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Clips from Seinfeld - The Stock Tip (S01E01)

"Went to dinner the other night, check came at the end of the meal."
Seinfeld
"Never liked the check at the end of the meal system."
Seinfeld
"Money's a different thing before you eat."
Seinfeld
"Before you eat, money has no value."
Seinfeld
"You don't care when you're hungry."
Seinfeld
"You sit down in a restaurant, you're the ruler of an empire. More drinks!"
Seinfeld
"Appetizers! Quickly, quickly."
Seinfeld
"It will be the greatest meal of our lives."
Seinfeld
"Then after the meal, you know, you got the pants open..."
Seinfeld
"...you got the napkins destroyed..."
Seinfeld
"...cigarette butt in the mashed potatoes."
Seinfeld
"Then the check comes at that moment."
Seinfeld
"People are always upset, you know?"
Seinfeld
"They're mystified by the check."
Seinfeld
"What is this?"
Seinfeld
"How could this be?"
Seinfeld
"They start passing it around the table, Does this look right to you?"
Seinfeld
"We're not hungry now. Why are we buying all this food?"
Seinfeld
"I think Superman probably has a very good sense of humour."
Seinfeld
"I never heard him say anything funny."
Seinfeld
"It's common sense."
Seinfeld
"He's got super strength, super speed."
Seinfeld
"I'm sure he's got super humour."
Seinfeld
"You would think that, but..."
Seinfeld
"...either you're born with humour or you're not. It's not gonna change."
Seinfeld
"Even if you go from the red sun of Krypton..."
Seinfeld
"...all the way to the yellow sun of the Earth."
Seinfeld
"Why? Why would that one area of his mind..."
Seinfeld
"...not be affected by the yellow sun of the Earth?"
Seinfeld
"I don't know. But he ain't funny."
Seinfeld
"Hi."
Seinfeld
"I know, I know. I'm sorry I'm late."
Seinfeld
"No problem."
Seinfeld
"I dropped a grape."
Seinfeld
"- What? - I dropped a grape in the kitchen..."
Seinfeld
"...and it disappeared."
Seinfeld
"I couldn't find it. I was... I was literally on my knees for 10 minutes..."
Seinfeld
"...looking for this stupid grape."
Seinfeld
"I have no idea where it went."
Seinfeld
"Were you crying? I mean, it's just a grape."
Seinfeld
"You'll find it."
Seinfeld
"No. I'm just getting over an allergy attack."
Seinfeld
"- This guy I'm going out with... - Robert."
Seinfeld
"Robert. Yes. Thank you."
Seinfeld
"He has two cats, and I'm allergic to them."
Seinfeld
"You know, I finally meet a normal man..."
Seinfeld
"...and I can't even go into his apartment."
Seinfeld
"Of course, my apartment is The Actors' Studio..."
Seinfeld
"...so we can't go there. It's really causing a lot of problems, you know?"
Seinfeld
"He won't even go away for the weekend because of these cats."
Seinfeld
"Guys with cats... I don't know."
Seinfeld
"I been thinking of asking this girl I'm seeing..."
Seinfeld
"Vanessa?"
Seinfeld
"Vanessa. Thank you."
Seinfeld
"I been thinking about asking her to go away a couple days."
Seinfeld
"Oh, no. No, no."
Seinfeld
"I'd have to advise against that."
Seinfeld
"What do you know this woman, a month?"
Seinfeld
"You're gonna be with her 72 hours, that's a dating decathlon."
Seinfeld
"Why don't you take her to that place in Vermont I was telling you about?"
Seinfeld
"That really charming place with the..."
Seinfeld
"...with the separate faucets for the hot and cold."
Seinfeld
"She'll love it."
Seinfeld
"That's exquisite. Listen, if it's not too much trouble..."
Seinfeld
"...could you pass me that paper over there?"
Seinfeld
"Just the business section."
Seinfeld
"You better find that grape before it mutates into another life form."
Seinfeld
"There was once a mutant grape..."
Seinfeld
"...that terrorized an entire town in the Texas panhandle."
Seinfeld
"They brought in the Army. Nobody could stop it."
Seinfeld
"Apparently, it had a pit of steel."
Seinfeld
"Up again. This is incredible."
Seinfeld
"- I'm getting it. - You're getting what?"
Seinfeld
"- A stock. - What stock?"
Seinfeld
"- You ever meet my friend Simons? - Maybe."
Seinfeld
"This guy Wilkenson made a fortune in the stock market."
Seinfeld
"Now he's got some new thing, there was supposed to be a big merger."
Seinfeld
"I wasn't even supposed to say anything."
Seinfeld
"- You should think about this. - How high is it supposed to go?"
Seinfeld
"I don't know. But Simons said if I wanted to get involved..."
Seinfeld
"...Wilkenson would tell me the exact right minute to sell."
Seinfeld
"- You wanna do it? - Boy, I don't know."
Seinfeld
"I don't have any money."
Seinfeld
"What kind of company is it?"
Seinfeld
"It's called Centrax. They got some new kind of technique..."
Seinfeld
"...for televising opera."
Seinfeld
"Televising opera?"
Seinfeld
"Some sort of electronic thingy."
Seinfeld
"How much are you gonna invest?"
Seinfeld
"Five thousand. Ten... Ten thousand."
Seinfeld
"Five thousand."
Seinfeld
"- Boy. - Come on!"
Seinfeld
"Wilkenson's got millions invested in this stock."
Seinfeld
"It's gone up three points since I've been watching it."
Seinfeld
"- What if I lose it? - Come on! Go for 2500."
Seinfeld
"We'll do it together. Come on, come on."
Seinfeld
"We're in it together."
Seinfeld
"- All right, 2500. - That's it."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, can I take your order?"
Seinfeld
"Check to the raiser."
Seinfeld
"My bet? All right."
Seinfeld
"I'll open with the tuna sandwich."
Seinfeld
"- Tuna? - Oh, the dolphin thing?"
Seinfeld
"They're dying in the nets."
Seinfeld
"You know, the whole concept of lunch is based on tuna."
Seinfeld
"Jerry, can't you incorporate one unselfish act in your daily routine?"
Seinfeld
"Hey, when I'm driving, I let people in ahead of me all the time."
Seinfeld
"I'm always waving everybody in."
Seinfeld
"Go ahead. Go ahead."
Seinfeld
"All right, all right. I'll have the chicken salad."
Seinfeld
"And I'm gonna have..."
Seinfeld
"...an English muffin with margarine on the side, and a cup of coffee."
Seinfeld
"Okay, what about you?"
Seinfeld
"I'll have the tuna."
Seinfeld
"I have to say, those people talking behind us..."
Seinfeld
"...really ruined that movie for me."
Seinfeld
"Why didn't you do something?"
Seinfeld
"What do you want me to do?"
Seinfeld
"I gave the guy the half-turn."
Seinfeld
"Then I gave him the full turn with the eye roll."
Seinfeld
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