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Clips from Archer - Animation (S02E02)

Short Films 2009 Season 2, Episode 5 7 min 410 clips
Short Sport Documentary
- Yes, sir. ...devising bizarre punishment for you.
"- Yes, sir. ...devising bizarre punishment for you."
Archer
WOODHOUSE: Yes, sir. - So don't be surprised...
"WOODHOUSE: Yes, sir. - So don't be surprised..."
Archer
Hey, stop crying. How do you...?
"Hey, stop crying. How do you...?"
Archer
You like that? It's a Bloody Mary.
"You like that? It's a Bloody Mary."
Archer
Or is it a Bloody Caes...
"Or is it a Bloody Caes..."
Archer
This baby knows what I'm talking about. Give me that.
"This baby knows what I'm talking about. Give me that."
Archer
Stilton and I were squadron-mates.
"Stilton and I were squadron-mates."
Archer
Yeah, not a huge surprise.
"Yeah, not a huge surprise."
Archer
Wait a second. "Sir Aldous Wensleydale, foul play suspected.
"Wait a second. "Sir Aldous Wensleydale, foul play suspected."
Archer
And other mysterious circumstances. Every one of these is like that.
"And other mysterious circumstances. Every one of these is like that."
Archer
Hell indeed, sir.
"Hell indeed, sir."
Archer
- An officer's personal attendant. - Oh.
"- An officer's personal attendant. - Oh."
Archer
In charge of keeping his kit in good order, seeing to his personal needs...
"In charge of keeping his kit in good order, seeing to his personal needs..."
Archer
Soldier-servant was the official term, but...
"Soldier-servant was the official term, but..."
Archer
Yeah. Way to advance.
"Yeah. Way to advance."
Archer
SCRIPES: Loads, thanks.
"SCRIPES: Loads, thanks."
Archer
See you've already bagged yours.
"See you've already bagged yours."
Archer
...the way Reggie... Captain Thistleton carried on with the men.
"...the way Reggie... Captain Thistleton carried on with the men."
Archer
What are you talking about?
"What are you talking about?"
Archer
WOODHOUSE: Black days, they were.
"WOODHOUSE: Black days, they were."
Archer
Who was that?
"Who was that?"
Archer
So how much are we talking here?
"So how much are we talking here?"
Archer
[SEAMUS CRYING]
"[SEAMUS CRYING]"
Archer
At 10 percent, by now, I'd say, it's just a bit shy of a million dollars.
"At 10 percent, by now, I'd say, it's just a bit shy of a million dollars."
Archer
Well, now that's Stilton's been killed, it's just me, Scripes, and...
"Well, now that's Stilton's been killed, it's just me, Scripes, and..."
Archer
[DOORBELL RINGS]
"[DOORBELL RINGS]"
Archer
And that will be Stinky.
"And that will be Stinky."
Archer
None of my business. Consenting adults and so on.
"None of my business. Consenting adults and so on."
Archer
BISHOP: None of my business.
"BISHOP: None of my business."
Archer
BISHOP: That's what he said.
"BISHOP: That's what he said."
Archer
I live with my niece...
"I live with my niece..."
Archer
MALORY: Nope. ARCHER: Yes.
"MALORY: Nope. ARCHER: Yes."
Archer
What the hell is wrong with him?
"What the hell is wrong with him?"
Archer
Wha...? You ass, you gave him liquor?
"Wha...? You ass, you gave him liquor?"
Archer
Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Spock, l...
"Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Spock, l..."
Archer
About time. Ass.
"About time. Ass."
Archer
Baby, you're pear-shaped.
"Baby, you're pear-shaped."
Archer
[GLASS SHATTERING]
"[GLASS SHATTERING]"
Archer
- What's up with your will these days? CHERYL: Oh, my God.
"- What's up with your will these days? CHERYL: Oh, my God."
Archer
[SEAMUS CRYING]
"[SEAMUS CRYING]"
Archer
See? That's how the world works, dear...
"See? That's how the world works, dear..."
Archer
...and I'm the only one you can trust.
"...and I'm the only one you can trust."
Archer
Wow, a ton of stuff just started making sense.
"Wow, a ton of stuff just started making sense."
Archer
[MOCK-LAUGHS]
"[MOCK-LAUGHS]"
Archer
So is all kinds of shit.
"So is all kinds of shit."
Archer
And how long you think this one's gonna be around?
"And how long you think this one's gonna be around?"
Archer
Yeah. Yeah, count me in.
"Yeah. Yeah, count me in."
Archer
- No. - Yes.
"- No. - Yes."
Archer
[IN BRITISH ACCENT] Mustard gas. Zeppelins. No.
"[IN BRITISH ACCENT] Mustard gas. Zeppelins. No."
Archer
- By God, you will show some respect. - [IN NORMAL VOICE] Ow.
"- By God, you will show some respect. - [IN NORMAL VOICE] Ow."
Archer
And if you won't tell him, Woodhouse, I bloody well shall.
"And if you won't tell him, Woodhouse, I bloody well shall."
Archer
And he was looking at me... My God, I can still see him smile.
"And he was looking at me... My God, I can still see him smile."
Archer
And then the sky just shattered.
"And then the sky just shattered."
Archer
[PLANE CRASHING]
"[PLANE CRASHING]"
Archer
WOODHOUSE: A response I found unsatisfactory.
"WOODHOUSE: A response I found unsatisfactory."
Archer
- Of course I did, sir. I'm a... - Fag?
"- Of course I did, sir. I'm a... - Fag?"
Archer
Ooh. Sorry, sir.
"Ooh. Sorry, sir."
Archer
- I'm listening, sir. - Woodhouse...
"- I'm listening, sir. - Woodhouse..."
Archer
Reggie!
"Reggie!"
Archer
Ahem. Medical discharge.
"Ahem. Medical discharge."
Archer
And then I just sort of drifted about.
"And then I just sort of drifted about."
Archer
MALORY: Don't shoot!
"MALORY: Don't shoot!"
Archer
The... You...
"The... You..."
Archer
Oh, my God. Oh!
"Oh, my God. Oh!"
Archer
Oh, I can't breathe.
"Oh, I can't breathe."
Archer
- Ha. What an ass. - Right?
"- Ha. What an ass. - Right?"
Archer
ARCHER: Mother? Mother?
"ARCHER: Mother? Mother?"
Archer
That's why you're so upset?
"That's why you're so upset?"
Archer
...we both nearly died that night.
"...we both nearly died that night."
Archer
They'll come. We should get you somewhere safe.
"They'll come. We should get you somewhere safe."
Archer
Oh, a few minutes more.
"Oh, a few minutes more."
Archer
- Isn't he perfect? - Aye. That he is.
"- Isn't he perfect? - Aye. That he is."
Archer
Got me to an OSS safe house, sold the boat...
"Got me to an OSS safe house, sold the boat..."
Archer
...then raised you by himself for five years.
"...then raised you by himself for five years."
Archer
- Uh-uh-uh. Here. - You want me to take a baby. To a murder.
"- Uh-uh-uh. Here. - You want me to take a baby. To a murder."
Archer
I have no more love to give today.
"I have no more love to give today."
Archer
Wait, why did you have an eye patch?
"Wait, why did you have an eye patch?"
Archer
Three-large 50, three large a Benjamin, three-large...
"Three-large 50, three large a Benjamin, three-large..."
Archer
Ha-ha-ha. Yeah, we're the idiots. Says the genius who got a hooker pregnant.
"Ha-ha-ha. Yeah, we're the idiots. Says the genius who got a hooker pregnant."
Archer
ARCHER: What? - Nothing.
"ARCHER: What? - Nothing."
Archer
No. Wait, then I don't get the money, idiot.
"No. Wait, then I don't get the money, idiot."
Archer
Bloody should be. Almost killed me.
"Bloody should be. Almost killed me."
Archer
Which again, from the bottom of my heart...
"Which again, from the bottom of my heart..."
Archer
...is the last thing on earth I'd ever want to do.
"...is the last thing on earth I'd ever want to do."
Archer
I'd forgotten all about that rubbish tontine.
"I'd forgotten all about that rubbish tontine."
Archer
But all the mysterious deaths...
"But all the mysterious deaths..."
Archer
SCRIPES: Well, I daresay, there's not much mystery.
"SCRIPES: Well, I daresay, there's not much mystery."
Archer
They're just desperate to sell newspapers.
"They're just desperate to sell newspapers."
Archer
- Auto-erotic asphyxiation. - You're joking.
"- Auto-erotic asphyxiation. - You're joking."
Archer
And here's to the old Double Deuce.
"And here's to the old Double Deuce."
Archer
But if you didn't come to kill us, why bring that whacking great Webley?
"But if you didn't come to kill us, why bring that whacking great Webley?"
Archer
But Reggie would've wanted you to have it, old boy.
"But Reggie would've wanted you to have it, old boy."
Archer
Took good care of her too.
"Took good care of her too."
Archer
ARCHER: No!
"ARCHER: No!"
Archer
[IN SLOW-MOTION] Woodhouse!
"[IN SLOW-MOTION] Woodhouse!"
Archer
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Whoo! Ha-ha! What a move. Did you see that?
"[IN NORMAL VOICE] Whoo! Ha-ha! What a move. Did you see that?"
Archer
That was like Steve McQueen and John Woo had a baby...
"That was like Steve McQueen and John Woo had a baby..."
Archer
Unbelievably gigantic ass.
"Unbelievably gigantic ass."
Archer
That's all you have to say, you great flapping twit?
"That's all you have to say, you great flapping twit?"
Archer
...splash scotch and women's underthings about...
"...splash scotch and women's underthings about..."
Archer
Yes, I guess we are.
"Yes, I guess we are."
Archer
No, no, not that.
"No, no, not that."
Archer
The fact the government let you two fruit-bats adopt a baby.
"The fact the government let you two fruit-bats adopt a baby."
Archer
ARCHER: Woodhouse. What the hell is this?
"ARCHER: Woodhouse. What the hell is this?"
Archer
- I believe it's squash, sir. - L... What are you shoveling it into?
"- I believe it's squash, sir. - L... What are you shoveling it into?"
Archer
The wee baby Seamus. Miss Trinette said you'd agreed to it...
"The wee baby Seamus. Miss Trinette said you'd agreed to it..."
Archer
...I believe she said.
"...I believe she said."
Archer
- You're in huge trouble. - Yes, sir.
"- You're in huge trouble. - Yes, sir."
Archer
And now I have to spend my first Friday off in forever...
"And now I have to spend my first Friday off in forever..."
Archer
...if you end up eating a whole bunch of spider webs. Right? Heh.
"...if you end up eating a whole bunch of spider webs. Right? Heh."
Archer
Now shut up and read me the paper.
"Now shut up and read me the paper."
Archer
Very good, sir. Let's see what we have... Oh, good Lord!
"Very good, sir. Let's see what we have... Oh, good Lord!"
Archer
[GLASS SHATTERING] [SEAMUS CRYING]
"[GLASS SHATTERING] [SEAMUS CRYING]"
Archer
Why are you sitting at my table?
"Why are you sitting at my table?"
Archer
Oh, yeah? Did somebody finally out the queen? Right?
"Oh, yeah? Did somebody finally out the queen? Right?"
Archer
"Sir Augustus Stilton, World War I flying ace, blah, blah, blah...
""Sir Augustus Stilton, World War I flying ace, blah, blah, blah..."
Archer
And mystery solved, he was a thousand.
"And mystery solved, he was a thousand."
Archer
Most decorated aerodrome...
"Most decorated aerodrome..."
Archer
...of the Great War. - I don't care about the Great War.
"...of the Great War. - I don't care about the Great War."
Archer
But not much left of the old Double Deuce anymore.
"But not much left of the old Double Deuce anymore."
Archer
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