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Clips from Seinfeld - Good News, Bad News (S01E01)

"So I'm on line at the supermarket."
Seinfeld
"Two women in front of me."
Seinfeld
"One of them, her total was $8. The other, $3."
Seinfeld
"They both, of course, choose to pay by the use of the check."
Seinfeld
"Fact is, if it is a woman in front of you that's writing out the check..."
Seinfeld
"...you'll not be waiting long."
Seinfeld
"I have noticed that women are very fast with checks."
Seinfeld
"You know, because they write out so many checks."
Seinfeld
"The keys, they can never find. They don't know where that is."
Seinfeld
"But the checkbook, they got that."
Seinfeld
"They never fumble for the checkbook."
Seinfeld
"The checkbook comes out of a holster."
Seinfeld
"Who do I make it out to?"
Seinfeld
"There's my ID."
Seinfeld
"There's something about a check, that, to a man, is not masculine."
Seinfeld
"I don't know exactly what it is. I think, to a man..."
Seinfeld
"...a check is like a note from your mother."
Seinfeld
"I don't have any money, but if you'll contact these people..."
Seinfeld
"...I'm sure they'll stick up for me. If you could just trust me this one time."
Seinfeld
"I don't have any money, but I have these."
Seinfeld
"I wrote on these."
Seinfeld
"Is this of any value at all?"
Seinfeld
"What's that one?"
Seinfeld
"Cocoon II, The Return."
Seinfeld
"I guess they didn't like it up there."
Seinfeld
"Maybe they came back for Chinese food."
Seinfeld
"You know, Maureen Stapleton gets a craving..."
Seinfeld
"...she's probably screaming at those aliens:"
Seinfeld
"I gotta have a lo mein."
Seinfeld
"Okay, what are we doing here? I have seen everything."
Seinfeld
"Oh, yeah?"
Seinfeld
"I don't believe you've seen this."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, lovely. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"What do you think their parents think?"
Seinfeld
"So, what's your son doing now, Dr. Stevens?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, he's a public fornicator."
Seinfeld
"Yes, he's a fine boy."
Seinfeld
"You know, this would be a really funny gift for Pamela's birthday."
Seinfeld
"Pamela. Do I know her?"
Seinfeld
"Yeah, you met her when we were going out."
Seinfeld
"Oh, yeah, right."
Seinfeld
"You have no idea who I'm talking about, do you?"
Seinfeld
"No."
Seinfeld
"Blond hair, remember? Glasses."
Seinfeld
"Have you totally blocked out the entire time we were a couple?"
Seinfeld
"- Riverside Drive. - Right."
Seinfeld
"In fact... No. Never mind."
Seinfeld
"Well, what is it?"
Seinfeld
"A bunch of people are getting together tomorrow at some bar..."
Seinfeld
"...for her birthday, but..."
Seinfeld
"You don't want to go to that. No. Okay."
Seinfeld
"Wait a second. Wait a second."
Seinfeld
"We could work out a little deal here."
Seinfeld
"- What little deal? - I will go to that..."
Seinfeld
"...you go with me to the little family wedding I have on Saturday."
Seinfeld
"A wedding?"
Seinfeld
"- Have you lost it, man? - My parents are coming in for this."
Seinfeld
"- They're coming in? - Yeah, tomorrow."
Seinfeld
"Hey, did your father ever get that hair weave?"
Seinfeld
"No, no."
Seinfeld
"Still doing the big sweep across."
Seinfeld
"Why does he do that?"
Seinfeld
"Doesn't think anyone can tell."
Seinfeld
"So, come on, do we have a deal?"
Seinfeld
"A wedding?"
Seinfeld
"There's a lot of people to mock."
Seinfeld
"- All right. What the hell. - Great."
Seinfeld
"When you're dead, you're dead. That's it. You're not going anywhere."
Seinfeld
"- Come on, let's go. - Was I supposed to bring something?"
Seinfeld
"- You could have. - I met her one time."
Seinfeld
"- It is not necessary. - Then what did you say that for?"
Seinfeld
"- Hi. - Hi, Pamela."
Seinfeld
"- You remember Jerry? - Yes, we met."
Seinfeld
"- Happy birthday. - Thanks."
Seinfeld
"Everybody, this is Jerry and Elaine."
Seinfeld
"- Hi. - Hi."
Seinfeld
"I didn't bring anything."
Seinfeld
"- I put you two right here. - Oh, okay."
Seinfeld
"I'm sorry. I didn't know what... You know."
Seinfeld
"Nobody's told me anything about this..."
Seinfeld
"How big a tip you think it would take to get him to stop?"
Seinfeld
"I'm in for 5."
Seinfeld
"I'll supply the hat."
Seinfeld
"What do we have here?"
Seinfeld
"Why don't you relax, and take your jacket off."
Seinfeld
"I can't. I have a tendency to get chilly."
Seinfeld
"How masculine."
Seinfeld
"Plus I'm wearing short sleeves. I don't want to expose my tattoos."
Seinfeld
"She's unbelievable."
Seinfeld
"- Hey, this guy says he know Bricker. - Oh, you know Bricker? From where?"
Seinfeld
"What's going on here?"
Seinfeld
"Got to be her boyfriend. She's too good to be alone."
Seinfeld
"What's the difference? I can't manoeuvre anyway..."
Seinfeld
"...with Elaine next to me."
Seinfeld
"- How do you know Pamela? - Friend of a friend."
Seinfeld
"- And you? - We went to law school together."
Seinfeld
"Oh, Jerry."
Seinfeld
"Oh, no. Not now."
Seinfeld
"I had this dream last night, and you were in it."
Seinfeld
"- Really? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Oh, God, I gotta get out of this."
Seinfeld
"You were you, but you weren't you."
Seinfeld
"- No kidding? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Why is this happening? Please mak e her stop."
Seinfeld
"I think... I think we were in my house where I grew up..."
Seinfeld
"...and you were standing there. You were looking out the window."
Seinfeld
"This is brutal."
Seinfeld
"And then you turned around, and you had these wooden teeth."
Seinfeld
"How do you like that?"
Seinfeld
"Can I turn now? Is this over?"
Seinfeld
"No, I can't. I can't. I'm stuck."
Seinfeld
"Jerry, are you listening to me?"
Seinfeld
"Yes. I heard you."
Seinfeld
"Elaine, what's the name of that jewellery store you took me to that time?"
Seinfeld
"Thank you, Pamela."
Seinfeld
"So, you're a lawyer?"
Seinfeld
"Sagman, Bennett, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taff."
Seinfeld
"Sagman, Bennett, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taff."
Seinfeld
"Of course, they handled my tattoo-removal lawsuit."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, that was you. - Imagine."
Seinfeld
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