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Clips from Seinfeld - The Cigar Store Indian (S05E05)

TV Series 1989–1998 Season 5, Episode 10 22 min ★ 8.8/10 (390,457 ratings) 387 clips
Comedy
You can tell the best year of your father's life.
"You can tell the best year of your father's life."
Seinfeld
Because they freeze that clothing style and just ride it out to the end.
"Because they freeze that clothing style and just ride it out to the end."
Seinfeld
It's not like they don't continue shopping.
"It's not like they don't continue shopping."
Seinfeld
It's just they somehow manage to find new old clothes.
"It's just they somehow manage to find new old clothes."
Seinfeld
Every father is like this fashion time capsule.
"Every father is like this fashion time capsule."
Seinfeld
It's like they should be on a pedestal...
"It's like they should be on a pedestal..."
Seinfeld
...with someone next to them going, "This was 1965."
"...with someone next to them going, "This was 1965.""
Seinfeld
To me, the worst thing is shopping for pants.
"To me, the worst thing is shopping for pants."
Seinfeld
I hate undressing in the little room.
"I hate undressing in the little room."
Seinfeld
What men need is a place to shop where you go in...
"What men need is a place to shop where you go in..."
Seinfeld
...check your pants at the door and walk around in your underwear.
"...check your pants at the door and walk around in your underwear."
Seinfeld
That would be best. Then you'd really have to lie to the salesman.
"That would be best. Then you'd really have to lie to the salesman."
Seinfeld
"Need some help?" "No, just getting some air."
""Need some help?" "No, just getting some air.""
Seinfeld
How would you describe the smell in this house?
"How would you describe the smell in this house?"
Seinfeld
Dandruff?
"Dandruff?"
Seinfeld
Yeah, that's part of it. Kasha?
"Yeah, that's part of it. Kasha?"
Seinfeld
- There's some kasha. - Yeah. Dandruff, kasha, mothballs...
"- There's some kasha. - Yeah. Dandruff, kasha, mothballs..."
Seinfeld
...cheap carpeting. It's potpourri, really.
"...cheap carpeting. It's potpourri, really."
Seinfeld
- All right, let's go. Come on. - You're going?
"- All right, let's go. Come on. - You're going?"
Seinfeld
Yeah. We shouldn't have bowled that last game. I'm gonna be late.
"Yeah. We shouldn't have bowled that last game. I'm gonna be late."
Seinfeld
These aren't candies, are they?
"These aren't candies, are they?"
Seinfeld
Did you use those? These are guest soaps.
"Did you use those? These are guest soaps."
Seinfeld
Well, I'm a guest.
"Well, I'm a guest."
Seinfeld
Now my parents are gonna know I had people over.
"Now my parents are gonna know I had people over."
Seinfeld
You're not allowed?
"You're not allowed?"
Seinfeld
I can't have any parties while they're out of town.
"I can't have any parties while they're out of town."
Seinfeld
This is a party?
"This is a party?"
Seinfeld
Not anymore. Come on, get your ball. We're leaving. Let's go.
"Not anymore. Come on, get your ball. We're leaving. Let's go."
Seinfeld
- Who put this cup on the new table? - I was having coffee.
"- Who put this cup on the new table? - I was having coffee."
Seinfeld
- I put it on the coffee table. - But you didn't use a coaster!
"- I put it on the coffee table. - But you didn't use a coaster!"
Seinfeld
You left a stain!
"You left a stain!"
Seinfeld
Whoa, boy, there's always one at every party, huh?
"Whoa, boy, there's always one at every party, huh?"
Seinfeld
Come on.
"Come on."
Seinfeld
- What's the big rush? - I'm having people over.
"- What's the big rush? - I'm having people over."
Seinfeld
- Who? - The girls, for poker night.
"- Who? - The girls, for poker night."
Seinfeld
You know, Joanne, Renee, Winona-
"You know, Joanne, Renee, Winona-"
Seinfeld
Winona's gonna be there?
"Winona's gonna be there?"
Seinfeld
Yeah. And she broke up with the vitamin guy.
"Yeah. And she broke up with the vitamin guy."
Seinfeld
- Really? - I'll put in a good word for you.
"- Really? - I'll put in a good word for you."
Seinfeld
Thanks. Because I would really like-
"Thanks. Because I would really like-"
Seinfeld
- All right! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - This not coming out.
"- All right! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - This not coming out."
Seinfeld
- Just put a coffee-table book over it. - My parents don't read.
"- Just put a coffee-table book over it. - My parents don't read."
Seinfeld
They'll wonder what a book is doing on the table.
"They'll wonder what a book is doing on the table."
Seinfeld
Hey. You know what would make a great coffee-table book?
"Hey. You know what would make a great coffee-table book?"
Seinfeld
A coffee-table book about coffee tables.
"A coffee-table book about coffee tables."
Seinfeld
Get it?
"Get it?"
Seinfeld
- Got it. Come on, let's go. - Wait. Not so fast.
"- Got it. Come on, let's go. - Wait. Not so fast."
Seinfeld
Jerry, you gotta take me to get this thing refinished.
"Jerry, you gotta take me to get this thing refinished."
Seinfeld
- Now? - Yes, now. It'll take a few days...
"- Now? - Yes, now. It'll take a few days..."
Seinfeld
...and my parents will be back. I gotta have it before then.
"...and my parents will be back. I gotta have it before then."
Seinfeld
Jerry, you promised you'd get me home by 7.
"Jerry, you promised you'd get me home by 7."
Seinfeld
- We'll take the subway. - That'll get you home in time.
"- We'll take the subway. - That'll get you home in time."
Seinfeld
- The subway? From Queens? - Jerry, I'm gonna get my coat.
"- The subway? From Queens? - Jerry, I'm gonna get my coat."
Seinfeld
I'm sorry, Elaine, I'll make it up to you.
"I'm sorry, Elaine, I'll make it up to you."
Seinfeld
I need something to read on the subway.
"I need something to read on the subway."
Seinfeld
- Here, read this. - TV Guide?
"- Here, read this. - TV Guide?"
Seinfeld
Like a history of coffee tables. Celebrities and their coffee tables.
"Like a history of coffee tables. Celebrities and their coffee tables."
Seinfeld
It's a natural. This is a story that must be told.
"It's a natural. This is a story that must be told."
Seinfeld
So you're gonna talk to your boss about it, huh?
"So you're gonna talk to your boss about it, huh?"
Seinfeld
- First thing in the morning. - Yes indeed.
"- First thing in the morning. - Yes indeed."
Seinfeld
- Next stop, Queensborough Plaza. - Queensborough Plaza.
"- Next stop, Queensborough Plaza. - Queensborough Plaza."
Seinfeld
This stop is famous for its gyros. You want one?
"This stop is famous for its gyros. You want one?"
Seinfeld
How will you get something and get back on the train in time?
"How will you get something and get back on the train in time?"
Seinfeld
Well, they got a stand right out on the platform.
"Well, they got a stand right out on the platform."
Seinfeld
The gyros are cooked, wrapped and ready to go.
"The gyros are cooked, wrapped and ready to go."
Seinfeld
Three dollars, no change.
"Three dollars, no change."
Seinfeld
- You want one? - No, thanks.
"- You want one? - No, thanks."
Seinfeld
All right. But no bites.
"All right. But no bites."
Seinfeld
Highlighter?
"Highlighter?"
Seinfeld
- Excuse me? - To highlight the programs...
"- Excuse me? - To highlight the programs..."
Seinfeld
...you plan to watch.
"...you plan to watch."
Seinfeld
- Look, really, I'm just trying to read. - Fine, okay.
"- Look, really, I'm just trying to read. - Fine, okay."
Seinfeld
It's just I've never seen...
"It's just I've never seen..."
Seinfeld
...a beautiful lady reading the Guide...
"...a beautiful lady reading the Guide..."
Seinfeld
...so far away from a TV.
"...so far away from a TV."
Seinfeld
You must really like television.
"You must really like television."
Seinfeld
Elaine!
"Elaine!"
Seinfeld
Guess your boyfriend will have to catch the next train.
"Guess your boyfriend will have to catch the next train."
Seinfeld
- He's not my boyfriend. - He's not?
"- He's not my boyfriend. - He's not?"
Seinfeld
Interesting.
"Interesting."
Seinfeld
Maybe I should get Elaine something.
"Maybe I should get Elaine something."
Seinfeld
- Why? - Well, I didn't drive her home.
"- Why? - Well, I didn't drive her home."
Seinfeld
Plus, I give her a gift in front of Winona...
"Plus, I give her a gift in front of Winona..."
Seinfeld
- ...how does that hurt me? - Can't hurt you.
"- ...how does that hurt me? - Can't hurt you."
Seinfeld
What about this thing?
"What about this thing?"
Seinfeld
The Indian?
"The Indian?"
Seinfeld
Yeah, you know, kind of a peace offering.
"Yeah, you know, kind of a peace offering."
Seinfeld
It's cute.
"It's cute."
Seinfeld
Well, I can have the table ready for you on Monday.
"Well, I can have the table ready for you on Monday."
Seinfeld
All right, but no later. My parents are coming back.
"All right, but no later. My parents are coming back."
Seinfeld
They left you home alone, huh?
"They left you home alone, huh?"
Seinfeld
Okay, see, on this particular Tuesday...
"Okay, see, on this particular Tuesday..."
Seinfeld
...you could have watched six hours of Lucy.
"...you could have watched six hours of Lucy."
Seinfeld
There's I Love Lucy...
"There's I Love Lucy..."
Seinfeld
...The Lucy Show...
"...The Lucy Show..."
Seinfeld
...Here's Lucy.
"...Here's Lucy."
Seinfeld
It's my stop.
"It's my stop."
Seinfeld
Bye-bye.
"Bye-bye."
Seinfeld
Hey, miss, you forgot this.
"Hey, miss, you forgot this."
Seinfeld
They don't make these anymore. The work is all done by hand.
"They don't make these anymore. The work is all done by hand."
Seinfeld
It takes years and years. Sylvia.
"It takes years and years. Sylvia."
Seinfeld
For crying out loud, you're 45 minutes late.
"For crying out loud, you're 45 minutes late."
Seinfeld
Yeah, yeah.
"Yeah, yeah."
Seinfeld
Is that your car out there?
"Is that your car out there?"
Seinfeld
- No, it's his. - Oh, nice.
"- No, it's his. - Oh, nice."
Seinfeld
You guys are obviously from Manhattan.
"You guys are obviously from Manhattan."
Seinfeld
Well, he is. I live around the corner.
"Well, he is. I live around the corner."
Seinfeld
Really?
"Really?"
Seinfeld
I didn't think any cool guys lived in this neighborhood.
"I didn't think any cool guys lived in this neighborhood."
Seinfeld
Well, they do now.
"Well, they do now."
Seinfeld
The neighborhood's changing.
"The neighborhood's changing."
Seinfeld
- All right, I'll take it. - Smart choice.
"- All right, I'll take it. - Smart choice."
Seinfeld
You bought the Indian? Oh, you guys have great taste.
"You bought the Indian? Oh, you guys have great taste."
Seinfeld
Well, we're collectors.
"Well, we're collectors."
Seinfeld
We see objects of great beauty...
"We see objects of great beauty..."
Seinfeld
...and we must have them.
"...and we must have them."
Seinfeld
Bluffed you out, jack. Pair of deuces.
"Bluffed you out, jack. Pair of deuces."
Seinfeld
- Who is it? - It's Jerry.
"- Who is it? - It's Jerry."
Seinfeld
- Jerry. - Surprise!
"- Jerry. - Surprise!"
Seinfeld
What is this?
"What is this?"
Seinfeld