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Clips from Seinfeld - The Calzone (S07E07)

TV Series 1989–1998 Season 7, Episode 19 22 min ★ 8.8/10 (390,457 ratings) 408 clips
Comedy
...but I know when it went out:
"...but I know when it went out:"
Seinfeld
Yes, I think we might have something.
"Yes, I think we might have something."
Seinfeld
I'll come back later with someone, see what they think.
"I'll come back later with someone, see what they think."
Seinfeld
- Really, I'll be back. - Yeah.
"- Really, I'll be back. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
To get out of the store, I said I wanted to see what someone else thought.
"To get out of the store, I said I wanted to see what someone else thought."
Seinfeld
Then he makes a face like he doesn't believe me.
"Then he makes a face like he doesn't believe me."
Seinfeld
Yeah, he caught me.
"Yeah, he caught me."
Seinfeld
That's ridiculous.
"That's ridiculous."
Seinfeld
Because he thinks I was lying. I wanna show him I wasn't.
"Because he thinks I was lying. I wanna show him I wasn't."
Seinfeld
He's the guy in charge of the wigs.
"He's the guy in charge of the wigs."
Seinfeld
Boy, imagine liking wigs to the point it becomes a career choice.
"Boy, imagine liking wigs to the point it becomes a career choice."
Seinfeld
Oh, I'm down.
"Oh, I'm down."
Seinfeld
- Surprised? - No, I believed you.
"- Surprised? - No, I believed you."
Seinfeld
Elaine, what about the crest? What do you think of the crest here?
"Elaine, what about the crest? What do you think of the crest here?"
Seinfeld
I'll need you to write down your phone number on the check for me.
"I'll need you to write down your phone number on the check for me."
Seinfeld
It was very emasculating. He doesn't know the nature of our relationship.
"It was very emasculating. He doesn't know the nature of our relationship."
Seinfeld
Thank God you're home. I'm locked out.
"Thank God you're home. I'm locked out."
Seinfeld
- So you got my spare? - No, I gave it back to you.
"- So you got my spare? - No, I gave it back to you."
Seinfeld
- Take the bus. - I'm not gonna take the bus.
"- Take the bus. - I'm not gonna take the bus."
Seinfeld
Would you pick a station!
"Would you pick a station!"
Seinfeld
What's this?
"What's this?"
Seinfeld
- Oh, you did? - Oh, yeah, we went way out and wild.
"- Oh, you did? - Oh, yeah, we went way out and wild."
Seinfeld
That doesn't explain the lipstick on the dashboard.
"That doesn't explain the lipstick on the dashboard."
Seinfeld
Here, take a few shirts.
"Here, take a few shirts."
Seinfeld
Mr. Kramer, you like Cadillacs?
"Mr. Kramer, you like Cadillacs?"
Seinfeld
I'll see you later. Thanks for driving me.
"I'll see you later. Thanks for driving me."
Seinfeld
- What about it? - Come on.
"- What about it? - Come on."
Seinfeld
Ponytail? Get real.
"Ponytail? Get real."
Seinfeld
All I know is he promised me a discount on that dress.
"All I know is he promised me a discount on that dress."
Seinfeld
It's been known to happen.
"It's been known to happen."
Seinfeld
I'm telling you right now, Elaine...
"I'm telling you right now, Elaine..."
Seinfeld
Excuse me. Would you mind if I ask you a few questions?
"Excuse me. Would you mind if I ask you a few questions?"
Seinfeld
Are you a cop?
"Are you a cop?"
Seinfeld
Oh, no, no. No, I'm not a cop. I work for the Yankees.
"Oh, no, no. No, I'm not a cop. I work for the Yankees."
Seinfeld
Turning tricks?
"Turning tricks?"
Seinfeld
...I just wanna know if I should change parking lots.
"...I just wanna know if I should change parking lots."
Seinfeld
I'll pay for your time. I just need some information.
"I'll pay for your time. I just need some information."
Seinfeld
Even a tiny doubt, a dot of a doubt-
"Even a tiny doubt, a dot of a doubt-"
Seinfeld
Yes, you know, deal with it. We have to deal with the doubt, Susan.
"Yes, you know, deal with it. We have to deal with the doubt, Susan."
Seinfeld
- Ian. - Hey, Craig.
"- Ian. - Hey, Craig."
Seinfeld
- Ian. - Ian.
"- Ian. - Ian."
Seinfeld
All right. I'm gonna turn in.
"All right. I'm gonna turn in."
Seinfeld
I don't even know if I'm gonna sleep.
"I don't even know if I'm gonna sleep."
Seinfeld
Well, that's all I've got.
"Well, that's all I've got."
Seinfeld
- So? Who is he? - Some friend of his from England.
"- So? Who is he? - Some friend of his from England."
Seinfeld
Well, how do you know he's not wondering the same thing about you?
"Well, how do you know he's not wondering the same thing about you?"
Seinfeld
And now, if you would excuse us...
"And now, if you would excuse us..."
Seinfeld
Yeah.
"Yeah."
Seinfeld
This patio furniture's on sale.
"This patio furniture's on sale."
Seinfeld
Bear with you?
"Bear with you?"
Seinfeld
This is a parking lot.
"This is a parking lot."
Seinfeld
I don't think you can return an item for spite.
"I don't think you can return an item for spite."
Seinfeld
Bob?
"Bob?"
Seinfeld
Well, you already said spite, so...
"Well, you already said spite, so..."
Seinfeld
- But I changed my mind. - No, you said spite.
"- But I changed my mind. - No, you said spite."
Seinfeld
Too late.
"Too late."
Seinfeld
I just remembered, I gotta get the Dreamcoat from the dry cleaner.
"I just remembered, I gotta get the Dreamcoat from the dry cleaner."
Seinfeld
Well, here we are.
"Well, here we are."
Seinfeld
Well, the funniest thing.
"Well, the funniest thing."
Seinfeld
So you'll just have to be a little bit patient.
"So you'll just have to be a little bit patient."
Seinfeld
Excuse me. Excuse me. Are you asking him out?
"Excuse me. Excuse me. Are you asking him out?"
Seinfeld
Yes, several.
"Yes, several."
Seinfeld
Just tell him he doesn't have to be in tomorrow until 11.
"Just tell him he doesn't have to be in tomorrow until 11."
Seinfeld
All right, turn to your right.
"All right, turn to your right."
Seinfeld
I was thinking about the wig historically.
"I was thinking about the wig historically."
Seinfeld
The Revolutionary War was the last war fought in wigs...
"The Revolutionary War was the last war fought in wigs..."
Seinfeld
...and it seems like that must have been hard. They're going into battle:
"...and it seems like that must have been hard. They're going into battle:"
Seinfeld
Well, do I have my bullets? Do I have my bobby pins?
"Well, do I have my bullets? Do I have my bobby pins?"
Seinfeld
You gotta make sure you have everything. Lot more to worry about.
"You gotta make sure you have everything. Lot more to worry about."
Seinfeld
I don't know when the whole wig thing came into style for a man...
"I don't know when the whole wig thing came into style for a man..."
Seinfeld
When the mirror was invented.
"When the mirror was invented."
Seinfeld
No guy is looking in a mirror...
"No guy is looking in a mirror..."
Seinfeld
...powdering a thatch of horsehair on his head, going:
"...powdering a thatch of horsehair on his head, going:"
Seinfeld
All right, let's go rap to the ladies.
"All right, let's go rap to the ladies."
Seinfeld
- I'm looking for a crested blazer. - A crested blazer.
"- I'm looking for a crested blazer. - A crested blazer."
Seinfeld
I wore one once, and I really think it did something for me.
"I wore one once, and I really think it did something for me."
Seinfeld
The Joseph Abboud crested blazer is the finest.
"The Joseph Abboud crested blazer is the finest."
Seinfeld
That's hand ticking around the crest...
"That's hand ticking around the crest..."
Seinfeld
...made from the finest antelope horn.
"...made from the finest antelope horn."
Seinfeld
Then they'll match my sneakers.
"Then they'll match my sneakers."
Seinfeld
It looks fabulous on you. Shall I wrap it up?
"It looks fabulous on you. Shall I wrap it up?"
Seinfeld
You know, I'm not sure.
"You know, I'm not sure."
Seinfeld
So I didn't like the crest all that much, but the guy spent 15 minutes with me.
"So I didn't like the crest all that much, but the guy spent 15 minutes with me."
Seinfeld
So he knew you were making it up?
"So he knew you were making it up?"
Seinfeld
So here's what I want you to do.
"So here's what I want you to do."
Seinfeld
Come with me to the store, and we'll pretend to look at the coat.
"Come with me to the store, and we'll pretend to look at the coat."
Seinfeld
Why go back there if you don't want the coat?
"Why go back there if you don't want the coat?"
Seinfeld
But you were.
"But you were."
Seinfeld
But if you go back with me, then I'm not.
"But if you go back with me, then I'm not."
Seinfeld
All right, fine. Whatever.
"All right, fine. Whatever."
Seinfeld
Problems with the houseguest?
"Problems with the houseguest?"
Seinfeld
What houseguest?
"What houseguest?"
Seinfeld
This friend of Susan's is staying with us for two weeks.
"This friend of Susan's is staying with us for two weeks."
Seinfeld
Now, am I wrong, or is that excessive?
"Now, am I wrong, or is that excessive?"
Seinfeld
Well, Bob Sacamano, he stayed with me once for a year and a half.
"Well, Bob Sacamano, he stayed with me once for a year and a half."
Seinfeld
- What is a wig master? - He's with the touring company...
"- What is a wig master? - He's with the touring company..."
Seinfeld
...of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.
"...of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat."
Seinfeld
So how about some tickets, George? You know, I'd kill for a peek.
"So how about some tickets, George? You know, I'd kill for a peek."
Seinfeld
Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure, sure. I gotta drop my car off at the new lot.
"Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure, sure. I gotta drop my car off at the new lot."
Seinfeld
- What lot's that? - Jiffy Park. It's incredible.
"- What lot's that? - Jiffy Park. It's incredible."
Seinfeld
Seventy-five dollars a month.
"Seventy-five dollars a month."
Seinfeld
Seventy-five bucks a month?
"Seventy-five bucks a month?"
Seinfeld
You get this cool T-shirt when you sign up.
"You get this cool T-shirt when you sign up."
Seinfeld
Remember me? I said I'd come back with someone, and I did.
"Remember me? I said I'd come back with someone, and I did."
Seinfeld
This is Elaine.
"This is Elaine."
Seinfeld
Oh, hello. I'm Craig.
"Oh, hello. I'm Craig."
Seinfeld
Oh, hi.
"Oh, hi."
Seinfeld
Well, here it is.
"Well, here it is."
Seinfeld
And look at this hand ticking around the crest.
"And look at this hand ticking around the crest."
Seinfeld
You know your clothes.
"You know your clothes."
Seinfeld
Well, I'm in the biz. I work for J. Peterman.
"Well, I'm in the biz. I work for J. Peterman."
Seinfeld
I love J. Peterman. I especially enjoy the catalog.
"I love J. Peterman. I especially enjoy the catalog."
Seinfeld
Those fanciful narratives really take me away.
"Those fanciful narratives really take me away."
Seinfeld
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
"- Oh, really? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
- You know what? I write those. - No.
"- You know what? I write those. - No."
Seinfeld
Well, I love it.
"Well, I love it."
Seinfeld
- You what? - I think it's great.
"- You what? - I think it's great."
Seinfeld
- I think you should get it. - Well...
"- I think you should get it. - Well..."
Seinfeld
- Will it be check or credit card? - Check.
"- Will it be check or credit card? - Check."
Seinfeld
Perhaps you could do the same.
"Perhaps you could do the same."
Seinfeld
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