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Clips from Archer - Animation (S02E02)

Short Films 2009 Season 2, Episode 3 7 min 437 clips
Short Sport Documentary

Episodes from this show

Title Season Episode
Mole Hunt 1 1
Training Day 1 2
Diversity Hire 1 3
Killing Utne 1 4
Honeypot 1 5
Skorpio 1 6
Skytanic 1 7
The Rock 1 8
Job Offer 1 9
Dial M for Mother 1 10
Swiss Miss 2 1
Animation 2 2
Animation 2 3
Animation 2 4
Animation 2 5
Animation 2 6
Animation 2 7
Animation 2 8
Animation 2 9
Animation 2 10
Animation 2 11
Animation 2 12
Animation 2 13
Animation 3 1
Animation 3 2
Animation 3 3
Animation 3 4
Animation 3 5
Animation 3 6
Animation 3 7
Animation 3 8
Animation 3 9
Animation 3 10
Animation 3 11
Animation 3 12
Animation 3 13
Fugue and Riffs 4 1
Animation 4 2
Animation 4 3
Animation 4 4
Animation 4 5
Animation 4 6
Animation 4 7
Animation 4 8
Animation 4 9
Animation 4 10
Animation 4 11
Animation 5 1
Animation 5 2
Animation 5 3
Animation 5 4
Animation 5 5
Animation 5 6
Animation 5 7
Animation 5 8
Animation 5 9
Animation 5 10
Title Season Episode
Animation 5 11
Animation 5 12
Animation 5 13
The Holdout 6 1
Three to Tango 6 2
The Archer Sanction 6 3
Edie's Wedding 6 4
Vision Quest 6 5
Sitting 6 6
Animation 6 7
Animation 6 8
Animation 6 9
Animation 6 10
Animation 6 11
Animation 6 12
Animation 6 13
The Figgis Agency 7 1
The Handoff 7 2
Deadly Prep 7 3
Motherless Child 7 4
Bel Panto: Part I 7 5
Bel Panto: Part II 7 6
Double Indecency 7 7
Liquid Lunch 7 8
Deadly Velvet: Part 1 7 9
Deadly Velvet: Part 2 7 10
Animation 8 1
Animation 8 2
Animation 8 3
Animation 8 4
Animation 8 5
Animation 8 6
Animation 8 7
Animation 8 8
Danger Island: Different Modes of Preparing the Fruit 9 3
Danger Island: A Warrior in Costume 9 4
Danger Island: Strange Doings in the Taboo Groves 9 5
Danger Island: Some Remarks on Cannibalism 9 6
Danger Island: Comparative Wickedness of Civilized and Unenlightened Peoples 9 7
Archer: 1999 -- Bort the Garj 10 1
Archer: 1999 -- Happy Borthday 10 2
Archer: 1999 -- The Leftovers 10 3
Archer: 1999 -- Dining with the Zarglorp 10 4
Archer: 1999 -- Mr. Deadly Goes to Town 10 5
Archer: 1999 -- Road Trip 10 6
Archer: 1999 -- Space Pirates 10 7
Archer: 1999 -- Cubert 10 8
Archer: 1999 -- Robert De Niro 10 9
The Orpheus Gambit 11 1
Bloodsploosh 11 2
Helping Hands 11 3
Robot Factory 11 4
Best Friends 11 5
The Double Date 11 6
Caught Napping 11 7
Cold Fusion 11 8
Archer, I still haven't gotten those T&E reports you promised me.
"Archer, I still haven't gotten those T&E reports you promised me."
Archer
- Cyril's about half a wreck, huh? - Yeah, so why do you pick on him?
"- Cyril's about half a wreck, huh? - Yeah, so why do you pick on him?"
Archer
...about how to introduce your mother to a hooker.
"...about how to introduce your mother to a hooker."
Archer
- The what? - Yes, the what, dear.
"- The what? - Yes, the what, dear."
Archer
Well, he better not be.
"Well, he better not be."
Archer
I couldn't bear the shame it would bring on this family to have...
"I couldn't bear the shame it would bring on this family to have..."
Archer
Because babies are soft-skulled, fat little germ sacks...
"Because babies are soft-skulled, fat little germ sacks..."
Archer
...and now we've all been exposed to that one's bacteria.
"...and now we've all been exposed to that one's bacteria."
Archer
- Wait, what? - Don't engage her.
"- Wait, what? - Don't engage her."
Archer
But come on, Lana.
"But come on, Lana."
Archer
As far as Archer's concerned...
"As far as Archer's concerned..."
Archer
Did he have some sort of character flaw?
"Did he have some sort of character flaw?"
Archer
- Yeah, we are code blue here. - Hey, yeah, blue. Like for baby boys.
"- Yeah, we are code blue here. - Hey, yeah, blue. Like for baby boys."
Archer
Well, Archer's got that banging pad.
"Well, Archer's got that banging pad."
Archer
...even though Mr. Archer is the only party named in the subpoena.
"...even though Mr. Archer is the only party named in the subpoena."
Archer
And said test will, obviously, be administered by a third party, so...
"And said test will, obviously, be administered by a third party, so..."
Archer
A third party? But we have a state-of-the-art laboratory at ISIS.
"A third party? But we have a state-of-the-art laboratory at ISIS."
Archer
How's it hanging, buddy?
"How's it hanging, buddy?"
Archer
This is pro-bono.
"This is pro-bono."
Archer
- What the...? Hey! MALORY: What the hell is this?
"- What the...? Hey! MALORY: What the hell is this?"
Archer
- We take a blood sample from Archer. - Blood?
"- We take a blood sample from Archer. - Blood?"
Archer
...which should prevent his attempting to compromise the test.
"...which should prevent his attempting to compromise the test."
Archer
- You're bleeding him dry. - Seriously, how much is a liter?
"- You're bleeding him dry. - Seriously, how much is a liter?"
Archer
I don't know why I told you where. It doesn't matter.
"I don't know why I told you where. It doesn't matter."
Archer
...thus ensuring complete accuracy of the paternity test.
"...thus ensuring complete accuracy of the paternity test."
Archer
Vis-à-vis a unit of volume.
"Vis-à-vis a unit of volume."
Archer
[ARCHER GROANS]
"[ARCHER GROANS]"
Archer
ARCHER: I seriously don't feel good at all.
"ARCHER: I seriously don't feel good at all."
Archer
Decent chance.
"Decent chance."
Archer
ARCHER: Woodhouse, what the hell is this? - It's a baby shower.
"ARCHER: Woodhouse, what the hell is this? - It's a baby shower."
Archer
Because I told you to buy lemon curd, Woodhouse.
"Because I told you to buy lemon curd, Woodhouse."
Archer
Your tears?
"Your tears?"
Archer
- Oh, you guys are so sweet. - I made that.
"- Oh, you guys are so sweet. - I made that."
Archer
So you won't need this.
"So you won't need this."
Archer
I don't know if it's the blood loss or what, but this whole thing feels...
"I don't know if it's the blood loss or what, but this whole thing feels..."
Archer
Pretty stupid, Archer. Getting a hooker pregnant? Yikes.
"Pretty stupid, Archer. Getting a hooker pregnant? Yikes."
Archer
I'm sure I don't care for your tone.
"I'm sure I don't care for your tone."
Archer
LANA: But... - Okay, thank you.
"LANA: But... - Okay, thank you."
Archer
...you're gonna get all boohooey and ask me to pump a baby in you.
"...you're gonna get all boohooey and ask me to pump a baby in you."
Archer
So can you say best dancer ever?
"So can you say best dancer ever?"
Archer
Well, just wait till the new DSM comes out. Then we'll see.
"Well, just wait till the new DSM comes out. Then we'll see."
Archer
So nobody sees you doing the dirt.
"So nobody sees you doing the dirt."
Archer
Well, at least I'm not a sex addict.
"Well, at least I'm not a sex addict."
Archer
I shall fetch my gear.
"I shall fetch my gear."
Archer
- No. - Maybe it was an ice cube.
"- No. - Maybe it was an ice cube."
Archer
Woodhouse. He's a heroin addict?
"Woodhouse. He's a heroin addict?"
Archer
Now, go lure Cyril into the bathroom so we can drain his stupid blood.
"Now, go lure Cyril into the bathroom so we can drain his stupid blood."
Archer
What was I to do? Say, "Take a load off while we pump you full of heroin?"
"What was I to do? Say, "Take a load off while we pump you full of heroin?""
Archer
Dear God, that was my entire stash.
"Dear God, that was my entire stash."
Archer
- Eight gills is way more than I thought. - That's why you're so woozy.
"- Eight gills is way more than I thought. - That's why you're so woozy."
Archer
Wait, what am I saying? I don't even know his blood type.
"Wait, what am I saying? I don't even know his blood type."
Archer
Fan...
"Fan..."
Archer
Because this is about to get weird.
"Because this is about to get weird."
Archer
Because I'll save you some time.
"Because I'll save you some time."
Archer
Look at that, his little baby shoes.
"Look at that, his little baby shoes."
Archer
- Want me to freshen that up? - Try not to drown it.
"- Want me to freshen that up? - Try not to drown it."
Archer
- Just get straight on out. - Oh, come on.
"- Just get straight on out. - Oh, come on."
Archer
[ZIPPER ZIPS]
"[ZIPPER ZIPS]"
Archer
You know, at some point in the future.
"You know, at some point in the future."
Archer
- They only took a bit of blood. - Quit being such a baby.
"- They only took a bit of blood. - Quit being such a baby."
Archer
MALORY: Sterling! - You quit being such a baby, you prick.
"MALORY: Sterling! - You quit being such a baby, you prick."
Archer
- Prick. ...said liter was never...
"- Prick. ...said liter was never..."
Archer
I hereby cede any and all rights...
"I hereby cede any and all rights..."
Archer
- Exciting, isn't it? - Not really, because it's gonna say...
"- Exciting, isn't it? - Not really, because it's gonna say..."
Archer
Probably the most expensive candy bar you ever ate, you dunce.
"Probably the most expensive candy bar you ever ate, you dunce."
Archer
Because even if somebody did break into the vault...
"Because even if somebody did break into the vault..."
Archer
...then I turn to sex to feel attractive again, then it's just this vicious cycle.
"...then I turn to sex to feel attractive again, then it's just this vicious cycle."
Archer
Don't you see? The wee baby Seamus is Cyril's.
"Don't you see? The wee baby Seamus is Cyril's."
Archer
No, yes, I could...
"No, yes, I could..."
Archer
[ENGINE STARTS]
"[ENGINE STARTS]"
Archer
- That and a genetic predisposition toward... WOODHOUSE: Ants!
"- That and a genetic predisposition toward... WOODHOUSE: Ants!"
Archer
Or whatever.
"Or whatever."
Archer
ARCHER: Yeah, and what do you even do here, sit on your ass and analyze data?
"ARCHER: Yeah, and what do you even do here, sit on your ass and analyze data?"
Archer
Well, I'm a field agent, Isaac Newton. I risk my life.
"Well, I'm a field agent, Isaac Newton. I risk my life."
Archer
So, yeah, I do deserve the best space in the parking garage.
"So, yeah, I do deserve the best space in the parking garage."
Archer
Like it'd kill you to roll 50 feet. Stupid thing's electric.
"Like it'd kill you to roll 50 feet. Stupid thing's electric."
Archer
Are you sure? You didn't eat them?
"Are you sure? You didn't eat them?"
Archer
Yeah, well, since Lana broke up with me, I've been finding solace in food.
"Yeah, well, since Lana broke up with me, I've been finding solace in food."
Archer
Well, keep your chins up, Cyril. All 11 of them.
"Well, keep your chins up, Cyril. All 11 of them."
Archer
L... Oh, was that not rhetorical?
"L... Oh, was that not rhetorical?"
Archer
- And why are you bleaching everything? - Ugh! Because it sneezed out here.
"- And why are you bleaching everything? - Ugh! Because it sneezed out here."
Archer
- Okay, is Mother in? - Oh, she's in there, all right.
"- Okay, is Mother in? - Oh, she's in there, all right."
Archer
ARCHER: Thanks, crazy. L...
"ARCHER: Thanks, crazy. L..."
Archer
- Wait, who's they? WOMAN: Hello, Archer.
"- Wait, who's they? WOMAN: Hello, Archer."
Archer
Trinette. Why are you here?
"Trinette. Why are you here?"
Archer
You don't call me for a year and that's how you talk to me?
"You don't call me for a year and that's how you talk to me?"
Archer
Yes, dear, where are your manners?
"Yes, dear, where are your manners?"
Archer
Oh, I'm sorry, I guess I skipped the Emily Post chapter...
"Oh, I'm sorry, I guess I skipped the Emily Post chapter..."
Archer
Escort, you puke. And I'm retired.
"Escort, you puke. And I'm retired."
Archer
Yeah? Your 401(k) doing that well?
"Yeah? Your 401(k) doing that well?"
Archer
- I have a SEP, smartass. - You have a SEP?
"- I have a SEP, smartass. - You have a SEP?"
Archer
Oh, and this. So I ain't worried about getting by.
"Oh, and this. So I ain't worried about getting by."
Archer
- Why is this a subpoena? - It's for the paternity test.
"- Why is this a subpoena? - It's for the paternity test."
Archer
ARCHER: Wha...? - And the who.
"ARCHER: Wha...? - And the who."
Archer
What who? Who is that?
"What who? Who is that?"
Archer
- Why, this is Seamus McGoon Ster... - No, Seamus Sterling McGoon Archer.
"- Why, this is Seamus McGoon Ster... - No, Seamus Sterling McGoon Archer."
Archer
- Why is that who named like me? TRINETTE: Why do you think?
"- Why is that who named like me? TRINETTE: Why do you think?"
Archer
- I'm asking you why. - Because he's your son.
"- I'm asking you why. - Because he's your son."
Archer
You colossal ******* idiot.
"You colossal ******* idiot."
Archer
[BABY COOS]
"[BABY COOS]"
Archer
MALORY: Why?
"MALORY: Why?"
Archer
Why didn't you just get a vasectomy like I asked you to?
"Why didn't you just get a vasectomy like I asked you to?"
Archer
I thought it would hurt.
"I thought it would hurt."
Archer
- And this doesn't? - Well, in a... It's apples and oranges.
"- And this doesn't? - Well, in a... It's apples and oranges."
Archer
I'm not ready to be a grandmother.
"I'm not ready to be a grandmother."
Archer
Really? But you're so...
"Really? But you're so..."
Archer
- Grandmotherly? - No. Old.
"- Grandmotherly? - No. Old."
Archer
If and when I am ready for a grandchild...
"If and when I am ready for a grandchild..."
Archer
...it won't be the potato-faced spawn of some Irish whore.
"...it won't be the potato-faced spawn of some Irish whore."
Archer
It's probably not. Seriously, what's the odds on that?
"It's probably not. Seriously, what's the odds on that?"
Archer
I used to have to book her weeks in advance.
"I used to have to book her weeks in advance."
Archer
- Ugh. - Although...
"- Ugh. - Although..."
Archer
- Although what? - Um...
"- Although what? - Um..."
Archer
ARCHER: Phew. Wow.
"ARCHER: Phew. Wow."
Archer
- Trinette, that was amazing. - Yeah, well, you know...
"- Trinette, that was amazing. - Yeah, well, you know..."
Archer
Wai... Wha...? Wait a minute. You liar.
"Wai... Wha...? Wait a minute. You liar."
Archer
This ain't a condom wrapper, it's from a fricking candy bar.
"This ain't a condom wrapper, it's from a fricking candy bar."
Archer
- So? Sometimes I like to treat myself. - Well, sometimes I like to ovulate.
"- So? Sometimes I like to treat myself. - Well, sometimes I like to ovulate."
Archer
Well, I gotta sleep, so do it somewhere else.
"Well, I gotta sleep, so do it somewhere else."
Archer
Money's on the dresser.
"Money's on the dresser."
Archer