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Clips from Seinfeld - The Bizarro Jerry (S08E08)

"Putting their little alien heads in my mouth."
Seinfeld
"-At least it's show business. -Yeah."
Seinfeld
"...to, you know, get me to mate."
Seinfeld
"Just got to take a ride on a spaceship."
Seinfeld
"George, why couldn't I use the bathroom in that store?"
Seinfeld
"Exquisite marble, high ceilings and a flush like a jet engine:"
Seinfeld
"Like you and Jerry."
Seinfeld
"This damn thing is jammed again."
Seinfeld
"You know what happens with these?"
Seinfeld
"The rollers, they get flat spots on them."
Seinfeld
"But with this, it's like I've already been with one of her own."
Seinfeld
"My hand's been stamped. I come and go as I please."
Seinfeld
"I'm sorry, sir, there is no Mr. Vandalay here."
Seinfeld
"You don't sell the steak, you sell the sizzle."
Seinfeld
"It's nice to meet you."
Seinfeld
"She had man-hands."
Seinfeld
"Would you prefer it if she had no hands at all?"
Seinfeld
"Kind of cool-looking."
Seinfeld
"How long have I been asleep? What year is it?"
Seinfeld
"But I finally realized what's missing in my life."
Seinfeld
"I'm doing this just for me."
Seinfeld
"You know, taking care of business."
Seinfeld
"And he is a friend, Jerry."
Seinfeld
"Up is down, down is up."
Seinfeld
"Isn't that the opposite of goodbye?"
Seinfeld
"-Does he live underwater? -No."
Seinfeld
"-ls he black? -Just forget the whole thing, all right?"
Seinfeld
"Yeah, well, count me out. I'm swimming in it."
Seinfeld
"Old man Leland is busting my hump over these reports."
Seinfeld
"This is a fantastic place."
Seinfeld
"Stupid. Stupid. Stupid."
Seinfeld
"A bore."
Seinfeld
"You know who used to love Paris? My dead fiancÈe, Susan."
Seinfeld
"In fact, I think I may have a picture of her."
Seinfeld
"Do you wanna dance?"
Seinfeld
"These are a couple of my friends. This is Gene..."
Seinfeld
"...and this guy we just call Feldman."
Seinfeld
"Bizarro World."
Seinfeld
"I'm inside the walls."
Seinfeld
"So you're gonna burn that bridge."
Seinfeld
"But I was engaged to her."
Seinfeld
"-I got it. -You got it last time."
Seinfeld
"Say, Elaine, what do you think of an alarm clock..."
Seinfeld
"Well, I gotta say, I think that that is a fantastic idea, Feldman."
Seinfeld
"I don't know. It's not practical."
Seinfeld
"Maybe I'll chain her to the refrigerator and sell tickets."
Seinfeld
"That's nice."
Seinfeld
"I can't spend the rest of my life..."
Seinfeld
"The whole system is breaking down."
Seinfeld
"Hey. Amanda, hi, yeah."
Seinfeld
"-Friends? Just friends. -Yeah."
Seinfeld
"My hair dryer ruined the picture."
Seinfeld
"-Hey, Jerry? -I'm right here."
Seinfeld
"-Jeez. -What's wrong?"
Seinfeld
"It's killing us."
Seinfeld
"You know what? You're right."
Seinfeld
"Say we go out tonight. Any place you want."
Seinfeld
"Jerry, George, Kramer..."
Seinfeld
"Elaine?"
Seinfeld
"Kramer, I've been reviewing your work. Quite frankly, it stinks."
Seinfeld
"It's from a Clinique ad I did."
Seinfeld
"-What's up? -Just reading."
Seinfeld
"-Fourth row, center. -Get out!"
Seinfeld
"It was here, I'm telling you. It was really here."
Seinfeld
"Oh, so, what did you do?"
Seinfeld
"-Feldman, you didn't have to do that. -Hey, what are friends for?"
Seinfeld
"...but you two are about the best friends a guy could have."
Seinfeld
"All right, how about this? You're abducted by aliens."
Seinfeld
"-Fine. -Haul you aboard the mothership..."
Seinfeld
"...take you back to their planet as a curiosity."
Seinfeld
"Now, would you rather be in their zoo or their circus?"
Seinfeld
"I gotta go zoo."
Seinfeld
"I feel like I could set more of my own schedule."
Seinfeld
"In the circus, you get to ride on the train, see the whole planet."
Seinfeld
"I'm wearing a little hat. I'm jumping through fire."
Seinfeld
"But in the zoo, you know, they might put a woman in there with me..."
Seinfeld
"What if she's got no interest in you?"
Seinfeld
"Then I'm pretty much where I am right now."
Seinfeld
"Kramer, trust me, this is the best bathroom in Midtown."
Seinfeld
"He knows."
Seinfeld
"It's right in there, on the left."
Seinfeld
"-You sure? -He knows."
Seinfeld
"Nice."
Seinfeld
"Why don't you try your engagement story?"
Seinfeld
"-Won't work. -Are you sure?"
Seinfeld
"He knows."
Seinfeld
"Look, Kevin, I really like you..."
Seinfeld
"...but maybe we'd be better off just being friends."
Seinfeld
"-Friends? -Yeah. I mean--"
Seinfeld
"Oh, God..."
Seinfeld
"...this tuna tastes like an old sponge."
Seinfeld
"Friends. Yeah. Why not friends?"
Seinfeld
"I might like to try that."
Seinfeld
"-Come on, let's go. -Oh, yeah."
Seinfeld
"I was telling you about Gillian..."
Seinfeld
"...my friend who writes for the L.L. Bean catalog."
Seinfeld
"I really think you should give her a call."
Seinfeld
"I don't know, do you have it--?"
Seinfeld
"-Not bad. What does she--? -I put her stats on the back."
Seinfeld
"Pretty impressive. Serious boyfriend, '92 to '95."
Seinfeld
"-Owns her own car. -Yup."
Seinfeld
"Favorite president, James Polk."
Seinfeld
"So how'd it go with Kevin? Did you steel-toe his ass back to Kentucky?"
Seinfeld
"You are not gonna believe this. I told him that I just wanted to be friends."
Seinfeld
"He's fine with it. He really wants to be friends."
Seinfeld
"-Why would anybody want a friend? -It's really not that bad, actually."
Seinfeld
"He said he'd go to the Museum of Miniatures."
Seinfeld
"This is something you would never, ever do."
Seinfeld
"I mean, all that stuff is so small."
Seinfeld
"You know, if I told my engagement story to that receptionist..."
Seinfeld
"...but told her this was my fiancÈe...."
Seinfeld
"-What? -Don't you see?"
Seinfeld
"Women like that are like members of a secret tribe living in a forbidden city."
Seinfeld
"People like me have not been inside in thousands of years."
Seinfeld
"Well, you've cracked it."
Seinfeld
"I warned the queen you were getting close and..."
Seinfeld
"...now it looks like we're gonna have to move the whole damn forbidden city."
Seinfeld
"-Can I keep this? -No, I need it."
Seinfeld
"Thanks."
Seinfeld
"Hi. I'm-- I'm here to see a Mr. Art Vandalay."
Seinfeld
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