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Clips from Archer - Edie's Wedding (S06E06)

"[Pam sobbing]"
Archer
"[Sobbing continues]"
Archer
"[Sobbing continues]"
Archer
"[Sobbing continues]"
Archer
"What's wrong?"
Archer
"My-my-my-my--"
Archer
"Pam. Pam!"
Archer
"My-my-my-my-- sis-sis-sis-sis--"
Archer
"[sighs] Hold this."
Archer
"Ow! God dammit, dude."
Archer
"Well, I'm sorry,"
Archer
"but I've got other shit to do today."
Archer
"Now, what the hell is wrong with you?"
Archer
"My sister Edie is getting married"
Archer
"to Don Ekblad, Jr. of all people,"
Archer
"and she asked me to be a bridesmaid."
Archer
"Um... I should be maid of honor, dicknuts,"
Archer
"but no, guess who she asks instead?"
Archer
"Uh... Midge Olerud!"
Archer
"No! Yes."
Archer
"Midge "Hey Edie,"
Archer
""let's me and you blow Pam's boyfriend Arn"
Archer
"behind the goddamn grain elevator" Olerud!"
Archer
"You had a boyfriend named Arn?"
Archer
"Well, he didn't know I liked him, but--"
Archer
"Midge and Edie did."
Archer
"[Cries] Pam!"
Archer
"Okay, Jesus."
Archer
"Calm down, Ike Turner."
Archer
"I don't want to show up with a black eye."
Archer
"Not a real diverse crowd, huh?"
Archer
"Eye, idiot, eye."
Archer
"Although, no."
Archer
"Not a lot of black guys in rural Wisconsin."
Archer
"And, I don't want to sound racist,"
Archer
"but-- Power through it."
Archer
"A black guy would be better than no date,"
Archer
"which is what I'm taking now."
Archer
"When is it? Saturday."
Archer
"Day after tomorrow."
Archer
"[Burps]"
Archer
"Screw it, I'll go. [gasps]"
Archer
"Really? Really, really, really?"
Archer
"Yeah, why not?"
Archer
"Oh, man. Wait till they see--"
Archer
"Wait, that's how you ask a woman out? Yes."
Archer
"Wait, no, I don't need a back-story."
Archer
"Yes you do. Shut up. You're Gordon Shumway,"
Archer
"and you own a 500-acre dairy farm in upstate New York,"
Archer
"with 600 Holsteins and two Herringbone milking parlors."
Archer
"Okay, A, that's Alf's name,"
Archer
"and two, what's more impressive,"
Archer
"a pathetic cheese farmer"
Archer
"or the world's greatest secret agent,"
Archer
"A.K.A., me, Sterling Archer. Oh, yeah."
Archer
"[Woman on P.A.] Attention, now boarding flight 934,"
Archer
"to Green Bay, Wisconsin."
Archer
"Come on, Archer, that's us."
Archer
"Flight 934, to Greenbay, Wisconsin."
Archer
"Yeah, you're booked through to New York."
Archer
"Will you be needing anything else?"
Archer
"Huh?"
Archer
"Oh, is there a place that sells down jackets"
Archer
"and thermal underwear?"
Archer
"[Laughs]"
Archer
"I'm, uh, what do you call it?"
Archer
"Coldblooded."
Archer
"Archer? Archer? Archer?"
Archer
"Have you seen Archer?"
Archer
"Did you look in here?"
Archer
"I-- that is what I'm doing now."
Archer
"Then, I guess go look everywhere else."
Archer
"You know..."
Archer
"[Cheryl/Carol] Starting with Dick-cheese, Wisconsin."
Archer
"Excuse me?"
Archer
"Him and-- He and..."
Archer
"Whomever, and... Whoever, and..."
Archer
"[Gasps]"
Archer
"If you wake this child, I will climb inside you"
Archer
"with my shoes on."
Archer
"He and Pam are at her sister's wedding."
Archer
"In Wisconsin?"
Archer
"[Baby cries]"
Archer
"[Lana groans] Happy?"
Archer
"No, no, no, he's got her all weekend."
Archer
"I'm going upstate for SERE school."
Archer
"So take her with you."
Archer
"To survival school?"
Archer
"Big whoop, hang her in a bear bag."
Archer
"[Growls] So... Mallory..."
Archer
"Nope. Ron and I are going"
Archer
"to our house in the Hamptons,"
Archer
"and, trust me, it would be no place for a baby."
Archer
"You're back together? Like, for real?"
Archer
"And happier and stronger than ever."
Archer
"Try not to burn the place down."
Archer
"And you, my tweedy widdle--"
Archer
"What, are your boobs full of corn syrup?"
Archer
"Excuse me?"
Archer
"Feel that, she feels chubby."
Archer
"She's a baby."
Archer
"A fat widdle baby, yes you are, yes you are. [Crying]"
Archer
"You're fat widdle baby."
Archer
"Fast forward to me buying her liposuction"
Archer
"for graduation."
Archer
"I hope you do burn this place down."
Archer
"She said not to."
Archer
"[Gasps] She said try not to."
Archer
"[Archer] You're kidding."
Archer
"How either, in this universe,"
Archer
"or any of it's infinite parallels,"
Archer
"could I possibly embarrass you?"
Archer
"[Pam] By dressing like a maitre D' on a dinner cruise"
Archer
"for gay Republicans? That's a thing?"
Archer
"[Pam] I don't know, but you don't want"
Archer
"Edie dogging you out in front of the entire school."
Archer
"The entire what?"
Archer
"[Pam] Rehearsal dinner. Shut up."
Archer
"Come on, what happened?"
Archer
"Did she dump pig's blood all over you at the prom?"
Archer
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