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Clips from Arrested Development - Pilot (S01E01)

"This is Michael Bluth."
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"He’s a good man."
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"For 10 years, he’s worked for his father’s company, waiting to be made a partner."
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"And right now, he’s happy."
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"This is Michael’s mother. - Look what they’ve done, Michael."
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"She isn’t happy."
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"Look what the homosexuals have done to me."
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"You can’t just comb that out and reset it?"
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"Currently, she’s upset that her husband’s retirement party..."
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"...is being upstaged by a group of gay protesters."
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"We’re here! We’re queer! We want to get married on the ocean!"
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"Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant..."
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"It just makes me want to set myself on fire."
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"[Sighs.] Good grief, Mother."
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"Not all homosexuals are flamboy..."
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"Oh, my God! I have the exact same blouse."
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"This is Michael’s twin sister, Lindsay..."
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"the self-proclaimed liberal member of the family."
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"I like it better on him."
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"As a youthful act of defiance, Lindsay married..."
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"this man."
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"They moved to Boston, where they’ve become celebrated..."
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"for their wine and cheese fund-raisers."
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"Oh, no. I’m completely stuffed."
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"Um, I forget their name, but I know they’re hungry."
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"I think some are thirsty."
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"This is Michael’s oldest brother, poor G.O.B."
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"So, this is the magic trick, huh?"
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"Illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money."
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"Or cocaine."
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"G.O.B. recently started the Alliance of Magicians..."
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"an organization that blackballs any performer..."
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"who reveals a magician’s secret."
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"And finally there’s Buster..."
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"the youngest of Michael’s siblings."
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"Hey, Buster."
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"You know, you don’t need to do that, buddy. It’s okay."
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"Thanks to the family’s largesse, Buster has studied everything..."
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"from Native American tribal ceremonies..."
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"to cartography, the mapping of uncharted territories."
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"Actually, I’m studying cartography now... the mapping of uncharted territories."
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"Sure. Hasn’t everything already sort of been discovered, though..."
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"by, like, Magellan and Cortés? NASA, you know?"
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"- Oh, yeah, yeah. - Those people."
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"- Those guys did a pretty good job. - Right."
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"But there’s still, you know..."
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"Never hurts to double-check."
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"He also suffers from crippling panic attacks."
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"Yes, this is his family."
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"So why is Michael so happy?"
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"Because he’s decided to never speak to these people again."
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"Michael was feeling more generous about his family..."
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"on the morning of the boat party."
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"What comes before anything? What have we always said is the most important thing?"
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"Breakfast."
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"Family."
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"Family. Right. I thought you meant of the things you eat."
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"This is Michael’s son, George Michael."
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"I mean, we have made nothing but sacrifices for this family..."
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"and tonight it all pays off, my boy."
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"Tonight your granddad makes me partner."
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"To prove his dedication to the family business..."
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"Michael has decided to live here, in the model unit"
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"of his father’s latest housing tract."
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"The guys live in the attic so that the house..."
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"can still function as a pristine selling tool."
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"So you think he’s gonna announce it on the boat?"
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"Yeah, absolutely. It’s his retirement party. Plus, he’s been dropping a lot of hints."
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"What kind of hints?"
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"It’s funny. It’s not a "hint" hint, but he has been calling me "pardner.""
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"Yeah, that’s... that’s like partner."
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"Of course, he has been going through a little bit of a cowboy phase."
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"No. I’ll be my own boss."
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"I’ll finally be able to get you what you deserve. Like a real home."
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"This is a real home."
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"No, it’s not. It’s a fake home, son."
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"You want the loops or the flakes today?"
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"I’d rather live like this than like my aunt and uncles..."
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"whose eyes have never stung... from the sweet sweat of a hard day’s work."
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"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Where are you gettin’ all that?"
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"From you. You say it every couple of years when they come out to visit."
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"Well, maybe you’re right. Maybe they are spoiled."
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"But you know what, son? That is not our problem. That is their problem."
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"We have a good thing going here, you see? You’ll find that you have much more dignity and self-respect..."
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"when you learn... that this house has got everything we’re looking for."
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"And more! Can we buy it, Dad? Can we buy the house?"
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"We’re gonna try, son. But we gotta hurry. These are gonna get all snapped up. Oh, good morning. I’ll race you to the bank."
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"All right."
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"The guys then headed down to Balboa Island."
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"It was here, in 1953, that George Sr. started a business..."
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"selling a novelty food item called... the frozen banana."
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"Like his father before him, Michael had gotten his son a job there..."
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"to bolster the boy’s self-esteem. -Ten cents gets you nuts."
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"Uncle G.O.B.? Uncle G.O.B."
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"Give me a dollar. No, the twenty."
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"This is gonna blow your mind. Some say wealth is an illusion..."
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"Well, let’s just see. For one moment it’s here, and in the next..."
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"Monopoly."
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"You don’t have it, do you?"
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"Yeah, I think I might."
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"That’s good, ’cause a lot of the pieces are missing."
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"Oh, to play Monopoly with my family again."
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"-I’d give anything to be eight. -I’m 13."
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"No, I wasn’t crazy about 13. The acne, self-consciousness, the erections. You okay?"
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"-Yeah, I’m okay. -Hey, there’s the man I came to see."
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"Uh, Uncle G.O.B., where’s the twenty?"
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"Hey, a magician never reveals his secret. That’s what I started the whole alliance about."
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"-I don’t need the secret. I just need the twenty. -What you need to know... is that it’s magic."
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"Wow... It’s so much like stealing."
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"Michael, meanwhile, was making final preparations for his father’s boat party."
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"-It’s sort of a "pass the torch" kind of, situation, so if you’ve got a wireless mic... -Got it."
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"-Or a torch. Now that I think about it. It’s just a joke."
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"-Hey. -Michael. -G.O.B."
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"-I’m sorry. Uh, Captain, this is my brother, G.O.B."
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"-How are you? -Incredible! I'm having an incredible year."
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"Right on top."
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"We’ll finish inside."
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"Look at you. Are you doing good?"
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"-Please, look. -Right. Great."
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"-You got your check for your share of the party? -You know, I sort of thought my contribution..."
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