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Clips from M*A*S*H - The Moose (S01E01)

"Fourteen hours. Rough session. Very rough."
M*A*S*H
"I‘m with you, big fella. And this morning it‘s two olives in my breakfast."
M*A*S*H
"Yes, Sergeant. You go straight down there, turn left..."
M*A*S*H
"— Thankyou, sir. Young Hi. — Roger wilco, Sergeant Baker—san."
M*A*S*H
"Roger wilco, Sergeant Baker—san."
M*A*S*H
"I don‘t care for that word."
M*A*S*H
"I talked to her. The sergeant bought her from her family for $500."
M*A*S*H
"Ofcourse it‘s illegal and immoral!"
M*A*S*H
"Then get in touch with his own colonel. Ask him to order her release."
M*A*S*H
"—just one little thing wrong with that. — What?"
M*A*S*H
"Baker‘s colonel has a moose ofhis own."
M*A*S*H
"Hey, Young Hi, can we talk to you for a minute?"
M*A*S*H
"Roger wilco, Captain—san."
M*A*S*H
"That‘s goodly enough for me."
M*A*S*H
"We can helpyou get away from Baker."
M*A*S*H
"You can go back to Seoul or anywhere you want."
M*A*S*H
"Must wash more socks, press shirts and shine boots."
M*A*S*H
"We don‘t believe in it. It‘s very un—American."
M*A*S*H
"”Crapola”? Will you—— Make a note ofthat for his court—martial."
M*A*S*H
"Uh,you got a pencil?"
M*A*S*H
"You know, you‘re a pretty decent guy at that, Baker, right?"
M*A*S*H
"Baker, would you be interested in selling Young Hi?"
M*A*S*H
"Youjust got finished giving me a lecture on how it‘s wrong to——"
M*A*S*H
"Well, I realize she‘s not just another pretty face."
M*A*S*H
"How do we get her by drinking gin?"
M*A*S*H
"What do ya say, Doc?"
M*A*S*H
"You got that?"
M*A*S*H
"Uh, your 50, and 50 more."
M*A*S*H
"He bought a deuce... and another ace."
M*A*S*H
"Aces up."
M*A*S*H
"He‘s working on an open—end straight fiush."
M*A*S*H
"All diamonds. He’s got the two, three, four and five..."
M*A*S*H
"I need a top card."
M*A*S*H
"What do you say, Doc? What‘s your bet?"
M*A*S*H
"Okay, troubles in the shower——"
M*A*S*H
"I mean, trouble‘s fixed. |‘m—— I‘m unblocked."
M*A*S*H
"Baby straight."
M*A*S*H
"Nope."
M*A*S*H
"Only becauseyou‘re a fine human being."
M*A*S*H
"You wanna get even, Baker?"
M*A*S*H
"— Yeah. Well, you take it easy, kid. — Shove off."
M*A*S*H
"—Young—— Young Hi! —I come back."
M*A*S*H
"Don‘t worry, Hawkeye—san. I never leave you."
M*A*S*H
"” Dear Dad——”"
M*A*S*H
"They don‘t call you ”The Aristocrat ofthe A.M.A.” for nothing."
M*A*S*H
"[ Woman Gigg/ing Sighing]"
M*A*S*H
"It was the only reservation I could get."
M*A*S*H
"— [ Growls] -Oh! Oh!"
M*A*S*H
"Someday, baby, all this will be yours——"
M*A*S*H
"the mine field, the cesspool, all ofit."
M*A*S*H
"Now, listen. Tomorrow, we send Ho—jon into Seoul."
M*A*S*H
"We can start demoosifying her right now."
M*A*S*H
"Hawkeye—san make sleep in bed. I make sleep so——"
M*A*S*H
"— [All Cheering] — Very good!"
M*A*S*H
"I am also beautiful."
M*A*S*H
"Look them in the eye, and don‘t back off."
M*A*S*H
"— Go get Young Hi, okay? — Okay."
M*A*S*H
"— Hi, Benny! — Hey, Young Hi! Howare you, baby?"
M*A*S*H
"— We got an ” E” for effort. — That‘s the way the moose bounces."
M*A*S*H
"Atriple, I think."
M*A*S*H
"LieutenantJones teach me to make martini drink. She has much knowledge."
M*A*S*H
"I learn much knowledge here in convent school in Seoul."
M*A*S*H
"Oh!"
M*A*S*H
"Look. It‘s daylight again."
M*A*S*H
"Somebody is using the U.S. Army for target practice."
M*A*S*H
"Would you tell me wherel might find Colonel Blake‘s office?"
M*A*S*H
"and you look for a broken—down, dirty, old man and follow him."
M*A*S*H
"—Yes, sir. He‘ll take me to Colonel Blake? —That is Colonel Blake."
M*A*S*H
"Find the noncom tent, organize a shower, unpack my clean fatigues..."
M*A*S*H
"and shine my other boats."
M*A*S*H
"Draw rations from the mess tent and unpack the other gear."
M*A*S*H
"And be sure and keep them cigarettes under lock and key. Understood?"
M*A*S*H
"— What‘s she going to do with the rest ofthe day? — Practice her shorthand."
M*A*S*H
"— The gooks, they don‘t mind working. — Uh, Sergeant..."
M*A*S*H
"— Nothing personal, sir. — Then knock it offl"
M*A*S*H
"Yes, sir. Thankyou, sir."
M*A*S*H
"Okay, Young Hi, let‘s move."
M*A*S*H
"What do you mean, ”his moose”?"
M*A*S*H
"That‘sjust the name for it, Hawkeye—— ”moose.”"
M*A*S*H
"It‘s from "musume, " Japanese for ”girl.”"
M*A*S*H
"Yeah? What‘sjapanese for ”living together”?"
M*A*S*H
"That might not be the case here. She could bejust his servant."
M*A*S*H
"Yeah? With or without fringe benefits?"
M*A*S*H
"” Bought her”? Is that what you said, or do we have a bad connection?"
M*A*S*H
"Some ofthe locals sell their kids for the money. They have no other means."
M*A*S*H
"— That‘s right. — Do you believe that?"
M*A*S*H
"— That slob bought a human being. —Why doesn‘t the Army do something?"
M*A*S*H
"They will bust a guy ifthey find out, but they don‘t go looking for it."
M*A*S*H
"The dislike I felt for that sergeant has blossomed into instant hatred."
M*A*S*H
"| read someplace the U.N. was here to liberate these people. Must‘ve been a misprint."
M*A*S*H
"—Yeah. —Our Henry?"
M*A*S*H
"I thought you said you were going to do something about it."
M*A*S*H
"I can order Baker to release her, and he can pick her up five minutes after he leaves."
M*A*S*H
"— That‘s rotten. |t stinks. — Okay, okay."
M*A*S*H
"Excuse me. [Chirps]"
M*A*S*H
"—I never thought you‘d chicken out like this. — Come on!"
M*A*S*H
"I‘ll quit the war."
M*A*S*H
"Really? Well, who‘s gonna break the news to Truman and MacArthur?"
M*A*S*H
"Uh, y—you understand that it‘s wrong for human beings to own each other?"
M*A*S*H
"Yeah, but do you really understand?"
M*A*S*H
"Yes. | make English perfect."
M*A*S*H
"Speak very goodly. Hello,joe. What you know?"
M*A*S*H
"You got candy bar for Mother? She sick."
M*A*S*H
"Why do you stay with this Baker?"
M*A*S*H
"— Are you in love with that slob? —What mean ”slob”?"
M*A*S*H
"— Well, it‘s a way of referring to another person. — Roger wilco."
M*A*S*H
"Don‘t love Baker slob—san. Don‘t make monkey business with him."
M*A*S*H
"To run away, I dishonor my family."
M*A*S*H
"Sergeant pay money for me. I can leave only when he say."
M*A*S*H
"Is it possible this kid likes herwork?"
M*A*S*H
"No, shejust doesn‘t understand. She‘s too young."
M*A*S*H
"I must work now."
M*A*S*H
"Where were you when I wanted to get married?"
M*A*S*H
"Go ahead, but tell Baker slob—san..."
M*A*S*H
"— You get it? —| get it, Captain—san. Roger wilco."
M*A*S*H
"Sergeant, we‘ve never had anybody in this outfit who owned a moose."
M*A*S*H
"It‘s un—Korean. It‘s un—everybody."
M*A*S*H
"Therefore, I orderyou to release this person you‘ve bought."
M*A*S*H
"—Sir, all I did—— — That is a direct order."
M*A*S*H
"— You heard the captain. — I want her offthis post..."
M*A*S*H
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