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Clips from Seinfeld - The Beard (S06E06)

"You're bald!"
Seinfeld
"I was bald."
Seinfeld
"It was easy. Really."
Seinfeld
"Upstairs?"
Seinfeld
"Changing teams?"
Seinfeld
"But I'm a starting shortstop."
Seinfeld
"I feel like my old self again: totally inadequate, completely insecure..."
Seinfeld
"...paranoid, neurotic. It's a pleasure."
Seinfeld
"Gonna need a little more coffee here."
Seinfeld
"All right. Well, I gotta go take this test."
Seinfeld
"Get out. How?"
Seinfeld
"Well, it's a lesson for the kids out there. Anything is possible."
Seinfeld
"Indeed."
Seinfeld
"I don't know."
Seinfeld
"I don't know."
Seinfeld
"He slept with her sister, tricked her into giving him half her business."
Seinfeld
"He went back?"
Seinfeld
"That makes me so happy."
Seinfeld
"- What? - A bald woman rejected me."
Seinfeld
"You like that one?"
Seinfeld
"A woman with no prospects and no hair told me that I wasn't her type."
Seinfeld
"Apparently baldy likes a slimmer guy."
Seinfeld
"Well, I'll tell you what I think."
Seinfeld
"I think she saw you with that piece off and was devastated."
Seinfeld
"And you had to ruin it for him, didn't you?"
Seinfeld
"All right. Shut up. Shut up. Melrose Place is coming on."
Seinfeld
"You again? Boy, you're a slippery one."
Seinfeld
"Come here."
Seinfeld
"...has gotta be the most optimistic crime-fighting idea."
Seinfeld
"I see the guy. I see the list of offenses."
Seinfeld
"I check the guy standing in line behind me."
Seinfeld
"The front is his face. The side is him leaving."
Seinfeld
"I know. I need a lesson."
Seinfeld
"Oh, my ballet tickets."
Seinfeld
"Oh, your ballet tickets."
Seinfeld
"Have you ever been to the ballet?"
Seinfeld
"- You know, I'm going as a beard. - A beard?"
Seinfeld
"So anyway, his boss has this box at the Met, and he invited him..."
Seinfeld
"...can't handle his orientation. So I'm going along as his date."
Seinfeld
"I never realized what an attractive man he is."
Seinfeld
"All right. Excuse me."
Seinfeld
"I no longer defer to the coifed. I'm a player."
Seinfeld
"She's moving into the city, and she asked if I knew anyone..."
Seinfeld
"- Well, what about me? - No, I think he's got you beat, buddy."
Seinfeld
"Wait up!"
Seinfeld
"- Can I see..? - No, no. Not yet."
Seinfeld
"Her? Oh, that's Sergeant Tierney."
Seinfeld
"Listen. I'll take that Tupperware now."
Seinfeld
"Excuse me. I have to run to the bathroom."
Seinfeld
"- You and Robert? - Yep."
Seinfeld
"- Really? - Yes, indeedy."
Seinfeld
"No reason."
Seinfeld
"No, sirree, Bob."
Seinfeld
"Oh, it was just such a great night."
Seinfeld
"He likes his team. He's set with that team."
Seinfeld
"What is the difference?"
Seinfeld
"As you see it?"
Seinfeld
"Yes, as I see it."
Seinfeld
"- No. - Don't you think she could tell?"
Seinfeld
"You only think that because you know me."
Seinfeld
"Noticed people staring at your head?"
Seinfeld
"I'm sorry I'm late. Some of our lineup decoys didn't show, so..."
Seinfeld
"Sure, I will."
Seinfeld
"- Have you been waiting long or..? - No. I got here two minutes ago."
Seinfeld
"Good, good."
Seinfeld
"...is it true that their pants are actually on fire?"
Seinfeld
"- The poly? - Yeah. I think you've seen it."
Seinfeld
"That needle's gonna be going wild."
Seinfeld
"This is so stupid."
Seinfeld
"Well, what are you gonna do?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, God, this is terrible."
Seinfeld
"- Yeah. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"So I'm going out tonight with Robert..."
Seinfeld
"So tonight you gonna make the move?"
Seinfeld
"Hey, there he is."
Seinfeld
"How so?"
Seinfeld
"What do you mean, bald?"
Seinfeld
"Hello."
Seinfeld
"- Hey, buddy. - Hey."
Seinfeld
"- Bald? - Yeah, that's right."
Seinfeld
"The whole concept of the wanted poster..."
Seinfeld
"If it's not him, that's pretty much all I can do."
Seinfeld
"Okay? It's not that I don't want to help."
Seinfeld
"...when they're taking his picture?"
Seinfeld
"No, we don't do it that way. We take their picture and we let them go."
Seinfeld
"That's how we get the front and side shot."
Seinfeld
"Look at you. Why don't you use a fork. You're no good with the sticks."
Seinfeld
"No, but I've seen people on tiptoes."
Seinfeld
"He's 30-ish, unbelievably gorgeous."
Seinfeld
"- Of course he's gay. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"...to go see Swan Lake with him and his wife. But he's afraid his boss..."
Seinfeld
"- Why are you doing this? - Swan Lake at the Met."
Seinfeld
"- Yeah? - Get it on with your bad self."
Seinfeld
"Chinese food. I knew I smelled something."
Seinfeld
"- Yeah. - Doesn't he know how ridiculous..."
Seinfeld
"Oh, come on."
Seinfeld
"Oh, he's a real looker, that one."
Seinfeld
"- Hey. - People, people, people."
Seinfeld
"Not bad, huh?"
Seinfeld
"You look ridiculous in that thing."
Seinfeld
"Is that so?"
Seinfeld
"Or could it be that you're just a little bit worried..."
Seinfeld
"...that you may have missed the boat?"
Seinfeld
"Well, I think they might have sutured that thing to your brain."
Seinfeld
"Oh, all right. Go ahead. Deride. Deride if you must."
Seinfeld
"But let me tell you something."
Seinfeld
"With my personality and this head of hair, you know what I am now?"
Seinfeld
"I am in the game."
Seinfeld
"You know, I thought of something."
Seinfeld
"I know this gorgeous woman. She called me up this morning."
Seinfeld
"...she could meet. Now you can go out with her."
Seinfeld
"- Five years ago. - You got a picture?"
Seinfeld
"No, no."
Seinfeld
"Well, I have to see her."
Seinfeld
"Hey. I know what we can do."
Seinfeld
"I got a friend, works at the police station."
Seinfeld
"- He's a composite artist. - Really?"
Seinfeld
"- I can get him to draw a picture of her. - I would love that."
Seinfeld
"- You think he'd really do it? - I think he will."
Seinfeld
"It sounds like an excellent idea."
Seinfeld
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