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Clips from Archer - Fugue and Riffs (S04E04)

"And/or an explanation of why that's..."
Archer
"...funny."
Archer
"Sorry, guys, we're, uh..."
Archer
"And you're not really supposed to be back here."
Archer
"Even if you kill us, more will come, Archer."
Archer
"And were you speaking Russian?!"
Archer
"Was I? But I don't even know any Russian."
Archer
"I didn't know it was such a burden. Of course it's a burden, Lin."
Archer
"...I've been here two months, it feels like two trillion eons."
Archer
"Anyway, I'm just burned out."
Archer
"So take care, I'll call after I solve this mystery or whatever."
Archer
"...so you, uh, better break out the purple stuff."
Archer
"I'm sorry, I'm sure I misheard you."
Archer
"...we've spent God knows how many thousands of dollars and man-hours..."
Archer
"Shut up. Yes, shut up."
Archer
"The KGB hit squad. Oh, my God."
Archer
"According to his, um, wife."
Archer
"Uh, Linda. She said his name was Bob."
Archer
"Who does that? Ostriches."
Archer
"That little son of a-- He's obviously doing this just to get even with me."
Archer
"Bad idea. According to my clinical research on drug-induced amnesia--"
Archer
"Hmm, and what are your parents' names? What?"
Archer
"Wow, memory is such a fragile thing."
Archer
"...his mind may reject it permanently."
Archer
"Sterling's amnesia! Oh. Yes, I have a plant."
Archer
"Duly noted and disregarded. And I expect you to be totally convincing."
Archer
"Pam. And it's not you I'm worried about. It's our pathetic villains."
Archer
"My face isn't a naturally villainous like yours, so..."
Archer
"Ugh. Now damsel up and get over there."
Archer
"For the-- Sour mix? In a margarita? What is this, Auschwitz?"
Archer
"Don't even think about screwing up our plan to cure Sterling's amnesia."
Archer
"That's not like me."
Archer
"- Did I ask for your life story? - Excuse me, is this seat taken?"
Archer
"And-- What, this?"
Archer
"Arch-- Bob! What?"
Archer
"And KGB agents are trying to kill me. Me too."
Archer
"Wait, I wonder if it's related to your thing."
Archer
"Seriously, how are we both at-- Oh! I think I see a KGB agent. Kiss me!"
Archer
"But I have to warn you, it could be dangerous."
Archer
"For you, Lana, I will take the highway right into the danger zo--"
Archer
"How about a bullet? Burn."
Archer
"And please, focus."
Archer
"Mo, seriously, I'm like Chuck Norris-masque."
Archer
"Okay, hit me."
Archer
"Hi--"
Archer
"So, yeah, wow, maybe I'm not as good as I thought."
Archer
"Well, join a support group. For who, crippled gay hillbilly spies?"
Archer
"What, is it weird because we kissed?"
Archer
"That was weird, and also not a real kiss, and also never happening again."
Archer
"Yes, well, that and your Hulk hands."
Archer
"Don't move a muscles, Ameriketskis."
Archer
"Oh, no, capitalist spy get drop on us."
Archer
"So, uh, what's the plan here? I don't have a plan."
Archer
"Fake bullets!"
Archer
"I'm gonna make Molotov cocktails. Not with Irish cream."
Archer
"Oh, my God. Yeah, wow, it's pretty thick."
Archer
"Great. Just buy us some time, so..."
Archer
"Oh. Duh!"
Archer
"See, we put the bottle in the-- Whatever, the boob cups, and-- Aah!"
Archer
"No, now I feel bad for setting your bikini on fire."
Archer
"It's not déja vu, you idiot."
Archer
"This shit is el chronico."
Archer
"What? I'm sorry..."
Archer
"Oh, I guess I don't own this place."
Archer
"Throwing bottle bombs, your tits flopping around..."
Archer
"Flopping? Okay, first of all-- Oh, my God, what's happening?"
Archer
"Okay, I have had it. Well, not with j'accuse-cumbers."
Archer
"Yes, I'm me, you dumb idiot."
Archer
"There goes the frying pan theory."
Archer
"Unfortunately? What's unfortunate is you got me into a fire fight..."
Archer
"I'm a grown man, Lana, I didn't run away from home."
Archer
"I carjacked a limo."
Archer
"What part of this are you not getting? Core concept."
Archer
"Son of a bitch. Your words."
Archer
"Ow! What's in there? Spa buckles?"
Archer
"Hey."
Archer
"Well, in a Cadillac, you don't have to sacrifice speed for luxury."
Archer
"That baby will pass anything on the road, except a gas station."
Archer
"...and then they found you here? How did they do that?"
Archer
"Barry, are we losing our minds?"
Archer
"Because even though I can see Archer's every fricking move..."
Archer
"So where are we on the fricking spaceship to get me home?"
Archer
"And I'm looking you way, Dr. Simon."
Archer
"Eh, probably just a coincidence. Really? You're going with coincidence."
Archer
"...closed, yeah. Thanks for getting the sign for me because we are closed."
Archer
"- Um... I was gonna say a hairnet. - Bob?"
Archer
"We're closed, Bob-- Linda!"
Archer
"Take the kids in the back. Kids, go in the back with your mom."
Archer
"We want you."
Archer
"I'm sorry? We are not robbers."
Archer
"We-- Yeah, we're-- But, Bob..."
Archer
"Look, the label in his coat has those idiot Russian letters."
Archer
"The six hours a night I get to sleep?"
Archer
"Don't get me wrong, I love you guys, but come on..."
Archer
"No buts, Lin. I'm not gonna let you guys get hurt."
Archer
"What I am gonna do, is find out who this Archer jerk is..."
Archer
"Between work and being a stepdad to Gene and Louise and, uh, you know..."
Archer
"Oh. And I also forgot to tell you guys, the health inspector's coming at 8 a.m..."
Archer
"Sterling has been missing for two months..."
Archer
"...searching for him, and this whole time..."
Archer
"...he's just down at the shore flipping hamburgers?"
Archer
"You know another kind of burger? Ostrich. Shut up, they're good."
Archer
"And then explain to me if you know where Sterling is--"
Archer
"Was. According to our intel, Archer was tracked down by a KGB hit squad."
Archer
"Ahh! Oh, my God. Aww. Sorry."
Archer
"Not so much. My God."
Archer
"But, so, where is he now? At a spa."
Archer
"He wandered in there in full morning dress two months ago, they got married--"
Archer
"Married? The minute they met?"
Archer
"Normally, I would agree, but after talking to the wife..."
Archer
"...I honestly think Archer doesn't know he's Archer."
Archer
"How could he not know who he is? Psychogenic retrograde amnesia."
Archer
"Also known as a fugue state..."
Archer
"And we all know what caused that. Yes, his hatred of seeing me happy."
Archer
"...against a sudden and quite possibly violent confrontation with his mother."
Archer
"Their names are... Um... Ah..."
Archer
"And how do you suggest we do that? Well, some people use baby powder."
Archer
"But I'm a firm believer in corn starch. Not the gimp suit."
Archer
"Plant. Plan."
Archer
"As the damsel in distress? Have you ever met a woman less damsel-y?"
Archer
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