You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from Seinfeld - The Secretary (S06E06)

TV Series 1989 –1998 Season 6, Episode 9 22 min ★ 8.8/10 (390,457 ratings) 441 clips
Comedy

Episodes from this show

Title Season Episode
Good News, Bad News 1 1
The Stakeout 1 2
The Robbery 1 3
The Stock Tip 1 5
The Ex-Girlfriend 2 1
The Pony Remark 2 2
The Jacket 2 3
The Phone Message 2 4
The Apartment 2 5
The Statue 2 6
The Revenge 2 7
The Heart Attack 2 8
The Deal 2 9
The Baby Shower 2 10
The Chinese Restaurant 2 11
The Busboy 2 12
The Note 3 1
The Truth 3 2
The Pen 3 3
The Dog 3 4
The Library 3 5
The Parking Garage 3 6
The Cafe 3 7
The Tape 3 8
The Nose Job 3 9
The Stranded 3 10
The Alternate Side 3 11
The Red Dot 3 12
The Subway 3 13
The Pez Dispenser 3 14
The Suicide 3 15
The Fix Up 3 16
The Boyfriend: Part 1 3 17
The Limo 3 19
The Good Samaritan 3 20
The Letter 3 21
The Parking Space 3 22
The Keys 3 23
The Trip: Part 1 4 1
The Trip: Part 2 4 2
The Pitch 4 3
The Wallet 4 5
The Watch 4 6
The Bubble Boy 4 7
The Cheever Letters 4 8
The Opera 4 9
The Virgin 4 10
The Contest 4 11
The Airport 4 12
The Pick 4 13
The Movie 4 14
The Visa 4 15
The Shoes 4 16
The Outing 4 17
The Old Man 4 18
The Implant 4 19
The Junior Mint 4 20
The Smelly Car 4 21
The Handicap Spot 4 22
The Pilot 4 23
The Mango 5 1
The Puffy Shirt 5 2
The Glasses 5 3
The Sniffing Accountant 5 4
The Bris 5 5
The Lip Reader 5 6
The Non-Fat Yogurt 5 7
The Barber 5 8
The Masseuse 5 9
The Cigar Store Indian 5 10
The Conversion 5 11
The Stall 5 12
The Dinner Party 5 13
The Marine Biologist 5 14
The Pie 5 15
The Stand-In 5 16
The Wife 5 17
The Raincoats 5 18
The Fire 5 19
The Hamptons 5 20
The Opposite 5 21
The Chaperone 6 1
The Big Salad 6 2
The Pledge Drive 6 3
Title Season Episode
The Chinese Woman 6 4
The Couch 6 5
The Gymnast 6 6
The Soup 6 7
The Mom and Pop Store 6 8
The Secretary 6 9
The Race 6 10
The Switch 6 11
The Label Maker 6 12
The Scofflaw 6 13
Highlights of a Hundred 6 14
The Beard 6 15
The Doorman 6 17
The Jimmy 6 18
The Doodle 6 19
The Fusilli Jerry 6 20
The Diplomat's Club 6 21
The Face Painter 6 22
The Understudy 6 23
The Engagement 7 1
The Postponement 7 2
The Maestro 7 3
The Wink 7 4
The Hot Tub 7 5
The Soup Nazi 7 6
The Secret Code 7 7
The Pool Guy 7 8
The Sponge 7 9
The Gum 7 10
The Rye 7 11
The Caddy 7 12
The Seven 7 13
The Cadillac 7 14
The Doll 7 16
The Friars Club 7 17
The Wig Master 7 18
The Calzone 7 19
The Bottle Deposit 7 20
The Wait Out 7 21
The Invitations 7 22
The Foundation 8 1
The Soul Mate 8 2
The Bizarro Jerry 8 3
The Little Kicks 8 4
The Package 8 5
The Fatigues 8 6
The Checks 8 7
The Chicken Roaster 8 8
The Abstinence 8 9
The Andrea Doria 8 10
The Little Jerry 8 11
The Money 8 12
The Comeback 8 13
The Van Buren Boys 8 14
The Susie 8 15
The Pothole 8 16
The English Patient 8 17
The Nap 8 18
The Yada Yada 8 19
The Millennium 8 20
The Muffin Tops 8 21
The Summer of George 8 22
The Butter Shave 9 1
The Voice 9 2
The Serenity Now 9 3
The Blood 9 4
The Junk Mail 9 5
The Merv Griffin Show 9 6
The Slicer 9 7
The Betrayal 9 8
The Apology 9 9
The Strike 9 10
The Dealership 9 11
The Reverse Peephole 9 12
The Cartoon 9 13
The Strongbox 9 14
The Wizard 9 15
The Burning 9 16
The Bookstore 9 17
The Frogger 9 18
The Maid 9 19
The Puerto Rican Day 9 20
The Chronicle 9 21
The Finale 9 23
Then before we go out, we dress them up like a bear?
"Then before we go out, we dress them up like a bear?"
Seinfeld
So this woman you plan on hiring...
"So this woman you plan on hiring..."
Seinfeld
...is she gonna be in the spokesmodel category?
"...is she gonna be in the spokesmodel category?"
Seinfeld
Whatever.
"Whatever."
Seinfeld
She keeps it with me for when she comes up from Florida.
"She keeps it with me for when she comes up from Florida."
Seinfeld
Hey, nice jacket.
"Hey, nice jacket."
Seinfeld
So I'm afraid this is not gonna work out. Thanks for coming.
"So I'm afraid this is not gonna work out. Thanks for coming."
Seinfeld
You're luscious. You're ravishing.
"You're luscious. You're ravishing."
Seinfeld
My only concern is, I take care of my mother.
"My only concern is, I take care of my mother."
Seinfeld
Exactly. Anyway, I gotta go there and return it.
"Exactly. Anyway, I gotta go there and return it."
Seinfeld
Hey, Elaine.
"Hey, Elaine."
Seinfeld
A lesser man would've crumbled.
"A lesser man would've crumbled."
Seinfeld
- It's a little- - All right.
"- It's a little- - All right."
Seinfeld
Good idea.
"Good idea."
Seinfeld
It's a total-protection moisturizer with UVA. Yeah.
"It's a total-protection moisturizer with UVA. Yeah."
Seinfeld
I'll meet you there. We'll have lunch.
"I'll meet you there. We'll have lunch."
Seinfeld
Yes. I think I do.
"Yes. I think I do."
Seinfeld
It's definitely doable.
"It's definitely doable."
Seinfeld
- Thanks a lot, bigmouth. - Yeah.
"- Thanks a lot, bigmouth. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
You know, I-
"You know, I-"
Seinfeld
I think he was wearing my houndstooth jacket.
"I think he was wearing my houndstooth jacket."
Seinfeld
He complimented me on it.
"He complimented me on it."
Seinfeld
Uma, Uma, Uma.
"Uma, Uma, Uma."
Seinfeld
All right. Taxi's on me.
"All right. Taxi's on me."
Seinfeld
...would be to undo the jacket then go around the back of the shirt.
"...would be to undo the jacket then go around the back of the shirt."
Seinfeld
What?
"What?"
Seinfeld
I'm giving you a raise?
"I'm giving you a raise?"
Seinfeld
I didn't say any other bawdy things.
"I didn't say any other bawdy things."
Seinfeld
...you know, whatever...
"...you know, whatever..."
Seinfeld
Well, we're more than happy to exchange it for something else.
"Well, we're more than happy to exchange it for something else."
Seinfeld
...you don't wanna skimp on the swank.
"...you don't wanna skimp on the swank."
Seinfeld
I like your little bag.
"I like your little bag."
Seinfeld
Oh, yeah. Hey, look at this.
"Oh, yeah. Hey, look at this."
Seinfeld
- You're telling me. - I sure am.
"- You're telling me. - I sure am."
Seinfeld
- Forty-two. - Forty-two? That's what I am now.
"- Forty-two. - Forty-two? That's what I am now."
Seinfeld
Yes. Yes, George. Can you talk to me?
"Yes. Yes, George. Can you talk to me?"
Seinfeld
It's some kind of a diverticulitis.
"It's some kind of a diverticulitis."
Seinfeld
She can't even afford to go out to lunch. She-
"She can't even afford to go out to lunch. She-"
Seinfeld
Hello?
"Hello?"
Seinfeld
Specifically, 9:30 shows.
"Specifically, 9:30 shows."
Seinfeld
Seen any good 9:30 shows at the Paragon, Willie?
"Seen any good 9:30 shows at the Paragon, Willie?"
Seinfeld
Jerry, that's a breach of the dry cleaners' code.
"Jerry, that's a breach of the dry cleaners' code."
Seinfeld
I wasn't wearing your jacket.
"I wasn't wearing your jacket."
Seinfeld
- Jerry, you're imagining things. - Yeah.
"- Jerry, you're imagining things. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
Am I imagining this?
"Am I imagining this?"
Seinfeld
- Well- - Where's the ticket?
"- Well- - Where's the ticket?"
Seinfeld
You mean to tell me that you don't have a ticket for the coat?
"You mean to tell me that you don't have a ticket for the coat?"
Seinfeld
So do you want it?
"So do you want it?"
Seinfeld
I need a non-partisan mirror.
"I need a non-partisan mirror."
Seinfeld
...I sat down with Mr. Steinbrenner.
"...I sat down with Mr. Steinbrenner."
Seinfeld
...that I was leaving.
"...that I was leaving."
Seinfeld
- So you got a $25,000-a-year raise? - Yes.
"- So you got a $25,000-a-year raise? - Yes."
Seinfeld
- I am? - A secretary cannot make more...
"- I am? - A secretary cannot make more..."
Seinfeld
Oh, this is insanity.
"Oh, this is insanity."
Seinfeld
This woman's been in there for over an hour.
"This woman's been in there for over an hour."
Seinfeld
Excuse me, miss. Is everything okay in there?
"Excuse me, miss. Is everything okay in there?"
Seinfeld
- Kramer? - Jerry. You got my clothes?
"- Kramer? - Jerry. You got my clothes?"
Seinfeld
What am I doing here? You're in the women's dressing room.
"What am I doing here? You're in the women's dressing room."
Seinfeld
How'd you expect to get out of here?
"How'd you expect to get out of here?"
Seinfeld
So if you could show me something else.
"So if you could show me something else."
Seinfeld
No.
"No."
Seinfeld
- I am? - Yes. You wore it outside.
"- I am? - Yes. You wore it outside."
Seinfeld
- Kramer? - I'm going out.
"- Kramer? - I'm going out."
Seinfeld
Kramer, I want my money back for this suit.
"Kramer, I want my money back for this suit."
Seinfeld
- Jerry, come back. - Excuse me.
"- Jerry, come back. - Excuse me."
Seinfeld
How's everything going?
"How's everything going?"
Seinfeld
Can we go back to Mendy's?
"Can we go back to Mendy's?"
Seinfeld
- I think that's a pretty good deal. - Two Mendy's.
"- I think that's a pretty good deal. - Two Mendy's."
Seinfeld
...knowing that my subordinate is making more money than I am?
"...knowing that my subordinate is making more money than I am?"
Seinfeld
I know what it's like to be strapped.
"I know what it's like to be strapped."
Seinfeld
Not that I was ever one for the sweets.
"Not that I was ever one for the sweets."
Seinfeld
Sometimes I can't even make up my mind.
"Sometimes I can't even make up my mind."
Seinfeld
The dry-cleaning number's gone too.
"The dry-cleaning number's gone too."
Seinfeld
- You out of your mind? - Are you crazy, taking my coat?
"- You out of your mind? - Are you crazy, taking my coat?"
Seinfeld
Let me see. Piece of cake.
"Let me see. Piece of cake."
Seinfeld
- Are you enjoying it? - Yeah. I'm having a wonderful time.
"- Are you enjoying it? - Yeah. I'm having a wonderful time."
Seinfeld
It's a gamble. I get it.
"It's a gamble. I get it."
Seinfeld
Let's hurry. I gotta go. I'm meeting a woman for a drink.
"Let's hurry. I gotta go. I'm meeting a woman for a drink."
Seinfeld
Hope she's good-looking.
"Hope she's good-looking."
Seinfeld
What's supposed to be so attractive about fur?
"What's supposed to be so attractive about fur?"
Seinfeld
Men want women with shaved legs and armpits, plucked eyebrows.
"Men want women with shaved legs and armpits, plucked eyebrows."
Seinfeld
...would be if you were trying to sneak up on another animal.
"...would be if you were trying to sneak up on another animal."
Seinfeld
You ever see those tribal hunters wearing the fur...
"You ever see those tribal hunters wearing the fur..."
Seinfeld
...with the other animal's head on top of their head, you know?
"...with the other animal's head on top of their head, you know?"
Seinfeld
I'm sure there's a moose looking at that going, Yeah. Looks good.
"I'm sure there's a moose looking at that going, Yeah. Looks good."
Seinfeld
...because nothing's fishy there.
"...because nothing's fishy there."
Seinfeld
I'll just keep drinking from the stream.
"I'll just keep drinking from the stream."
Seinfeld
So I am actually gonna have a secretary.
"So I am actually gonna have a secretary."
Seinfeld
You were taking messages for your mother.
"You were taking messages for your mother."
Seinfeld
And now someone's gonna be taking messages for me.
"And now someone's gonna be taking messages for me."
Seinfeld
From your mother.
"From your mother."
Seinfeld
Sure, I could go the tomato route...
"Sure, I could go the tomato route..."
Seinfeld
So I'm doing a complete 360.
"So I'm doing a complete 360."
Seinfeld
I'm going for total efficiency and ability.
"I'm going for total efficiency and ability."
Seinfeld
I got this stuff...
"I got this stuff..."
Seinfeld
Jerry, you know my wife, Donna.
"Jerry, you know my wife, Donna."
Seinfeld
This is a beauty.
"This is a beauty."
Seinfeld
It really accentuates my bust line.
"It really accentuates my bust line."
Seinfeld
I'm completely well-versed in all the IBM and Macintosh programs.
"I'm completely well-versed in all the IBM and Macintosh programs."
Seinfeld
Well, Miss Coggins, you're obviously qualified for the job.
"Well, Miss Coggins, you're obviously qualified for the job."
Seinfeld
You have all the necessary skills and experience...
"You have all the necessary skills and experience..."
Seinfeld
...but you're extremely attractive. You're gorgeous.
"...but you're extremely attractive. You're gorgeous."
Seinfeld
I'm looking at you, I can't even remember my name.
"I'm looking at you, I can't even remember my name."
Seinfeld
I would give up red meat just to get a glimpse of you in a bra.
"I would give up red meat just to get a glimpse of you in a bra."
Seinfeld
I'm terribly sorry. Terribly sorry.
"I'm terribly sorry. Terribly sorry."
Seinfeld
I think I'd be a real asset here.
"I think I'd be a real asset here."
Seinfeld
So will there be many late nights?
"So will there be many late nights?"
Seinfeld
Okay. So Barneys is having this huge sale.
"Okay. So Barneys is having this huge sale."
Seinfeld
I try this dress on.
"I try this dress on."
Seinfeld
I couldn't take my eyes off myself.
"I couldn't take my eyes off myself."
Seinfeld
- Yeah? - Okay. So then I put it on at home...
"- Yeah? - Okay. So then I put it on at home..."
Seinfeld
All right. I'll try it on again. You tell me what you think.
"All right. I'll try it on again. You tell me what you think."
Seinfeld
- Hey, hey. - Hey, George.
"- Hey, hey. - Hey, George."
Seinfeld
I am telling you, Jerry, having a secretary is incredible.
"I am telling you, Jerry, having a secretary is incredible."
Seinfeld
Because you didn't have a job?
"Because you didn't have a job?"
Seinfeld
Perhaps.
"Perhaps."
Seinfeld
Messages, appointments.
"Messages, appointments."
Seinfeld
I can't tell you how proud I am of myself for going with Ada.
"I can't tell you how proud I am of myself for going with Ada."
Seinfeld
They would've gone for the dish and the sure-fire sexual harassment suit.
"They would've gone for the dish and the sure-fire sexual harassment suit."
Seinfeld
You answered it right there.
"You answered it right there."
Seinfeld