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Clips from Archer - Bel Panto: Part II (S07E07)

"So you want me to answer that or...?"
Archer
"It was probably the cops again."
Archer
"[whimpers]"
Archer
"I mean, you haven't really hurt anybody."
Archer
"- Or in the attic. - Or in the refrigerator."
Archer
"But I would like to call my babysitter."
Archer
"I'm so turned on, I think I'm actually getting dehydrated."
Archer
"When this is over, remind me to kick your tits off."
Archer
"All right. You have five minutes."
Archer
"Wh... Reprisals!"
Archer
"Swift and brutal reprisals!"
Archer
"[Archer] So, good news and bad news."
Archer
"- Cool what? - Coulrophilia. Apparently,"
Archer
"[police radio chatter]"
Archer
"Yeah, I... Wait. What do you mean "were"?"
Archer
"all night with their dicks in their hands"
Archer
"spirals into a televised cluster-fluck."
Archer
"And while you're at it, negotiate"
Archer
"my coffee as a cold-brew, iced!"
Archer
"[Rompers] Now, you listen to me, pig!"
Archer
"I will execute a hostage and shove"
Archer
"Well, how'd it go?"
Archer
"Shame it took us an entire spleen to get here."
Archer
"- Shut up. Do you think emeralds melt? - Why?"
Archer
"Because I'm about to burn this damn"
Archer
"All right. But please hurry."
Archer
"- and if I were you... - Yes?"
Archer
"- [zipper zips up] - I hope you're not on septic."
Archer
"- I never agreed to that. - Yes, you absolutely did!"
Archer
"- Well? - Well, what?"
Archer
"Which... Why do you even have those?"
Archer
"Well, I've made a lot of enemies in this town."
Archer
"He's probably sneaking around out there, as we speak,"
Archer
"The only thing Archer's cramming is a very average-sized dick"
Archer
"in front of God and everybody!"
Archer
"- Oh. Well, even if he was... - Which he was!"
Archer
"You suck it, missy! And even though"
Archer
"you were flirting with Crane"
Archer
"house, risking his life to save ours."
Archer
"what kids are into these days."
Archer
"shitter's clogged!"
Archer
"Okay, now to see if I can override the security system"
Archer
"Okay, okay, so, then, let me throw this out there"
Archer
"And, by extension, then, the steel doors."
Archer
"And so, now, what was your idea?"
Archer
"[beeping]"
Archer
"secure the friendlies, achieve"
Archer
"egress, drop mic. We're out."
Archer
"Let's go, ladies. Move it, move it, move it. Let's go!"
Archer
"Hang on. I got a big old wad of toilet paper stuck on my shoe."
Archer
"Make me. Ow!"
Archer
"Hey, knock it off, you two!"
Archer
"- [beeping] - Oh, for the..."
Archer
"What is this, NORAD?"
Archer
"Ray!"
Archer
"Eh..."
Archer
"and Archer has infiltrated these guys..."
Archer
"Yes, you! Idiot!"
Archer
"Seriously."
Archer
"Okay, now I just gotta find Archer."
Archer
"- What? - I said, here is good."
Archer
"Okay. How about for starters,"
Archer
"Meanwhile, I guess we get killed by a bunch of clowns,"
Archer
"[both] Oh, shit!"
Archer
"[both grunting]"
Archer
"- Rompers! - [Rompers] Goddamn it!"
Archer
"[grunts]"
Archer
"- Your hands are so big! - [straining]"
Archer
"[grunts]"
Archer
"- [groans] - [sighs]"
Archer
"Jesus! No wonder Mozart went deaf."
Archer
"[imitating Veronica] "Archer, you saved me and the Tsarina!""
Archer
"Honestly, I don't see what could possibly go wrong."
Archer
"Those perps gotta be panicking by now,"
Archer
"with shape charges and flash-bangs."
Archer
"In the, uh... whatcha-madoo... HVAC."
Archer
"- Ooh! Or how bout a freeze ray? - Uh..."
Archer
"[clears throat] Okay, so, uh, hey, uh..."
Archer
"Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm."
Archer
"- He said no. - Aah!"
Archer
"know we'd put sleeping pills in it."
Archer
"I don't know. I couldn't hear him!"
Archer
"Not the one hogging the phone."
Archer
"Out-effing-standing."
Archer
"I guess we go with Plan X."
Archer
"[groans]"
Archer
"Holy shit-house! That must"
Archer
"Wait, what am I saying? All the other"
Archer
"bad guys will hear the shotgun!"
Archer
"- [sighs] Well... - [bones crack]"
Archer
"[yelling]"
Archer
"Aw, damn it!"
Archer
"[both grunting]"
Archer
"[yelling]"
Archer
"The only idiot in here"
Archer
"On whose command? Who the hell is in charge here?"
Archer
"Who the hell were those guys?"
Archer
"[quietly] It will if you shut your fat mouth."
Archer
"- Oh, shut up! - Seriously!"
Archer
"Uh, why is everybody clowns?"
Archer
"Don't shoot!"
Archer
"[distorted laughing]"
Archer
"And, so, what did we learn?"
Archer
"How the hell is that a toy for kids?"
Archer
"Guess we're lucky the police don't shoot lawn darts."
Archer
"[quietly] Lawn dart rifle."
Archer
"Which means a bunch of cops didn't shoot"
Archer
"I didn't. You just told me."
Archer
"Yeah. Not great. For you."
Archer
"I mean, when Veronica finds out you did this."
Archer
"My God, she's got all these bills to pay..."
Archer
"- I owe him one. - So, you'll protect me?"
Archer
"No. I'll protect Veronica Deane."
Archer
"Really? You think so?"
Archer
"- [radio chatter] - [Boingo] I do."
Archer
"My plan is in shambles!"
Archer
"[Shapiro] So, hey, listen..."
Archer
"He just soaks me."
Archer
"Maybe we should... Y-You know,"
Archer
"you should cut your losses and surrender."
Archer
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