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Clips from Archer - Danger Island: Different Modes of Preparing the Fruit (S09E09)

"- [Pam] Oh, please, get serious. - I'm plenty serious!"
Archer
"[music theme]"
Archer
"That was the very definition of a sucker punch!"
Archer
"Well?! Even if it was, which it wasn't,"
Archer
"you would've deserved it!"
Archer
"Wha... For what, saving your dumb ass from giant lizards?!"
Archer
"- Giant lizards I wouldn't have had to deal with... - You call that dealing with?!"
Archer
"If you had fixed the goddamn fuel pump!"
Archer
"Oh, okay! So it's all my fault!"
Archer
"Yes!"
Archer
"Well, still a sucker punch. Ow!"
Archer
"[laughing] Now, that's a sucker pun..."
Archer
"- Oww! Son of a... - Ow! Goddamn it!"
Archer
"[both grunting]"
Archer
"Hang on! Wait! Stop it!"
Archer
"- What?! - That!"
Archer
"[long, weary sigh]"
Archer
"[propellers clunking]"
Archer
"Goddamn it."
Archer
"[Archer] What?"
Archer
"And frankly, I really don't see how this is any of your business."
Archer
"What're you... I own the business!"
Archer
"- I meant... - And I own that business over there!"
Archer
"- And I own zis business! - You don't own the police station!"
Archer
"- Yeah. - Well, I..."
Archer
"Shut up. And Mother, I think we're losing sight of how amazing"
Archer
"that landing would've been if, ya know..."
Archer
"- It worked? - Right?"
Archer
"And if ifs and buts were candy and nuts,"
Archer
"- we'd all have a merry Christmas. - Aww."
Archer
"And maybe Santa would bring me"
Archer
"a new sixty-thousand dollar seaplane!"
Archer
"Don't be so dramatic, she's not a total loss,"
Archer
"she just needs new wings."
Archer
"- [coughs] And a fuel pump. - Woman?"
Archer
"Shipped out here from the States! God knows when."
Archer
"It took three months to get new tubes for the damn radio."
Archer
"And God knows how much it'll cost!"
Archer
"Well, and the airplane factory."
Archer
"- Presumably. Would know. - You're paying for them."
Archer
"Well, but you own the business..."
Archer
"Which I will liquidate like a piña colada."
Archer
"You're paying for them!"
Archer
"- But... - And in the meantime..."
Archer
"You'd better figure out how to replace the money"
Archer
"I won't be making on Archer Airways,"
Archer
"- or you can just pack your suitcase! - Hmph!"
Archer
"It happens to be a duffel bag!"
Archer
"- That's tellin' her. - Eh."
Archer
"- Now, move zis aeroplane from la rue! - From what?"
Archer
"La rue! La rue!"
Archer
"- What the hell's "larue?" - I think it's like, a base for sauces?"
Archer
"Ya know, like, for gravy or whatever?"
Archer
"[title theme]"
Archer
"[Archer grunting]"
Archer
"[Archer] So I'm thinking new wings for Lucy are gonna cost"
Archer
"- about five grand... - [Pam] Which we don't have..."
Archer
"[Archer] And which we can't make without Lucy."
Archer
"We gotta fly to make money,"
Archer
"but we gotta have the money to fly, so..."
Archer
"Yeah, that's a real Catch-22."
Archer
"Uh, I don't think that's a thing yet. [gulps]"
Archer
"So... Money. Any ideas?"
Archer
"- Mmmm-nope. - C'mon, let's just spitball it."
Archer
"- Noop. - Pam."
Archer
"- No. - C'mon, there are no bad ideas."
Archer
"Oh, well, isn't that a change?!"
Archer
"- What is? - All of a sudden it's anything goes!"
Archer
"- What're you...? - No bad ideas?"
Archer
"Oh, Jesus Christ. Are you talking about..."
Archer
"- that was a terrible idea! - No, it wasn't!"
Archer
"We were the laughingstock of the Andes!"
Archer
"- And we lost our asses! - Okay, yeah, I mean,"
Archer
"maybe it was a little ahead of its time, but..."
Archer
"- Oh, my God... - it was local, it was sustainable..."
Archer
"- It was rats! - It wasn't rats!"
Archer
"[blows raspberry]"
Archer
"[Archer] Dos por uno, dos por uno!"
Archer
"Chinchilladas!"
Archer
"El sabor sensación que está barriendo la nación!"
Archer
"[weary sigh] Goddamn it."
Archer
"Plus, the fur farms practically gave us the meat for free."
Archer
"It's probably free at the glue factory,"
Archer
"it doesn't mean people wanna eat it."
Archer
"Because it's broken-down old horse meat!"
Archer
"Chinchilla, on the other hand,"
Archer
"is some of the finest fur you can buy!"
Archer
"So is mink! But people don't eat it!"
Archer
"- I've eaten mink. - I do not doubt that!"
Archer
"- How was it? - Minky."
Archer
"[Malory] All right, Miss Priss..."
Archer
"Let's go, let's see the goods."
Archer
"[Charlotte] Oh, alright, but be nice..."
Archer
"- I didn't have much to work with. - Hm. You can say that again."
Archer
"Can't you pad it with something?"
Archer
"- Pad what? - Your brassiere."
Archer
"No, I meant my wardrobe!"
Archer
"I packed for a honeymoon, not a..."
Archer
"a descent into profound and lasting shame!"
Archer
"[sipping]"
Archer
"You're still gonna want to pad it."
Archer
"[Pam] Why not? You heard your mom,"
Archer
"- there's obviously a demand. - Because I don't think it's feasible"
Archer
"to build a radio tube factory here."
Archer
"Yeah, there's probably zoning issues."
Archer
"- That's your number one concern? - I haven't ranked them!"
Archer
"Well, mine is rickets, and scurvy, and scabies,"
Archer
"and whatever other bullshit diseases poor people get."
Archer
"Hmmm... I wonder if that idol's worth anything."
Archer
"Wait, what? W-What idol?"
Archer
"I don't know. In the jungle, the princess and the kraut"
Archer
"were talking about some kind of idol."
Archer
"- What kind of idol?! - Some kind, I dunno, they didn't..."
Archer
"- Like a native idol?! - They..."
Archer
"So that's why that little German sneak is on the island!"
Archer
"Are we talking jade?! Emerald?! Ruby?!"
Archer
"- [gasps] Gold?! - They didn't say!"
Archer
"I bet it's a gold monkey!"
Archer
"No! Not a gold monkey!"
Archer
"- You don't know that! - Yes, I do!"
Archer
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