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Clips from Seinfeld - The Stand-In (S05E05)

"The bus is the single stupidest, fattest..."
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"...slowest, most despised vehicle on the road, isn't it?"
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"Ever notice when you get behind a bus, people go:"
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""What are you doing? Get away. Come on.""
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"The back of the bus, it's like an eclipse, isn't it?"
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"People are just like, "The sun. Where is the sun?""
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"It's like this huge metal ass..."
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"...just taking up the whole windshield of your car."
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"When it pulls out, it even sounds like a fat uncle trying to get out of a sofa."
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"- It's just not good. It's not good. - It's not good."
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"I'm bored. She's boring, I'm boring. We're both boring."
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"We go out to eat, read newspapers."
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"- At breakfast, everybody reads. - No, lunch, we read."
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"- Dinner, we read. - You read during lunch?"
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"- Yeah. - Oh, well."
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"- Nothing to talk about. - What's there to talk about?"
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"At least we're talking about how there's nothing."
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"Talk with her about how there's nothing."
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"She knows there's nothing."
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"- At least she'll be talking. - Oh, shut up."
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"- Hey, look who's here. - Hey, Al."
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"- Hey, Al. How's it going? - Deeply in love."
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"We have so many things to talk about."
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"Sometimes, we'll talk all night..."
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"...till the sun comes up."
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"- So how about you? - Oh, I'm seeing someone, yes."
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"- You know her. Daphne Bauer. - Great girl."
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"We have no need to speak."
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"We communicate with deep, soulful looks."
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"Like Dwight and Mamie Eisenhower."
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"- Did you hear about Fulton? - Yeah."
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"Yeah, I went by the hospital to see him a few days ago."
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"Think he'd really like you to visit."
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"- Me? - Yeah."
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"- Said he could use a good laugh. - What about me?"
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"He didn't mention you."
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"This is my stop."
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"- See you. - Yeah, see you."
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""Deeply in love.""
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"You can't say something bad about relationships..."
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"...you shouldn't say anything at all."
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"I didn't know Fulton was in the hospital."
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""Could use a good laugh.""
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"You know what pressure that is?"
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"Come on, come with me."
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"I'm not good in these situations."
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"I-I can't hide my pity."
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"I-I make them feel worse."
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"- Oh, stop it. - Also, I'm afraid..."
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"...that people in that state are finally gonna tell me what they really think."
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"They got nothing to lose. What do they care?"
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"- So you're not gonna come? - No, but say hello for me."
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"- Hey. - Hey."
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"- Hey, Mick. - Hey, Jerry."
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"- What's doing? - Nothing. You?"
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"Same old, same old."
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"George, this is Mickey."
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"- Hi. Nice to meet you. - Pleasure."
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"- How's work going, you guys? - Let's not talk about it."
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"- You got a job? - Yeah. Mickey hooked me up."
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"We're stand-ins for the actors on All My Children."
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"Mickey's a stand-in for an 8-year-old kid..."
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"...and I stand in for the kid's father."
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"But I got a big problem."
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"The kid I stand in for, he's growing."
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"He was 4 feet last month."
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"Now he's like 4'2" and a half."
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"He shot up 2 and a half inches."
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"I can do 4'2", 4'3" is a stretch."
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"Any higher, I'm gonna be out on my ass..."
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"...doing that paralegal crap."
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"How do you stop a kid from growing?"
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"I told you, you should offer him some cigarettes."
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"I offered him cigarettes..."
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"...but his stupid mother's always hanging around."
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"She won't let him have any."
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"- What about lifts? - Out of the question."
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"Can't you just switch with another midget?"
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"It's "little people.""
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"- You got that? - Easy, Mickey. Easy."
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"Yeah."
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"We gotta get back to the show. What are you guys doing?"
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"- Going to the hospital to visit Fulton. - Well, say hello for me."
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"Now, look. We're gonna stop at the shoemaker right now."
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"You gotta get some lifts for your shoes."
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"Lifts? Kramer, you don't understand. This kind of thing is just not done."
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"- You wanna keep your job? - Yeah, but-"
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"- No buts. - Kramer-"
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"Hey."
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"Fulton!"
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"It's me."
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"Hey, Jerry. Good to see you."
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"- I could use a good laugh. - Who couldn't?"
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"- I haven't cracked a smile in months. - Oh, don't worry. You'll crack."
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"Cracking's inevitable."
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"First you crack, then you chuckle."
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"That was the Russians' motto at the Siege of Leningrad:"
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"First you crack, then you chuckle."
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"You know, because Leningrad..."
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"...when the Nazis attacked, it wasn't a very happy time."
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"Because of the war."
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"Famine."
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"Plus, it was cold. Very cold."
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"They were eating each other."
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"Maybe this isn't a good time for a visit."
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"No, it's a fine time."
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"All right. There's a priest, a minister and a rabbi, and they're all skydiving."
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"So how are the eggs?"
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"Eggs are eggs."
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"Eggs are eggs."
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"That is very profound."
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"By the same token, could you say, "Fish is fish"?"
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"I don't think so."
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"- Listen, Daphne- - Daphne."
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"Daphne."
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"I have to tell you something. This is very difficult-"
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"Oh, I forgot to tell you."
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"Al Nechy called me today."
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"Yeah. I bumped into him on the bus. What did he have to say?"
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"He told me not to get involved with you."
Seinfeld
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