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Clips from Archer - The Double Date (S11E11)

"[lounge music playing]"
Archer
"♪ ♪"
Archer
"‐ [clears throat]"
Archer
"[ice crunching]"
Archer
"♪ ♪"
Archer
"‐ Welcom e to L'Orange. I'll be your server, Kyle."
Archer
"Our specials tonight‐‐"
Archer
"‐ Damn it, Kyle, are you blind?"
Archer
"We're in the middle of a conversation."
Archer
"‐ I'm so sorry. [sighs]"
Archer
"I'll come back."
Archer
"‐ Actually, I kinda wish we'd heard the specials now."
Archer
"[sighs]"
Archer
"This is fun. So fun, right?"
Archer
"[main title theme]"
Archer
"♪ ♪"
Archer
"Robert: This was a doozy"
Archer
"of an idea, Archer."
Archer
"I just love double dates."
Archer
"‐ You're at a restaurant, Robert."
Archer
"We can trade money for food here."
Archer
"Sorry about that, Gabrielle."
Archer
"At his age, Robert gets confused easily."
Archer
"‐ If it's not painfully obvious yet,"
Archer
"Archer is incredibly jealous of my husband."
Archer
"‐ Oh, yeah, I‐I desperately wish"
Archer
"I had liver spots and eyebrows like haystacks."
Archer
"- You know what? - Look, why don't we just"
Archer
"acknowledge the elephant in the room?"
Archer
"‐ That you have borderline personality disorder"
Archer
"and desperately need help?"
Archer
"‐ I was talking, Lana,"
Archer
"about how incredibly gorgeous Gabrielle looks tonight."
Archer
"It's like somebody stuffed 103 pounds of "ka‐kow""
Archer
"into a red golf sock."
Archer
"‐ I couldn't agree more."
Archer
"You look gorgeous, Gabrielle."
Archer
"‐ Uh, honey, shut up."
Archer
"So how did you two meet?"
Archer
"‐ We met in a study my university is conducting"
Archer
"for individuals who have been in a coma."
Archer
"- Catch that, Lana? - That you have brain damage?"
Archer
"‐ No, I mean the part where Gabrielle is a scientist?"
Archer
"‐ Oh, are you in science as well?"
Archer
"‐ [laughs] That's funny."
Archer
"You see, Lana's parents desperately wanted her"
Archer
"to be a scientist, but she hated them."
Archer
"- And now they're dead. - They're not dead."
Archer
"‐ How would you know? You're not a scientist."
Archer
"‐ You know, one of my foundations"
Archer
"is involved in neuroscience,"
Archer
"and we just did a study on memory‐mapping neurons."
Archer
"‐ Oh, I just read about that!"
Archer
"Let me ask you, did you agree with their findings"
Archer
"on spatially tuned memory trace cells?"
Archer
"‐ Slow down. Who am I, Andrew Fielding Huxley?"
Archer
"[both laugh]"
Archer
"Gosh, oh, that's good."
Archer
"‐ So have we decided on a first course?"
Archer
"‐ I actually need a little more time."
Archer
"But, Lana, you're probably fine"
Archer
"with the first thing you see, right?"
Archer
"- [hits table] - I'm just... [groans]"
Archer
"Going to go to the ladies' room."
Archer
"Excuse me."
Archer
"- Oh, I'll join you. - [sighs] Great."
Archer
"‐ Don't take too long, or I might fall in love with Robert."
Archer
"You know how fast it can happen!"
Archer
"Ha, I was joking, obviously, Robert."
Archer
"The eyebrows are a deal breaker."
Archer
"‐ Oh, this is a beautiful restaurant."
Archer
"‐ Mm‐hmm."
Archer
"‐ Robert's great. You're so lucky."
Archer
"- Uh‐huh. - So..."
Archer
"you know Archer from work?"
Archer
"‐ [laughs] What?"
Archer
"Wait a minute. You're joking, right?"
Archer
"Archer didn't tell you anything about us?"
Archer
"‐ Oh, just that you work together,"
Archer
"that you're married to Robert,"
Archer
"that your jaw makes this clicking sound"
Archer
"when you chew like... [clicking tongue]"
Archer
"‐ Mm."
Archer
"He didn't mention that we, uh, I don't know,"
Archer
"have a child together?"
Archer
"‐ Get out of town!"
Archer
"You're AJ's mom?"
Archer
"‐ [groans]"
Archer
"Robert: So how's work, Archer?"
Archer
"‐ Hey, Robert, don't take this personally,"
Archer
"but there's no way I'm making small talk with you."
Archer
"Just quietly stare at a candle or something."
Archer
"‐ Hey... that Gabrielle. [wolf whistle]"
Archer
"We sure got a type. Rawr!"
Archer
"Seeing them walk off together now, I was just like,"
Archer
""I wouldn't mind being the cream in that double espresso!""
Archer
"- [laughs] - Hmm."
Archer
"‐ I've dabbled quite a bit in the exotic arts, as they say."
Archer
"‐ Oh, God, please, no."
Archer
"‐ So you're telling me you're not upset"
Archer
"that Archer didn't mention that your first date"
Archer
"was going to include the mother of his child?"
Archer
"‐ After all he's been through,"
Archer
"I'm sure it just slipped his mind."
Archer
"‐ Or he's a lunatic."
Archer
"I mean, clearly he asked you out because..."
Archer
"- [snorts] Well... - Well, what?"
Archer
"‐ Oh, come on, he's trying to send a message"
Archer
"that he found a stand‐in, you know, for, uh‐‐for this."
Archer
"‐ A stand‐in? Oh, did you go to Yale too?"
Archer
"‐ No. I mean, I'm sure I could have."
Archer
"‐ But you have two PhDs, I bet."
Archer
"‐ Well, no, not two."
Archer
"No, I have‐‐I have‐‐ I have just the one."
Archer
"‐ Oh, I see, so you don't mean "stand‐in""
Archer
"as much as you mean "upgrade.""
Archer
"woman: [clears throat]"
Archer
"Excuse me."
Archer
"- There! There you go! - [gasps] What are you doing?"
Archer
"- Now you're all wet. - Ugh!"
Archer
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