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Clips from Archer - Danger Island: Some Remarks on Cannibalism (S09E09)

"- WOMAN: Ay! - ARCHER: Oh, shit!"
Archer
"Plus, I had to make the paper from scratch."
Archer
"- NOAH: Oh, my God! - Kekkozat?"
Archer
"- Yes, you can, now come on. - It's four years of writing."
Archer
"- What, oh, no, shh. - Kekkozat!"
Archer
"Please, I can't leave without my dissertation."
Archer
"- No. Shh. - Punch her in the face."
Archer
"[sighs] Well, as long as we're close."
Archer
"- What? - Kekkozat!"
Archer
"Plus, this?"
Archer
"- Punch her in the face. - Kekkozat!"
Archer
"[all gasping, moaning]"
Archer
"I can't punch an old lady in... ow!"
Archer
"Look, there's a ton of footprints around here."
Archer
"- Dongay ekakume! - Whoa."
Archer
"- Yeah, not cool. - What?"
Archer
"No, I think we're getting close to a village or something."
Archer
"- But you just told me to... - Lakundu!"
Archer
"- [coughs] Gin levels. - Also."
Archer
"I think my electrolyte levels are low."
Archer
"Lakundu! Lakundu!"
Archer
"MALORY: And can we stop and rest a while?"
Archer
"[conch blowing]"
Archer
"I-I don't, I don't have to wear one of those, do I?"
Archer
"[shouting in distance] Now can we go, please?"
Archer
"Yeah! Oh, wait, h-hang on. Hang on."
Archer
"But my dissertation..."
Archer
"Okay, change of plans, you're coming with us."
Archer
"actually had kind of a weak premise."
Archer
"- So... - That's why you got to know your petroglyphs."
Archer
"Ketak. Ketakalak. [yelling]"
Archer
"just packed with deadly booby traps."
Archer
"Batu! Batu, Batu! [yelling]"
Archer
"deep inside a labyrinth of shafts and tunnels,"
Archer
"[screaming]"
Archer
"Yeah, the legends all say the tupua is hidden"
Archer
"Goddamn it! Eat a dick, cannibals."
Archer
"- Yeah, do huh? - [laughing] Oh, man."
Archer
"It's funny you say that."
Archer
"The... do what, now?"
Archer
"- Actually... - It's a figure of speech, Noah."
Archer
"all the giant boulders and poison darts and stuff."
Archer
"- No, let him finish. - Oh, my God."
Archer
"- No, I said. - I know how to get past"
Archer
"I was gonna say that they don't eat the penis."
Archer
"I-I can read any native petroglyphs we might find."
Archer
"- Oh, come on, I-I know the jungle. - No."
Archer
"The testicles, though..."
Archer
"Still what? You're not coming."
Archer
"- Nok geziak! - Lakana."
Archer
"well, probably just the past couple of years, but still."
Archer
"[yelling]"
Archer
"The tupua would be the greatest archaeological find of the-the..."
Archer
"[pissing]"
Archer
"- [scoffs] Who's he gonna tell? - Oh, man."
Archer
"[quietly] In there."
Archer
"- Whoa. - A secret map, that is a secret!"
Archer
"FUCHS: Schmidt! Was dauert so Lange?"
Archer
"We got a map."
Archer
"[laughing] Weil mein Schwanz so Lang ist."
Archer
"- Whatever it's called, I... - How do you know where it is?"
Archer
"FUCHS: Nun beeile dich!"
Archer
"Wait. What idol? You mean the tupua?"
Archer
"Ja, ja. Komm runter, Junge."
Archer
"but I'm gonna go find that goddamn idol."
Archer
"[music]"
Archer
"to find out and then get eaten,"
Archer
"[grunts]"
Archer
"ARCHER: Well, you two idiots can stick around"
Archer
"Seriously?"
Archer
"[sighs] Savages."
Archer
"- Scheisse. - FUCHS: Was, hast Du auf deine Schue gepisst?"
Archer
"I can pretty much guarantee they don't have either of those things."
Archer
"[distant laughter]"
Archer
"- I may literally die. - Oh, my God, at an oyster bar."
Archer
"FUCHS: Schmidt?"
Archer
"I swear to God, if those cannibals don't have a bar,"
Archer
"What the hell? Why did you do that?"
Archer
"What other warriors?"
Archer
"- Guys? - What? He was gonna wipe them out."
Archer
"a scout saw another group of warriors headed toward the village."
Archer
"- Yeah, problem solved. - Guys."
Archer
"- What, why? - Well, apparently,"
Archer
"- What? - What?! [clears throat]"
Archer
"The conch is telling the Mua Mua warriors to prepare for battle."
Archer
"- He wants us to come with him. - Gee, thanks, Noah."
Archer
"Well, that's the thing, there isn't one now."
Archer
"Oh, you're welcome."
Archer
"So what's the best way out of here? [conch blowing]"
Archer
"FUCHS: Zwei Männer, gehen und finden Schmidt."
Archer
"- like an innocent baby rabbit. - Goddamn it."
Archer
"Eh? Zakila koko?"
Archer
"Hey, buddy, no shit, she will kill you"
Archer
"He wants to know why you stuffed your genitals into a coconut."
Archer
"- Not if you're dead. - [chuckling] Well, you say that..."
Archer
"Because I hate this goddamn island."
Archer
"Wait, what? No. No, you can't. I'll be punished."
Archer
"Zu Laguna Mua Mua."
Archer
"- Uhh... I genuinely don't know. - We're escaping."
Archer
"NOAH: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. He says you saved their lives,"
Archer
"What the hell's it look like we're doing?"
Archer
"so now you're friends of the Mua Mua."
Archer
"Making piña coladas."
Archer
"Batu baruka zu zaku."
Archer
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you think you're doing?"
Archer
"And that together, we will kill these white devils."
Archer
"- [chuckling] Okay, Master Coconut. - Nobody gets that."
Archer
"Nik andu."
Archer
"It's not supposed to be sexy, it's protective. In case there's thorns."
Archer
"- Uh, no offense. - None taken?"
Archer
"- What's the opposite of stimuli? - That."
Archer
"Teko besta."
Archer
"- Ka-kow. - [chuckling] Yeah, that's... wait."
Archer
"And then, we'll have a huge feast."
Archer
"Well, then I hope to God this helps."
Archer
"[groans] Ekari zim."
Archer
"to physical and visual stimuli."
Archer
"- Oh, my gosh, really? Wow. - What?"
Archer
"- PAM: Uh-huh. - An involuntary biological response"
Archer
"Ah, well, he said even I could come."
Archer
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