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Clips from Seinfeld - The Bizarro Jerry (S08E08)

TV Series 1989 –1998 Season 8, Episode 3 22 min ★ 8.8/10 (390,457 ratings) 366 clips
Comedy

Episodes from this show

Title Season Episode
Good News, Bad News 1 1
The Stakeout 1 2
The Robbery 1 3
The Stock Tip 1 5
The Ex-Girlfriend 2 1
The Pony Remark 2 2
The Jacket 2 3
The Phone Message 2 4
The Apartment 2 5
The Statue 2 6
The Revenge 2 7
The Heart Attack 2 8
The Deal 2 9
The Baby Shower 2 10
The Chinese Restaurant 2 11
The Busboy 2 12
The Note 3 1
The Truth 3 2
The Pen 3 3
The Dog 3 4
The Library 3 5
The Parking Garage 3 6
The Cafe 3 7
The Tape 3 8
The Nose Job 3 9
The Stranded 3 10
The Alternate Side 3 11
The Red Dot 3 12
The Subway 3 13
The Pez Dispenser 3 14
The Suicide 3 15
The Fix Up 3 16
The Boyfriend: Part 1 3 17
The Limo 3 19
The Good Samaritan 3 20
The Letter 3 21
The Parking Space 3 22
The Keys 3 23
The Trip: Part 1 4 1
The Trip: Part 2 4 2
The Pitch 4 3
The Wallet 4 5
The Watch 4 6
The Bubble Boy 4 7
The Cheever Letters 4 8
The Opera 4 9
The Virgin 4 10
The Contest 4 11
The Airport 4 12
The Pick 4 13
The Movie 4 14
The Visa 4 15
The Shoes 4 16
The Outing 4 17
The Old Man 4 18
The Implant 4 19
The Junior Mint 4 20
The Smelly Car 4 21
The Handicap Spot 4 22
The Pilot 4 23
The Mango 5 1
The Puffy Shirt 5 2
The Glasses 5 3
The Sniffing Accountant 5 4
The Bris 5 5
The Lip Reader 5 6
The Non-Fat Yogurt 5 7
The Barber 5 8
The Masseuse 5 9
The Cigar Store Indian 5 10
The Conversion 5 11
The Stall 5 12
The Dinner Party 5 13
The Marine Biologist 5 14
The Pie 5 15
The Stand-In 5 16
The Wife 5 17
The Raincoats 5 18
The Fire 5 19
The Hamptons 5 20
The Opposite 5 21
The Chaperone 6 1
The Big Salad 6 2
The Pledge Drive 6 3
Title Season Episode
The Chinese Woman 6 4
The Couch 6 5
The Gymnast 6 6
The Soup 6 7
The Mom and Pop Store 6 8
The Secretary 6 9
The Race 6 10
The Switch 6 11
The Label Maker 6 12
The Scofflaw 6 13
Highlights of a Hundred 6 14
The Beard 6 15
The Doorman 6 17
The Jimmy 6 18
The Doodle 6 19
The Fusilli Jerry 6 20
The Diplomat's Club 6 21
The Face Painter 6 22
The Understudy 6 23
The Engagement 7 1
The Postponement 7 2
The Maestro 7 3
The Wink 7 4
The Hot Tub 7 5
The Soup Nazi 7 6
The Secret Code 7 7
The Pool Guy 7 8
The Sponge 7 9
The Gum 7 10
The Rye 7 11
The Caddy 7 12
The Seven 7 13
The Cadillac 7 14
The Doll 7 16
The Friars Club 7 17
The Wig Master 7 18
The Calzone 7 19
The Bottle Deposit 7 20
The Wait Out 7 21
The Invitations 7 22
The Foundation 8 1
The Soul Mate 8 2
The Bizarro Jerry 8 3
The Little Kicks 8 4
The Package 8 5
The Fatigues 8 6
The Checks 8 7
The Chicken Roaster 8 8
The Abstinence 8 9
The Andrea Doria 8 10
The Little Jerry 8 11
The Money 8 12
The Comeback 8 13
The Van Buren Boys 8 14
The Susie 8 15
The Pothole 8 16
The English Patient 8 17
The Nap 8 18
The Yada Yada 8 19
The Millennium 8 20
The Muffin Tops 8 21
The Summer of George 8 22
The Butter Shave 9 1
The Voice 9 2
The Serenity Now 9 3
The Blood 9 4
The Junk Mail 9 5
The Merv Griffin Show 9 6
The Slicer 9 7
The Betrayal 9 8
The Apology 9 9
The Strike 9 10
The Dealership 9 11
The Reverse Peephole 9 12
The Cartoon 9 13
The Strongbox 9 14
The Wizard 9 15
The Burning 9 16
The Bookstore 9 17
The Frogger 9 18
The Maid 9 19
The Puerto Rican Day 9 20
The Chronicle 9 21
The Finale 9 23
Putting their little alien heads in my mouth.
"Putting their little alien heads in my mouth."
Seinfeld
-At least it's show business. -Yeah.
"-At least it's show business. -Yeah."
Seinfeld
...to, you know, get me to mate.
"...to, you know, get me to mate."
Seinfeld
Just got to take a ride on a spaceship.
"Just got to take a ride on a spaceship."
Seinfeld
George, why couldn't I use the bathroom in that store?
"George, why couldn't I use the bathroom in that store?"
Seinfeld
Exquisite marble, high ceilings and a flush like a jet engine:
"Exquisite marble, high ceilings and a flush like a jet engine:"
Seinfeld
Like you and Jerry.
"Like you and Jerry."
Seinfeld
This damn thing is jammed again.
"This damn thing is jammed again."
Seinfeld
You know what happens with these?
"You know what happens with these?"
Seinfeld
The rollers, they get flat spots on them.
"The rollers, they get flat spots on them."
Seinfeld
But with this, it's like I've already been with one of her own.
"But with this, it's like I've already been with one of her own."
Seinfeld
My hand's been stamped. I come and go as I please.
"My hand's been stamped. I come and go as I please."
Seinfeld
I'm sorry, sir, there is no Mr. Vandalay here.
"I'm sorry, sir, there is no Mr. Vandalay here."
Seinfeld
You don't sell the steak, you sell the sizzle.
"You don't sell the steak, you sell the sizzle."
Seinfeld
It's nice to meet you.
"It's nice to meet you."
Seinfeld
She had man-hands.
"She had man-hands."
Seinfeld
Would you prefer it if she had no hands at all?
"Would you prefer it if she had no hands at all?"
Seinfeld
Kind of cool-looking.
"Kind of cool-looking."
Seinfeld
How long have I been asleep? What year is it?
"How long have I been asleep? What year is it?"
Seinfeld
But I finally realized what's missing in my life.
"But I finally realized what's missing in my life."
Seinfeld
I'm doing this just for me.
"I'm doing this just for me."
Seinfeld
You know, taking care of business.
"You know, taking care of business."
Seinfeld
And he is a friend, Jerry.
"And he is a friend, Jerry."
Seinfeld
Up is down, down is up.
"Up is down, down is up."
Seinfeld
Isn't that the opposite of goodbye?
"Isn't that the opposite of goodbye?"
Seinfeld
-Does he live underwater? -No.
"-Does he live underwater? -No."
Seinfeld
-ls he black? -Just forget the whole thing, all right?
"-ls he black? -Just forget the whole thing, all right?"
Seinfeld
Yeah, well, count me out. I'm swimming in it.
"Yeah, well, count me out. I'm swimming in it."
Seinfeld
Old man Leland is busting my hump over these reports.
"Old man Leland is busting my hump over these reports."
Seinfeld
This is a fantastic place.
"This is a fantastic place."
Seinfeld
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
"Stupid. Stupid. Stupid."
Seinfeld
A bore.
"A bore."
Seinfeld
You know who used to love Paris? My dead fiancÈe, Susan.
"You know who used to love Paris? My dead fiancÈe, Susan."
Seinfeld
In fact, I think I may have a picture of her.
"In fact, I think I may have a picture of her."
Seinfeld
Do you wanna dance?
"Do you wanna dance?"
Seinfeld
These are a couple of my friends. This is Gene...
"These are a couple of my friends. This is Gene..."
Seinfeld
...and this guy we just call Feldman.
"...and this guy we just call Feldman."
Seinfeld
Bizarro World.
"Bizarro World."
Seinfeld
I'm inside the walls.
"I'm inside the walls."
Seinfeld
So you're gonna burn that bridge.
"So you're gonna burn that bridge."
Seinfeld
But I was engaged to her.
"But I was engaged to her."
Seinfeld
-I got it. -You got it last time.
"-I got it. -You got it last time."
Seinfeld
Say, Elaine, what do you think of an alarm clock...
"Say, Elaine, what do you think of an alarm clock..."
Seinfeld
Well, I gotta say, I think that that is a fantastic idea, Feldman.
"Well, I gotta say, I think that that is a fantastic idea, Feldman."
Seinfeld
I don't know. It's not practical.
"I don't know. It's not practical."
Seinfeld
Maybe I'll chain her to the refrigerator and sell tickets.
"Maybe I'll chain her to the refrigerator and sell tickets."
Seinfeld
That's nice.
"That's nice."
Seinfeld
I can't spend the rest of my life...
"I can't spend the rest of my life..."
Seinfeld
The whole system is breaking down.
"The whole system is breaking down."
Seinfeld
Hey. Amanda, hi, yeah.
"Hey. Amanda, hi, yeah."
Seinfeld
-Friends? Just friends. -Yeah.
"-Friends? Just friends. -Yeah."
Seinfeld
My hair dryer ruined the picture.
"My hair dryer ruined the picture."
Seinfeld
-Hey, Jerry? -I'm right here.
"-Hey, Jerry? -I'm right here."
Seinfeld
-Jeez. -What's wrong?
"-Jeez. -What's wrong?"
Seinfeld
It's killing us.
"It's killing us."
Seinfeld
You know what? You're right.
"You know what? You're right."
Seinfeld
Say we go out tonight. Any place you want.
"Say we go out tonight. Any place you want."
Seinfeld
Jerry, George, Kramer...
"Jerry, George, Kramer..."
Seinfeld
Elaine?
"Elaine?"
Seinfeld
Kramer, I've been reviewing your work. Quite frankly, it stinks.
"Kramer, I've been reviewing your work. Quite frankly, it stinks."
Seinfeld
It's from a Clinique ad I did.
"It's from a Clinique ad I did."
Seinfeld
-What's up? -Just reading.
"-What's up? -Just reading."
Seinfeld
-Fourth row, center. -Get out!
"-Fourth row, center. -Get out!"
Seinfeld
It was here, I'm telling you. It was really here.
"It was here, I'm telling you. It was really here."
Seinfeld
Oh, so, what did you do?
"Oh, so, what did you do?"
Seinfeld
-Feldman, you didn't have to do that. -Hey, what are friends for?
"-Feldman, you didn't have to do that. -Hey, what are friends for?"
Seinfeld
...but you two are about the best friends a guy could have.
"...but you two are about the best friends a guy could have."
Seinfeld
All right, how about this? You're abducted by aliens.
"All right, how about this? You're abducted by aliens."
Seinfeld
-Fine. -Haul you aboard the mothership...
"-Fine. -Haul you aboard the mothership..."
Seinfeld
...take you back to their planet as a curiosity.
"...take you back to their planet as a curiosity."
Seinfeld
Now, would you rather be in their zoo or their circus?
"Now, would you rather be in their zoo or their circus?"
Seinfeld
I gotta go zoo.
"I gotta go zoo."
Seinfeld
I feel like I could set more of my own schedule.
"I feel like I could set more of my own schedule."
Seinfeld
In the circus, you get to ride on the train, see the whole planet.
"In the circus, you get to ride on the train, see the whole planet."
Seinfeld
I'm wearing a little hat. I'm jumping through fire.
"I'm wearing a little hat. I'm jumping through fire."
Seinfeld
But in the zoo, you know, they might put a woman in there with me...
"But in the zoo, you know, they might put a woman in there with me..."
Seinfeld
What if she's got no interest in you?
"What if she's got no interest in you?"
Seinfeld
Then I'm pretty much where I am right now.
"Then I'm pretty much where I am right now."
Seinfeld
Kramer, trust me, this is the best bathroom in Midtown.
"Kramer, trust me, this is the best bathroom in Midtown."
Seinfeld
He knows.
"He knows."
Seinfeld
It's right in there, on the left.
"It's right in there, on the left."
Seinfeld
-You sure? -He knows.
"-You sure? -He knows."
Seinfeld
Nice.
"Nice."
Seinfeld
Why don't you try your engagement story?
"Why don't you try your engagement story?"
Seinfeld
-Won't work. -Are you sure?
"-Won't work. -Are you sure?"
Seinfeld
He knows.
"He knows."
Seinfeld
Look, Kevin, I really like you...
"Look, Kevin, I really like you..."
Seinfeld
...but maybe we'd be better off just being friends.
"...but maybe we'd be better off just being friends."
Seinfeld
-Friends? -Yeah. I mean--
"-Friends? -Yeah. I mean--"
Seinfeld
Oh, God...
"Oh, God..."
Seinfeld
...this tuna tastes like an old sponge.
"...this tuna tastes like an old sponge."
Seinfeld
Friends. Yeah. Why not friends?
"Friends. Yeah. Why not friends?"
Seinfeld
I might like to try that.
"I might like to try that."
Seinfeld
-Come on, let's go. -Oh, yeah.
"-Come on, let's go. -Oh, yeah."
Seinfeld
I was telling you about Gillian...
"I was telling you about Gillian..."
Seinfeld
...my friend who writes for the L.L. Bean catalog.
"...my friend who writes for the L.L. Bean catalog."
Seinfeld
I really think you should give her a call.
"I really think you should give her a call."
Seinfeld
I don't know, do you have it--?
"I don't know, do you have it--?"
Seinfeld
-Not bad. What does she--? -I put her stats on the back.
"-Not bad. What does she--? -I put her stats on the back."
Seinfeld
Pretty impressive. Serious boyfriend, '92 to '95.
"Pretty impressive. Serious boyfriend, '92 to '95."
Seinfeld
-Owns her own car. -Yup.
"-Owns her own car. -Yup."
Seinfeld
Favorite president, James Polk.
"Favorite president, James Polk."
Seinfeld
So how'd it go with Kevin? Did you steel-toe his ass back to Kentucky?
"So how'd it go with Kevin? Did you steel-toe his ass back to Kentucky?"
Seinfeld
You are not gonna believe this. I told him that I just wanted to be friends.
"You are not gonna believe this. I told him that I just wanted to be friends."
Seinfeld
He's fine with it. He really wants to be friends.
"He's fine with it. He really wants to be friends."
Seinfeld
-Why would anybody want a friend? -It's really not that bad, actually.
"-Why would anybody want a friend? -It's really not that bad, actually."
Seinfeld
He said he'd go to the Museum of Miniatures.
"He said he'd go to the Museum of Miniatures."
Seinfeld
This is something you would never, ever do.
"This is something you would never, ever do."
Seinfeld
I mean, all that stuff is so small.
"I mean, all that stuff is so small."
Seinfeld
You know, if I told my engagement story to that receptionist...
"You know, if I told my engagement story to that receptionist..."
Seinfeld
...but told her this was my fiancÈe....
"...but told her this was my fiancÈe...."
Seinfeld
-What? -Don't you see?
"-What? -Don't you see?"
Seinfeld
Women like that are like members of a secret tribe living in a forbidden city.
"Women like that are like members of a secret tribe living in a forbidden city."
Seinfeld
People like me have not been inside in thousands of years.
"People like me have not been inside in thousands of years."
Seinfeld
Well, you've cracked it.
"Well, you've cracked it."
Seinfeld
I warned the queen you were getting close and...
"I warned the queen you were getting close and..."
Seinfeld
...now it looks like we're gonna have to move the whole damn forbidden city.
"...now it looks like we're gonna have to move the whole damn forbidden city."
Seinfeld
-Can I keep this? -No, I need it.
"-Can I keep this? -No, I need it."
Seinfeld
Thanks.
"Thanks."
Seinfeld
Hi. I'm-- I'm here to see a Mr. Art Vandalay.
"Hi. I'm-- I'm here to see a Mr. Art Vandalay."
Seinfeld