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Clips from Community - Cooperative Polygraphy (S05E05)

Short Films 2009 Season 5, Episode 4 28 min 452 clips
Short Drama

Episodes from this show

Title Season Episode
Pilot 1 1
Spanish 101 1 2
Introduction to Film 1 3
Social Psychology 1 4
Advanced Criminal Law 1 5
Football, Feminism and You 1 6
Introduction to Statistics 1 7
Home Economics 1 8
Debate 109 1 9
Environmental Science 1 10
The Politics of Human Sexuality 1 11
Comparative Religion 1 12
Investigative Journalism 1 13
Interpretive Dance 1 14
Romantic Expressionism 1 15
Communication Studies 1 16
Physical Education 1 17
Basic Genealogy 1 18
Beginner Pottery 1 19
The Science of Illusion 1 20
Contemporary American Poultry 1 21
The Art of Discourse 1 22
Modern Warfare 1 23
English as a Second Language 1 24
Pascal's Triangle Revisited 1 25
Anthropology 101 2 1
Accounting for Lawyers 2 2
The Psychology of Letting Go 2 3
Basic Rocket Science 2 4
Messianic Myths and Ancient Peoples 2 5
Epidemiology 2 6
Aerodynamics of Gender 2 7
Cooperative Calligraphy 2 8
Conspiracy Theories and Interior Design 2 9
Mixology Certification 2 10
Abed's Uncontrollable Christmas 2 11
Asian Population Studies 2 12
Celebrity Pharmacology 2 13
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons 2 14
Early 21st Century Romanticism 2 15
Intermediate Documentary Filmmaking 2 16
Intro to Political Science 2 17
Custody Law and Eastern European Diplomacy 2 18
Critical Film Studies 2 19
Competitive Wine Tasting 2 20
Paradigms of Human Memory 2 21
Applied Anthropology and Culinary Arts 2 22
A Fistful of Paintballs (1) 2 23
For a Few Paintballs More 2 24
Biology 101 3 1
Geography of Global Conflict 3 2
Competitive Ecology 3 3
Remedial Chaos Theory 3 4
Horror Fiction in Seven Spooky Steps 3 5
Advanced Gay 3 6
Title Season Episode
Studies In Modern Movement 3 7
Documentary Filmmaking: Redux 3 8
Foosball and Nocturnal Vigilantism 3 9
Regional Holiday Music 3 10
Urban Matrimony and the Sandwich Arts 3 11
Contemporary Impressionists 3 12
Digital Exploration Of Interior Design (1) 3 13
Pillows and Blankets (2) 3 14
Origins of Vampire Mythology 3 15
Virtual Systems Analysis 3 16
Basic Lupine Urology 3 17
Course Listing Unavailable 3 18
Curriculum Unavailable 3 19
Digital Estate Planning 3 20
The First Chang Dynasty 3 21
Introduction To Finality 3 22
History 101 4 1
Paranormal Parentage 4 2
Conventions of Space and Time 4 3
Alternative History of the German Invasion 4 4
Cooperative Escapism In Familial Relations 4 5
Advanced Documentary Filmmaking 4 6
Economics of Marine Biology 4 7
Herstory of Dance 4 8
Intro To Felt Surrogacy 4 9
Intro To Knots 4 10
Basic Human Anatomy 4 11
Heroic Origins 4 12
Advanced Introduction to Finality 4 13
Repilot 5 1
Introduction to Teaching 5 2
Basic Intergluteal Numismatics 5 3
Cooperative Polygraphy 5 4
Geothermal Escapism 5 5
Analysis of Cork-Based Networking 5 6
Bondage and Beta Male Sexuality 5 7
App Development and Condiments 5 8
VCR Maintenance and Educational Publishing 5 9
Advanced Advanced Dungeons & Dragons 5 10
G.I. Jeff 5 11
Basic Story 5 12
Basic Sandwich 5 13
Ladders 6 1
Lawnmower Maintenance and Postnatal Care 6 2
Basic Crisis Room Decorum 6 3
Queer Studies & Advanced Waxing 6 4
Laws of Robotics & Party Rights 6 5
Basic Email Security 6 6
Advanced Safety Features 6 7
Intro to Recycled Cinema 6 8
Grifting 101 6 9
Basic RV Repair and Palmistry 6 10
Modern Espionage 6 11
Wedding Videography 6 12
Emotional Consequences of Broadcast Television 6 13
but this energon pod contains his life... vapor?
"but this energon pod contains his life... vapor?"
Community
just doing the "respect the dead" jig-a-lig?
"just doing the "respect the dead" jig-a-lig?"
Community
We complained about him when he was alive. This is different.
"We complained about him when he was alive. This is different."
Community
Just a reminder you gotta live life to the fullest.
"Just a reminder you gotta live life to the fullest."
Community
I don't suppose anyone wants to know I consider this a violation.
"I don't suppose anyone wants to know I consider this a violation."
Community
Let's do it. How do we begin?
"Let's do it. How do we begin?"
Community
- No. - Lie.
"- No. - Lie."
Community
none of them involved his murder?
"none of them involved his murder?"
Community
No! What kind of question is that?
"No! What kind of question is that?"
Community
- Are you sure you're not gay? - Yes.
"- Are you sure you're not gay? - Yes."
Community
Uh, you could have just said no.
"Uh, you could have just said no."
Community
It's my money. It's my choice.
"It's my money. It's my choice."
Community
I'd fill it with oil and hispanic voters.
"I'd fill it with oil and hispanic voters."
Community
and a couple of bugout bags filled with gold coins and condoms
"and a couple of bugout bags filled with gold coins and condoms"
Community
Does your doomsday plan account for the welfare of any of your other friends?
"Does your doomsday plan account for the welfare of any of your other friends?"
Community
Benjamin Franklin Chang, ready to deal out the truth.
"Benjamin Franklin Chang, ready to deal out the truth."
Community
did you ever kill a squirrel with a slingshot
"did you ever kill a squirrel with a slingshot"
Community
No.
"No."
Community
- Wait, what? - You told Pierce that?
"- Wait, what? - You told Pierce that?"
Community
Look, this is not the issue! You're stealing from me!
"Look, this is not the issue! You're stealing from me!"
Community
And as your roommate, you're making me an accomplice.
"And as your roommate, you're making me an accomplice."
Community
Or your own Netflix account?
"Or your own Netflix account?"
Community
We're ready to begin the formal inquest.
"We're ready to begin the formal inquest."
Community
And what sandwich would you order from Shirley's Sandwiches?
"And what sandwich would you order from Shirley's Sandwiches?"
Community
- Helen of Soy. - Are you aware that,
"- Helen of Soy. - Are you aware that,"
Community
in order to save money, Shirley stopped using real tofu
"in order to save money, Shirley stopped using real tofu"
Community
No, I did drugs in the parking lot of your church.
"No, I did drugs in the parking lot of your church."
Community
Guys, these questions are obviously designed to turn us against each other.
"Guys, these questions are obviously designed to turn us against each other."
Community
I know what Pierce is referring to.
"I know what Pierce is referring to."
Community
You told me a hawk stole them!
"You told me a hawk stole them!"
Community
- They have to be won in battle. - Blegh! Gross!
"- They have to be won in battle. - Blegh! Gross!"
Community
you can do with your best friend.
"you can do with your best friend."
Community
I was trying to get it back. They're expensive. And he's not moving anymore.
"I was trying to get it back. They're expensive. And he's not moving anymore."
Community
- Oh, uh, yes, kind of. - What?
"- Oh, uh, yes, kind of. - What?"
Community
I put 5 milligrams of something-something in your coffees and we all got an "A."
"I put 5 milligrams of something-something in your coffees and we all got an "A.""
Community
You made a profile for a fake dude and lured her into an online relationship.
"You made a profile for a fake dude and lured her into an online relationship."
Community
I noticed whenever you were in a relationship,
"I noticed whenever you were in a relationship,"
Community
Mr. Hawthorne hasn't asked a question in quite some time, Mr. Winger.
"Mr. Hawthorne hasn't asked a question in quite some time, Mr. Winger."
Community
Confession is good for the soul. You should try it sometime.
"Confession is good for the soul. You should try it sometime."
Community
Wait. That's it.
"Wait. That's it."
Community
If we're no better than Pierce,
"If we're no better than Pierce,"
Community
I only give money to homeless people when I'm walking with someone.
"I only give money to homeless people when I'm walking with someone."
Community
Don't everybody disagree at once. Oh, Lord, I did it again.
"Don't everybody disagree at once. Oh, Lord, I did it again."
Community
You may as well have submachine guns in your mouths. It vibrates my skull.
"You may as well have submachine guns in your mouths. It vibrates my skull."
Community
to your race and gender, but to our species,
"to your race and gender, but to our species,"
Community
I also leave you a cylinder of my sperm.
"I also leave you a cylinder of my sperm."
Community
by yourself around the entire world.
"by yourself around the entire world."
Community
but I think he knew something about me that even I didn't know until now.
"but I think he knew something about me that even I didn't know until now."
Community
Because he's offering me something I've been searching for my whole life.
"Because he's offering me something I've been searching for my whole life."
Community
Somebody say something!
"Somebody say something!"
Community
But oh, my God! I was gonna explode!
"But oh, my God! I was gonna explode!"
Community
But you did it! You did it!
"But you did it! You did it!"
Community
It was amazing!
"It was amazing!"
Community
We should do this every week.
"We should do this every week."
Community
Well, that was a weird afternoon.
"Well, that was a weird afternoon."
Community
I guess I knew Pierce was part of a weird, futuristic cult,
"I guess I knew Pierce was part of a weird, futuristic cult,"
Community
Well, let's not judge.
"Well, let's not judge."
Community
Everyone has a right to whatever fake religion they delusionally choose.
"Everyone has a right to whatever fake religion they delusionally choose."
Community
Abed, you were by the coffin for a long time.
"Abed, you were by the coffin for a long time."
Community
- Are you okay? - I'm okay. Although...
"- Are you okay? - I'm okay. Although..."
Community
♪ Troy and Abed are in mourning ♪
"♪ Troy and Abed are in mourning ♪"
Community
Will you guys please stop doing that?
"Will you guys please stop doing that?"
Community
I can't believe you did it during your eulogy.
"I can't believe you did it during your eulogy."
Community
So uncomfortable.
"So uncomfortable."
Community
You were singing "mourning" with a "u"?
"You were singing "mourning" with a "u"?"
Community
Oh, no.
"Oh, no."
Community
So Pierce's body is in the coffin, and we buried it,
"So Pierce's body is in the coffin, and we buried it,"
Community
in this incredibly persuasive literature they passed out.
"in this incredibly persuasive literature they passed out."
Community
Once you reach level 16, you can see the color blurble.
"Once you reach level 16, you can see the color blurble."
Community
Of all the ridiculous cartoon nonsense.
"Of all the ridiculous cartoon nonsense."
Community
If there is a blurble, the Lord keeps it hidden for a reason.
"If there is a blurble, the Lord keeps it hidden for a reason."
Community
What up, N-Bombs? How was the funeral? Awesome?
"What up, N-Bombs? How was the funeral? Awesome?"
Community
No, Chang, our friend's funeral was not awesome.
"No, Chang, our friend's funeral was not awesome."
Community
It was deeply sad. You know, funeral style.
"It was deeply sad. You know, funeral style."
Community
Excuse me. I thought you guys hated Pierce.
"Excuse me. I thought you guys hated Pierce."
Community
- We did not hate Pierce. - Craziness.
"- We did not hate Pierce. - Craziness."
Community
All right, are you sure you guys aren't
"All right, are you sure you guys aren't"
Community
I think you have us mistaken for you, Chang.
"I think you have us mistaken for you, Chang."
Community
I don't know. I definitely remember you complaining about him a lot.
"I don't know. I definitely remember you complaining about him a lot."
Community
Can't believe we'll never see him again.
"Can't believe we'll never see him again."
Community
By the time Pierce was my age, he had already been fired from 15 jobs.
"By the time Pierce was my age, he had already been fired from 15 jobs."
Community
I've only seen two Police Academies.
"I've only seen two Police Academies."
Community
The last two.
"The last two."
Community
Well, he's gone too soon but won't be soon forgotten.
"Well, he's gone too soon but won't be soon forgotten."
Community
I would say you're quite correct, Mr. Winger.
"I would say you're quite correct, Mr. Winger."
Community
- Who the hell are you? - My name is Mr. Stone.
"- Who the hell are you? - My name is Mr. Stone."
Community
That's easy for you to say.
"That's easy for you to say."
Community
- And for us to say. - I work for Mr. Hawthorne.
"- And for us to say. - I work for Mr. Hawthorne."
Community
He specified in his will that no matter how natural in appearance
"He specified in his will that no matter how natural in appearance"
Community
the circumstances of his death,
"the circumstances of his death,"
Community
a private inquest should be conducted
"a private inquest should be conducted"
Community
to determine whether any one of you,
"to determine whether any one of you,"
Community
his former study group, murdered him.
"his former study group, murdered him."
Community
What?
"What?"
Community
To be cleared, you must all submit to a polygraph test.
"To be cleared, you must all submit to a polygraph test."
Community
Aw, schnizzle. You guys are in trouble!
"Aw, schnizzle. You guys are in trouble!"
Community
- Later. - Mr. Chang, I presume.
"- Later. - Mr. Chang, I presume."
Community
You're also listed as a suspect and requested to participate.
"You're also listed as a suspect and requested to participate."
Community
- Fine, but I ask the questions. - I'm afraid I can't allow that.
"- Fine, but I ask the questions. - I'm afraid I can't allow that."
Community
All right, then just the "fine" part.
"All right, then just the "fine" part."
Community
- We're losing Pierce! - Everyone, quickly!
"- We're losing Pierce! - Everyone, quickly!"
Community
Someone get a balloon.
"Someone get a balloon."
Community
I always wanted to try a polygraph. They're like the pie fight of cop movies.
"I always wanted to try a polygraph. They're like the pie fight of cop movies."
Community
Or the acupuncture of the legal system.
"Or the acupuncture of the legal system."
Community
I can't believe Pierce would think we might murder him.
"I can't believe Pierce would think we might murder him."
Community
Yeah, what a waste of murder. I mean, he was, like, 79.
"Yeah, what a waste of murder. I mean, he was, like, 79."
Community
Come on, it's just Pierce being Pierce. It's his final wish.
"Come on, it's just Pierce being Pierce. It's his final wish."
Community
If I had a final wish, I'd use it to stay alive.
"If I had a final wish, I'd use it to stay alive."
Community
We're to start with miss Perry.
"We're to start with miss Perry."
Community
- State your name. - Britta Perry.
"- State your name. - Britta Perry."
Community
Have you ever had any thoughts of violence towards Pierce Hawthorne?
"Have you ever had any thoughts of violence towards Pierce Hawthorne?"
Community
I mean, I may have wanted to slap him now and again, but I didn't kill him.
"I mean, I may have wanted to slap him now and again, but I didn't kill him."
Community
In all your sexual fantasies about Pierce Hawthorne,
"In all your sexual fantasies about Pierce Hawthorne,"
Community
But you have had sexual fantasies about Mr. Hawthorne.
"But you have had sexual fantasies about Mr. Hawthorne."
Community
just as Mr. Hawthorne wrote them down, I assure you.
"just as Mr. Hawthorne wrote them down, I assure you."
Community
- Mr. Winger, state your name. - Jeffrey Winger.
"- Mr. Winger, state your name. - Jeffrey Winger."
Community
- Are you gay? - No.
"- Are you gay? - No."
Community
- Gay murderer says what? - What?
"- Gay murderer says what? - What?"
Community
He's telling the truth.
"He's telling the truth."
Community
I've been instructed to point out that that means you're gay.
"I've been instructed to point out that that means you're gay."
Community