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Clips from Arrested Development - Justice Is Blind (S01E01)

"Michael Bluth and his family had gathered at the courthouse..."
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"to discuss George Sr. 's upcoming trial."
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"Do not ask me how I did it..."
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"they offered us a plea bargain."
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"Really? There's a chance we don't have to go to trial?"
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"Absolutely, and I say we take it..."
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"because we will never get an offer this good again."
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"- Wow. - Great. What's the offer?"
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"Well, I didn't read it. I just got it yesterday."
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"F.Y.I., I'm trying to get back into the dating world."
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"Hey, you're not one of those silly men that's dressed like a woman, are you?"
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"No, baby. I'm the real thing."
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"I don't understand how a person can put their sex life in front of their work."
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"He's a man, Michael. He needs a woman."
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"Can we get back to work, folks?"
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"We've only got 24 hours to respond..."
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"and no matter what this is, it is better than going to trial."
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"Your father's not here. I'll speak for him."
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"He loves it. He's crazy about the plea."
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"He's dying to get out of that prison and be with a woman again."
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"In fact, George Sr. had a woman in his life..."
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"Cindi Lightballoon, a fan ofhis Caged Wisdom video series..."
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"with whom he'd had fleeting physical contact."
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"That morning however, she had some startling news for him."
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"I'm a mole."
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"Well, you know, God doesn't care how big your teeth are."
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"Yes, you could go to a dentist. You could... Whoo."
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"You could grind off about... I don't know... 30%, maybe more. Yeah, I wouldn't miss it."
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"No, no, no. I mean, I'm an undercover government agent."
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"I was sent here to investigate you."
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"Up until last week, my being in love with you was just an act."
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"- Hmm. - But now I want to be with you."
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"And I know you can beat this case they have against you."
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"I know this for a fact."
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"I want to fight this thing. I can beat it. I know it for a fact."
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"- We're taking the plea. - Lucille, we're not taking a plea."
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"We don't even know what the plea is yet."
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"Is that a shot at me? 'Cause that makes me want to read it less."
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"- You have another one of these? - Yes, I do."
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"- We'll both read it. - You're going to read that?"
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"- Yeah. - It's pretty thick."
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"He thinks he's a lawyer 'cause he played one in 10th grade."
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"In order to satisfy an English requirement..."
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"Michael appeared in the drama club's production..."
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"of an original play, The Trial of Captain Hook."
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"- I don't remember that. - Well, you left during my solo."
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"And I'm surprised my twin sister can remember that..."
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"considering she was repeating the ninth grade at the time."
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"- I don't remember that. - Big surprise, Mom."
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"It's not like you ever took an interest in our lives."
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"Honestly, if I ever did to Maeby what you-"
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"Lindsay recalled that earlier that day..."
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"she had received a letter from the high school about her own daughter."
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"And so later, Lindsay and Tobias tried a more hands-on approach to parenting."
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"We would like you to tutor our daughter."
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"Now, of course, we're having a bit of a cash-flow problem..."
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"but I assure you..."
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"if you bring our little girl's grades up..."
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"I will pack your sweet pink mouth with so much ice cream..."
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"you'll be the envy of everyJerry and Jane on the block."
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"We're the only house on the block."
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"Perhaps we should get somebody else."
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"Michael, meanwhile, had gone to the bar across the street from the courthouse..."
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"to read the plea offer."
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"Not to exceed five years, but no less than three."
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"- So what do you think? - I don't know."
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"I'm so mad at Barry I can't even focus. That guy's out dating?"
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"- I mean, I'd love to be dating, but l... - Can't relax?"
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"No. I don't have time for a relationship. This is important."
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"No one said anything about a relationship, Michael."
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"If you'd slept with more than four women, you'd know that."
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"- I have, Gob. - More than five?"
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"Let's say five. This is a courthouse bar, Michael."
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"These are professional, aggressive women..."
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"who are looking for nothing more than a one-night stand."
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"No real names, no promises."
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"I'm not a one-night stand kind of guy. I don't like lying to women."
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"These are lawyers... that's Latin for liar."
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"I can't believe I'm still reading the same sentence."
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"How can something be no less than three if it exceeds six?"
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"I mean, six is still more than three, right?"
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"Yeah, and it's still more than five."
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"- Oh! Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. - It's okay."
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"- I'm falling all over you. - Let me move down."
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"I'm just working on this plea."
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"If you're pleading with me to have a drink with you, you can stop begging."
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"No, no. It's a..."
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"It's a plea for this case that I'm... I'm sorry... you want a drink."
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"Well, I didn't come here for the view."
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"- I'll have a vodka martini. - I'll tell him."
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"- So, another lawyer, huh? - Vodka martini!"
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"I'm Maggie Lizer, as in Maggie lies her ass off."
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"One person laughed at that once, and I don't know why I keep trying it."
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"- No, it's good. Yeah. - What kind of law do you practice?"
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"Maritime. Maritime law. Lawyers of the sea."
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"Oh. Submarine chaser."
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"What's your name?"
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"- Chareth. - Chareth."
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"Oh. So then what's your last name?"
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"- Cute story... - Cutestory?"
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"Yes. Chareth Cutestory."
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"- That's an interesting name. - Is it?"
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"So here's the test that I failed."
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"Oh, okay. Yeah, I see the problem right away."
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"You, uh... You got all the answers wrong."
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"You know you, you even got your name wrong here. It says, S. F¸nke."
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"Yeah, well, see, what they want you to do..."
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"is put an S if you're single, an M if you're married."
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"I mean, most of us are all single, but it's a whole government thing, so..."
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"Yeah. Okay. The first thing you want to do when you're dealing with fractions..."
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"Yeah. So I'm gonna go, okay?"
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"Yeah. So I'm gonna go, okay?"
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"So just fill in all the right answers here, and I'll see where I went wrong."
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"And you're getting paid for this right?"
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"There was talk of ice cream, but not exactly on my terms."
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"Wow! Where did you get all that? Do you have a job or something?"
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"No, but you do."
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"Now, look. Don't feel guilty."
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"I don't really need tutoring anyways, okay?"
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"- Enjoy the 200 bucks. - Oh, there... there's six 20s here."
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