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Clips from Seinfeld - The Stakeout (S01E01)

"So I move into the centre lane..."
Seinfeld
"...I get ahead of this woman who felt, for some reason, I'd cut her off."
Seinfeld
"So she pulls up alongside of me, gives me the finger."
Seinfeld
"It seems like such an arbitrary, ridiculous thing..."
Seinfeld
"...to just pick a finger and you show it to the person."
Seinfeld
"It's a finger. What does it mean?"
Seinfeld
"Someone shows me one of their fingers..."
Seinfeld
"...and I'm supposed to feel bad."
Seinfeld
"Is that the way it's supposed to work? I mean..."
Seinfeld
"...you could just give someone the toe, really, couldn't you?"
Seinfeld
"I would feel worse if I got the toe than if I got the finger."
Seinfeld
"It's not easy to give the toe."
Seinfeld
"You gotta get the shoe off, the sock off and drive, get it up in the..."
Seinfeld
"Look at that toe, buddy."
Seinfeld
"I mean, that's really insulting, to get the toe, isn't it?"
Seinfeld
"That it? I've got the Q-Tips, got the mini-umbrella."
Seinfeld
"Something boring to read on the plane."
Seinfeld
"That's it."
Seinfeld
"Done."
Seinfeld
"That is the single greatest packing performance I have ever seen."
Seinfeld
"I am the master packer."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, right. You're the master packer."
Seinfeld
"What you must understand, Elaine..."
Seinfeld
"...packing is like leading men into battle."
Seinfeld
"You've got to know the strengths and weaknesses of every soldier."
Seinfeld
"From a collapsible toothbrush to a pair of ordinary black socks."
Seinfeld
"Excuse me, master packer?"
Seinfeld
"Yes?"
Seinfeld
"- Just give me your keys. - All right, sir."
Seinfeld
"- George? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Okay, so, now, is there anything else I need to know about this place?"
Seinfeld
"Yeah. The hot water takes a while to come on. So the best thing to do..."
Seinfeld
"...is to turn it on, do all your shopping..."
Seinfeld
"...then come back and take a shower."
Seinfeld
"Okay. This is quite a place."
Seinfeld
"There's more. The refrigerator."
Seinfeld
"Deduct a minimum of two days off all expiration dates."
Seinfeld
"No meat, no leftovers, no butter."
Seinfeld
"And I cannot overstate this:"
Seinfeld
"No soft cheeses of any kind."
Seinfeld
"- Is that clear? - I'll eat out."
Seinfeld
"And one more thing, Benes..."
Seinfeld
"...regarding sexual activity."
Seinfeld
"Strictly prohibited, but if you absolutely must, do us all a big favour..."
Seinfeld
"...do it in the tub."
Seinfeld
"- Are you ready? - Yeah. One second."
Seinfeld
"- Hey, Elaine. - Hi."
Seinfeld
"- You coming to the airport? - I'm staying for the weekend."
Seinfeld
"- I getting a break from my roommate. - Oh, the actresslwaitress."
Seinfeld
"No. The waitresslactress. She just got some part..."
Seinfeld
"...in some dinner theatre production of A Chorus Line."
Seinfeld
"So now all day long she's walking around the apartment singing:"
Seinfeld
"She's gonna get it, right in the..."
Seinfeld
"Why don't you just kick her out."
Seinfeld
"She's on the lease. George, you have got to find another place for me."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, well, a little rough finding something good in your price range."
Seinfeld
"Hey, but you, my friend, may be in luck."
Seinfeld
"- I'm not looking. - No, this one's different. It's a beauty."
Seinfeld
"- What's it like? - I haven't seen it yet..."
Seinfeld
"...but it's a two-bedroom, it's on West 83rd..."
Seinfeld
"...about a half-block from the park. - How much?"
Seinfeld
"Twice what you're paying here, but it's a great building."
Seinfeld
"It's two bedrooms."
Seinfeld
"Two bedrooms? Why do I need two bedrooms?"
Seinfeld
"I've got enough trouble maintaining activity in one."
Seinfeld
"I saw that."
Seinfeld
"- You ought to at least take a look at it. - Really? Why?"
Seinfeld
"Because then I could move in here."
Seinfeld
"- I know what you're saying now. - It's time you got out of here, anyway."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, tell him, but quickly. I'm double-parked here."
Seinfeld
"Listen, Jerry, this place is falling apart."
Seinfeld
"You have no hot water."
Seinfeld
"You can't have soft cheese."
Seinfeld
"Let's not forget the radiator."
Seinfeld
"The steam's been on for 10 years. No human can turn this off."
Seinfeld
"Jerry, come on. You're doing okay now."
Seinfeld
"You should at least take a look at this place."
Seinfeld
"- You shouldn't have to live like this. - You just said you wanted to live here."
Seinfeld
"Well, for me it's a step up."
Seinfeld
"It's like moving from Iceland to Finland."
Seinfeld
"Jerry, you wanna see the place or not?"
Seinfeld
"I can't think about it now. I'm going to Minneapolis."
Seinfeld
"I got four shows this weekend."
Seinfeld
"Elaine?"
Seinfeld
"Elaine?"
Seinfeld
"Jerry?"
Seinfeld
"Jer... Oh, hi."
Seinfeld
"Welcome back. How were the shows?"
Seinfeld
"Great. I had fun. Where's the TV? Where's the VCR?"
Seinfeld
"- What?! - They were stolen."
Seinfeld
"Stolen? When?"
Seinfeld
"A couple of hours ago. The police are coming right over."
Seinfeld
"Stolen?"
Seinfeld
"Someone left the door open."
Seinfeld
"Oh, yeah..."
Seinfeld
"You left the door open?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, well, you know, I was cooking..."
Seinfeld
"...and I came in to get the spatula."
Seinfeld
"I left the door open because I was gonna bring the spatula right back."
Seinfeld
"Wait, you left the lock open or the door open?"
Seinfeld
"The door."
Seinfeld
"- The door? You left the door open? - I was bringing the spatula right back."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, and...?"
Seinfeld
"Well, I got caught up watching a soap opera."
Seinfeld
"Bold and the Beautiful."
Seinfeld
"- So the door was wide open. - Wide open."
Seinfeld
"Excuse me."
Seinfeld
"And where were you?"
Seinfeld
"I was at Bloomingdale's, waiting for the shower to heat up."
Seinfeld
"Look, Jerry, I'm sorry."
Seinfeld
"- You have insurance, right, buddy? - No."
Seinfeld
"How can you not have insurance?"
Seinfeld
"Because I spent my money on the Clapco D-29."
Seinfeld
"It's the most impenetrable lock on the market today."
Seinfeld
"It has only one design flaw:"
Seinfeld
"The door..."
Seinfeld
"...must be closed!"
Seinfeld
"Jerry, I'm gonna find your stuff. I'm gonna solve it."
Seinfeld
"I'm on the case, buddy. I'm on the case."
Seinfeld
"Don't investigate. Don't pay me back. It was an accident."
Seinfeld
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