Loading...
You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from Seinfeld - The Barber (S05E05)

"The old-fashioned barbershop..."
Seinfeld
"...is, unfortunately, becoming a thing of the past. What went wrong?"
Seinfeld
"First of all, he needs a $20,000 chair to make a three dollar tip."
Seinfeld
"I say, cut back on the chair, update the magazines."
Seinfeld
"Why do barbers always display that license?"
Seinfeld
"There's no laws in haircutting..."
Seinfeld
"...except show every customer the back of their head."
Seinfeld
"I don't wanna see the back."
Seinfeld
"Why see something that I'm never gonna see at any other time?"
Seinfeld
"When I buy pants..."
Seinfeld
"...two salesmen don't lift me up and go, "How do you like the crotch?""
Seinfeld
"If I wanted to see everything, I would've been a fly."
Seinfeld
"Well, George, we here at Sanalac..."
Seinfeld
"...like to think of ourselves as fairly progressive."
Seinfeld
"We have a small but prestigious group of clients."
Seinfeld
"A lot of people consider me small and prestigious."
Seinfeld
"That's funny, George."
Seinfeld
"- You're very quick. - Oh, well."
Seinfeld
"I feel like I don't..."
Seinfeld
"I don't have to explain every little thing to you."
Seinfeld
"You understand everything immediately."
Seinfeld
"I enjoy understanding."
Seinfeld
"I want you to have this job."
Seinfeld
"- Of course- - Stu Zimmer's on line two."
Seinfeld
"Great. Thanks."
Seinfeld
"I've gotta take this call. Listen..."
Seinfeld
"...I'm really glad that you came in."
Seinfeld
""I want you to have this job."
Seinfeld
"Of course...""
Seinfeld
"- Yeah? - That's it."
Seinfeld
"- What do you mean? - What?"
Seinfeld
"He never finished. He got a call. That was the end."
Seinfeld
"- "Of course" was the last thing? - Maybe he was gonna say:"
Seinfeld
""Of course, I have to check with my associates.""
Seinfeld
""I want you to have this job. Of course, the board of directors..."
Seinfeld
"...is under indictment and will be serving time.""
Seinfeld
""I want you to have this job. Of course, sodomy is a prerequisite.""
Seinfeld
"All right. All right."
Seinfeld
"Why don't you just call him."
Seinfeld
"He made a big deal about how I understand everything immediately."
Seinfeld
"That's what impressed him."
Seinfeld
"So if you call to ask if you have the job, you might lose it."
Seinfeld
"- If I don't call... - You have it, but you'll never know it."
Seinfeld
"- What kind of company? - Rest stop supply."
Seinfeld
"Oh, good for you."
Seinfeld
"- Yeah, yeah. - Hey."
Seinfeld
"- Hey. - Hey."
Seinfeld
"- Shower? - Haircut. I'm very happy with this."
Seinfeld
"- Who'd you use? Gino? - Of course."
Seinfeld
"- Wouldn't let that butcher cut my hair. - What butcher?"
Seinfeld
"The uncle. Enzo. That's the guy Jerry uses."
Seinfeld
"I've been going to him for 12 years. I can't switch. I'd hurt his feelings."
Seinfeld
"- You never get good haircuts. - You can get a good one today."
Seinfeld
"It's Enzo's day off. Gino's there all by himself."
Seinfeld
"- Really? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"You should go get one, to look good for my bachelor auction."
Seinfeld
"What bachelor auction?"
Seinfeld
"This thing where they auction off dates with bachelors for charity."
Seinfeld
"And you didn't ask me?"
Seinfeld
"I could raise enough money to cure polio."
Seinfeld
"They've had a cure for polio for quite some time."
Seinfeld
"Polio?"
Seinfeld
"Will you go ahead? You need a haircut."
Seinfeld
"- Okay. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"- What are you all dressed up for? - Job interview."
Seinfeld
"- Yeah? How'd it go? - Good."
Seinfeld
"Of course..."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, Jerry! - Hi, Enzo."
Seinfeld
"- You come for the haircut? - No."
Seinfeld
"- Actually, I was- - It's my day off."
Seinfeld
"But I take care of you because you my favorite customer."
Seinfeld
"You been with me for so long."
Seinfeld
"You so loyal."
Seinfeld
"Well..."
Seinfeld
"- If it's your day off- - What's the difference?"
Seinfeld
"- It takes 10 minutes. - Well, it's..."
Seinfeld
"Jerry, today I'm gonna do something special for you."
Seinfeld
"- I don't wanna take too much off. - Hey, who's your barber, huh?"
Seinfeld
"You tell the joke. I cut the hair."
Seinfeld
"Gino, you've outdone yourself this time."
Seinfeld
"This is the best haircut I've ever had."
Seinfeld
"- He massacred you! - I know."
Seinfeld
"You look like you're 5 years old."
Seinfeld
"What if I shampoo? Sometimes a shampoo helps."
Seinfeld
"You gotta start seeing somebody else."
Seinfeld
"Get out of this relationship."
Seinfeld
"I can't. He loves me. He says I'm his most loyal customer."
Seinfeld
"Plus, he's on the corner. I'd have to pass him every day when I go by."
Seinfeld
"- Well, you gotta do it. - I can't, I can't. I'd break his heart."
Seinfeld
"No way my Gino did that."
Seinfeld
"- It's an Enzo. - You told me he wouldn't be there."
Seinfeld
"- So what? - So I didn't wanna hurt his feelings."
Seinfeld
"You can't continue seeing him. You're destroying yourself."
Seinfeld
"I'm not gonna let you. Now, if you don't call him, I will."
Seinfeld
"No, no, Kramer, you can't do that."
Seinfeld
"I'll call Gino. You'll see him. We're gonna get that haircut fixed."
Seinfeld
"- I don't want you to call him. - All right."
Seinfeld
"You're crazy."
Seinfeld
"So I still haven't heard about that job."
Seinfeld
"That's a tough one. What are you gonna do about that?"
Seinfeld
"Well, I have an idea."
Seinfeld
"- Yeah? - I show up."
Seinfeld
"- What do you mean, you show up? - I show up."
Seinfeld
"I pretend I have the job."
Seinfeld
"The guy's on vacation. If I have the job, it's fine."
Seinfeld
"If I don't, by the time he comes back, I'm ensconced."
Seinfeld
"- Not bad. - What's the worst that could happen?"
Seinfeld
"You'd be embarrassed and humiliated in front of a large group of people..."
Seinfeld
"...and have to walk out in shame with your tail between your legs."
Seinfeld
"Yeah. So?"
Seinfeld
"Yeah. I see what you mean. I forgot who I was dealing with."
Seinfeld
"Good morning. Morning."
Seinfeld
"Good morning."
Seinfeld
"Morning. Hi. Nice to see you. How are you?"
Seinfeld
"Good morning. Good morning."
Seinfeld
"Good morning."
Seinfeld
"- How can I help you? - The name's George Costanza."
Seinfeld
"I'm starting work here today. I was wondering if you could..."
Seinfeld
"- ...tell me where my office is? - I wasn't aware that-"
Seinfeld
"Mike. This is George Costanza."
Seinfeld
Show more clips