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Clips from Archer - Animation (S08E08)

Short Films 2009 Season 8, Episode 5 7 min 448 clips
Short Sport Documentary
Alrighty! And how's our patient?
"Alrighty! And how's our patient?"
Archer
And, follow up, where is our patient?
"And, follow up, where is our patient?"
Archer
You're about as helpful as tits on a...
"You're about as helpful as tits on a..."
Archer
Yeah, right? - I'm a monster!
"Yeah, right? - I'm a monster!"
Archer
And, I mean, don't try it right now, obviously, but...
"And, I mean, don't try it right now, obviously, but..."
Archer
this serum, which is sort of the key to the whole deal,
"this serum, which is sort of the key to the whole deal,"
Archer
Wha... well, give it here, shitbeard.
"Wha... well, give it here, shitbeard."
Archer
and I'm already in a pretty bad mood,
"and I'm already in a pretty bad mood,"
Archer
So, any last words?
"So, any last words?"
Archer
Bullshit. Which... and that's fair, but...
"Bullshit. Which... and that's fair, but..."
Archer
How long does it take you to make it? I don't know. An hour?
"How long does it take you to make it? I don't know. An hour?"
Archer
Hang on.
"Hang on."
Archer
Somebody! Hey!
"Somebody! Hey!"
Archer
How should I know?
"How should I know?"
Archer
In the movie I walked with a zombie. The zombie titular.
"In the movie I walked with a zombie. The zombie titular."
Archer
And yet they left you your lighter.
"And yet they left you your lighter."
Archer
that you will rue... rue the very fact of your miserable birth!
"that you will rue... rue the very fact of your miserable birth!"
Archer
Lumber inspector. Huh. Didn't know that was a thing.
"Lumber inspector. Huh. Didn't know that was a thing."
Archer
How many women can one man lose?
"How many women can one man lose?"
Archer
I swear to god that I will get you your million dollars.
"I swear to god that I will get you your million dollars."
Archer
Yes.
"Yes."
Archer
Losing precious time, not to mention my gun and my shield...
"Losing precious time, not to mention my gun and my shield..."
Archer
Because we know Archer broke her out of jail,
"Because we know Archer broke her out of jail,"
Archer
What is that smell? What is what smell?
"What is that smell? What is what smell?"
Archer
What the hell is cuy? Roasted Guinea pig.
"What the hell is cuy? Roasted Guinea pig."
Archer
It's like the national dish of Peru. Did...
"It's like the national dish of Peru. Did..."
Archer
Huh? Yeah. Here.
"Huh? Yeah. Here."
Archer
Tell me before, so help me god,
"Tell me before, so help me god,"
Archer
Hmm. Presumably with the Vandertunts.
"Hmm. Presumably with the Vandertunts."
Archer
and steal the ransom during the exchange.
"and steal the ransom during the exchange."
Archer
Now, aren't you glad you didn't shoot me?
"Now, aren't you glad you didn't shoot me?"
Archer
For now.
"For now."
Archer
Although I'm sure at some point
"Although I'm sure at some point"
Archer
Why is there blood on the barrel?
"Why is there blood on the barrel?"
Archer
What? No. That's, um, hot sauce.
"What? No. That's, um, hot sauce."
Archer
Well, why is there hot sauce on it?
"Well, why is there hot sauce on it?"
Archer
Oh, sweet Christ. What?
"Oh, sweet Christ. What?"
Archer
with your service weapon,
"with your service weapon,"
Archer
Man, I almost always do.
"Man, I almost always do."
Archer
Hey! Who keeps leaving the goddamn seat down?
"Hey! Who keeps leaving the goddamn seat down?"
Archer
Looking your way, Huizhong.
"Looking your way, Huizhong."
Archer
So, how are we gonna play this with the Vandertunts?
"So, how are we gonna play this with the Vandertunts?"
Archer
A million dollars in unmarked, untraceable
"A million dollars in unmarked, untraceable"
Archer
20, 50, and 100-dollar bills.
"20, 50, and 100-dollar bills."
Archer
Okay. Good. Good. That's...
"Okay. Good. Good. That's..."
Archer
Well, too bad. I... I mean, an envelope
"Well, too bad. I... I mean, an envelope"
Archer
with a hundred sammies would've been so much easier.
"with a hundred sammies would've been so much easier."
Archer
A hundred what? Sammies.
"A hundred what? Sammies."
Archer
Just make sure the money's at the drop by midnight,
"Just make sure the money's at the drop by midnight,"
Archer
Mmm, like a reverse scavenger hunt.
"Mmm, like a reverse scavenger hunt."
Archer
we'll arrange for the return of your sister.
"we'll arrange for the return of your sister."
Archer
And no cops, at all, anywhere.
"And no cops, at all, anywhere."
Archer
Ciao! Alrighty, then.
"Ciao! Alrighty, then."
Archer
that's probably why you smell burnt hair.
"that's probably why you smell burnt hair."
Archer
But don't judge them by their looks.
"But don't judge them by their looks."
Archer
Yes, delicious.
"Yes, delicious."
Archer
- I mean, just weird. - What is?
"- I mean, just weird. - What is?"
Archer
I'll say. You'll say what?
"I'll say. You'll say what?"
Archer
I mean, since my partner died.
"I mean, since my partner died."
Archer
Which I actually should really... I meant without the police.
"Which I actually should really... I meant without the police."
Archer
"No cops, at all, anywhere,"
""No cops, at all, anywhere,""
Archer
Did you have a follow-up to that, or...
"Did you have a follow-up to that, or..."
Archer
No, actually, because you caught me
"No, actually, because you caught me"
Archer
Oh, you finished, all right. Yeah. Maybe try Woolite?
"Oh, you finished, all right. Yeah. Maybe try Woolite?"
Archer
Which, by the way, makes one of us!
"Which, by the way, makes one of us!"
Archer
Get... St-stay and watch you finish.
"Get... St-stay and watch you finish."
Archer
Just a big fat pair of blue lady-balls.
"Just a big fat pair of blue lady-balls."
Archer
Which we've never talked about, but... ow!
"Which we've never talked about, but... ow!"
Archer
My face! How long was I out?
"My face! How long was I out?"
Archer
Oh, that helps.
"Oh, that helps."
Archer
Mainly because Trexler hasn't paid me for my work yet,
"Mainly because Trexler hasn't paid me for my work yet,"
Archer
Oh, okay. And by that remark,
"Oh, okay. And by that remark,"
Archer
That's like...
"That's like..."
Archer
just give me a call.
"just give me a call."
Archer
I got a guy.
"I got a guy."
Archer
He what?
"He what?"
Archer
Yeah. You say that...
"Yeah. You say that..."
Archer
Yes, it does, other Dutch. Yes, it does.
"Yes, it does, other Dutch. Yes, it does."
Archer
I am not in the least confused!
"I am not in the least confused!"
Archer
I don't care if my family does pay the ransom.
"I don't care if my family does pay the ransom."
Archer
I'm not going back there!
"I'm not going back there!"
Archer
what you did after the payoff.
"what you did after the payoff."
Archer
and hide me in a bomb shelter
"and hide me in a bomb shelter"
Archer
about how to find me in a race against time for my life?
"about how to find me in a race against time for my life?"
Archer
Who are you, collective pseudonym Carolyn Keene?
"Who are you, collective pseudonym Carolyn Keene?"
Archer
What? Who would go to all that trouble?
"What? Who would go to all that trouble?"
Archer
Johann Schmidt, aka the red skull,
"Johann Schmidt, aka the red skull,"
Archer
in my Nazi kidnap-slash-rape fantasy.
"in my Nazi kidnap-slash-rape fantasy."
Archer
Ew!
"Ew!"
Archer
Well, but that's my whole point.
"Well, but that's my whole point."
Archer
Go where?
"Go where?"
Archer
You know, normal bartendery stuff.
"You know, normal bartendery stuff."
Archer
Oh, so suddenly you work here again? I...
"Oh, so suddenly you work here again? I..."
Archer
So, Archer's the bagman for a kidnapping, huh?
"So, Archer's the bagman for a kidnapping, huh?"
Archer
It's just that the kidnappers
"It's just that the kidnappers"
Archer
No police, at all, anywhere.
"No police, at all, anywhere."
Archer
Well, of course they're gonna say that, but trust me...
"Well, of course they're gonna say that, but trust me..."
Archer
I trust him. He brought me a finger.
"I trust him. He brought me a finger."
Archer
All I had today was some cuy.
"All I had today was some cuy."
Archer
we'll get it and the kidnappers.
"we'll get it and the kidnappers."
Archer
Okay, but I have a bad feeling about this.
"Okay, but I have a bad feeling about this."
Archer
Well, I don't care.
"Well, I don't care."
Archer
But I may have to wait them out.
"But I may have to wait them out."
Archer
Whatever. You paid for an hour.
"Whatever. You paid for an hour."
Archer
What? But feel free to hike the five miles
"What? But feel free to hike the five miles"
Archer
What? It's clearly a mushroom.
"What? It's clearly a mushroom."
Archer
I mean...
"I mean..."
Archer
Smoke grenade? What the shit?
"Smoke grenade? What the shit?"
Archer
I guess it's not his move.
"I guess it's not his move."
Archer
Jesus!
"Jesus!"
Archer
What? I don't know. Maybe you can sell 'em or whatever.
"What? I don't know. Maybe you can sell 'em or whatever."
Archer
Let me finish! Because my point is,
"Let me finish! Because my point is,"
Archer
but when you hit the ground,
"but when you hit the ground,"
Archer
Trust me, it's totally stepped on!
"Trust me, it's totally stepped on!"
Archer
Did ya get 'em?
"Did ya get 'em?"
Archer
So...
"So..."
Archer
And I assume about to get worse.
"And I assume about to get worse."
Archer
Are we just jumping right into this,
"Are we just jumping right into this,"
Archer
Meaning?
"Meaning?"
Archer
You!
"You!"
Archer