here and say that to my face."
Seinfeld
She's at that annual Peterman party tonight.
"She's at that annual Peterman party tonight."
Seinfeld
No, that wasn't dancing.
"No, that wasn't dancing."
Seinfeld
Hey, there's Leo.
"Hey, there's Leo."
Seinfeld
-Oh, who's Leo? -Uncle Leo.
"-Oh, who's Leo? -Uncle Leo."
Seinfeld
Oh, yeah, right. Uncle Leo.
"Oh, yeah, right. Uncle Leo."
Seinfeld
Maybe. All over your face.
"Maybe. All over your face."
Seinfeld
so they can be brought out of the kitchen.
"so they can be brought out of the kitchen."
Seinfeld
Yeah, I understand Gutenberg used to spend a fair amount of time in there.
"Yeah, I understand Gutenberg used to spend a fair amount of time in there."
Seinfeld
They're selling coffee, bran muffins.
"They're selling coffee, bran muffins."
Seinfeld
You're surrounded by reading material.
"You're surrounded by reading material."
Seinfeld
No.
"No."
Seinfeld
There was this guy and we had a few too many.
"There was this guy and we had a few too many."
Seinfeld
Oh, the drunken make-out. An office classic.
"Oh, the drunken make-out. An office classic."
Seinfeld
-Hey, me too. -Yeah, me too.
"-Hey, me too. -Yeah, me too."
Seinfeld
Oh, right.
"Oh, right."
Seinfeld
As opposed to a spirited bout of skanko Roman wrestling.
"As opposed to a spirited bout of skanko Roman wrestling."
Seinfeld
But you can clear some of this stuff out of the way.
"But you can clear some of this stuff out of the way."
Seinfeld
Yes, it can.
"Yes, it can."
Seinfeld
-Well, I just assumed you would. -Yeah, but I thought--
"-Well, I just assumed you would. -Yeah, but I thought--"
Seinfeld
They have an intimate knowledge of the street.
"They have an intimate knowledge of the street."
Seinfeld
Why not just strap something to them?
"Why not just strap something to them?"
Seinfeld
Jerry, hello.
"Jerry, hello."
Seinfeld
Leo, I saw you in Brentano's yesterday.
"Leo, I saw you in Brentano's yesterday."
Seinfeld
Oh, I saw you steal.
"Oh, I saw you steal."
Seinfeld
-You made your point. -Thank you.
"-You made your point. -Thank you."
Seinfeld
Well? We've been dating for three months...
"Well? We've been dating for three months..."
Seinfeld
Yes. Oh, man.
"Yes. Oh, man."
Seinfeld
...hard-working, homeless gentlemen, like yourselves, to pull rickshaws.
"...hard-working, homeless gentlemen, like yourselves, to pull rickshaws."
Seinfeld
Now, I don't care where you're from, or how you got here...
"Now, I don't care where you're from, or how you got here..."
Seinfeld
...or what happened to your homes, but you will have to be physically fit.
"...or what happened to your homes, but you will have to be physically fit."
Seinfeld
Because to pull rickshaws requires more than just strong legs.
"Because to pull rickshaws requires more than just strong legs."
Seinfeld
-Name please? -Rusty.
"-Name please? -Rusty."
Seinfeld
Rusty.
"Rusty."
Seinfeld
My uncle's having a little problem with shoplifting.
"My uncle's having a little problem with shoplifting."
Seinfeld
I'm gonna have to ask you to stand out of the way...
"I'm gonna have to ask you to stand out of the way..."
Seinfeld
What?
"What?"
Seinfeld
It was a crime of passion. Leave it alone.
"It was a crime of passion. Leave it alone."
Seinfeld
Besides, it's not stealing if it's something you need.
"Besides, it's not stealing if it's something you need."
Seinfeld
Nothing.
"Nothing."
Seinfeld
Sometimes your father forgets, so, I have to steal them.
"Sometimes your father forgets, so, I have to steal them."
Seinfeld
Well, the rickshaw's gone.
"Well, the rickshaw's gone."
Seinfeld
Well, you know, 85 percent of all homeless-rickshaw businesses fail...
"Well, you know, 85 percent of all homeless-rickshaw businesses fail..."
Seinfeld
This thing is flagged in every database in town.
"This thing is flagged in every database in town."
Seinfeld
Leo's furious. What is that doing on the table?
"Leo's furious. What is that doing on the table?"
Seinfeld
Biohazard, coming through. Clear. Clear.
"Biohazard, coming through. Clear. Clear."
Seinfeld
Love newton?
"Love newton?"
Seinfeld
The Chinamen's nightcap.
"The Chinamen's nightcap."
Seinfeld
...he could score near the hotel.
"...he could score near the hotel."
Seinfeld
That was the yam-yam.
"That was the yam-yam."
Seinfeld
Now, he is going cold turkey and you will be at his side.
"Now, he is going cold turkey and you will be at his side."
Seinfeld
Oh, P.S...
"Oh, P.S..."
Seinfeld
Jerry.
"Jerry."
Seinfeld
-Uncle Leo? -Oh, that's nice.
"-Uncle Leo? -Oh, that's nice."
Seinfeld
Use your bucket.
"Use your bucket."
Seinfeld
...it's kind of silly for us both to pull this thing all the way back up town.
"...it's kind of silly for us both to pull this thing all the way back up town."
Seinfeld
Well, what are you talking about? That's ridiculous.
"Well, what are you talking about? That's ridiculous."
Seinfeld
...that we have some nut out there trying to strap them to a rickshaw.
"...that we have some nut out there trying to strap them to a rickshaw."
Seinfeld
Yeah and here it is.
"Yeah and here it is."
Seinfeld
...and punch you in the brain.
"...and punch you in the brain."
Seinfeld
Now I can break up with him.
"Now I can break up with him."
Seinfeld
He's clean and I'm the office hero.
"He's clean and I'm the office hero."
Seinfeld
I'll see you.
"I'll see you."
Seinfeld
I'd like to speak with the manager, please.
"I'd like to speak with the manager, please."
Seinfeld
Kramer!
"Kramer!"
Seinfeld
That way, everything is even.
"That way, everything is even."
Seinfeld
You defile one book, steal another, ask for your money back...
"You defile one book, steal another, ask for your money back..."
Seinfeld
Did you want to speak to the manager?
"Did you want to speak to the manager?"
Seinfeld
Yes. Uncle Leo. I remember him.
"Yes. Uncle Leo. I remember him."
Seinfeld
I'm sorry. Our policy is we prosecute all shoplifters.
"I'm sorry. Our policy is we prosecute all shoplifters."
Seinfeld
I'll be honest with you.
"I'll be honest with you."
Seinfeld
As long as we catch him in the act.
"As long as we catch him in the act."
Seinfeld
-You hanging out? -Yeah, yeah.
"-You hanging out? -Yeah, yeah."
Seinfeld
So, what's the deal with politics?
"So, what's the deal with politics?"
Seinfeld
I read somewhere that this Brentano's is the place...
"I read somewhere that this Brentano's is the place..."
Seinfeld
...to meet girls in New York.
"...to meet girls in New York."
Seinfeld
First it was the health club, then the supermarket, now the bookstore.
"First it was the health club, then the supermarket, now the bookstore."
Seinfeld
Jerry, look at all these pagodas, huh?
"Jerry, look at all these pagodas, huh?"
Seinfeld
I gotta get over to Hong Kong before it all goes back to China.
"I gotta get over to Hong Kong before it all goes back to China."
Seinfeld
You better hurry.
"You better hurry."
Seinfeld
I'm gonna hit the head.
"I'm gonna hit the head."
Seinfeld
Boy, look at this. Hong Kong's outlawed the rickshaw.
"Boy, look at this. Hong Kong's outlawed the rickshaw."
Seinfeld
I thought those would be perfect for New York.
"I thought those would be perfect for New York."
Seinfeld
Forgot his first name.
"Forgot his first name."
Seinfeld
Did I just see that?
"Did I just see that?"
Seinfeld
If you do dance, the cooks wanna know,
"If you do dance, the cooks wanna know,"
Seinfeld
They missed it last year.
"They missed it last year."
Seinfeld
As the woolly-haired Melanesians of Papua New Guinea once said:
"As the woolly-haired Melanesians of Papua New Guinea once said:"
Seinfeld
No? All right, I'll just have to get things started.
"No? All right, I'll just have to get things started."
Seinfeld
Did you take that book with you into the bathroom?
"Did you take that book with you into the bathroom?"
Seinfeld
How dare they.
"How dare they."
Seinfeld
I got news for you. If it wasn't for the toilet, there would be no books.
"I got news for you. If it wasn't for the toilet, there would be no books."
Seinfeld
It's entrapment.
"It's entrapment."
Seinfeld
Thank you very much.
"Thank you very much."
Seinfeld
-You wanna catch a movie? -I can't. I'm meeting Uncle Leo.
"-You wanna catch a movie? -I can't. I'm meeting Uncle Leo."
Seinfeld
I saw him shoplifting at the bookstore.
"I saw him shoplifting at the bookstore."
Seinfeld
All right, Leo. Sticking it to the man.
"All right, Leo. Sticking it to the man."
Seinfeld
-Sleeping in the car again? -Cocktail flu.
"-Sleeping in the car again? -Cocktail flu."
Seinfeld
Oh, right, the big party.
"Oh, right, the big party."
Seinfeld
You didn't dance again, did you?
"You didn't dance again, did you?"
Seinfeld
-You went home with him? -Worse.
"-You went home with him? -Worse."
Seinfeld
Did you end up Xeroxing anything?
"Did you end up Xeroxing anything?"
Seinfeld
Do you know how embarrassing this is to someone in my position?
"Do you know how embarrassing this is to someone in my position?"
Seinfeld
-What is your position? -I'm an associate.
"-What is your position? -I'm an associate."
Seinfeld
Oh, God. Why did I do this?
"Oh, God. Why did I do this?"
Seinfeld
Well, unless, you tell everybody you're dating.
"Well, unless, you tell everybody you're dating."
Seinfeld
Because if we're dating, what everyone saw was just...
"Because if we're dating, what everyone saw was just..."
Seinfeld
...a beautiful moment between two lovers.
"...a beautiful moment between two lovers."
Seinfeld
Bravo.
"Bravo."
Seinfeld
No, we've already eaten.
"No, we've already eaten."
Seinfeld
Jerry, check this out.
"Jerry, check this out."
Seinfeld
No, he doesn't.
"No, he doesn't."
Seinfeld
We'll start out with one.
"We'll start out with one."
Seinfeld
It's the romance of the handsome cab without the guilt...
"It's the romance of the handsome cab without the guilt..."
Seinfeld
So who's gonna pull this thing?
"So who's gonna pull this thing?"
Seinfeld
My, isn't this an awkward moment?
"My, isn't this an awkward moment?"
Seinfeld
What about the homeless?
"What about the homeless?"
Seinfeld
To pull the rickshaw.
"To pull the rickshaw."
Seinfeld
Always walking around the city.
"Always walking around the city."
Seinfeld
So, Leo, how's everything? You doing okay?
"So, Leo, how's everything? You doing okay?"
Seinfeld