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Clips from Seinfeld - The Apartment (S02E02)

"Well, I painted my apartment again. I've been living there for years."
Seinfeld
"Looks like a pig is trying to push his way through from the other side."
Seinfeld
"That's where I plug in."
Seinfeld
"...would be the bridge on the starship Enterprise."
Seinfeld
"You know what I mean? Big chair, nice screen, remote control."
Seinfeld
"The aliens were always dropping in..."
Seinfeld
"They'd come over Friday nights. Klingon boxing. Got to be there."
Seinfeld
"I don't mean to interrupt or anything..."
Seinfeld
"Oh, God... I keep forgetting to enter that."
Seinfeld
"She lives right above First Avenue, has a perfect view of the race."
Seinfeld
"- She said I could invite some friends. - Maybe."
Seinfeld
"No! I'm not going up there!"
Seinfeld
"He thinks I'm gonna give you Ms. Hudwalker's things."
Seinfeld
"She died? Mrs. Hudwalker died?"
Seinfeld
"- What's the difference? It's true. - So it's okay? She can have it?"
Seinfeld
"Sure. She's getting a bargain too. It's only $400 a month."
Seinfeld
"Nothing."
Seinfeld
"I don't know if you should sit for this or not."
Seinfeld
"Oh, Elaine, you know the way I am..."
Seinfeld
"My only concern is the welfare and happiness of those close to me."
Seinfeld
"Told me what?"
Seinfeld
"- No! - Yes."
Seinfeld
"- No! You didn't! - Yes. I did."
Seinfeld
"You got me an apartment in the building?"
Seinfeld
"- She died! - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"...if it was like you're always making a movie."
Seinfeld
"People, think about what you're saying."
Seinfeld
"Thanks. See you later, Donna."
Seinfeld
"- What happened? - You can't believe what I did."
Seinfeld
"He went for a cup of coffee. And, in that second, ruined my life."
Seinfeld
"My censor quit two years ago."
Seinfeld
"Tough."
Seinfeld
"I've been telling you, get yourself some plugs..."
Seinfeld
"Oh, man. You know, you're crazy. You're a good-looking guy."
Seinfeld
"...$5000 for the apartment."
Seinfeld
"...but if that's the way it's gotta be, that's the way it's gotta be."
Seinfeld
"...the sum of $5000 to get the apartment upstairs."
Seinfeld
"Five thousand dollars? She doesn't have $5000."
Seinfeld
"So you see? It's all part of a divine plan."
Seinfeld
"But, you know, not in the building."
Seinfeld
"Well, there's a little bit of a problem."
Seinfeld
"I've already thought about it. I am switching to baths."
Seinfeld
"...but you would have to come up with that money."
Seinfeld
"I have no idea."
Seinfeld
"Oh, come on! You can come up with $5000."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, well, I didn't... I mean..."
Seinfeld
"Loan her the money. You can afford it."
Seinfeld
"Oh, come on. She'll pay you back. What's 5 grand between friends?"
Seinfeld
"...it might take a while for me to pay you back."
Seinfeld
"Let me just take one more look at it."
Seinfeld
"Then you come in. Why don't you loan her 5000?"
Seinfeld
"...you're not normal."
Seinfeld
"I sometimes feel awkward, uncomfortable..."
Seinfeld
"...even inhibited in certain situations with the other human beings."
Seinfeld
"- I wish we had a view of the finish line. - What's to see?"
Seinfeld
"What does she do?"
Seinfeld
"Anyway, she's a very lucky woman. Enjoy the race."
Seinfeld
"Well, Jerry, it'll be nice to have a close friend nearby."
Seinfeld
"- Fantastic. - She can pop in whenever she wants."
Seinfeld
"- She doesn't even need to knock. - It's tremendous."
Seinfeld
"Oh, hi."
Seinfeld
"...what's so hard?"
Seinfeld
"- I wouldn't quite say that. - Really?"
Seinfeld
"Because I was worried that there might be a situation..."
Seinfeld
"I've never been able to be with just one person."
Seinfeld
"Is that right?"
Seinfeld
"...and floor seats for every sporting event in Madison Square Garden."
Seinfeld
"Yes, I'm nervous."
Seinfeld
"Just put some soap on your finger. It'll slide right off."
Seinfeld
"What are you talking about?"
Seinfeld
"- Who would pay that much? - He's in the music business."
Seinfeld
"Elaine would never borrow that much money. Kramer, my God, man."
Seinfeld
"I don't have to confront her. She has no idea I never wanted her to move in."
Seinfeld
"Well, occasionally, I like to help the humans."
Seinfeld
"- Can't you do something? - I'm not going up."
Seinfeld
"- It stinks up there. - Manny?"
Seinfeld
"What am I, Fred Mertz now? What's happening to me?"
Seinfeld
"Can I do this? Am I a shusher? I used to be a shushee."
Seinfeld
"Doesn't work. Nobody knows where it's coming from."
Seinfeld
"Some people you can't shush. There's always a certain group."
Seinfeld
"They're talking. Everyone around them is shushing them."
Seinfeld
"They won't shush. They're the unshushables."
Seinfeld
"Every time I paint it, it gets me down."
Seinfeld
"It's the thickness of the paint, but I'm aware of it."
Seinfeld
"It just keeps coming in and coming in."
Seinfeld
"Every time I paint it, it's closer and closer."
Seinfeld
"I don't know where the wall outlets are."
Seinfeld
"I just look for a lump with two slots in it."
Seinfeld
"My idea of the perfect living room..."
Seinfeld
"That's why Star Trek really was the ultimate male fantasy."
Seinfeld
"Just hurtling through space in your living room watching TV."
Seinfeld
"- What did you do? - Mousse. I moussed up."
Seinfeld
"- I guess it was just a matter of time. - I should've done this years ago."
Seinfeld
"I mean, I feel like I've had two lives."
Seinfeld
"My pre-mousse, and now I begin my post-mousse."
Seinfeld
"Tell me the truth, have you ever seen a better-looking guy?"
Seinfeld
"Looks is so subjective."
Seinfeld
"...but on Sunday, my friend is having a brunch for the New York Marathon..."
Seinfeld
"Boys, boys."
Seinfeld
"Oh, Jerry."
Seinfeld
"I slid the rent under your door, Harold. Did you get it?"
Seinfeld
"Hey, Jerry. Would you like anything from Ms. Hudwalker's apartment?"
Seinfeld
"I was only joking."
Seinfeld
"We have to go up now and clean the apartment."
Seinfeld
"It's a good thing her rent was overdue. She'd be rotting there for a month."
Seinfeld
"Ninety-four years old. I found her yesterday."
Seinfeld
"She didn't have her wig on. It was horrifying."
Seinfeld
"What's the matter with you? I'm talking!"
Seinfeld
"So you know anybody who needs an apartment?"
Seinfeld
"You know my friend Elaine?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, yeah. I like her. She always says hello."
Seinfeld
"It's not promised to anyone? She'd take it in a second."
Seinfeld
"Well, Manny wanted it for his brother, but he got deported."
Seinfeld
"Okay."
Seinfeld
"- Okay. - Hey, Harold. What do you think?"
Seinfeld
"Manny, look. Kramer put mousse in his hair."
Seinfeld
"Thanks."
Seinfeld
"What was that all about?"
Seinfeld
"What's going on? What is that look?"
Seinfeld
"What look?"
Seinfeld
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