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Clips from Community - Advanced Criminal Law (S01E01)

"- good morning, greendale community college."
Community
"Is mr. luis guzman, celebrated actor"
Community
"Greendale!"
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"You know, the blonde with the pouty, strident"
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"- britta? - that's it, that's it."
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"- you know, you have the savoir faire of a hyena."
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"How is it that you and james bond"
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"I'll just wait for you to finish striking out first."
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"and q&a."
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"Because he can't wait to have that conversation with you."
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"- you don't know? - no."
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"- [quietly] i'm president obama's nephew."
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"Starting with me inventing the ferrari."
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"- [bang] silencio, por favor."
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"- my name's alex, dude."
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"- well, maybe you should spend five hours"
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"All right, last night i graded your tests."
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"I'm sure you wanna know how you did, right?"
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"Otherwise known as a crib sheet."
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"Jackee?"
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"[upbeat music]"
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"- the only difference between señor chang and stalin"
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"Is that i know who señor chang is."
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"But if i'm gonna cheat,"
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"That's practically learning, for god's sakes."
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"- well, i may be stupid,"
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"But i'm not trying to look like i'm not."
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"Is the guy who's threatening everyone with a zero."
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"- you're right! it's so unfair."
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"On the school song committee. - are you a musician?"
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"- eew. no. i hired a local composer."
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"Troy invited rap music,"
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"I was just messin' with you. - you were lying?"
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"- i talked to the dean,"
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"- this friday? this friday?"
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"You really don't know much about genius, do you?"
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"and face la musica..."
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"Or everyone fails. - no!"
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"Starting now."
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"- [screaming] no!"
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"It's not that easy to get human beings to turn on each other."
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"- turn on her!"
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"- ow! - [booing]"
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"- that's right. we are mature!"
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"- yeah, i bet you're enjoying this."
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"What an entrance i got to make there."
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"By a disciplinary tribunal tomorrow"
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"But we will be next to it,"
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"If you'd like, you may represent her."
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"- i'm not gonna sit while some hokey tribunal"
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"That's the winger guarantee."
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"You think you're gonna save my bacon"
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"Using your lawyer powers"
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"See how good i am?"
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"Every single dog in the world is blue."
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"I'm just messing with you."
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"- yeah, i know, but let me explain to you"
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"Uh, first of all, i cannot be got,"
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"- it's a notepad."
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"- yeah, but what are-- what language?"
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"[humming a tune]"
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"- all right, i am convening this disciplinary tribunal"
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"At our state-of-the-art judge's table,"
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"Which has its own built-in sound system,"
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"- that's the difference."
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"That's the qualifying factor."
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"How can señor chang be one of the judges?"
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"Who's your drinking buddy."
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"Lashonda, can we please strike that?"
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"- i was planning on doing that."
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"Of the events of yesterday?"
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"Uh, crack of dawn, 5:58 a.m."
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"I made a breakfast consisting of.."
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"* slop * *"
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"Uh, the words, i can't tell you."
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"- a musician sees music in everything, annie."
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"You see? i mean, it just comes out."
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"Thanks for coming. bye-bye."
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"- and then she yelled, "screw you,""
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"In her high-heel boots like it was tampon time..."
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"- please don't encourage him, winger."
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"- i'm just curious. they're cute."
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"- thank you. - miss perry..."
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"- oh, shut your pompous vortex of overlapping fangs!"
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"- hey, british dentistry is not on trial."
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"Well, it certainly sounds to me"
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"That this young lady's only crime"
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"This tribunal is adjourned."
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"- objection. my client did not cheat."
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"- yes, she did..."
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"That's the real question, isn't it?"
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"On september 11th."
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"In the bylaws about recesses, all right?"
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"The wheels of justice here don't stop"
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"Beginning transmission."
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"The primary purpose seems to be male bonding,"
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"- what are you doing?"
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"- oh, hey. troy."
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"Um, how long were you standing there?"
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"You got me."
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"I was just messing with you, but i guess i blew it again."
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"Like you're better than me in front of my students."
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"And make the case that you're a good person--"
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"You don't even want to be my friend."
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"Look at me! - i am."
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"Without having to go through all this crap."
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"Because i wanted to get caught."
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"Gentlemen..."
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"But if you could've heard all the stuff"
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"But..."
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"That you are putting us at risk of electrocution."
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"- not me! - oh, come on, leonard."
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"Psychological counseling on a weekly basis"
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"[abed ululating]"
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"- it would be less creepy"
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"If you were actually an alien."
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"- okay? - cool."
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"- [ululating softly]"
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"I'm no more of a songwriter than you or billy joel."
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"- oh, yeah, yeah, sure, the haw--"
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