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Clips from Arrested Development - Best Man for the Gob (S01E01)

"Michael was meeting..."
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"Michael was meeting..."
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"with the company's accountant, Ira Gilligan."
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"Anyway, I have gone over this 10 different ways..."
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"and you're reporting income on an account that... You know, it is just freezing in here."
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"Well, the thermostat is in my office."
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"While it's freezing in here, it's still hot in there. So please continue."
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"There's basically no money where it should be. I think I'm catching a cold."
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"- You're not catching a cold. - I know my body."
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"- There's no money in the account? - I'm sorry."
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"- This is like the bayou in here. - I tried to tell you that."
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"I guess I just had to find out for myself."
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"Anyway, this isn't the first discrepancy with your father's books."
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"With this court case coming up, I just have to warn you..."
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"if they ask me to testify, I am not gonna lie."
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"- No one's asking you to lie. - Whoa, whoa, whoa."
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"You're asking Gilligan not to lie?"
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"Please call me Ira. I don't like Gilligan."
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"Who doesn't like Gilligan?"
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"Is it cold in here?"
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"So, listen. You have been married two weeks now. It seems to be sticking."
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"And let's pretend it's a good thing."
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"I guess this makes me your best man..."
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"and I would like to throw you a bachelor party."
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"Yeah, I don't think she'd go for that."
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"Besides, I talked to Dad. He said it was stupid to get married in the first place."
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"And he's right. He's right. I've gotta get rid of her."
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"You know, l... I said two weeks ago that I thought it was a stupid idea."
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"Suddenly Dad says it and it's good advice?"
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"You know you don't have to do everything Dad says."
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"I don't do everything Dad says. He just happens to be right about this."
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"You can help me get rid ofher though."
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"Mom's having a cocktail party. She'll be there. Maybe you can try to break us up."
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"- I can't do that. - Why not? You did it with me and Marta."
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"You had no problem with that, guy. You know what? Lie to her."
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"Tell her that I'm insensitive and unreliable."
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"Something about how you can never confront people. You need someone to clean up your messes."
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"See, that's great. And that's just off the top of your head."
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"Michael, Gob. I was just in the neighborhood."
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"Good Lord. It is sweltering in here."
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"As you may or may not know..."
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"Lindsay and I have hit a bit of a rough patch."
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"- Really? When did that start? - Well..."
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"I don't want to blame it all on 9/11..."
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"but it certainly didn't help."
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"But anyway, I need your help. If you could possibly..."
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"Could we go back to your office, please?"
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"I just want to be a family again."
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"I guess what I'm saying is I want to reunite the band."
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"- Oh, no. - Oh, nowas right."
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"In the mid '90s, Tobias formed a folk music group with Lindsay and Maeby..."
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"called Dr. F¸nke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family-Band Solution."
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"The group was underwritten by the Natural Life Food Company..."
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"a division of Chem Grow, an Allyn-Crane acquisition, and part of the Squimm Group."
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"Their motto was simple. We keep you alive."
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"Zanotab may cause dry mouth, hair loss..."
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"an overly alert feeling, and in some cases may diminish your sex drive."
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"Well, there's a wellness convention in town..."
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"and I thought maybe you could talk Lindsay into joining me up onstage."
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"- Yeah. Why don't you ask her? - Oh, I would, but she just doesn't take me seriously."
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"Michael tried to find the money the accountant said was missing."
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"I don't know. I probably stole it."
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"I mean, if he says it's missing, it is."
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"Unless he stole it. Hey, maybe he stole it."
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"- He's the one that said it's missing. - Yeah, I probably stole it."
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"Well, we need to find it before Ira is asked to testify."
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"- I thought we were talking about Gilligan. Who's Ira? - Ira Gilligan."
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"Ira's his first name. He actually hates to be called Gilligan."
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"Well, he never told me that."
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"Gilligan has promised me that all this money will be saved in I.R.A.s."
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"- It's Ira, sir. - Oh, I'm sorry, Gilligan."
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"Will be saved in Iras."
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"- What the hell is this, Gilligan? - It's Ira, sir."
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"- Please call me... - Gilligan!"
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"Michael, if he testifies, I am screwed."
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"Here's what you do. You take him out for some fishing or something."
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"- Why would I take him fishing? - Fun. Guy fun."
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"- Let's get him on our side. - No. Look. I'm not taking him fishing."
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"Oh, that's right. You hated fishing."
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"- No, I didn't. - No, I'll get Gob. Yeah. He liked it."
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"- Hang on a second. - He's the one who's fun."
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"I liked fishing. Where are you going? I'm fun."
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"It's just that... Listen."
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"The way to fix this Ira thing is not to buy him off. All right?"
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"- It's to find out where the money went. - You're no fun."
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"Yeah. I'm plenty fun."
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"That night the family gathered at Lucille's..."
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"to welcome Gob's wife."
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"I have always wanted a daughter."
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"And a blonde. What fun."
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"- Where did Annyong get thatjuice box? - Annyong."
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"Those are for his soccer team. No sugar for you. You just get more awful."
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"Hey, Adopted Brother."
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"Do you think I could have a hit of that juice box? That..."
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"Michael tried to convince Lindsay to rejoin..."
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"Dr. F¸nke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family-Band Solution."
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"Dr. F¸nke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family-Band Solution was a nightmare for me."
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"Hmm. Well, he said it was the most fun your family's ever had."
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"Yeah, well, I was wacked on Zanotab the entire time."
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"I thought Zanotab was supposed to make everything a little bit better."
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"For 15 minutes. Then it burns when you pee, and your marriage goes to hell."
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"It is not a good supplement. Besides, Maeby's not gonna want to do it."
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"I wanna do it! Are you kidding me?"
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"Those were our best times ever."
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"This party just keeps gettin' better."
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"So, uh... You know, if you want me on wood block, I can keep perfect time."
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"Some call me the human metronome."
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"You notice how I'm always on time? I'm never late for things."
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"Yeah, but I think punctuality is slightly different from rhythm."
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"No, it's not. It's the exact same thing. It's knowing how long things take."
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"Look. I'm just doing this because if my parents split up, it's a lot more work for me."
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"I know. They split up once in Boston."
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"When they get along, I get tons more alone time."
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"When they don't, guess who they start spending all their time with."
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"- Me. - We've been talking here for 28 seconds. Just so you know."
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"Excuse me. Dr. Funky?"
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"- Ah, F¸nke. - Of Dr. F¸nke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family-Band Solution?"
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"- Yes! - Oh, my... I saw you in '96."
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"- Oh! - You sang a song about a supplement called Teamocil?"
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"- Teamocil. - I mean, you just nailed me!"
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