You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from Seinfeld - The Beard (S06E06)

TV Series 1989 –1998 Season 6, Episode 15 22 min ★ 8.8/10 (390,457 ratings) 417 clips
Comedy

Episodes from this show

Title Season Episode
Good News, Bad News 1 1
The Stakeout 1 2
The Robbery 1 3
The Stock Tip 1 5
The Ex-Girlfriend 2 1
The Pony Remark 2 2
The Jacket 2 3
The Phone Message 2 4
The Apartment 2 5
The Statue 2 6
The Revenge 2 7
The Heart Attack 2 8
The Deal 2 9
The Baby Shower 2 10
The Chinese Restaurant 2 11
The Busboy 2 12
The Note 3 1
The Truth 3 2
The Pen 3 3
The Dog 3 4
The Library 3 5
The Parking Garage 3 6
The Cafe 3 7
The Tape 3 8
The Nose Job 3 9
The Stranded 3 10
The Alternate Side 3 11
The Red Dot 3 12
The Subway 3 13
The Pez Dispenser 3 14
The Suicide 3 15
The Fix Up 3 16
The Boyfriend: Part 1 3 17
The Limo 3 19
The Good Samaritan 3 20
The Letter 3 21
The Parking Space 3 22
The Keys 3 23
The Trip: Part 1 4 1
The Trip: Part 2 4 2
The Pitch 4 3
The Wallet 4 5
The Watch 4 6
The Bubble Boy 4 7
The Cheever Letters 4 8
The Opera 4 9
The Virgin 4 10
The Contest 4 11
The Airport 4 12
The Pick 4 13
The Movie 4 14
The Visa 4 15
The Shoes 4 16
The Outing 4 17
The Old Man 4 18
The Implant 4 19
The Junior Mint 4 20
The Smelly Car 4 21
The Handicap Spot 4 22
The Pilot 4 23
The Mango 5 1
The Puffy Shirt 5 2
The Glasses 5 3
The Sniffing Accountant 5 4
The Bris 5 5
The Lip Reader 5 6
The Non-Fat Yogurt 5 7
The Barber 5 8
The Masseuse 5 9
The Cigar Store Indian 5 10
The Conversion 5 11
The Stall 5 12
The Dinner Party 5 13
The Marine Biologist 5 14
The Pie 5 15
The Stand-In 5 16
The Wife 5 17
The Raincoats 5 18
The Fire 5 19
The Hamptons 5 20
The Opposite 5 21
The Chaperone 6 1
The Big Salad 6 2
The Pledge Drive 6 3
Title Season Episode
The Chinese Woman 6 4
The Couch 6 5
The Gymnast 6 6
The Soup 6 7
The Mom and Pop Store 6 8
The Secretary 6 9
The Race 6 10
The Switch 6 11
The Label Maker 6 12
The Scofflaw 6 13
Highlights of a Hundred 6 14
The Beard 6 15
The Doorman 6 17
The Jimmy 6 18
The Doodle 6 19
The Fusilli Jerry 6 20
The Diplomat's Club 6 21
The Face Painter 6 22
The Understudy 6 23
The Engagement 7 1
The Postponement 7 2
The Maestro 7 3
The Wink 7 4
The Hot Tub 7 5
The Soup Nazi 7 6
The Secret Code 7 7
The Pool Guy 7 8
The Sponge 7 9
The Gum 7 10
The Rye 7 11
The Caddy 7 12
The Seven 7 13
The Cadillac 7 14
The Doll 7 16
The Friars Club 7 17
The Wig Master 7 18
The Calzone 7 19
The Bottle Deposit 7 20
The Wait Out 7 21
The Invitations 7 22
The Foundation 8 1
The Soul Mate 8 2
The Bizarro Jerry 8 3
The Little Kicks 8 4
The Package 8 5
The Fatigues 8 6
The Checks 8 7
The Chicken Roaster 8 8
The Abstinence 8 9
The Andrea Doria 8 10
The Little Jerry 8 11
The Money 8 12
The Comeback 8 13
The Van Buren Boys 8 14
The Susie 8 15
The Pothole 8 16
The English Patient 8 17
The Nap 8 18
The Yada Yada 8 19
The Millennium 8 20
The Muffin Tops 8 21
The Summer of George 8 22
The Butter Shave 9 1
The Voice 9 2
The Serenity Now 9 3
The Blood 9 4
The Junk Mail 9 5
The Merv Griffin Show 9 6
The Slicer 9 7
The Betrayal 9 8
The Apology 9 9
The Strike 9 10
The Dealership 9 11
The Reverse Peephole 9 12
The Cartoon 9 13
The Strongbox 9 14
The Wizard 9 15
The Burning 9 16
The Bookstore 9 17
The Frogger 9 18
The Maid 9 19
The Puerto Rican Day 9 20
The Chronicle 9 21
The Finale 9 23
You're bald!
"You're bald!"
Seinfeld
I was bald.
"I was bald."
Seinfeld
It was easy. Really.
"It was easy. Really."
Seinfeld
Upstairs?
"Upstairs?"
Seinfeld
Changing teams?
"Changing teams?"
Seinfeld
But I'm a starting shortstop.
"But I'm a starting shortstop."
Seinfeld
I feel like my old self again: totally inadequate, completely insecure...
"I feel like my old self again: totally inadequate, completely insecure..."
Seinfeld
...paranoid, neurotic. It's a pleasure.
"...paranoid, neurotic. It's a pleasure."
Seinfeld
Gonna need a little more coffee here.
"Gonna need a little more coffee here."
Seinfeld
All right. Well, I gotta go take this test.
"All right. Well, I gotta go take this test."
Seinfeld
Get out. How?
"Get out. How?"
Seinfeld
Well, it's a lesson for the kids out there. Anything is possible.
"Well, it's a lesson for the kids out there. Anything is possible."
Seinfeld
Indeed.
"Indeed."
Seinfeld
I don't know.
"I don't know."
Seinfeld
I don't know.
"I don't know."
Seinfeld
He slept with her sister, tricked her into giving him half her business.
"He slept with her sister, tricked her into giving him half her business."
Seinfeld
He went back?
"He went back?"
Seinfeld
That makes me so happy.
"That makes me so happy."
Seinfeld
- What? - A bald woman rejected me.
"- What? - A bald woman rejected me."
Seinfeld
You like that one?
"You like that one?"
Seinfeld
A woman with no prospects and no hair told me that I wasn't her type.
"A woman with no prospects and no hair told me that I wasn't her type."
Seinfeld
Apparently baldy likes a slimmer guy.
"Apparently baldy likes a slimmer guy."
Seinfeld
Well, I'll tell you what I think.
"Well, I'll tell you what I think."
Seinfeld
I think she saw you with that piece off and was devastated.
"I think she saw you with that piece off and was devastated."
Seinfeld
And you had to ruin it for him, didn't you?
"And you had to ruin it for him, didn't you?"
Seinfeld
All right. Shut up. Shut up. Melrose Place is coming on.
"All right. Shut up. Shut up. Melrose Place is coming on."
Seinfeld
You again? Boy, you're a slippery one.
"You again? Boy, you're a slippery one."
Seinfeld
Come here.
"Come here."
Seinfeld
...has gotta be the most optimistic crime-fighting idea.
"...has gotta be the most optimistic crime-fighting idea."
Seinfeld
I see the guy. I see the list of offenses.
"I see the guy. I see the list of offenses."
Seinfeld
I check the guy standing in line behind me.
"I check the guy standing in line behind me."
Seinfeld
The front is his face. The side is him leaving.
"The front is his face. The side is him leaving."
Seinfeld
I know. I need a lesson.
"I know. I need a lesson."
Seinfeld
Oh, my ballet tickets.
"Oh, my ballet tickets."
Seinfeld
Oh, your ballet tickets.
"Oh, your ballet tickets."
Seinfeld
Have you ever been to the ballet?
"Have you ever been to the ballet?"
Seinfeld
- You know, I'm going as a beard. - A beard?
"- You know, I'm going as a beard. - A beard?"
Seinfeld
So anyway, his boss has this box at the Met, and he invited him...
"So anyway, his boss has this box at the Met, and he invited him..."
Seinfeld
...can't handle his orientation. So I'm going along as his date.
"...can't handle his orientation. So I'm going along as his date."
Seinfeld
I never realized what an attractive man he is.
"I never realized what an attractive man he is."
Seinfeld
All right. Excuse me.
"All right. Excuse me."
Seinfeld
I no longer defer to the coifed. I'm a player.
"I no longer defer to the coifed. I'm a player."
Seinfeld
She's moving into the city, and she asked if I knew anyone...
"She's moving into the city, and she asked if I knew anyone..."
Seinfeld
- Well, what about me? - No, I think he's got you beat, buddy.
"- Well, what about me? - No, I think he's got you beat, buddy."
Seinfeld
Wait up!
"Wait up!"
Seinfeld
- Can I see..? - No, no. Not yet.
"- Can I see..? - No, no. Not yet."
Seinfeld
Her? Oh, that's Sergeant Tierney.
"Her? Oh, that's Sergeant Tierney."
Seinfeld
Listen. I'll take that Tupperware now.
"Listen. I'll take that Tupperware now."
Seinfeld
Excuse me. I have to run to the bathroom.
"Excuse me. I have to run to the bathroom."
Seinfeld
- You and Robert? - Yep.
"- You and Robert? - Yep."
Seinfeld
- Really? - Yes, indeedy.
"- Really? - Yes, indeedy."
Seinfeld
No reason.
"No reason."
Seinfeld
No, sirree, Bob.
"No, sirree, Bob."
Seinfeld
Oh, it was just such a great night.
"Oh, it was just such a great night."
Seinfeld
He likes his team. He's set with that team.
"He likes his team. He's set with that team."
Seinfeld
What is the difference?
"What is the difference?"
Seinfeld
As you see it?
"As you see it?"
Seinfeld
Yes, as I see it.
"Yes, as I see it."
Seinfeld
- No. - Don't you think she could tell?
"- No. - Don't you think she could tell?"
Seinfeld
You only think that because you know me.
"You only think that because you know me."
Seinfeld
Noticed people staring at your head?
"Noticed people staring at your head?"
Seinfeld
I'm sorry I'm late. Some of our lineup decoys didn't show, so...
"I'm sorry I'm late. Some of our lineup decoys didn't show, so..."
Seinfeld
Sure, I will.
"Sure, I will."
Seinfeld
- Have you been waiting long or..? - No. I got here two minutes ago.
"- Have you been waiting long or..? - No. I got here two minutes ago."
Seinfeld
Good, good.
"Good, good."
Seinfeld
...is it true that their pants are actually on fire?
"...is it true that their pants are actually on fire?"
Seinfeld
- The poly? - Yeah. I think you've seen it.
"- The poly? - Yeah. I think you've seen it."
Seinfeld
That needle's gonna be going wild.
"That needle's gonna be going wild."
Seinfeld
This is so stupid.
"This is so stupid."
Seinfeld
Well, what are you gonna do?
"Well, what are you gonna do?"
Seinfeld
Oh, God, this is terrible.
"Oh, God, this is terrible."
Seinfeld
- Yeah. - Yeah.
"- Yeah. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
So I'm going out tonight with Robert...
"So I'm going out tonight with Robert..."
Seinfeld
So tonight you gonna make the move?
"So tonight you gonna make the move?"
Seinfeld
Hey, there he is.
"Hey, there he is."
Seinfeld
How so?
"How so?"
Seinfeld
What do you mean, bald?
"What do you mean, bald?"
Seinfeld
Hello.
"Hello."
Seinfeld
- Hey, buddy. - Hey.
"- Hey, buddy. - Hey."
Seinfeld
- Bald? - Yeah, that's right.
"- Bald? - Yeah, that's right."
Seinfeld
The whole concept of the wanted poster...
"The whole concept of the wanted poster..."
Seinfeld
If it's not him, that's pretty much all I can do.
"If it's not him, that's pretty much all I can do."
Seinfeld
Okay? It's not that I don't want to help.
"Okay? It's not that I don't want to help."
Seinfeld
...when they're taking his picture?
"...when they're taking his picture?"
Seinfeld
No, we don't do it that way. We take their picture and we let them go.
"No, we don't do it that way. We take their picture and we let them go."
Seinfeld
That's how we get the front and side shot.
"That's how we get the front and side shot."
Seinfeld
Look at you. Why don't you use a fork. You're no good with the sticks.
"Look at you. Why don't you use a fork. You're no good with the sticks."
Seinfeld
No, but I've seen people on tiptoes.
"No, but I've seen people on tiptoes."
Seinfeld
He's 30-ish, unbelievably gorgeous.
"He's 30-ish, unbelievably gorgeous."
Seinfeld
- Of course he's gay. - Yeah.
"- Of course he's gay. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
...to go see Swan Lake with him and his wife. But he's afraid his boss...
"...to go see Swan Lake with him and his wife. But he's afraid his boss..."
Seinfeld
- Why are you doing this? - Swan Lake at the Met.
"- Why are you doing this? - Swan Lake at the Met."
Seinfeld
- Yeah? - Get it on with your bad self.
"- Yeah? - Get it on with your bad self."
Seinfeld
Chinese food. I knew I smelled something.
"Chinese food. I knew I smelled something."
Seinfeld
- Yeah. - Doesn't he know how ridiculous...
"- Yeah. - Doesn't he know how ridiculous..."
Seinfeld
Oh, come on.
"Oh, come on."
Seinfeld
Oh, he's a real looker, that one.
"Oh, he's a real looker, that one."
Seinfeld
- Hey. - People, people, people.
"- Hey. - People, people, people."
Seinfeld
Not bad, huh?
"Not bad, huh?"
Seinfeld
You look ridiculous in that thing.
"You look ridiculous in that thing."
Seinfeld
Is that so?
"Is that so?"
Seinfeld
Or could it be that you're just a little bit worried...
"Or could it be that you're just a little bit worried..."
Seinfeld
...that you may have missed the boat?
"...that you may have missed the boat?"
Seinfeld
Well, I think they might have sutured that thing to your brain.
"Well, I think they might have sutured that thing to your brain."
Seinfeld
Oh, all right. Go ahead. Deride. Deride if you must.
"Oh, all right. Go ahead. Deride. Deride if you must."
Seinfeld
But let me tell you something.
"But let me tell you something."
Seinfeld
With my personality and this head of hair, you know what I am now?
"With my personality and this head of hair, you know what I am now?"
Seinfeld
I am in the game.
"I am in the game."
Seinfeld
You know, I thought of something.
"You know, I thought of something."
Seinfeld
I know this gorgeous woman. She called me up this morning.
"I know this gorgeous woman. She called me up this morning."
Seinfeld
...she could meet. Now you can go out with her.
"...she could meet. Now you can go out with her."
Seinfeld
- Five years ago. - You got a picture?
"- Five years ago. - You got a picture?"
Seinfeld
No, no.
"No, no."
Seinfeld
Well, I have to see her.
"Well, I have to see her."
Seinfeld
Hey. I know what we can do.
"Hey. I know what we can do."
Seinfeld
I got a friend, works at the police station.
"I got a friend, works at the police station."
Seinfeld
- He's a composite artist. - Really?
"- He's a composite artist. - Really?"
Seinfeld
- I can get him to draw a picture of her. - I would love that.
"- I can get him to draw a picture of her. - I would love that."
Seinfeld
- You think he'd really do it? - I think he will.
"- You think he'd really do it? - I think he will."
Seinfeld
It sounds like an excellent idea.
"It sounds like an excellent idea."
Seinfeld