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Clips from Community - The Politics of Human Sexuality (S01E01)

Short Films 2009 Season 1, Episode 11 28 min 341 clips
Short Drama
As the best athlete on campus, I need you to run to my office
"As the best athlete on campus, I need you to run to my office"
Community
- You're a really good friend. - No, Abed...
"- You're a really good friend. - No, Abed..."
Community
Back already. Detail time?
"Back already. Detail time?"
Community
I have stuff to work on.
"I have stuff to work on."
Community
So could I borrow 200 bucks?
"So could I borrow 200 bucks?"
Community
The characteristic of an asset to donate or accept a proton
"The characteristic of an asset to donate or accept a proton"
Community
cannot be quantified for individual species.
"cannot be quantified for individual species."
Community
You would give a glass of water?
"You would give a glass of water?"
Community
You stick to quotin' movie lines.
"You stick to quotin' movie lines."
Community
You and I are playing real basketball, right now.
"You and I are playing real basketball, right now."
Community
Congratu... Horrible!
"Congratu... Horrible!"
Community
And I'm taking doreen to annie's mixer tonight.
"And I'm taking doreen to annie's mixer tonight."
Community
There's a joke here.
"There's a joke here."
Community
You're gonna be center stage showing everyone
"You're gonna be center stage showing everyone"
Community
Do I know your name?
"Do I know your name?"
Community
The women literally have no identities.
"The women literally have no identities."
Community
- But I'm gonna screw it up. - Well, it's easy enough to practice.
"- But I'm gonna screw it up. - Well, it's easy enough to practice."
Community
And he cried after. And during.
"And he cried after. And during."
Community
So you, uh, you never seen one when you were growing up?
"So you, uh, you never seen one when you were growing up?"
Community
Like, you know, on the internet, in a picture, or Harvey Keitel's?
"Like, you know, on the internet, in a picture, or Harvey Keitel's?"
Community
I just want to figure out how to do it and get it over with.
"I just want to figure out how to do it and get it over with."
Community
WHEEL OF REMORSE
"WHEEL OF REMORSE"
Community
Is she single? What are her likes and dislikes?
"Is she single? What are her likes and dislikes?"
Community
I asked her to be my date for the fair, and she said yes.
"I asked her to be my date for the fair, and she said yes."
Community
Check out these condoms.
"Check out these condoms."
Community
Exclamation point, my idea.
"Exclamation point, my idea."
Community
I can't believe you beat me again!
"I can't believe you beat me again!"
Community
I can see through the door.
"I can see through the door."
Community
I had it wrong!
"I had it wrong!"
Community
You know, Doreen speaks six languages.
"You know, Doreen speaks six languages."
Community
Honey, you're boring the crap out of Jeff.
"Honey, you're boring the crap out of Jeff."
Community
Before I buy dinner, I have to ask...
"Before I buy dinner, I have to ask..."
Community
But it will cost you 200 bucks.
"But it will cost you 200 bucks."
Community
A 597?
"A 597?"
Community
I don't see what the big deal is. Annie needed to look at the pe...
"I don't see what the big deal is. Annie needed to look at the pe..."
Community
Everyone should say penis
"Everyone should say penis"
Community
Yikers.
"Yikers."
Community
You know...
"You know..."
Community
- This is your car. - Keep it.
"- This is your car. - Keep it."
Community
I booked a sketch artist, an improve troupe,
"I booked a sketch artist, an improve troupe,"
Community
there'll be a laser projecting a burning pelvis onto the ceiling.
"there'll be a laser projecting a burning pelvis onto the ceiling."
Community
This isn't gonna be your mom sexually transmitted disease awareness fair.
"This isn't gonna be your mom sexually transmitted disease awareness fair."
Community
You've been quite the little helper.
"You've been quite the little helper."
Community
STD fair, guys. Catch knowledge.
"STD fair, guys. Catch knowledge."
Community
You think you're better?
"You think you're better?"
Community
- I'll stick to sports. - I'm trying to reduce my pop-cultural.
"- I'll stick to sports. - I'm trying to reduce my pop-cultural."
Community
You're not moving into sports.
"You're not moving into sports."
Community
- Sounds fun. - No, it doesn't!
"- Sounds fun. - No, it doesn't!"
Community
And it won't be.
"And it won't be."
Community
- Catch knowledge. - Sorry, not interested...
"- Catch knowledge. - Sorry, not interested..."
Community
In ignoring your very important cause.
"In ignoring your very important cause."
Community
Hi, I'm Jeff Winger.
"Hi, I'm Jeff Winger."
Community
Sabrina is my new secretary.
"Sabrina is my new secretary."
Community
"Secretary" is a little degrading to women.
""Secretary" is a little degrading to women."
Community
My casual friend and I are gonna have a non-romantic breakfast
"My casual friend and I are gonna have a non-romantic breakfast"
Community
- if you'd like to join us. - The cafeteria's closed .
"- if you'd like to join us. - The cafeteria's closed ."
Community
- Fortune cookie? - Isn't it great?
"- Fortune cookie? - Isn't it great?"
Community
Greendale is the latest campus to catch a case
"Greendale is the latest campus to catch a case"
Community
of public health fever!
"of public health fever!"
Community
You know the toilets in the women's bathrooms don't have seats?
"You know the toilets in the women's bathrooms don't have seats?"
Community
Because they keep getting stolen. Sabrina, take a note.
"Because they keep getting stolen. Sabrina, take a note."
Community
I want hidden cameras in every stall.
"I want hidden cameras in every stall."
Community
Problem solved.
"Problem solved."
Community
- "You will get aids." - Flip it over.
"- "You will get aids." - Flip it over."
Community
- "Unless you go to the STD fair." - I wrote that.
"- "Unless you go to the STD fair." - I wrote that."
Community
See you later. Catch knowledge.
"See you later. Catch knowledge."
Community
We are friends?
"We are friends?"
Community
You may have noticed a recent change in my...
"You may have noticed a recent change in my..."
Community
- demeanor. - No.
"- demeanor. - No."
Community
Well, I have a new girlfriend.
"Well, I have a new girlfriend."
Community
And she is super smart, if you know what I mean.
"And she is super smart, if you know what I mean."
Community
When you catch a big fish,
"When you catch a big fish,"
Community
you want to stuff her and put her on the mantle.
"you want to stuff her and put her on the mantle."
Community
- How'bout tonight? - I doubt it.
"- How'bout tonight? - I doubt it."
Community
- We played basketball. It was fun. - Don't gloat.
"- We played basketball. It was fun. - Don't gloat."
Community
It's impossible to guard you.
"It's impossible to guard you."
Community
Your eyes are too gentle and mysterious.
"Your eyes are too gentle and mysterious."
Community
Jeff and I are double-dating tonight with my new girlfriend.
"Jeff and I are double-dating tonight with my new girlfriend."
Community
- You got that from "I doubt it"? - Pierce has got a girlfriend!
"- You got that from "I doubt it"? - Pierce has got a girlfriend!"
Community
Some mysteries solve themselves, no?
"Some mysteries solve themselves, no?"
Community
That's just her profession. She doesn't escort me.
"That's just her profession. She doesn't escort me."
Community
I met her in my marketing class.
"I met her in my marketing class."
Community
You mean the STD fair. Catch knowledge.
"You mean the STD fair. Catch knowledge."
Community
Taking a call girl to an STD fair.
"Taking a call girl to an STD fair."
Community
Is there a pill that makes the word "no" clearer?
"Is there a pill that makes the word "no" clearer?"
Community
it is pretty short notice. Probably couldn't get a date anyway.
"it is pretty short notice. Probably couldn't get a date anyway."
Community
I'm sure you're right.
"I'm sure you're right."
Community
Maybe it has something to do with crabs. They're like a food, but also a disease.
"Maybe it has something to do with crabs. They're like a food, but also a disease."
Community
You know, I wonder, for all your feather flashing,
"You know, I wonder, for all your feather flashing,"
Community
when was the last time you actually scored?
"when was the last time you actually scored?"
Community
I don't know the precise date,
"I don't know the precise date,"
Community
'cause I'm not you, so there's no receipt.
"'cause I'm not you, so there's no receipt."
Community
Come on.
"Come on."
Community
You shouldn't take potshots at some poor woman 'cause you can't get a date.
"You shouldn't take potshots at some poor woman 'cause you can't get a date."
Community
I can get dates anytime I want.
"I can get dates anytime I want."
Community
- What is this, some kind of joke? - No. This is.
"- What is this, some kind of joke? - No. This is."
Community
"Don't eat the crab dip."
""Don't eat the crab dip.""
Community
"no! Stop being so aware of us!"
""no! Stop being so aware of us!""
Community
And it's all thanks to you.
"And it's all thanks to you."
Community
I was voted most likely to succeed at my rehab clinic.
"I was voted most likely to succeed at my rehab clinic."
Community
Well, in recognition of all your hard work,
"Well, in recognition of all your hard work,"
Community
I have decided that you should conduct
"I have decided that you should conduct"
Community
the condom demonstration.
"the condom demonstration."
Community
how to put a condom on a,
"how to put a condom on a,"
Community
what my dad called a Jimmy Carter.
"what my dad called a Jimmy Carter."
Community
- Am I the right person for that? - Don't worry, not a real one.
"- Am I the right person for that? - Don't worry, not a real one."
Community
No, it's an anatomically correct model, you know.
"No, it's an anatomically correct model, you know."
Community
But trust me, eyes closed, you can't tell the difference.
"But trust me, eyes closed, you can't tell the difference."
Community
It's Jeff Winger.
"It's Jeff Winger."
Community
What kind of a question is that? Of course I know.
"What kind of a question is that? Of course I know."
Community
Well, if I answer now,
"Well, if I answer now,"
Community
you'll never learn a valuable lesson about trust,
"you'll never learn a valuable lesson about trust,"
Community
Pierce really got to you, huh?
"Pierce really got to you, huh?"
Community
It has been a dry spell.
"It has been a dry spell."
Community
- I'm trying. - I can see that.
"- I'm trying. - I can see that."
Community
This is a lot of outgoing calls.
"This is a lot of outgoing calls."
Community
"Car wash redhead. Tube top, REM Concert.
""Car wash redhead. Tube top, REM Concert."
Community
Juror number six." That sounds aboveboard.
"Juror number six." That sounds aboveboard."
Community
- At least you have "mommy" in here. - It's not my mom.
"- At least you have "mommy" in here. - It's not my mom."
Community
Dude, not cool.
"Dude, not cool."
Community