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Clips from Seinfeld - The Chaperone (S06E06)

"I've always wondered why baseball is so associated with sex."
Seinfeld
"It's always baseball, always baseball."
Seinfeld
"Okay, Danny. Take a swing. No, no, no."
Seinfeld
"- What are you all sweating for? - It's hot in this uniform."
Seinfeld
"- You really think cotton is better? - Of course."
Seinfeld
"...would like to welcome Miss Connecticut..."
Seinfeld
"...Miss Rhode Island and Miss North Dakota."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, right, just like you. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"- So you're Miss...? - Rhode Island."
Seinfeld
"I was almost Mr. Coffee. They felt I was a little too relaxed."
Seinfeld
"No reason."
Seinfeld
"I like to think I have a little grace."
Seinfeld
"All right. Thanks."
Seinfeld
"It's all coming out slanted."
Seinfeld
"Justin Pitt, this is Elaine Benes."
Seinfeld
"...you'll congenial yourself right out of the contest."
Seinfeld
"- Hey, what are you doing tonight? - Nothing."
Seinfeld
"Grace?"
Seinfeld
"Grace, yes."
Seinfeld
"Oh, Mr. Pitt."
Seinfeld
"...with the polyester uniforms."
Seinfeld
"It's not a natural fiber."
Seinfeld
"- Cotton, huh? - Cotton breathes."
Seinfeld
"...they're gonna play better."
Seinfeld
"- You may have something there. - Oh, I've got something."
Seinfeld
"Listen, tonight, after we finish eating..."
Seinfeld
"As Miss America..."
Seinfeld
"Any hesitation could cost her the crown. You know, poise counts."
Seinfeld
"But she lost points in the swimsuit competition."
Seinfeld
"...I'd recommend a waist cincher."
Seinfeld
"- Well, did you see it? - See what?"
Seinfeld
"All right. I'll take them back."
Seinfeld
"- Tomorrow? - Yes."
Seinfeld
"- Well, it's just one more day. - I'm sorry. I must have them today."
Seinfeld
"All right, watch me."
Seinfeld
"...what would you do?"
Seinfeld
"Kramer, are these questions really that important?"
Seinfeld
"- Hey. How was the show? - Good. How was roulette?"
Seinfeld
"Yeah. All she had to do was buy Mr. Pitt a pair of socks."
Seinfeld
"Forget about those!"
Seinfeld
"- What the hell is that? - I don't know. It sounds like pigeons."
Seinfeld
"...so I kept them in a cage on the terrace..."
Seinfeld
"Accident?"
Seinfeld
"She's got these trained doves. She does a magic act."
Seinfeld
"That was her talent for the pageant."
Seinfeld
"Oh, that. We..."
Seinfeld
"...because the water was making the room too cold."
Seinfeld
"It's not what you think. It was an accident."
Seinfeld
"What was that all about?"
Seinfeld
"And now, continuing with the talent portion of the competition..."
Seinfeld
"And now, let's welcome Karen Ann Hanson..."
Seinfeld
"It's like watching an animal get tortured."
Seinfeld
"If anyone sees any reason..."
Seinfeld
"He's playing the field. He scored. He didn't get to first base."
Seinfeld
"As far as baseball goes, I prefer the fat umpires."
Seinfeld
"If you're on the field and not in the game..."
Seinfeld
"...you should be in the worst physical condition a human could be in."
Seinfeld
"They should be allowed to eat during the game."
Seinfeld
"We're too into sports in this country. We gotta throttle back."
Seinfeld
"People come home from these games:"
Seinfeld
"We won, we won! No, they won, you watched."
Seinfeld
"- You're opening up your shoulder. - Really?"
Seinfeld
"No, not really. I'm just saying this to you because I like to hear myself talk."
Seinfeld
"All right, all right."
Seinfeld
"- Hot? What is this? - What is what?"
Seinfeld
"This uniform. What's it made from?"
Seinfeld
"- I don't know. Cotton? - No. No, no."
Seinfeld
"This is not cotton. Here, let me see."
Seinfeld
"- What are you doing? - I wanna see the label."
Seinfeld
"Will you stop it? Come on."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, of course. Polyester! - So?"
Seinfeld
"- I can't believe you're not in cotton. - This is what they give us."
Seinfeld
"You know they used to make leisure suits out of this fabric?"
Seinfeld
"All right, maybe I'll say something to Buck."
Seinfeld
"- Yeah, good idea. Catch you later. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Hey, don't embarrass me today."
Seinfeld
"I got some friends in the stands."
Seinfeld
"- Hot dogs here. Yankee franks. - Oh, you want one?"
Seinfeld
"- I got it. - Jerry."
Seinfeld
"- Elaine, stop it. - Just because I'm not working..."
Seinfeld
"...doesn't mean I don't have any money. Yo. Dogs. Two."
Seinfeld
"All right. I'm sorry."
Seinfeld
"Your attention, please. The New York Yankees..."
Seinfeld
"All of whom will be competing in the Miss America pageant..."
Seinfeld
"...this weekend in Atlantic City."
Seinfeld
"Now, there's a career path you may have overlooked."
Seinfeld
"Oh, I gotta check my machine. I'm waiting to hear about an interview."
Seinfeld
"Doubleday is looking for somebody to replace Jackie Onassis."
Seinfeld
"- She worked at Doubleday? - Yeah, she was an editor."
Seinfeld
"- Would you move your feet? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"- Hey, lady! - Hey, down in front!"
Seinfeld
"- Hey! - Move your feet."
Seinfeld
"- I'm going. - Come on."
Seinfeld
"- Hot dog? - No, thanks."
Seinfeld
"- I'm watching my weight. - I'm watching my height."
Seinfeld
"My doctor doesn't want me to get any taller."
Seinfeld
"Miss Rhode Island?"
Seinfeld
"- When are you seeing her? - Tonight. I have to call her."
Seinfeld
"She's staying in a hotel."
Seinfeld
"- You're incredible. - And get this:"
Seinfeld
"I'm working Atlantic City this weekend."
Seinfeld
"She's gonna be there for the pageant."
Seinfeld
"What if she becomes Miss America? You could be dating Miss America."
Seinfeld
"The only bad thing is we have to go out with a chaperone."
Seinfeld
"Chaperone? What, are you kidding?"
Seinfeld
"- No. It's the contest rules. - What does the chaperone do?"
Seinfeld
"I don't know. She just sits there."
Seinfeld
"- Can she talk? - I'm not sure if she's allowed to talk."
Seinfeld
"- Are you calling her? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Yes. Room 417, please. Karen Hanson."
Seinfeld
"Hey, did you know the Yankees don't wear cotton jerseys?"
Seinfeld
"Of course. They're polyester."
Seinfeld
"Well, what is that? That's a crime."
Seinfeld
"You know how hot those things get? They should be wearing cotton."
Seinfeld
"- Why do they wear polyester? - I don't know."
Seinfeld
"That's all gonna change."
Seinfeld
"- You're gonna do something about it? - Why shouldn't I?"
Seinfeld
"Of course, Jackie O was a great lady."
Seinfeld
"Those are gonna be some tough shoes to fill."
Seinfeld
"Everyone loved her."
Seinfeld
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