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Clips from Seinfeld - The Fix Up (S03E03)

"Between you and me, what the hell is this guy doing?"
Seinfeld
"But once we're going, okay. Once it's all happening..."
Seinfeld
"- There's no men out there. - I know."
Seinfeld
"They know they're in demand."
Seinfeld
"...but so insecure about not being a good one..."
Seinfeld
"But I'm bitter."
Seinfeld
"Okay. Order me a piece of cake."
Seinfeld
"Filthy from the paper."
Seinfeld
"Well, why wouldn't you start with George?"
Seinfeld
"...out of their head one by one..."
Seinfeld
"- Why? - No. I'm not going to do that."
Seinfeld
"I don't want anyone smarter than me."
Seinfeld
"How could she be smarter than you?"
Seinfeld
"How come he's not working?"
Seinfeld
"Is that what you're saying, that he's fat?"
Seinfeld
"- Is that what you said? - Right."
Seinfeld
"If you stick your hand in the hair, is it easy to get it out?"
Seinfeld
"Is there a pinkish hue?"
Seinfeld
"- A pinkish hue? - Yes, a rosy glow."
Seinfeld
"Is she sweet? I like sweet."
Seinfeld
"You know my friend Bob Sacamano?"
Seinfeld
"So where are they? It's 11:45. They should be back by now."
Seinfeld
"I'm locking the vault. What? Come on."
Seinfeld
"- At your apartment? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Cynthia will kill me. We made a deal."
Seinfeld
"So he felt he'd perform better if we did it in the kitchen."
Seinfeld
"- Anything else? - No."
Seinfeld
"She used me. I feel cheap and violated."
Seinfeld
"- It is so my business. - Give me that!"
Seinfeld
"- Tell him- - Hey, hey, hey!"
Seinfeld
"I didn't even know they were defective."
Seinfeld
"Take it easy."
Seinfeld
"Who are you to talk about her like that?"
Seinfeld
"Hey, hey, hey! Come on, stop it!"
Seinfeld
"You're running around looking for something not even there..."
Seinfeld
"...and I could depend on him..."
Seinfeld
"- Very mature. - Thank you."
Seinfeld
"- Hi, Cynthia. - Hi."
Seinfeld
"- So, what are these? - We ordered appetizers. Start eating."
Seinfeld
"Oh, fabulous."
Seinfeld
"Is that salt on this?"
Seinfeld
"You thought they'd have a good time..."
Seinfeld
"I never really understood..."
Seinfeld
"...the importance of the conductor."
Seinfeld
"Do you really need somebody waving a stick in your face..."
Seinfeld
"...to play the violin? Does that really help you out?"
Seinfeld
"I could see how we need him at the beginning, okay?"
Seinfeld
"Tap, tap, tap."
Seinfeld
"Start. Okay. I could see how you need that."
Seinfeld
"...what do we need him for then?"
Seinfeld
"I don't see the cellist looking up, I'm confused. I don't know what to do."
Seinfeld
"And the conductor goes, Do this. Like this..."
Seinfeld
"Oh, okay, thank you. Thank you very much."
Seinfeld
"Why try anymore? There's no sense to it."
Seinfeld
"I'll never meet anybody. I should accept it."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, yes, you will. - No, I won't."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, maybe you won't."
Seinfeld
"It's hard enough to meet a woman you dislike, much less like."
Seinfeld
"- Are my nostrils getting bigger? - No."
Seinfeld
"See, why must it be so difficult? Why all this tension and hostility?"
Seinfeld
"Why can't I just walk up to a woman and say, Hi, I'm George."
Seinfeld
"How are you? Is that so terrible?"
Seinfeld
"H- H- Hi."
Seinfeld
"Hi. Hi."
Seinfeld
"The problem is that the good ones know they're good."
Seinfeld
"They're not interested in confining themselves to one person."
Seinfeld
"I hate the good ones."
Seinfeld
"Is Jerry a good one?"
Seinfeld
"That's a good question. I think he thinks he is."
Seinfeld
"The mediocre ones are available..."
Seinfeld
"...that they always go, I'm not good enough for you."
Seinfeld
"What are you doing with me? Eventually I just go, You're right."
Seinfeld
"Maybe you need somebody between good and mediocre."
Seinfeld
"No, maybe I need somebody who has nothing."
Seinfeld
"Somebody who just appreciates being with me because he's so desperate."
Seinfeld
"I almost made a date with one."
Seinfeld
"Oh, so there's still hope."
Seinfeld
"I don't want hope. Hope is killing me."
Seinfeld
"The hopeless don't care."
Seinfeld
"When you don't care, that indifference makes you attractive."
Seinfeld
"- So hopelessness is the key. - It's my only hope."
Seinfeld
"You see, I wouldn't really mind so much..."
Seinfeld
"...but I feel badly for my mother."
Seinfeld
"If my mother weren't around, it wouldn't be so bad."
Seinfeld
"But, I'm telling you, if I'm not married by the time I'm 40, I'll have to kill her."
Seinfeld
"Because it's the only fair thing to do."
Seinfeld
"I just couldn't put her through that."
Seinfeld
"At least you're not bitter."
Seinfeld
"Who says I'm not bitter?"
Seinfeld
"- Aren't you too young to be bitter? - No, you can be young and bitter."
Seinfeld
"Just maybe not as bitter as I'll be 10 years from now."
Seinfeld
"Anyway, don't tell anyone."
Seinfeld
"Don't worry. Your bitterness is safe with me."
Seinfeld
"I'm gonna go throw up."
Seinfeld
"Look at my hands."
Seinfeld
"Look."
Seinfeld
"They should give you a Wet-Nap when you buy one, like at those rib joints."
Seinfeld
"- What did you do last night? - Went out with George. You?"
Seinfeld
"Went out with Cynthia."
Seinfeld
"What did you talk about?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, you know, the usual. The Federal Reserve, the rain forest."
Seinfeld
"Cynthia felt we should nuke the rain forest."
Seinfeld
"Get rid of it in one fell swoop so we could eliminate it..."
Seinfeld
"...as a subject of conversation."
Seinfeld
"- What about you? - We brushed on that."
Seinfeld
"Actually, George was in rare form."
Seinfeld
"He just can't find anybody."
Seinfeld
"I know. Cynthia too."
Seinfeld
"- She's really given up. - George too."
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"- I've never fixed anybody up. - Me neither."
Seinfeld
"And I am not about to start with George."
Seinfeld
"You think she's too good for George?"
Seinfeld
"I didn't say too good, did I?"
Seinfeld
"- You implied it. - I didn't say it."
Seinfeld
"If you think she's too good for George..."
Seinfeld
"...you are dead wrong. Dead wrong."
Seinfeld
"Who is she?"
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"- Who is he? - He's George."
Seinfeld
"- She's Cynthia. - So what?"
Seinfeld
"What, you don't think she's beautiful?"
Seinfeld
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