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Clips from Seinfeld - The Truth (S03E03)

"Good evening. Welcome to the show. The extra buttons."
Seinfeld
"What kind of a sicko, really, would save these..."
Seinfeld
"That's the other point that they're trying to make here."
Seinfeld
"And even though I'm working as an accountant right now..."
Seinfeld
"They're art. You hang them on the wall."
Seinfeld
"Any money in it?"
Seinfeld
"You come barging in here, asking me to contribute money..."
Seinfeld
"...to a volcano relief fund for Krakatoa."
Seinfeld
"...please don't put the tomato sauce on the pasta while it's in the strainer."
Seinfeld
"All the little squares have hardened red sauce in them."
Seinfeld
"When do you put the sauce on?"
Seinfeld
"No, no, no. I like to strain the sauce."
Seinfeld
"- What are you doing? What is all this? - Oh, he's helping me sort my receipts."
Seinfeld
"What, did you think that would impress me?"
Seinfeld
"Those brave Krakatoans..."
Seinfeld
"...he is handing over to her all of my pertinent tax information..."
Seinfeld
"...but I'm riddled with personal problems."
Seinfeld
"It's me. I have a fear of commitment."
Seinfeld
"I love the chopsticks. I personally prefer a fork, but they look very nice."
Seinfeld
"- I have a fear of intimacy. I- - Don't give me clichés."
Seinfeld
"You call everyone by their full name."
Seinfeld
"You called my doorman Sammy, Samuel."
Seinfeld
"Oh, please."
Seinfeld
"If this audit had happened to me and I didn't have this woman to help me..."
Seinfeld
"...I would've killed this man. I would've strangled him with my bare hands."
Seinfeld
"- I don't blame you. - Ever been through an audit?"
Seinfeld
"- No. - It's hell."
Seinfeld
"It's the financial equivalent of a complete rectal examination."
Seinfeld
"Torn him limb from limb."
Seinfeld
"Ripped the flesh right off his bones."
Seinfeld
"Here I am, about to go to the electric chair..."
Seinfeld
"Now I know what I'm supposed to do. It is so simple."
Seinfeld
"Tell the truth. That's all. Just tell the truth."
Seinfeld
"My papers?"
Seinfeld
"- You what? - I broke up with her."
Seinfeld
"I'm being audited..."
Seinfeld
"- Forget it. - I'm cheap? You think I'm cheap?!"
Seinfeld
"Oh, okay. Thank you."
Seinfeld
"Call her house."
Seinfeld
"Hi. Are you okay?"
Seinfeld
"No, no. No-"
Seinfeld
"She hung up."
Seinfeld
"Hello."
Seinfeld
"He saw me naked."
Seinfeld
"Kramer saw me naked."
Seinfeld
"Well, it was an accident."
Seinfeld
"- I wanna show you. - No! Jerry!"
Seinfeld
"Hold it. Just a second."
Seinfeld
"Let's not lose our heads here."
Seinfeld
"...that's another story."
Seinfeld
"- What is this? - It's a windshield."
Seinfeld
"You'll sense it."
Seinfeld
"A mental institution."
Seinfeld
"It's because we have clothes on..."
Seinfeld
"You feel like you're getting it together. Yeah, I look pretty good."
Seinfeld
"Feeling good, looking good."
Seinfeld
"But when you're naked, it's like- It's so final. You're just, Well..."
Seinfeld
"...that's it."
Seinfeld
"Some, you know, I'm naked, but, you know..."
Seinfeld
"I'd like to get pockets to hang off of the belt. That would be-"
Seinfeld
"Wouldn't that be the ultimate thing?"
Seinfeld
"I think that would really help a lot."
Seinfeld
"But his synapses were so large, had no effect."
Seinfeld
"You know, I hate to raise a crass financial concern..."
Seinfeld
"...and he went berserk."
Seinfeld
"...put something on?"
Seinfeld
"I made some African food. There's yambalas and sambusa."
Seinfeld
"Hi, Elaine."
Seinfeld
"So is everything cool or what?"
Seinfeld
"You want the truth?"
Seinfeld
"Who are you?"
Seinfeld
"And what do you want?"
Seinfeld
"...if everyone that was pretentious was in a mental institution-"
Seinfeld
"Obviously, this isn't a mental institution."
Seinfeld
"We're cool. Everything's cool."
Seinfeld
"Very friendly."
Seinfeld
"Alrighty."
Seinfeld
"I know what you said. You can't change that."
Seinfeld
"...do you bring your pocketbook?"
Seinfeld
"- I'm incapable of guile. - He's never guiled."
Seinfeld
"So..."
Seinfeld
"The truth is..."
Seinfeld
"Let's go to the couch."
Seinfeld
"Okay, bye."
Seinfeld
"First-time poets."
Seinfeld
"We'll share a cab."
Seinfeld
"...through the ordeal."
Seinfeld
"I think they should take all your receipts and put them..."
Seinfeld
"Give you a feeling like you might win something. You know what I mean?"
Seinfeld
"Yeah."
Seinfeld
"...have them in a huge file?"
Seinfeld
"Drawers that wide. You know, you just..."
Seinfeld
"Where the hell is that but-"
Seinfeld
"I mean, is it that hard to get black, round buttons..."
Seinfeld
"Like this is such a great jacket."
Seinfeld
"These buttons are so unique, so one-of-a-kind."
Seinfeld
"You'll never find them. We'll save you the trouble..."
Seinfeld
"...of knocking your brains out. We know they're going to fall off too."
Seinfeld
"Everyone in my family's creative."
Seinfeld
"...I'd really like to eventually work exclusively..."
Seinfeld
"...on my papier-mâché hats."
Seinfeld
"What if it rains?"
Seinfeld
"It's my creative outlet, one of my passions."
Seinfeld
"Of course. Right."
Seinfeld
"- Thomas Carlyle, 1864. - Tommy C."
Seinfeld
"These are the receipts from '85."
Seinfeld
"- And I'm gonna do '86. - I'm sorry."
Seinfeld
"I thought it was a legitimate charity. I didn't know you'd get audited."
Seinfeld
"- No, no, don't blame me. - What was I supposed to do?"
Seinfeld
"I was on my first date with Elaine."
Seinfeld
"It was supposed to erupt."
Seinfeld
"I find the whole thing embarrassing."
Seinfeld
"Well, you know what my feelings are about this."
Seinfeld
"I don't even pay taxes."
Seinfeld
"- Hi. - Hi."
Seinfeld
"Kramer, do me a favour, will you?"
Seinfeld
"If you insist on making pasta in my apartment..."
Seinfeld
"What's so funny?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, I don't know. Kramer dating your roommate, it's funny."
Seinfeld
"And I could really live without..."
Seinfeld
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