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Clips from Archer - Animation (S04E04)

Short Films 2009 Season 4, Episode 11 7 min 349 clips
Short Sport Documentary
Out.
"Out."
Archer
Can't have anything nice.
"Can't have anything nice."
Archer
Something about a faction of the Swiss Guard
"Something about a faction of the Swiss Guard"
Archer
No. I'm sure whoever it is--
"No. I'm sure whoever it is--"
Archer
Ah! Or that. Shit.
"Ah! Or that. Shit."
Archer
Just put him through, you idiot. Okay. Jesus.
"Just put him through, you idiot. Okay. Jesus."
Archer
And you are the only woman...
"And you are the only woman..."
Archer
And you are the only man who ever made me--
"And you are the only man who ever made me--"
Archer
Malory, you have married? Uh...
"Malory, you have married? Uh..."
Archer
You are a fortunate man, signore.
"You are a fortunate man, signore."
Archer
- Oh, blow it out your cassock. - Ron!
"- Oh, blow it out your cassock. - Ron!"
Archer
Malory, we don't have much time. Your agents of ISIS, they are ready, no?
"Malory, we don't have much time. Your agents of ISIS, they are ready, no?"
Archer
Heh. What, they don't have black nuns?
"Heh. What, they don't have black nuns?"
Archer
Ehh... Well, since you're not sending me...
"Ehh... Well, since you're not sending me..."
Archer
First thing I did was watch every episode Daughter of the Devil...
"First thing I did was watch every episode Daughter of the Devil..."
Archer
...which, by the way, was grossly-- Inadequate preparation...
"...which, by the way, was grossly-- Inadequate preparation..."
Archer
But which you're not. Who's your backup if Ray's not going? Cyril?
"But which you're not. Who's your backup if Ray's not going? Cyril?"
Archer
Well, if you were confused, verging on angry, before--
"Well, if you were confused, verging on angry, before--"
Archer
...which neither of you speak nor even understand, obviously, so--
"...which neither of you speak nor even understand, obviously, so--"
Archer
So I would argue-- With a fence post?
"So I would argue-- With a fence post?"
Archer
Not you, the-- The fence post?
"Not you, the-- The fence post?"
Archer
Back in a tick.
"Back in a tick."
Archer
No. Thank you.
"No. Thank you."
Archer
Then you are not gonna like my Romansh.
"Then you are not gonna like my Romansh."
Archer
Assassins plan to kill the Holy Father in his own bed on this very night.
"Assassins plan to kill the Holy Father in his own bed on this very night."
Archer
His head is not up his ass.
"His head is not up his ass."
Archer
How'd you know what he said? It was an eight-hour flight.
"How'd you know what he said? It was an eight-hour flight."
Archer
We absolutely do not call it the old switcheroo.
"We absolutely do not call it the old switcheroo."
Archer
Where the hell are we?
"Where the hell are we?"
Archer
Uh, this new place called Italy?
"Uh, this new place called Italy?"
Archer
How did I get all the way downtown?
"How did I get all the way downtown?"
Archer
Aw, crap, he's already dead.
"Aw, crap, he's already dead."
Archer
- What the hell are you doing? - Gonna see if his breath fogs it up.
"- What the hell are you doing? - Gonna see if his breath fogs it up."
Archer
Put the stupid mirror back. He's not-- Ah!
"Put the stupid mirror back. He's not-- Ah!"
Archer
Dead. Nice job, Oliver Cromwell. I killed the pope.
"Dead. Nice job, Oliver Cromwell. I killed the pope."
Archer
Hey, Your Holiness.
"Hey, Your Holiness."
Archer
Is he dead'? I don't know. Shut up, I'm--
"Is he dead'? I don't know. Shut up, I'm--"
Archer
Oh, my God, you crushed the pope?
"Oh, my God, you crushed the pope?"
Archer
Huh? Oh.
"Huh? Oh."
Archer
Oh. Ow!
"Oh. Ow!"
Archer
We're-- Your Holiness, do you speak English?
"We're-- Your Holiness, do you speak English?"
Archer
Archer. We'll hide you, put him in your place...
"Archer. We'll hide you, put him in your place..."
Archer
...wait for them to come in, and then-- Then what? You are only two.
"...wait for them to come in, and then-- Then what? You are only two."
Archer
Shut up. And with all due respect, Your Holiness, it's the Swiss Guard.
"Shut up. And with all due respect, Your Holiness, it's the Swiss Guard."
Archer
I think we can handle a few court jesters with, whatever, halberds.
"I think we can handle a few court jesters with, whatever, halberds."
Archer
Which is why, now, they use MP5s. Oh.
"Which is why, now, they use MP5s. Oh."
Archer
I thought they just had halberds. Do you at least have a sidearm?
"I thought they just had halberds. Do you at least have a sidearm?"
Archer
I got him. Just toss him down.
"I got him. Just toss him down."
Archer
La sacra Bibbia says it is a mortal sin.
"La sacra Bibbia says it is a mortal sin."
Archer
No, I-- Bishop the android from Aliens?
"No, I-- Bishop the android from Aliens?"
Archer
...with the world's worst colleague. Bishop the android from Aliens.
"...with the world's worst colleague. Bishop the android from Aliens."
Archer
- Oh, really? - Yes, really.
"- Oh, really? - Yes, really."
Archer
A, I was a race car driver, and B--
"A, I was a race car driver, and B--"
Archer
--The pope could drive better than you. No, no.
"--The pope could drive better than you. No, no."
Archer
Oh, right, right. Halberdsmen are foot soldiers.
"Oh, right, right. Halberdsmen are foot soldiers."
Archer
Cardinal Corelli. He--
"Cardinal Corelli. He--"
Archer
Yeah. You must make a shitload.
"Yeah. You must make a shitload."
Archer
Take the wheel and maintain speed.
"Take the wheel and maintain speed."
Archer
Fake dynamite? That's your plan?
"Fake dynamite? That's your plan?"
Archer
Plus, he's a whoremonger.
"Plus, he's a whoremonger."
Archer
Cough. Oh, please. Who hasn't paid for it?
"Cough. Oh, please. Who hasn't paid for it?"
Archer
Pam! Get down!
"Pam! Get down!"
Archer
Is the pope hit?
"Is the pope hit?"
Archer
Lesson one.
"Lesson one."
Archer
Who am I, William Safire?
"Who am I, William Safire?"
Archer
Oh, and speaking of, in the hole!
"Oh, and speaking of, in the hole!"
Archer
Ah. So the good news is, my men have apprehended Cardinal Corelli...
"Ah. So the good news is, my men have apprehended Cardinal Corelli..."
Archer
SEAL Team 6 is like the Girl Scouts. Exactly.
"SEAL Team 6 is like the Girl Scouts. Exactly."
Archer
But the real good news-- Ow!
"But the real good news-- Ow!"
Archer
However, we cannot tell these two apart.
"However, we cannot tell these two apart."
Archer
What? Oh, my--
"What? Oh, my--"
Archer
You asshole. Was he crushed?
"You asshole. Was he crushed?"
Archer
...promise you'll never tell Mother. Okay, I promise.
"...promise you'll never tell Mother. Okay, I promise."
Archer
Pam!
"Pam!"
Archer
...then tell Rodney they need travel documents an hour ago.
"...then tell Rodney they need travel documents an hour ago."
Archer
Why don't I shove a broom up my ass and sweep the floor?
"Why don't I shove a broom up my ass and sweep the floor?"
Archer
Aww!
"Aww!"
Archer
Nothing.
"Nothing."
Archer
Good luck. She just had an electro--
"Good luck. She just had an electro--"
Archer
Did Krieger give you robot hands?
"Did Krieger give you robot hands?"
Archer
Not yet, but you just say the word. The--
"Not yet, but you just say the word. The--"
Archer
Should have never taken him to see The Wiz.
"Should have never taken him to see The Wiz."
Archer
The Broadway show or the movie?
"The Broadway show or the movie?"
Archer
I-- Whatever. Look, obviously there's--
"I-- Whatever. Look, obviously there's--"
Archer
Nothing is going on, Lana.
"Nothing is going on, Lana."
Archer
If there were, I would tell you, but--
"If there were, I would tell you, but--"
Archer
There's a Cardinal Core/Ii on Line 1 for you.
"There's a Cardinal Core/Ii on Line 1 for you."
Archer
assassinating the pope tomorrow night?
"assassinating the pope tomorrow night?"
Archer
You need to get that?
"You need to get that?"
Archer
it's the Vatican, Line 1. Jesus!
"it's the Vatican, Line 1. Jesus!"
Archer
Now that I see your eyes...
"Now that I see your eyes..."
Archer
...your lips, your... Ha, ha. Giancarlo.
"...your lips, your... Ha, ha. Giancarlo."
Archer
...who ever made me regret taking the holy orders.
"...who ever made me regret taking the holy orders."
Archer
Come on!
"Come on!"
Archer
- I'm right here, you know? - Why?
"- I'm right here, you know? - Why?"
Archer
Which, speaking of, uh-- Ron.
"Which, speaking of, uh-- Ron."
Archer
...and I assume you're not sending Ray--
"...and I assume you're not sending Ray--"
Archer
...as American with that hillbilly accent?
"...as American with that hillbilly accent?"
Archer
Malory, I must go now. Please, hurry.
"Malory, I must go now. Please, hurry."
Archer
Et cetera, et cetera.
"Et cetera, et cetera."
Archer
You can't. No one is gonna believe Archer is a priest.
"You can't. No one is gonna believe Archer is a priest."
Archer
For your information, Lana, I have prepared for this mission.
"For your information, Lana, I have prepared for this mission."
Archer
Ha, ha. No. No, it turns out Cyril--
"Ha, ha. No. No, it turns out Cyril--"
Archer
Aah! How about a little warning?
"Aah! How about a little warning?"
Archer
Since when? Since-- None of your beeswax and--
"Since when? Since-- None of your beeswax and--"
Archer
Aah! Ooh!
"Aah! Ooh!"
Archer
Well...
"Well..."
Archer
And I think I need a spanking because I have been a very naughty--
"And I think I need a spanking because I have been a very naughty--"
Archer
I guess that explains that.
"I guess that explains that."
Archer
It doesn't explain how Archer is gonna run this mission himself.
"It doesn't explain how Archer is gonna run this mission himself."
Archer
Aah! What? Jesus Christ.
"Aah! What? Jesus Christ."
Archer
Pam. What?
"Pam. What?"
Archer
What? Pam'?
"What? Pam'?"
Archer
Heh. I don't know. What are we doing?
"Heh. I don't know. What are we doing?"
Archer
You were speaking Latin when you walked in here.
"You were speaking Latin when you walked in here."
Archer
Mm, no. Whereas I was just speaking Italian...
"Mm, no. Whereas I was just speaking Italian..."
Archer
...so we get some tapes and brush up on our-- Swiss?
"...so we get some tapes and brush up on our-- Swiss?"
Archer
...maybe you should get some tapes on German, French, Italian and Romansh.
"...maybe you should get some tapes on German, French, Italian and Romansh."
Archer
Maybe I will. All right. Lana, pack a bag, you're--
"Maybe I will. All right. Lana, pack a bag, you're--"
Archer
Lana is going. Ha!
"Lana is going. Ha!"
Archer
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