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Clips from Arrested Development - Not Without My Daughter (S01E01)

Short Films 2003 Season 1, Episode 21 6 min ★ 7.1/10 (322 ratings) 386 clips
Short

Episodes from this show

Title Season Episode
Pilot 1 1
Top Banana 1 2
Bringing Up Buster 1 3
Key Decisions 1 4
Charity Drive 1 5
Visiting Ours 1 6
In God We Trust 1 7
My Mother the Car 1 8
Pier Pressure 1 10
Public Relations 1 11
Marta Complex 1 12
Shock and Aww 1 14
Staff Infection 1 15
Altar Egos 1 16
Justice Is Blind 1 17
Missing Kitty 1 18
Best Man for the Gob 1 19
Whistler's Mother 1 20
Not Without My Daughter 1 21
Let 'Em Eat Cake 1 22
The One Where Michael Leaves 2 1
The One Where They Build a House 2 2
Amigos 2 3
Good Grief! 2 4
Sad Sack 2 5
Afternoon Delight 2 6
Switch Hitter 2 7
Queen for a Day 2 8
Burning Love 2 9
Hand to God 2 12
Motherboy XXX 2 13
The Immaculate Election 2 14
Sword of Destiny 2 15
Meat the Veals 2 16
Spring Breakout 2 17
Righteous Brothers 2 18
The Cabin Show 3 1
For British Eyes Only 3 2
Forget Me Now 3 3
Notapusy 3 4
Title Season Episode
Mr. F 3 5
The Ocean Walker 3 6
Prison Break-In 3 7
Making a Stand 3 8
S.O.B.s 3 9
Fakin' It 3 10
Family Ties 3 11
Exit Strategy 3 12
Development Arrested 3 13
Flight of the Phoenix 4 1
Borderline Personalities 4 2
Indian Takers 4 3
The B. Team 4 4
A New Start 4 5
Double Crossers 4 6
Colony Collapse 4 7
Red Hairing 4 8
Smashed 4 9
Queen B. 4 10
A New Attitude 4 11
Señoritis 4 12
It Gets Better 4 13
Off the Hook 4 14
Blockheads 4 15
Family Leave 5 1
Self-Deportation 5 2
Everyone Gets Atrophy 5 3
An Old Start 5 4
Sinking Feelings 5 5
Emotional Baggage 5 6
Rom-Traum 5 7
Premature Independence 5 8
Unexpected Company 5 9
Taste Makers 5 10
Chain Migration 5 11
Check Mates 5 12
The Untethered Sole 5 13
Saving for Arraignment Day 5 14
Courting Disasters 5 15
The Fallout 5 16
Michael was heading off to work when his son, George Michael...
"Michael was heading off to work when his son, George Michael..."
Arrested Development
- reminded him of a yearly tradition. - Hey, don't forget me.
"- reminded him of a yearly tradition. - Hey, don't forget me."
Arrested Development
- For what? - It's Bring Your Daughter to Work Day.
"- For what? - It's Bring Your Daughter to Work Day."
Arrested Development
And unless you had a daughter I don't know about, I'm your girl.
"And unless you had a daughter I don't know about, I'm your girl."
Arrested Development
Michael had first made this joke when George Michael was six.
"Michael had first made this joke when George Michael was six."
Arrested Development
Well, she's not my daughter, but it's about as close as I'm gonna get.
"Well, she's not my daughter, but it's about as close as I'm gonna get."
Arrested Development
I'm a good little girl.
"I'm a good little girl."
Arrested Development
It was a joke Michael was starting to grow concerned about...
"It was a joke Michael was starting to grow concerned about..."
Arrested Development
- as it had not worn well with age. - Hey, Dad.
"- as it had not worn well with age. - Hey, Dad."
Arrested Development
They're out of sanitary napkins in the ladies' washroom.
"They're out of sanitary napkins in the ladies' washroom."
Arrested Development
Weird kid.
"Weird kid."
Arrested Development
I don't think this year's such a good idea. You know you're getting older and...
"I don't think this year's such a good idea. You know you're getting older and..."
Arrested Development
Yeah, right. Pretty soon I'm going to have to start wearing a bra. Right, Dad?
"Yeah, right. Pretty soon I'm going to have to start wearing a bra. Right, Dad?"
Arrested Development
- All right, give me one minute. - Really, let's not this year.
"- All right, give me one minute. - Really, let's not this year."
Arrested Development
I cannot kill this joke.
"I cannot kill this joke."
Arrested Development
Hey, shouldn't you be getting dressed?
"Hey, shouldn't you be getting dressed?"
Arrested Development
- Nope. I'm going with my dad to work today. - Hey, peanut butter cup.
"- Nope. I'm going with my dad to work today. - Hey, peanut butter cup."
Arrested Development
This is work? Watching entertainment news?
"This is work? Watching entertainment news?"
Arrested Development
Well, excuse me, Michael, for not raising the perfect daughter that you did.
"Well, excuse me, Michael, for not raising the perfect daughter that you did."
Arrested Development
I indulged this ritual for years in Boston.
"I indulged this ritual for years in Boston."
Arrested Development
As a psychotherapist, Tobias was on the forefront of the self-esteem movement.
"As a psychotherapist, Tobias was on the forefront of the self-esteem movement."
Arrested Development
There's, like, this longing, this pull.
"There's, like, this longing, this pull."
Arrested Development
I mean, does that make me, you know, like some kind of...
"I mean, does that make me, you know, like some kind of..."
Arrested Development
- Homosexual. - Maeby, please.
"- Homosexual. - Maeby, please."
Arrested Development
She's right though. You probably are a homosexual.
"She's right though. You probably are a homosexual."
Arrested Development
So, Maeby, this is what you're gonna do this year? You're gonna watch him watch TV?
"So, Maeby, this is what you're gonna do this year? You're gonna watch him watch TV?"
Arrested Development
Behind the scenes at Entertainment Tonight.
"Behind the scenes at Entertainment Tonight."
Arrested Development
Oh, bless her. It's like she knew what I was going to do next.
"Oh, bless her. It's like she knew what I was going to do next."
Arrested Development
It's here! Girls with - Newport Beach.
"It's here! Girls with - Newport Beach."
Arrested Development
From the act I did on the beach over spring break.
"From the act I did on the beach over spring break."
Arrested Development
- Any magician... - Gob had done a magic show...
"- Any magician... - Gob had done a magic show..."
Arrested Development
where he had made the Bluth family yacht... disappear.
"where he had made the Bluth family yacht... disappear."
Arrested Development
It was spring break, and the act was filmed for the popular video series...
"It was spring break, and the act was filmed for the popular video series..."
Arrested Development
Girls with Low Self-Esteem.
"Girls with Low Self-Esteem."
Arrested Development
This puts me back on top of the old magic career though.
"This puts me back on top of the old magic career though."
Arrested Development
You're not gonna put that in. There's nudity on that.
"You're not gonna put that in. There's nudity on that."
Arrested Development
Maeby, why don't you go upstairs and get dressed?
"Maeby, why don't you go upstairs and get dressed?"
Arrested Development
I must warn you, Michael. She doesn't respond well to strict directives.
"I must warn you, Michael. She doesn't respond well to strict directives."
Arrested Development
All right.
"All right."
Arrested Development
- That was odd. - Not really. Kids love boundaries.
"- That was odd. - Not really. Kids love boundaries."
Arrested Development
Look at these girls. Is this what you want?
"Look at these girls. Is this what you want?"
Arrested Development
- Oh, God, no. - 'Cause this could be where your daughter is headed.
"- Oh, God, no. - 'Cause this could be where your daughter is headed."
Arrested Development
Oh, no, no. I don't want this for Maeby either, no.
"Oh, no, no. I don't want this for Maeby either, no."
Arrested Development
Oh, here it is. Here it is.
"Oh, here it is. Here it is."
Arrested Development
It was a wild time on the beach.
"It was a wild time on the beach."
Arrested Development
And if you like magic, look away.
"And if you like magic, look away."
Arrested Development
The only thing this guy could make fly away was the crowd.
"The only thing this guy could make fly away was the crowd."
Arrested Development
Douche chill.
"Douche chill."
Arrested Development
I can't believe they used that part.
"I can't believe they used that part."
Arrested Development
The one part where I screw up.
"The one part where I screw up."
Arrested Development
It's not like they used the part where I made the yacht disappear.
"It's not like they used the part where I made the yacht disappear."
Arrested Development
Sunk the yacht. Blew it up, sunk it.
"Sunk the yacht. Blew it up, sunk it."
Arrested Development
- We sure did. - We? No.
"- We sure did. - We? No."
Arrested Development
I gave you permission to use the yacht. You blew it up.
"I gave you permission to use the yacht. You blew it up."
Arrested Development
Yeah, well, if you give someone permission to use a tissue...
"Yeah, well, if you give someone permission to use a tissue..."
Arrested Development
you can't be upset if they blow their nose.
"you can't be upset if they blow their nose."
Arrested Development
Right? I mean, right?
"Right? I mean, right?"
Arrested Development
Lindsay, new outfit?
"Lindsay, new outfit?"
Arrested Development
No, I've had this for years. It's a hand-me-down from Mom.
"No, I've had this for years. It's a hand-me-down from Mom."
Arrested Development
- Got a price tag right there. - Is there?
"- Got a price tag right there. - Is there?"
Arrested Development
Oh, I guess she wanted me to have something new. Sweet old thing.
"Oh, I guess she wanted me to have something new. Sweet old thing."
Arrested Development
Only two of those words describe Mom, so I know you're lying to me.
"Only two of those words describe Mom, so I know you're lying to me."
Arrested Development
Fine. I bought it before we went broke, okay? I just haven't worn it yet.
"Fine. I bought it before we went broke, okay? I just haven't worn it yet."
Arrested Development
- What about the outfit yesterday? - Old Thing gave it to me.
"- What about the outfit yesterday? - Old Thing gave it to me."
Arrested Development
- Where are you getting all the money? - It's not costing you anything.
"- Where are you getting all the money? - It's not costing you anything."
Arrested Development
Unless you're stealing or working, I'm pretty sure it is.
"Unless you're stealing or working, I'm pretty sure it is."
Arrested Development
That's right. I stole it.
"That's right. I stole it."
Arrested Development
In fact, Lindsay, tired of wearing last year's fashions...
"In fact, Lindsay, tired of wearing last year's fashions..."
Arrested Development
went to an upscale department store and in a moment of desperation...
"went to an upscale department store and in a moment of desperation..."
Arrested Development
- applied for a job. - Can I have a job application please?
"- applied for a job. - Can I have a job application please?"
Arrested Development
But she was ashamed ofbeing a shopgirl...
"But she was ashamed ofbeing a shopgirl..."
Arrested Development
and was relieved when Michael gave her the out.
"and was relieved when Michael gave her the out."
Arrested Development
Well, they expect a certain amount of theft, Michael. It's built into the price.
"Well, they expect a certain amount of theft, Michael. It's built into the price."
Arrested Development
If I didn't take it, then people would be overpaying for nothing.
"If I didn't take it, then people would be overpaying for nothing."
Arrested Development
You're telling me that you walked into a store...
"You're telling me that you walked into a store..."
Arrested Development
and without anyone noticing took an entire outfit?
"and without anyone noticing took an entire outfit?"
Arrested Development
There's no way that you could do sleight of hand that well.
"There's no way that you could do sleight of hand that well."
Arrested Development
- I don't even think that I could do it. - Yeah, I've seen your tape.
"- I don't even think that I could do it. - Yeah, I've seen your tape."
Arrested Development
- Lindsay, this is appalling. - What'd you use for misdirection?
"- Lindsay, this is appalling. - What'd you use for misdirection?"
Arrested Development
- Misdirection? - Yeah, I mean, if you're so good at magic...
"- Misdirection? - Yeah, I mean, if you're so good at magic..."
Arrested Development
what'd you have them looking at to divert their attention?
"what'd you have them looking at to divert their attention?"
Arrested Development
I don't know... my ass.
"I don't know... my ass."
Arrested Development
- My ass. You're lying. - No, I'm not.
"- My ass. You're lying. - No, I'm not."
Arrested Development
- You're gonna take that back. - No, I'm not.
"- You're gonna take that back. - No, I'm not."
Arrested Development
This has nothing to do with you. You're not my father.
"This has nothing to do with you. You're not my father."
Arrested Development
No, our father is in prison for stealing, remember?
"No, our father is in prison for stealing, remember?"
Arrested Development
- Which might not be a bad place for you to get used to. - Michael...
"- Which might not be a bad place for you to get used to. - Michael..."
Arrested Development
it was shoplifting, and I'm white.
"it was shoplifting, and I'm white."
Arrested Development
- I think I'm going to be okay. - Shoplifting?
"- I think I'm going to be okay. - Shoplifting?"
Arrested Development
- Cool. Can you take me? - No. Hey, not cool. You know what?
"- Cool. Can you take me? - No. Hey, not cool. You know what?"
Arrested Development
Maeby, you're gonna come with me to work today. You're gonna be my daughter.
"Maeby, you're gonna come with me to work today. You're gonna be my daughter."
Arrested Development
You're gonna have a role model in your life who is honest...
"You're gonna have a role model in your life who is honest..."
Arrested Development
who doesn't steal, doesn't lie and, I don't know, watch entertainment news.
"who doesn't steal, doesn't lie and, I don't know, watch entertainment news."
Arrested Development
Michael, don't worry about it, okay? She's not gonna go with you.
"Michael, don't worry about it, okay? She's not gonna go with you."
Arrested Development
- Okay. - Great.
"- Okay. - Great."
Arrested Development
That was odd.
"That was odd."
Arrested Development
I'm going to teach you two a little something about hands-on parenting.
"I'm going to teach you two a little something about hands-on parenting."
Arrested Development
Hey, Dad!
"Hey, Dad!"
Arrested Development
Do you think this purse goes with this outfit?
"Do you think this purse goes with this outfit?"
Arrested Development
- Where'd my dad go? - Douche chill.
"- Where'd my dad go? - Douche chill."
Arrested Development
And so Michael took his niece to Bring Your Daughter to Work Day.
"And so Michael took his niece to Bring Your Daughter to Work Day."
Arrested Development
You can just drop me off at the mall.
"You can just drop me off at the mall."
Arrested Development
Oh, no, you're-you're really coming with me.
"Oh, no, you're-you're really coming with me."
Arrested Development
You're gonna learn a little something about hard work.
"You're gonna learn a little something about hard work."
Arrested Development
Hey, Maeby! Maeby!
"Hey, Maeby! Maeby!"
Arrested Development
Okay, so you can run faster than me. But you can't make me work.
"Okay, so you can run faster than me. But you can't make me work."
Arrested Development
No one's making you do anything, you know.
"No one's making you do anything, you know."
Arrested Development
It's just a chance for us to spend some time together. Learn about business.
"It's just a chance for us to spend some time together. Learn about business."
Arrested Development
You know, you might find that you're good at things you didn't even know about.
"You know, you might find that you're good at things you didn't even know about."
Arrested Development
See that? Who knew you were such a good little climber?
"See that? Who knew you were such a good little climber?"
Arrested Development
Now listen, let's make this fun, okay?
"Now listen, let's make this fun, okay?"
Arrested Development
We're family.
"We're family."
Arrested Development
What is better than hanging out with family? Hmm?
"What is better than hanging out with family? Hmm?"
Arrested Development
Oh... It's my mother.
"Oh... It's my mother."
Arrested Development
- Hi. - She called you, huh?
"- Hi. - She called you, huh?"
Arrested Development
I guess I'm not good enough to be her husband.
"I guess I'm not good enough to be her husband."
Arrested Development
What? What's going on?
"What? What's going on?"
Arrested Development
Okay. Mother wants someone to go to my soccer game with.
"Okay. Mother wants someone to go to my soccer game with."
Arrested Development
She don't want other soccer moms think that she a single mother.
"She don't want other soccer moms think that she a single mother."
Arrested Development
- She old school. - I liked it better when he just said annyong.
"- She old school. - I liked it better when he just said annyong."
Arrested Development