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Clips from Seinfeld - The Keys (S03E03)

TV Series 1989 –1998 Season 3, Episode 23 22 min ★ 8.8/10 (390,457 ratings) 467 clips
Comedy

Episodes from this show

Title Season Episode
Good News, Bad News 1 1
The Stakeout 1 2
The Robbery 1 3
The Stock Tip 1 5
The Ex-Girlfriend 2 1
The Pony Remark 2 2
The Jacket 2 3
The Phone Message 2 4
The Apartment 2 5
The Statue 2 6
The Revenge 2 7
The Heart Attack 2 8
The Deal 2 9
The Baby Shower 2 10
The Chinese Restaurant 2 11
The Busboy 2 12
The Note 3 1
The Truth 3 2
The Pen 3 3
The Dog 3 4
The Library 3 5
The Parking Garage 3 6
The Cafe 3 7
The Tape 3 8
The Nose Job 3 9
The Stranded 3 10
The Alternate Side 3 11
The Red Dot 3 12
The Subway 3 13
The Pez Dispenser 3 14
The Suicide 3 15
The Fix Up 3 16
The Boyfriend: Part 1 3 17
The Limo 3 19
The Good Samaritan 3 20
The Letter 3 21
The Parking Space 3 22
The Keys 3 23
The Trip: Part 1 4 1
The Trip: Part 2 4 2
The Pitch 4 3
The Wallet 4 5
The Watch 4 6
The Bubble Boy 4 7
The Cheever Letters 4 8
The Opera 4 9
The Virgin 4 10
The Contest 4 11
The Airport 4 12
The Pick 4 13
The Movie 4 14
The Visa 4 15
The Shoes 4 16
The Outing 4 17
The Old Man 4 18
The Implant 4 19
The Junior Mint 4 20
The Smelly Car 4 21
The Handicap Spot 4 22
The Pilot 4 23
The Mango 5 1
The Puffy Shirt 5 2
The Glasses 5 3
The Sniffing Accountant 5 4
The Bris 5 5
The Lip Reader 5 6
The Non-Fat Yogurt 5 7
The Barber 5 8
The Masseuse 5 9
The Cigar Store Indian 5 10
The Conversion 5 11
The Stall 5 12
The Dinner Party 5 13
The Marine Biologist 5 14
The Pie 5 15
The Stand-In 5 16
The Wife 5 17
The Raincoats 5 18
The Fire 5 19
The Hamptons 5 20
The Opposite 5 21
The Chaperone 6 1
The Big Salad 6 2
The Pledge Drive 6 3
Title Season Episode
The Chinese Woman 6 4
The Couch 6 5
The Gymnast 6 6
The Soup 6 7
The Mom and Pop Store 6 8
The Secretary 6 9
The Race 6 10
The Switch 6 11
The Label Maker 6 12
The Scofflaw 6 13
Highlights of a Hundred 6 14
The Beard 6 15
The Doorman 6 17
The Jimmy 6 18
The Doodle 6 19
The Fusilli Jerry 6 20
The Diplomat's Club 6 21
The Face Painter 6 22
The Understudy 6 23
The Engagement 7 1
The Postponement 7 2
The Maestro 7 3
The Wink 7 4
The Hot Tub 7 5
The Soup Nazi 7 6
The Secret Code 7 7
The Pool Guy 7 8
The Sponge 7 9
The Gum 7 10
The Rye 7 11
The Caddy 7 12
The Seven 7 13
The Cadillac 7 14
The Doll 7 16
The Friars Club 7 17
The Wig Master 7 18
The Calzone 7 19
The Bottle Deposit 7 20
The Wait Out 7 21
The Invitations 7 22
The Foundation 8 1
The Soul Mate 8 2
The Bizarro Jerry 8 3
The Little Kicks 8 4
The Package 8 5
The Fatigues 8 6
The Checks 8 7
The Chicken Roaster 8 8
The Abstinence 8 9
The Andrea Doria 8 10
The Little Jerry 8 11
The Money 8 12
The Comeback 8 13
The Van Buren Boys 8 14
The Susie 8 15
The Pothole 8 16
The English Patient 8 17
The Nap 8 18
The Yada Yada 8 19
The Millennium 8 20
The Muffin Tops 8 21
The Summer of George 8 22
The Butter Shave 9 1
The Voice 9 2
The Serenity Now 9 3
The Blood 9 4
The Junk Mail 9 5
The Merv Griffin Show 9 6
The Slicer 9 7
The Betrayal 9 8
The Apology 9 9
The Strike 9 10
The Dealership 9 11
The Reverse Peephole 9 12
The Cartoon 9 13
The Strongbox 9 14
The Wizard 9 15
The Burning 9 16
The Bookstore 9 17
The Frogger 9 18
The Maid 9 19
The Puerto Rican Day 9 20
The Chronicle 9 21
The Finale 9 23
If I want my ass hanging out of the back of my parking spot...
"If I want my ass hanging out of the back of my parking spot..."
Seinfeld
...that's my business.
"...that's my business."
Seinfeld
You can't pull that in there.
"You can't pull that in there."
Seinfeld
I got bad news for you, buddy.
"I got bad news for you, buddy."
Seinfeld
I think your car got stolen again.
"I think your car got stolen again."
Seinfeld
What's the difference?
"What's the difference?"
Seinfeld
Always have to know everything that's going on, don't you?
"Always have to know everything that's going on, don't you?"
Seinfeld
Nope. I don't think so.
"Nope. I don't think so."
Seinfeld
Now, see, just saying beg doesn't make it a real beg.
"Now, see, just saying beg doesn't make it a real beg."
Seinfeld
- Okay, okay. What is it? - I loaned the car to George.
"- Okay, okay. What is it? - I loaned the car to George."
Seinfeld
All right.
"All right."
Seinfeld
Would you stop it, already?
"Would you stop it, already?"
Seinfeld
- Why didn't they ask me to go? - I don't know!
"- Why didn't they ask me to go? - I don't know!"
Seinfeld
Nobody knew.
"Nobody knew."
Seinfeld
You can wear a hat all the time now.
"You can wear a hat all the time now."
Seinfeld
What if I meet a woman?
"What if I meet a woman?"
Seinfeld
You sure you like these sunglasses?
"You sure you like these sunglasses?"
Seinfeld
Man.
"Man."
Seinfeld
And you know I'm somebody you don't wanna have on your bad side.
"And you know I'm somebody you don't wanna have on your bad side."
Seinfeld
- Why not? - Because I'm like ice, buddy.
"- Why not? - Because I'm like ice, buddy."
Seinfeld
When I don't like you, you got problems.
"When I don't like you, you got problems."
Seinfeld
No. I like Mike.
"No. I like Mike."
Seinfeld
I just got off the phone with him. We had a great conversation.
"I just got off the phone with him. We had a great conversation."
Seinfeld
You have to know everything, don't you?
"You have to know everything, don't you?"
Seinfeld
- Come on. What'd he say? - Why is that?
"- Come on. What'd he say? - Why is that?"
Seinfeld
Why do you have to know everything?
"Why do you have to know everything?"
Seinfeld
- Please don't make me beg. - No, I want you to beg me.
"- Please don't make me beg. - No, I want you to beg me."
Seinfeld
No way. It's close, but...
"No way. It's close, but..."
Seinfeld
Well, you can't just mention it and then not tell me.
"Well, you can't just mention it and then not tell me."
Seinfeld
I told you. He thinks you're a phoney.
"I told you. He thinks you're a phoney."
Seinfeld
You begged me.
"You begged me."
Seinfeld
Do you hear that?
"Do you hear that?"
Seinfeld
Nobody drives like me. Nobody.
"Nobody drives like me. Nobody."
Seinfeld
I'm doing things in this car, you have no idea they're going on.
"I'm doing things in this car, you have no idea they're going on."
Seinfeld
No, I really don't.
"No, I really don't."
Seinfeld
You're never gonna find a space on Jerry's block. Just put it in a garage.
"You're never gonna find a space on Jerry's block. Just put it in a garage."
Seinfeld
No. Come on, George. Please put it in a garage.
"No. Come on, George. Please put it in a garage."
Seinfeld
I don't wanna spend an hour looking for a space.
"I don't wanna spend an hour looking for a space."
Seinfeld
I can't park in a garage.
"I can't park in a garage."
Seinfeld
- Why? - I don't know. I just can't.
"- Why? - I don't know. I just can't."
Seinfeld
Go around me. I'm looking for spaces.
"Go around me. I'm looking for spaces."
Seinfeld
You didn't even have to take it out to dinner.
"You didn't even have to take it out to dinner."
Seinfeld
All right, now you're gonna see some parallel parking.
"All right, now you're gonna see some parallel parking."
Seinfeld
I think I'm parking my car.
"I think I'm parking my car."
Seinfeld
You didn't start backing in until I pulled in.
"You didn't start backing in until I pulled in."
Seinfeld
No, I'm not gonna move the car.
"No, I'm not gonna move the car."
Seinfeld
I am not putting it in the garage. It's my space.
"I am not putting it in the garage. It's my space."
Seinfeld
- I'm going upstairs. - Are you coming back down?
"- I'm going upstairs. - Are you coming back down?"
Seinfeld
God. Jerry, it was so terrible, what we just went through on the way home.
"God. Jerry, it was so terrible, what we just went through on the way home."
Seinfeld
What? Tell me what happened.
"What? Tell me what happened."
Seinfeld
And there were these, like, this pack...
"And there were these, like, this pack..."
Seinfeld
...of extremely wild teenagers in a convertible behind us, okay?
"...of extremely wild teenagers in a convertible behind us, okay?"
Seinfeld
And then they stopped, and they turned around and they went home.
"And then they stopped, and they turned around and they went home."
Seinfeld
Oh, my God. Are you okay?
"Oh, my God. Are you okay?"
Seinfeld
- Yeah, yeah. I'm all right. God. - Oh, man.
"- Yeah, yeah. I'm all right. God. - Oh, man."
Seinfeld
By the way, the car hit a pothole, and now it's making a clanking noise.
"By the way, the car hit a pothole, and now it's making a clanking noise."
Seinfeld
Where's George now?
"Where's George now?"
Seinfeld
Are you okay?
"Are you okay?"
Seinfeld
Yeah. I'm fine.
"Yeah. I'm fine."
Seinfeld
Crazy kids, huh?
"Crazy kids, huh?"
Seinfeld
Is that Jerry?
"Is that Jerry?"
Seinfeld
- Jerry! - Hey, Mike.
"- Jerry! - Hey, Mike."
Seinfeld
- ...and probably a lot better than you. - Well, bully for you.
"- ...and probably a lot better than you. - Well, bully for you."
Seinfeld
- You know that guy downstairs? - Yeah. He's a real phoney.
"- You know that guy downstairs? - Yeah. He's a real phoney."
Seinfeld
It's my space!
"It's my space!"
Seinfeld
I'll be down in a minute.
"I'll be down in a minute."
Seinfeld
- Are you going down? - Yeah.
"- Are you going down? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
- Is anything wrong? - Why should anything be wrong?
"- Is anything wrong? - Why should anything be wrong?"
Seinfeld
I'll be down in a minute.
"I'll be down in a minute."
Seinfeld
I'll die out here.
"I'll die out here."
Seinfeld
- Long time no see. - Hi, Mike.
"- Long time no see. - Hi, Mike."
Seinfeld
They take it down another 15 percent.
"They take it down another 15 percent."
Seinfeld
You've got to use that. That's a definite.
"You've got to use that. That's a definite."
Seinfeld
See what he did? See how he tried to sneak into my space?
"See what he did? See how he tried to sneak into my space?"
Seinfeld
Front-first. That's how you park when you're pulling a bank job.
"Front-first. That's how you park when you're pulling a bank job."
Seinfeld
A pack of teenagers?
"A pack of teenagers?"
Seinfeld
What can I say? You know, it's a gift.
"What can I say? You know, it's a gift."
Seinfeld
- What? - Yeah. Jerry, he told me all about it.
"- What? - Yeah. Jerry, he told me all about it."
Seinfeld
Judgment, Jerry, judgment. You exercise no judgment!
"Judgment, Jerry, judgment. You exercise no judgment!"
Seinfeld
You're right. My fault.
"You're right. My fault."
Seinfeld
I'm sorry, Kramer.
"I'm sorry, Kramer."
Seinfeld
What's wrong with that sorry? That was a good sorry. Jerry...
"What's wrong with that sorry? That was a good sorry. Jerry..."
Seinfeld
I guess you better be moving your car.
"I guess you better be moving your car."
Seinfeld
I got a truck full of ice cream here!
"I got a truck full of ice cream here!"
Seinfeld
...to move them.
"...to move them."
Seinfeld
Wild pack of teenagers, huh?
"Wild pack of teenagers, huh?"
Seinfeld
Amazing how they pick you out of everyone to terrorize.
"Amazing how they pick you out of everyone to terrorize."
Seinfeld
Yeah. I know. I said to myself, Why us? You remember?
"Yeah. I know. I said to myself, Why us? You remember?"
Seinfeld
- No, that's the right position. - No, no. I was further in.
"- No, that's the right position. - No, no. I was further in."
Seinfeld
- You're making a commotion. - Hey, Sid.
"- You're making a commotion. - Hey, Sid."
Seinfeld
- Who are you? - Never mind who I am.
"- Who are you? - Never mind who I am."
Seinfeld
I know who I am.
"I know who I am."
Seinfeld
Why is it every time you park a car in this block...
"Why is it every time you park a car in this block..."
Seinfeld
- Sid, it's completely his fault. - Right.
"- Sid, it's completely his fault. - Right."
Seinfeld
Why don't you start taking the bus.
"Why don't you start taking the bus."
Seinfeld
Let's go. I'm putting it in the garage. The fight's starting in two minutes.
"Let's go. I'm putting it in the garage. The fight's starting in two minutes."
Seinfeld
Yes. I'm not giving him the satisfaction. It's my space.
"Yes. I'm not giving him the satisfaction. It's my space."
Seinfeld
So you're against me now?
"So you're against me now?"
Seinfeld
- No, he wasn't. - All that matters is who was there first.
"- No, he wasn't. - All that matters is who was there first."
Seinfeld
You're not even old enough to drive, you little puke.
"You're not even old enough to drive, you little puke."
Seinfeld
You're not my father!
"You're not my father!"
Seinfeld
This guy's really a jerk.
"This guy's really a jerk."
Seinfeld
What?
"What?"
Seinfeld
- He's going out of business? - No, no, no.
"- He's going out of business? - No, no, no."
Seinfeld
Mommy!
"Mommy!"
Seinfeld
Jerry, what's the matter with you?
"Jerry, what's the matter with you?"
Seinfeld
- What? - You're not pregnant?
"- What? - You're not pregnant?"
Seinfeld
When can you park headfirst?
"When can you park headfirst?"
Seinfeld
Never.
"Never."
Seinfeld
What about Sundays and holidays?
"What about Sundays and holidays?"
Seinfeld
Please.
"Please."
Seinfeld
What's going on here?
"What's going on here?"
Seinfeld
Hey, that's a great hat.
"Hey, that's a great hat."
Seinfeld
Really? You like it?
"Really? You like it?"
Seinfeld
I got it at a flea market today.
"I got it at a flea market today."
Seinfeld
- Can I try it on? - No! It wouldn't fit you.
"- Can I try it on? - No! It wouldn't fit you."
Seinfeld
You want to see? There! There it is! Run!
"You want to see? There! There it is! Run!"
Seinfeld
- Who's coming? Elaine? - Depends on who's going. You going?
"- Who's coming? Elaine? - Depends on who's going. You going?"
Seinfeld
What?
"What?"
Seinfeld
Jerry.
"Jerry."
Seinfeld