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Clips from Seinfeld - The Phone Message (S02E02)

"The bad thing about television..."
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"...is that everybody you see on television is doing something better..."
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"...than what you're doing."
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"...and you're drinking the exact product..."
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"...that they're advertising right there on TV?"
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"And it's like, you know, they're spiking volleyballs, jet-skiing, girls in bikinis..."
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"So then, as we were leaving..."
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"I don't know if I'm supposed to smile back."
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"- So you didn't ask? - No. I froze."
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"- He said wuss? - Yeah."
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"Enthusiastic hi, that's beautiful."
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"So you're chewing your apple. You got your enthusiastic hi."
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"And?"
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"Great day in the morning."
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"That way, I only have to do wash once a year."
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"Come on, try it!"
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"So..."
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"Okay."
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"Take it easy."
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"I don't know."
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"And I could be comfortable too, if I had pants like that."
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"Because whenever you think about this person..."
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"...in terms of the future, you have to magnify everything about them."
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"You would not have believed his tub."
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"Germs were building a town in there."
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"You're still thinking about this?"
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"And I don't go up."
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"It keeps me up."
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"I kept saying to myself, Keep it up, don't blow it. You're doing great."
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"I'm planning a Wednesday call."
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"Not a guy who goes, No. I don't drink coffee late at night."
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"Women don't want to see need."
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"Hey."
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"Someone's in a life-and-death situation, and we're thinking:"
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"...for breakfast every morning for the last 30 years.'"
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"- Yes. - Don't forget."
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"Right. Jerry, do you have any apples?"
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"You see, I didn't realize that coffee didn't really mean..."
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"Whatever you want to do."
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"Dead man."
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"Hey, everybody, the idiot's on!"
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"- Not once. - Never?"
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"You're the one that likes that commercial!"
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"No. He didn't actually tell me that."
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"...I think I brought it up because I like that commercial. No."
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"You told him how I like the commercial."
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"She did."
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"- What? - She called my office."
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"Her machine broke, and she's been using her old machine."
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"I can't get involved in this."
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"What if she sees me?"
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"- A wuss? - Yeah."
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"A signal. Right."
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"Standard."
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"Isn't that a coincidence?"
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"The funny thing is, I see him all the time."
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"...I really need to use the bathroom."
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"No, I'm fine."
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"Well, that's weird."
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"Carol, that's so rude."
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"Hey, you two, I'm ready to go."
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"I'll just check my machine, and we'll go."
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"No. Nothing here. Let's go."
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"I wish I was a phone machine."
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"Excuse me. I'm not in right now."
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"I also have a cordless phone, but I don't like that as much."
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"Because you can't slam down a cordless phone."
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"You can't talk to me like that. Bang. You know."
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"I told him."
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"You never see anybody on TV sliding off the sofa..."
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"...with crumbs on their face."
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"Some people have a little too much fun."
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"The soda commercial people."
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"Where do they summon this enthusiasm?"
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"Have you seen them? We have soda! We have soda! We have soda!"
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"Jumping, laughing, flying through the air."
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"Have you ever been standing there and you're watching TV..."
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"...and I'm standing there, Maybe I'm putting too much ice in mine."
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"...we were just kind of standing there, and she was smiling at me."
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"I wasn't sure if she wanted me to ask her out."
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"When women smile, I don't know what it means."
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"Sometimes I interpret it like they're psychotic."
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"I just stood there. Remember Quayle when..."
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"...Bentsen gave him the Kennedy line? That's what I looked like."
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"- Counter. - Oh, yeah. So wait, wait."
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"Half-hour later I'm back at the office. I tell Lloyd the story."
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"He says, Why don't you call her? I says, I can't! I couldn't do it then."
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"For me to ask a woman out, I gotta get into a mental state..."
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"...like karate guys before they break bricks."
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"So then Lloyd calls me a wuss."
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"- So you called? - Right."
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"And to cover my nervousness, I started eating an apple."
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"I think if they hear you chewing on the other end of the phone..."
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"...makes you sound casual. - Yeah, like a farm boy."
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"Right. So I call her up, I tell her it's me."
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"She gives me an enthusiastic Hi!"
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"I don't get the enthusiastic hi, I'm out of there."
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"We're talking. I don't go too long before I ask them out."
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"I want to get it over with right away."
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"So I just blurt out, What are you doing Saturday night?"
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"She bought."
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"It's like robbing a bank. Don't loiter in front of the teller with a bag of money."
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"You make your hit and get out."
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"We both have dates on the same night."
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"I can't stand doing laundry, that's why I have 40 pairs of underwear."
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"- You do not. - Absolutely."
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"Because instead of doing a wash, I just keep buying underwear."
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"My goal is to have over 360 pair."
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"Let me hear you try a Scottish accent."
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"- That's Irish. - Irish, Scottish."
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"What's the difference, lassie?"
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"So thanks for dinner. It was great."
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"Yeah."
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"We should do this again."
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"Would you like to come upstairs for coffee?"
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"No, thanks. I can't drink coffee at night. It keeps me up."
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"Okay."
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"- Thanks again for the movie. - You're welcome."
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"I'd invite you up, but the place is being painted."
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"Unless you want to go to your place."
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