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Clips from Seinfeld - The Wig Master (S07E07)

TV Series 1989 –1998 Season 7, Episode 18 22 min ★ 8.8/10 (390,457 ratings) 377 clips
Comedy

Episodes from this show

Title Season Episode
Good News, Bad News 1 1
The Stakeout 1 2
The Robbery 1 3
The Stock Tip 1 5
The Ex-Girlfriend 2 1
The Pony Remark 2 2
The Jacket 2 3
The Phone Message 2 4
The Apartment 2 5
The Statue 2 6
The Revenge 2 7
The Heart Attack 2 8
The Deal 2 9
The Baby Shower 2 10
The Chinese Restaurant 2 11
The Busboy 2 12
The Note 3 1
The Truth 3 2
The Pen 3 3
The Dog 3 4
The Library 3 5
The Parking Garage 3 6
The Cafe 3 7
The Tape 3 8
The Nose Job 3 9
The Stranded 3 10
The Alternate Side 3 11
The Red Dot 3 12
The Subway 3 13
The Pez Dispenser 3 14
The Suicide 3 15
The Fix Up 3 16
The Boyfriend: Part 1 3 17
The Limo 3 19
The Good Samaritan 3 20
The Letter 3 21
The Parking Space 3 22
The Keys 3 23
The Trip: Part 1 4 1
The Trip: Part 2 4 2
The Pitch 4 3
The Wallet 4 5
The Watch 4 6
The Bubble Boy 4 7
The Cheever Letters 4 8
The Opera 4 9
The Virgin 4 10
The Contest 4 11
The Airport 4 12
The Pick 4 13
The Movie 4 14
The Visa 4 15
The Shoes 4 16
The Outing 4 17
The Old Man 4 18
The Implant 4 19
The Junior Mint 4 20
The Smelly Car 4 21
The Handicap Spot 4 22
The Pilot 4 23
The Mango 5 1
The Puffy Shirt 5 2
The Glasses 5 3
The Sniffing Accountant 5 4
The Bris 5 5
The Lip Reader 5 6
The Non-Fat Yogurt 5 7
The Barber 5 8
The Masseuse 5 9
The Cigar Store Indian 5 10
The Conversion 5 11
The Stall 5 12
The Dinner Party 5 13
The Marine Biologist 5 14
The Pie 5 15
The Stand-In 5 16
The Wife 5 17
The Raincoats 5 18
The Fire 5 19
The Hamptons 5 20
The Opposite 5 21
The Chaperone 6 1
The Big Salad 6 2
The Pledge Drive 6 3
Title Season Episode
The Chinese Woman 6 4
The Couch 6 5
The Gymnast 6 6
The Soup 6 7
The Mom and Pop Store 6 8
The Secretary 6 9
The Race 6 10
The Switch 6 11
The Label Maker 6 12
The Scofflaw 6 13
Highlights of a Hundred 6 14
The Beard 6 15
The Doorman 6 17
The Jimmy 6 18
The Doodle 6 19
The Fusilli Jerry 6 20
The Diplomat's Club 6 21
The Face Painter 6 22
The Understudy 6 23
The Engagement 7 1
The Postponement 7 2
The Maestro 7 3
The Wink 7 4
The Hot Tub 7 5
The Soup Nazi 7 6
The Secret Code 7 7
The Pool Guy 7 8
The Sponge 7 9
The Gum 7 10
The Rye 7 11
The Caddy 7 12
The Seven 7 13
The Cadillac 7 14
The Doll 7 16
The Friars Club 7 17
The Wig Master 7 18
The Calzone 7 19
The Bottle Deposit 7 20
The Wait Out 7 21
The Invitations 7 22
The Foundation 8 1
The Soul Mate 8 2
The Bizarro Jerry 8 3
The Little Kicks 8 4
The Package 8 5
The Fatigues 8 6
The Checks 8 7
The Chicken Roaster 8 8
The Abstinence 8 9
The Andrea Doria 8 10
The Little Jerry 8 11
The Money 8 12
The Comeback 8 13
The Van Buren Boys 8 14
The Susie 8 15
The Pothole 8 16
The English Patient 8 17
The Nap 8 18
The Yada Yada 8 19
The Millennium 8 20
The Muffin Tops 8 21
The Summer of George 8 22
The Butter Shave 9 1
The Voice 9 2
The Serenity Now 9 3
The Blood 9 4
The Junk Mail 9 5
The Merv Griffin Show 9 6
The Slicer 9 7
The Betrayal 9 8
The Apology 9 9
The Strike 9 10
The Dealership 9 11
The Reverse Peephole 9 12
The Cartoon 9 13
The Strongbox 9 14
The Wizard 9 15
The Burning 9 16
The Bookstore 9 17
The Frogger 9 18
The Maid 9 19
The Puerto Rican Day 9 20
The Chronicle 9 21
The Finale 9 23
She was on the guillotine, the blade came down...
"She was on the guillotine, the blade came down..."
Seinfeld
It's June! June! June!
"It's June! June! June!"
Seinfeld
The wedding is delayed until June.
"The wedding is delayed until June."
Seinfeld
- It's like a stay of execution. - Dead man walking.
"- It's like a stay of execution. - Dead man walking."
Seinfeld
Well, one out of 20,000. That's not bad.
"Well, one out of 20,000. That's not bad."
Seinfeld
Susan's friend, Hallie, broke up with her boyfriend.
"Susan's friend, Hallie, broke up with her boyfriend."
Seinfeld
- The wheels are in motion. - Beautiful.
"- The wheels are in motion. - Beautiful."
Seinfeld
...to Bob Grossberg, joining us from Business Affairs.
"...to Bob Grossberg, joining us from Business Affairs."
Seinfeld
...for the new catalog.
"...for the new catalog."
Seinfeld
- It's nice. - This way, please.
"- It's nice. - This way, please."
Seinfeld
Come on.
"Come on."
Seinfeld
That might be the stupidest thing you've ever said.
"That might be the stupidest thing you've ever said."
Seinfeld
- Morning. - Morning?
"- Morning. - Morning?"
Seinfeld
See, I got the whole night ahead of me.
"See, I got the whole night ahead of me."
Seinfeld
All right.
"All right."
Seinfeld
- What do you call it? - PB and J's.
"- What do you call it? - PB and J's."
Seinfeld
So how'd your date work out with Connie?
"So how'd your date work out with Connie?"
Seinfeld
Hey, Jerry.
"Hey, Jerry."
Seinfeld
Come on, buddy.
"Come on, buddy."
Seinfeld
- What's wrong with you? - I'm bored.
"- What's wrong with you? - I'm bored."
Seinfeld
...editing the stupid catalog because of stupid Bob Grossberg.
"...editing the stupid catalog because of stupid Bob Grossberg."
Seinfeld
I'd like to try that earpiece, see if it's real.
"I'd like to try that earpiece, see if it's real."
Seinfeld
- See you later. - All right.
"- See you later. - All right."
Seinfeld
Hey, Bobby, over here.
"Hey, Bobby, over here."
Seinfeld
Okay, Jerry, please, please. I'm really busy here.
"Okay, Jerry, please, please. I'm really busy here."
Seinfeld
Well, he kind of moved his head, you know?
"Well, he kind of moved his head, you know?"
Seinfeld
- All right. Good job. - Right.
"- All right. Good job. - Right."
Seinfeld
She's intelligent, smart, got a great sense of humor.
"She's intelligent, smart, got a great sense of humor."
Seinfeld
We could be like the Gatsbys.
"We could be like the Gatsbys."
Seinfeld
...and they were all best friends?
"...and they were all best friends?"
Seinfeld
- Walk me down to the Friars. - Sure.
"- Walk me down to the Friars. - Sure."
Seinfeld
If you and Hallie want, we could try to hold it maybe.
"If you and Hallie want, we could try to hold it maybe."
Seinfeld
- It's not here. - What?
"- It's not here. - What?"
Seinfeld
Where the hell is that jacket?
"Where the hell is that jacket?"
Seinfeld
Somehow I dozed off and woke up in a pile of garbage.
"Somehow I dozed off and woke up in a pile of garbage."
Seinfeld
You're so damn sexy.
"You're so damn sexy."
Seinfeld
I feel like Lincoln.
"I feel like Lincoln."
Seinfeld
Well, it's...
"Well, it's..."
Seinfeld
I'm all atwitter.
"I'm all atwitter."
Seinfeld
- I don't think so. - Please, take off your jacket.
"- I don't think so. - Please, take off your jacket."
Seinfeld
What do you say, ladies and gentlemen?
"What do you say, ladies and gentlemen?"
Seinfeld
Oh, Cosmo.
"Oh, Cosmo."
Seinfeld
You came into the audience, you threw it away.
"You came into the audience, you threw it away."
Seinfeld
- No. - It doesn't even belong to me.
"- No. - It doesn't even belong to me."
Seinfeld
- More coffee? - No, check. Please.
"- More coffee? - No, check. Please."
Seinfeld
No!
"No!"
Seinfeld
Help!
"Help!"
Seinfeld
So I have two tickets for you to The Flying Sandos Brothers magic show.
"So I have two tickets for you to The Flying Sandos Brothers magic show."
Seinfeld
I heard every word you said.
"I heard every word you said."
Seinfeld
And I know you wouldn't be just having fun with his handicap.
"And I know you wouldn't be just having fun with his handicap."
Seinfeld
Think they're gonna let a jacket stealer join? I don't think so.
"Think they're gonna let a jacket stealer join? I don't think so."
Seinfeld
It was a little unusual.
"It was a little unusual."
Seinfeld
- You're soured? - Yeah, I'm soured.
"- You're soured? - Yeah, I'm soured."
Seinfeld
You don't try and de-sour. You have to sweeten too.
"You don't try and de-sour. You have to sweeten too."
Seinfeld
I wanna get it back to when we were the Gatsbys.
"I wanna get it back to when we were the Gatsbys."
Seinfeld
- I still don't know what that means. - Yeah.
"- I still don't know what that means. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
- Oh, my God, what happened to you? - She tried to kill me, Jerry.
"- Oh, my God, what happened to you? - She tried to kill me, Jerry."
Seinfeld
Why would she try and kill you?
"Why would she try and kill you?"
Seinfeld
You forgot to take it off?
"You forgot to take it off?"
Seinfeld
Oh, you go into a department store, you put a suit on and walk right out.
"Oh, you go into a department store, you put a suit on and walk right out."
Seinfeld
Oh, the Gypsies took it.
"Oh, the Gypsies took it."
Seinfeld
- Are you in show business? - No, I-
"- Are you in show business? - No, I-"
Seinfeld
Then what am I talking to you for? Bring the jacket back tomorrow.
"Then what am I talking to you for? Bring the jacket back tomorrow."
Seinfeld
Excuse me. The guy is wearing a jacket that my-
"Excuse me. The guy is wearing a jacket that my-"
Seinfeld
...we got our own little private box here, don't we?
"...we got our own little private box here, don't we?"
Seinfeld
Stop it. Get off of me!
"Stop it. Get off of me!"
Seinfeld
Help! Help!
"Help! Help!"
Seinfeld
- This is nice. - Yeah.
"- This is nice. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
...and your alarm goes off, you incorporate the sound into the dream...
"...and your alarm goes off, you incorporate the sound into the dream..."
Seinfeld
...so you can keep sleeping.
"...so you can keep sleeping."
Seinfeld
I was with Marie Antoinette in a dream last night.
"I was with Marie Antoinette in a dream last night."
Seinfeld
...her head fell in the basket, rolled over...
"...her head fell in the basket, rolled over..."
Seinfeld
...and she started singing Neil Diamond's Solitary Man.
"...and she started singing Neil Diamond's Solitary Man."
Seinfeld
And I thought, That is not my alarm going off.
"And I thought, That is not my alarm going off."
Seinfeld
This is actually happening.
"This is actually happening."
Seinfeld
It's June! Hey!
"It's June! Hey!"
Seinfeld
It's June! It's June, June, June!
"It's June! It's June, June, June!"
Seinfeld
It's June!
"It's June!"
Seinfeld
June! June, baby!
"June! June, baby!"
Seinfeld
- What? - The catering hall screwed up.
"- What? - The catering hall screwed up."
Seinfeld
This is my lucky day.
"This is my lucky day."
Seinfeld
Yeah. Hey, wait a second. You know, good news for you too.
"Yeah. Hey, wait a second. You know, good news for you too."
Seinfeld
- She did? - Yeah.
"- She did? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
- So? Wheels? - In motion.
"- So? Wheels? - In motion."
Seinfeld
Hey, if this works out, forget about it.
"Hey, if this works out, forget about it."
Seinfeld
Vacations together, movies together, dinner together.
"Vacations together, movies together, dinner together."
Seinfeld
It's almost as good as if I didn't get married.
"It's almost as good as if I didn't get married."
Seinfeld
Set it up. We can have dinner at the Friars Club.
"Set it up. We can have dinner at the Friars Club."
Seinfeld
- The Friars Club? - I'm thinking of joining.
"- The Friars Club? - I'm thinking of joining."
Seinfeld
Pat Cooper said he would put me up for membership.
"Pat Cooper said he would put me up for membership."
Seinfeld
Hey. Listen, do me a favor, will you? I got a hot date tonight with Connie.
"Hey. Listen, do me a favor, will you? I got a hot date tonight with Connie."
Seinfeld
Wake me up in 20 minutes, all right?
"Wake me up in 20 minutes, all right?"
Seinfeld
- Catnap? - No, no, no, no. This is evolutionary.
"- Catnap? - No, no, no, no. This is evolutionary."
Seinfeld
I've been reading this book on Leonardo da Vinci.
"I've been reading this book on Leonardo da Vinci."
Seinfeld
See, that means from Vinci. Did you know that?
"See, that means from Vinci. Did you know that?"
Seinfeld
- Must be some book. - Yeah.
"- Must be some book. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
Well, it turns out that the master slept only 20 minutes every three hours.
"Well, it turns out that the master slept only 20 minutes every three hours."
Seinfeld
That works to two and a half extra days...
"That works to two and a half extra days..."
Seinfeld
...that I'm awake per week, every week.
"...that I'm awake per week, every week."
Seinfeld
Which means if I live to be 80, I will have lived the equivalent of 105 years.
"Which means if I live to be 80, I will have lived the equivalent of 105 years."
Seinfeld
Not to mention how much you'll accomplish.
"Not to mention how much you'll accomplish."
Seinfeld
- I got a lot in the hopper. - Didn't know you had one.
"- I got a lot in the hopper. - Didn't know you had one."
Seinfeld
Oh, I got a hopper. A big hopper.
"Oh, I got a hopper. A big hopper."
Seinfeld
All right, people...
"All right, people..."
Seinfeld
Bob, we have a little baptism by fire for you, so to speak.
"Bob, we have a little baptism by fire for you, so to speak."
Seinfeld
Poor bastard.
"Poor bastard."
Seinfeld
You handle all the fact-checking and copyediting...
"You handle all the fact-checking and copyediting..."
Seinfeld
Could you repeat that?
"Could you repeat that?"
Seinfeld
Why don't you handle all the copyediting?
"Why don't you handle all the copyediting?"
Seinfeld
- I'm sorry. What? - Copyediting.
"- I'm sorry. What? - Copyediting."
Seinfeld
Never mind.
"Never mind."
Seinfeld
Elaine, you do it.
"Elaine, you do it."
Seinfeld
Hi, I'm Jerry Seinfeld. Pat Cooper made a reservation for me.
"Hi, I'm Jerry Seinfeld. Pat Cooper made a reservation for me."
Seinfeld
Yes, Mr. Seinfeld, but all gentlemen are required...
"Yes, Mr. Seinfeld, but all gentlemen are required..."
Seinfeld
Oh, I'm sorry.
"Oh, I'm sorry."
Seinfeld
How embarrassing this must be for you.
"How embarrassing this must be for you."
Seinfeld
You just bought your own dinner.
"You just bought your own dinner."
Seinfeld
- No problem. Please, follow me. - Excuse me.
"- No problem. Please, follow me. - Excuse me."
Seinfeld
Funny. Isn't he funny? Funny guy.
"Funny. Isn't he funny? Funny guy."
Seinfeld
Friars.
"Friars."
Seinfeld