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Clips from Seinfeld - Good News, Bad News (S01E01)

TV Series 1989 –1998 Season 1, Episode 1 22 min ★ 8.8/10 (390,457 ratings) 431 clips
Comedy

Episodes from this show

Title Season Episode
Good News, Bad News 1 1
The Stakeout 1 2
The Robbery 1 3
The Stock Tip 1 5
The Ex-Girlfriend 2 1
The Pony Remark 2 2
The Jacket 2 3
The Phone Message 2 4
The Apartment 2 5
The Statue 2 6
The Revenge 2 7
The Heart Attack 2 8
The Deal 2 9
The Baby Shower 2 10
The Chinese Restaurant 2 11
The Busboy 2 12
The Note 3 1
The Truth 3 2
The Pen 3 3
The Dog 3 4
The Library 3 5
The Parking Garage 3 6
The Cafe 3 7
The Tape 3 8
The Nose Job 3 9
The Stranded 3 10
The Alternate Side 3 11
The Red Dot 3 12
The Subway 3 13
The Pez Dispenser 3 14
The Suicide 3 15
The Fix Up 3 16
The Boyfriend: Part 1 3 17
The Limo 3 19
The Good Samaritan 3 20
The Letter 3 21
The Parking Space 3 22
The Keys 3 23
The Trip: Part 1 4 1
The Trip: Part 2 4 2
The Pitch 4 3
The Wallet 4 5
The Watch 4 6
The Bubble Boy 4 7
The Cheever Letters 4 8
The Opera 4 9
The Virgin 4 10
The Contest 4 11
The Airport 4 12
The Pick 4 13
The Movie 4 14
The Visa 4 15
The Shoes 4 16
The Outing 4 17
The Old Man 4 18
The Implant 4 19
The Junior Mint 4 20
The Smelly Car 4 21
The Handicap Spot 4 22
The Pilot 4 23
The Mango 5 1
The Puffy Shirt 5 2
The Glasses 5 3
The Sniffing Accountant 5 4
The Bris 5 5
The Lip Reader 5 6
The Non-Fat Yogurt 5 7
The Barber 5 8
The Masseuse 5 9
The Cigar Store Indian 5 10
The Conversion 5 11
The Stall 5 12
The Dinner Party 5 13
The Marine Biologist 5 14
The Pie 5 15
The Stand-In 5 16
The Wife 5 17
The Raincoats 5 18
The Fire 5 19
The Hamptons 5 20
The Opposite 5 21
The Chaperone 6 1
The Big Salad 6 2
The Pledge Drive 6 3
Title Season Episode
The Chinese Woman 6 4
The Couch 6 5
The Gymnast 6 6
The Soup 6 7
The Mom and Pop Store 6 8
The Secretary 6 9
The Race 6 10
The Switch 6 11
The Label Maker 6 12
The Scofflaw 6 13
Highlights of a Hundred 6 14
The Beard 6 15
The Doorman 6 17
The Jimmy 6 18
The Doodle 6 19
The Fusilli Jerry 6 20
The Diplomat's Club 6 21
The Face Painter 6 22
The Understudy 6 23
The Engagement 7 1
The Postponement 7 2
The Maestro 7 3
The Wink 7 4
The Hot Tub 7 5
The Soup Nazi 7 6
The Secret Code 7 7
The Pool Guy 7 8
The Sponge 7 9
The Gum 7 10
The Rye 7 11
The Caddy 7 12
The Seven 7 13
The Cadillac 7 14
The Doll 7 16
The Friars Club 7 17
The Wig Master 7 18
The Calzone 7 19
The Bottle Deposit 7 20
The Wait Out 7 21
The Invitations 7 22
The Foundation 8 1
The Soul Mate 8 2
The Bizarro Jerry 8 3
The Little Kicks 8 4
The Package 8 5
The Fatigues 8 6
The Checks 8 7
The Chicken Roaster 8 8
The Abstinence 8 9
The Andrea Doria 8 10
The Little Jerry 8 11
The Money 8 12
The Comeback 8 13
The Van Buren Boys 8 14
The Susie 8 15
The Pothole 8 16
The English Patient 8 17
The Nap 8 18
The Yada Yada 8 19
The Millennium 8 20
The Muffin Tops 8 21
The Summer of George 8 22
The Butter Shave 9 1
The Voice 9 2
The Serenity Now 9 3
The Blood 9 4
The Junk Mail 9 5
The Merv Griffin Show 9 6
The Slicer 9 7
The Betrayal 9 8
The Apology 9 9
The Strike 9 10
The Dealership 9 11
The Reverse Peephole 9 12
The Cartoon 9 13
The Strongbox 9 14
The Wizard 9 15
The Burning 9 16
The Bookstore 9 17
The Frogger 9 18
The Maid 9 19
The Puerto Rican Day 9 20
The Chronicle 9 21
The Finale 9 23
So I'm on line at the supermarket.
"So I'm on line at the supermarket."
Seinfeld
Two women in front of me.
"Two women in front of me."
Seinfeld
One of them, her total was $8. The other, $3.
"One of them, her total was $8. The other, $3."
Seinfeld
They both, of course, choose to pay by the use of the check.
"They both, of course, choose to pay by the use of the check."
Seinfeld
Fact is, if it is a woman in front of you that's writing out the check...
"Fact is, if it is a woman in front of you that's writing out the check..."
Seinfeld
...you'll not be waiting long.
"...you'll not be waiting long."
Seinfeld
I have noticed that women are very fast with checks.
"I have noticed that women are very fast with checks."
Seinfeld
You know, because they write out so many checks.
"You know, because they write out so many checks."
Seinfeld
The keys, they can never find. They don't know where that is.
"The keys, they can never find. They don't know where that is."
Seinfeld
But the checkbook, they got that.
"But the checkbook, they got that."
Seinfeld
They never fumble for the checkbook.
"They never fumble for the checkbook."
Seinfeld
The checkbook comes out of a holster.
"The checkbook comes out of a holster."
Seinfeld
Who do I make it out to?
"Who do I make it out to?"
Seinfeld
There's my ID.
"There's my ID."
Seinfeld
There's something about a check, that, to a man, is not masculine.
"There's something about a check, that, to a man, is not masculine."
Seinfeld
I don't know exactly what it is. I think, to a man...
"I don't know exactly what it is. I think, to a man..."
Seinfeld
...a check is like a note from your mother.
"...a check is like a note from your mother."
Seinfeld
I don't have any money, but if you'll contact these people...
"I don't have any money, but if you'll contact these people..."
Seinfeld
...I'm sure they'll stick up for me. If you could just trust me this one time.
"...I'm sure they'll stick up for me. If you could just trust me this one time."
Seinfeld
I don't have any money, but I have these.
"I don't have any money, but I have these."
Seinfeld
I wrote on these.
"I wrote on these."
Seinfeld
Is this of any value at all?
"Is this of any value at all?"
Seinfeld
What's that one?
"What's that one?"
Seinfeld
Cocoon II, The Return.
"Cocoon II, The Return."
Seinfeld
I guess they didn't like it up there.
"I guess they didn't like it up there."
Seinfeld
Maybe they came back for Chinese food.
"Maybe they came back for Chinese food."
Seinfeld
You know, Maureen Stapleton gets a craving...
"You know, Maureen Stapleton gets a craving..."
Seinfeld
...she's probably screaming at those aliens:
"...she's probably screaming at those aliens:"
Seinfeld
I gotta have a lo mein.
"I gotta have a lo mein."
Seinfeld
Okay, what are we doing here? I have seen everything.
"Okay, what are we doing here? I have seen everything."
Seinfeld
Oh, yeah?
"Oh, yeah?"
Seinfeld
I don't believe you've seen this.
"I don't believe you've seen this."
Seinfeld
- Oh, lovely. - Yeah.
"- Oh, lovely. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
What do you think their parents think?
"What do you think their parents think?"
Seinfeld
So, what's your son doing now, Dr. Stevens?
"So, what's your son doing now, Dr. Stevens?"
Seinfeld
Oh, he's a public fornicator.
"Oh, he's a public fornicator."
Seinfeld
Yes, he's a fine boy.
"Yes, he's a fine boy."
Seinfeld
You know, this would be a really funny gift for Pamela's birthday.
"You know, this would be a really funny gift for Pamela's birthday."
Seinfeld
Pamela. Do I know her?
"Pamela. Do I know her?"
Seinfeld
Yeah, you met her when we were going out.
"Yeah, you met her when we were going out."
Seinfeld
Oh, yeah, right.
"Oh, yeah, right."
Seinfeld
You have no idea who I'm talking about, do you?
"You have no idea who I'm talking about, do you?"
Seinfeld
No.
"No."
Seinfeld
Blond hair, remember? Glasses.
"Blond hair, remember? Glasses."
Seinfeld
Have you totally blocked out the entire time we were a couple?
"Have you totally blocked out the entire time we were a couple?"
Seinfeld
- Riverside Drive. - Right.
"- Riverside Drive. - Right."
Seinfeld
In fact... No. Never mind.
"In fact... No. Never mind."
Seinfeld
Well, what is it?
"Well, what is it?"
Seinfeld
A bunch of people are getting together tomorrow at some bar...
"A bunch of people are getting together tomorrow at some bar..."
Seinfeld
...for her birthday, but...
"...for her birthday, but..."
Seinfeld
You don't want to go to that. No. Okay.
"You don't want to go to that. No. Okay."
Seinfeld
Wait a second. Wait a second.
"Wait a second. Wait a second."
Seinfeld
We could work out a little deal here.
"We could work out a little deal here."
Seinfeld
- What little deal? - I will go to that...
"- What little deal? - I will go to that..."
Seinfeld
...you go with me to the little family wedding I have on Saturday.
"...you go with me to the little family wedding I have on Saturday."
Seinfeld
A wedding?
"A wedding?"
Seinfeld
- Have you lost it, man? - My parents are coming in for this.
"- Have you lost it, man? - My parents are coming in for this."
Seinfeld
- They're coming in? - Yeah, tomorrow.
"- They're coming in? - Yeah, tomorrow."
Seinfeld
Hey, did your father ever get that hair weave?
"Hey, did your father ever get that hair weave?"
Seinfeld
No, no.
"No, no."
Seinfeld
Still doing the big sweep across.
"Still doing the big sweep across."
Seinfeld
Why does he do that?
"Why does he do that?"
Seinfeld
Doesn't think anyone can tell.
"Doesn't think anyone can tell."
Seinfeld
So, come on, do we have a deal?
"So, come on, do we have a deal?"
Seinfeld
A wedding?
"A wedding?"
Seinfeld
There's a lot of people to mock.
"There's a lot of people to mock."
Seinfeld
- All right. What the hell. - Great.
"- All right. What the hell. - Great."
Seinfeld
When you're dead, you're dead. That's it. You're not going anywhere.
"When you're dead, you're dead. That's it. You're not going anywhere."
Seinfeld
- Come on, let's go. - Was I supposed to bring something?
"- Come on, let's go. - Was I supposed to bring something?"
Seinfeld
- You could have. - I met her one time.
"- You could have. - I met her one time."
Seinfeld
- It is not necessary. - Then what did you say that for?
"- It is not necessary. - Then what did you say that for?"
Seinfeld
- Hi. - Hi, Pamela.
"- Hi. - Hi, Pamela."
Seinfeld
- You remember Jerry? - Yes, we met.
"- You remember Jerry? - Yes, we met."
Seinfeld
- Happy birthday. - Thanks.
"- Happy birthday. - Thanks."
Seinfeld
Everybody, this is Jerry and Elaine.
"Everybody, this is Jerry and Elaine."
Seinfeld
- Hi. - Hi.
"- Hi. - Hi."
Seinfeld
I didn't bring anything.
"I didn't bring anything."
Seinfeld
- I put you two right here. - Oh, okay.
"- I put you two right here. - Oh, okay."
Seinfeld
I'm sorry. I didn't know what... You know.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know what... You know."
Seinfeld
Nobody's told me anything about this...
"Nobody's told me anything about this..."
Seinfeld
How big a tip you think it would take to get him to stop?
"How big a tip you think it would take to get him to stop?"
Seinfeld
I'm in for 5.
"I'm in for 5."
Seinfeld
I'll supply the hat.
"I'll supply the hat."
Seinfeld
What do we have here?
"What do we have here?"
Seinfeld
Why don't you relax, and take your jacket off.
"Why don't you relax, and take your jacket off."
Seinfeld
I can't. I have a tendency to get chilly.
"I can't. I have a tendency to get chilly."
Seinfeld
How masculine.
"How masculine."
Seinfeld
Plus I'm wearing short sleeves. I don't want to expose my tattoos.
"Plus I'm wearing short sleeves. I don't want to expose my tattoos."
Seinfeld
She's unbelievable.
"She's unbelievable."
Seinfeld
- Hey, this guy says he know Bricker. - Oh, you know Bricker? From where?
"- Hey, this guy says he know Bricker. - Oh, you know Bricker? From where?"
Seinfeld
What's going on here?
"What's going on here?"
Seinfeld
Got to be her boyfriend. She's too good to be alone.
"Got to be her boyfriend. She's too good to be alone."
Seinfeld
What's the difference? I can't manoeuvre anyway...
"What's the difference? I can't manoeuvre anyway..."
Seinfeld
...with Elaine next to me.
"...with Elaine next to me."
Seinfeld
- How do you know Pamela? - Friend of a friend.
"- How do you know Pamela? - Friend of a friend."
Seinfeld
- And you? - We went to law school together.
"- And you? - We went to law school together."
Seinfeld
Oh, Jerry.
"Oh, Jerry."
Seinfeld
Oh, no. Not now.
"Oh, no. Not now."
Seinfeld
I had this dream last night, and you were in it.
"I had this dream last night, and you were in it."
Seinfeld
- Really? - Yeah.
"- Really? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
Oh, God, I gotta get out of this.
"Oh, God, I gotta get out of this."
Seinfeld
You were you, but you weren't you.
"You were you, but you weren't you."
Seinfeld
- No kidding? - Yeah.
"- No kidding? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
Why is this happening? Please mak e her stop.
"Why is this happening? Please mak e her stop."
Seinfeld
I think... I think we were in my house where I grew up...
"I think... I think we were in my house where I grew up..."
Seinfeld
...and you were standing there. You were looking out the window.
"...and you were standing there. You were looking out the window."
Seinfeld
This is brutal.
"This is brutal."
Seinfeld
And then you turned around, and you had these wooden teeth.
"And then you turned around, and you had these wooden teeth."
Seinfeld
How do you like that?
"How do you like that?"
Seinfeld
Can I turn now? Is this over?
"Can I turn now? Is this over?"
Seinfeld
No, I can't. I can't. I'm stuck.
"No, I can't. I can't. I'm stuck."
Seinfeld
Jerry, are you listening to me?
"Jerry, are you listening to me?"
Seinfeld
Yes. I heard you.
"Yes. I heard you."
Seinfeld
Elaine, what's the name of that jewellery store you took me to that time?
"Elaine, what's the name of that jewellery store you took me to that time?"
Seinfeld
Thank you, Pamela.
"Thank you, Pamela."
Seinfeld
So, you're a lawyer?
"So, you're a lawyer?"
Seinfeld
Sagman, Bennett, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taff.
"Sagman, Bennett, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taff."
Seinfeld
Sagman, Bennett, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taff.
"Sagman, Bennett, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taff."
Seinfeld
Of course, they handled my tattoo-removal lawsuit.
"Of course, they handled my tattoo-removal lawsuit."
Seinfeld
- Oh, that was you. - Imagine.
"- Oh, that was you. - Imagine."
Seinfeld