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Clips from Seinfeld - The Calzone (S07E07)

"...but I know when it went out:"
Seinfeld
"Yes, I think we might have something."
Seinfeld
"I'll come back later with someone, see what they think."
Seinfeld
"- Really, I'll be back. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"To get out of the store, I said I wanted to see what someone else thought."
Seinfeld
"Then he makes a face like he doesn't believe me."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, he caught me."
Seinfeld
"That's ridiculous."
Seinfeld
"Because he thinks I was lying. I wanna show him I wasn't."
Seinfeld
"He's the guy in charge of the wigs."
Seinfeld
"Boy, imagine liking wigs to the point it becomes a career choice."
Seinfeld
"Oh, I'm down."
Seinfeld
"- Surprised? - No, I believed you."
Seinfeld
"Elaine, what about the crest? What do you think of the crest here?"
Seinfeld
"I'll need you to write down your phone number on the check for me."
Seinfeld
"It was very emasculating. He doesn't know the nature of our relationship."
Seinfeld
"Thank God you're home. I'm locked out."
Seinfeld
"- So you got my spare? - No, I gave it back to you."
Seinfeld
"- Take the bus. - I'm not gonna take the bus."
Seinfeld
"Would you pick a station!"
Seinfeld
"What's this?"
Seinfeld
"- Oh, you did? - Oh, yeah, we went way out and wild."
Seinfeld
"That doesn't explain the lipstick on the dashboard."
Seinfeld
"Here, take a few shirts."
Seinfeld
"Mr. Kramer, you like Cadillacs?"
Seinfeld
"I'll see you later. Thanks for driving me."
Seinfeld
"- What about it? - Come on."
Seinfeld
"Ponytail? Get real."
Seinfeld
"All I know is he promised me a discount on that dress."
Seinfeld
"It's been known to happen."
Seinfeld
"I'm telling you right now, Elaine..."
Seinfeld
"Excuse me. Would you mind if I ask you a few questions?"
Seinfeld
"Are you a cop?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, no, no. No, I'm not a cop. I work for the Yankees."
Seinfeld
"Turning tricks?"
Seinfeld
"...I just wanna know if I should change parking lots."
Seinfeld
"I'll pay for your time. I just need some information."
Seinfeld
"Even a tiny doubt, a dot of a doubt-"
Seinfeld
"Yes, you know, deal with it. We have to deal with the doubt, Susan."
Seinfeld
"- Ian. - Hey, Craig."
Seinfeld
"- Ian. - Ian."
Seinfeld
"All right. I'm gonna turn in."
Seinfeld
"I don't even know if I'm gonna sleep."
Seinfeld
"Well, that's all I've got."
Seinfeld
"- So? Who is he? - Some friend of his from England."
Seinfeld
"Well, how do you know he's not wondering the same thing about you?"
Seinfeld
"And now, if you would excuse us..."
Seinfeld
"Yeah."
Seinfeld
"This patio furniture's on sale."
Seinfeld
"Bear with you?"
Seinfeld
"This is a parking lot."
Seinfeld
"I don't think you can return an item for spite."
Seinfeld
"Bob?"
Seinfeld
"Well, you already said spite, so..."
Seinfeld
"- But I changed my mind. - No, you said spite."
Seinfeld
"Too late."
Seinfeld
"I just remembered, I gotta get the Dreamcoat from the dry cleaner."
Seinfeld
"Well, here we are."
Seinfeld
"Well, the funniest thing."
Seinfeld
"So you'll just have to be a little bit patient."
Seinfeld
"Excuse me. Excuse me. Are you asking him out?"
Seinfeld
"Yes, several."
Seinfeld
"Just tell him he doesn't have to be in tomorrow until 11."
Seinfeld
"All right, turn to your right."
Seinfeld
"I was thinking about the wig historically."
Seinfeld
"The Revolutionary War was the last war fought in wigs..."
Seinfeld
"...and it seems like that must have been hard. They're going into battle:"
Seinfeld
"Well, do I have my bullets? Do I have my bobby pins?"
Seinfeld
"You gotta make sure you have everything. Lot more to worry about."
Seinfeld
"I don't know when the whole wig thing came into style for a man..."
Seinfeld
"When the mirror was invented."
Seinfeld
"No guy is looking in a mirror..."
Seinfeld
"...powdering a thatch of horsehair on his head, going:"
Seinfeld
"All right, let's go rap to the ladies."
Seinfeld
"- I'm looking for a crested blazer. - A crested blazer."
Seinfeld
"I wore one once, and I really think it did something for me."
Seinfeld
"The Joseph Abboud crested blazer is the finest."
Seinfeld
"That's hand ticking around the crest..."
Seinfeld
"...made from the finest antelope horn."
Seinfeld
"Then they'll match my sneakers."
Seinfeld
"It looks fabulous on you. Shall I wrap it up?"
Seinfeld
"You know, I'm not sure."
Seinfeld
"So I didn't like the crest all that much, but the guy spent 15 minutes with me."
Seinfeld
"So he knew you were making it up?"
Seinfeld
"So here's what I want you to do."
Seinfeld
"Come with me to the store, and we'll pretend to look at the coat."
Seinfeld
"Why go back there if you don't want the coat?"
Seinfeld
"But you were."
Seinfeld
"But if you go back with me, then I'm not."
Seinfeld
"All right, fine. Whatever."
Seinfeld
"Problems with the houseguest?"
Seinfeld
"What houseguest?"
Seinfeld
"This friend of Susan's is staying with us for two weeks."
Seinfeld
"Now, am I wrong, or is that excessive?"
Seinfeld
"Well, Bob Sacamano, he stayed with me once for a year and a half."
Seinfeld
"- What is a wig master? - He's with the touring company..."
Seinfeld
"...of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat."
Seinfeld
"So how about some tickets, George? You know, I'd kill for a peek."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure, sure. I gotta drop my car off at the new lot."
Seinfeld
"- What lot's that? - Jiffy Park. It's incredible."
Seinfeld
"Seventy-five dollars a month."
Seinfeld
"Seventy-five bucks a month?"
Seinfeld
"You get this cool T-shirt when you sign up."
Seinfeld
"Remember me? I said I'd come back with someone, and I did."
Seinfeld
"This is Elaine."
Seinfeld
"Oh, hello. I'm Craig."
Seinfeld
"Oh, hi."
Seinfeld
"Well, here it is."
Seinfeld
"And look at this hand ticking around the crest."
Seinfeld
"You know your clothes."
Seinfeld
"Well, I'm in the biz. I work for J. Peterman."
Seinfeld
"I love J. Peterman. I especially enjoy the catalog."
Seinfeld
"Those fanciful narratives really take me away."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, really? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"- You know what? I write those. - No."
Seinfeld
"Well, I love it."
Seinfeld
"- You what? - I think it's great."
Seinfeld
"- I think you should get it. - Well..."
Seinfeld
"- Will it be check or credit card? - Check."
Seinfeld
"Perhaps you could do the same."
Seinfeld
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