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Clips from M*A*S*H - The Moose (S01E01)

Video Games 1970 Season 1, Episode 5 ★ 5.8/10 (22 ratings) 362 clips
War

Episodes from this show

Fourteen hours. Rough session. Very rough.
"Fourteen hours. Rough session. Very rough."
M*A*S*H
I‘m with you, big fella. And this morning it‘s two olives in my breakfast.
"I‘m with you, big fella. And this morning it‘s two olives in my breakfast."
M*A*S*H
Yes, Sergeant. You go straight down there, turn left...
"Yes, Sergeant. You go straight down there, turn left..."
M*A*S*H
— Thankyou, sir. Young Hi. — Roger wilco, Sergeant Baker—san.
"— Thankyou, sir. Young Hi. — Roger wilco, Sergeant Baker—san."
M*A*S*H
Roger wilco, Sergeant Baker—san.
"Roger wilco, Sergeant Baker—san."
M*A*S*H
I don‘t care for that word.
"I don‘t care for that word."
M*A*S*H
I talked to her. The sergeant bought her from her family for $500.
"I talked to her. The sergeant bought her from her family for $500."
M*A*S*H
Ofcourse it‘s illegal and immoral!
"Ofcourse it‘s illegal and immoral!"
M*A*S*H
Then get in touch with his own colonel. Ask him to order her release.
"Then get in touch with his own colonel. Ask him to order her release."
M*A*S*H
—just one little thing wrong with that. — What?
"—just one little thing wrong with that. — What?"
M*A*S*H
Baker‘s colonel has a moose ofhis own.
"Baker‘s colonel has a moose ofhis own."
M*A*S*H
Hey, Young Hi, can we talk to you for a minute?
"Hey, Young Hi, can we talk to you for a minute?"
M*A*S*H
Roger wilco, Captain—san.
"Roger wilco, Captain—san."
M*A*S*H
That‘s goodly enough for me.
"That‘s goodly enough for me."
M*A*S*H
We can helpyou get away from Baker.
"We can helpyou get away from Baker."
M*A*S*H
You can go back to Seoul or anywhere you want.
"You can go back to Seoul or anywhere you want."
M*A*S*H
Must wash more socks, press shirts and shine boots.
"Must wash more socks, press shirts and shine boots."
M*A*S*H
We don‘t believe in it. It‘s very un—American.
"We don‘t believe in it. It‘s very un—American."
M*A*S*H
”Crapola”? Will you—— Make a note ofthat for his court—martial.
"”Crapola”? Will you—— Make a note ofthat for his court—martial."
M*A*S*H
Uh,you got a pencil?
"Uh,you got a pencil?"
M*A*S*H
You know, you‘re a pretty decent guy at that, Baker, right?
"You know, you‘re a pretty decent guy at that, Baker, right?"
M*A*S*H
Baker, would you be interested in selling Young Hi?
"Baker, would you be interested in selling Young Hi?"
M*A*S*H
Youjust got finished giving me a lecture on how it‘s wrong to——
"Youjust got finished giving me a lecture on how it‘s wrong to——"
M*A*S*H
Well, I realize she‘s not just another pretty face.
"Well, I realize she‘s not just another pretty face."
M*A*S*H
How do we get her by drinking gin?
"How do we get her by drinking gin?"
M*A*S*H
What do ya say, Doc?
"What do ya say, Doc?"
M*A*S*H
You got that?
"You got that?"
M*A*S*H
Uh, your 50, and 50 more.
"Uh, your 50, and 50 more."
M*A*S*H
He bought a deuce... and another ace.
"He bought a deuce... and another ace."
M*A*S*H
Aces up.
"Aces up."
M*A*S*H
He‘s working on an open—end straight fiush.
"He‘s working on an open—end straight fiush."
M*A*S*H
All diamonds. He’s got the two, three, four and five...
"All diamonds. He’s got the two, three, four and five..."
M*A*S*H
I need a top card.
"I need a top card."
M*A*S*H
What do you say, Doc? What‘s your bet?
"What do you say, Doc? What‘s your bet?"
M*A*S*H
Okay, troubles in the shower——
"Okay, troubles in the shower——"
M*A*S*H
I mean, trouble‘s fixed. |‘m—— I‘m unblocked.
"I mean, trouble‘s fixed. |‘m—— I‘m unblocked."
M*A*S*H
Baby straight.
"Baby straight."
M*A*S*H
Nope.
"Nope."
M*A*S*H
Only becauseyou‘re a fine human being.
"Only becauseyou‘re a fine human being."
M*A*S*H
You wanna get even, Baker?
"You wanna get even, Baker?"
M*A*S*H
— Yeah. Well, you take it easy, kid. — Shove off.
"— Yeah. Well, you take it easy, kid. — Shove off."
M*A*S*H
—Young—— Young Hi! —I come back.
"—Young—— Young Hi! —I come back."
M*A*S*H
Don‘t worry, Hawkeye—san. I never leave you.
"Don‘t worry, Hawkeye—san. I never leave you."
M*A*S*H
” Dear Dad——”
"” Dear Dad——”"
M*A*S*H
They don‘t call you ”The Aristocrat ofthe A.M.A.” for nothing.
"They don‘t call you ”The Aristocrat ofthe A.M.A.” for nothing."
M*A*S*H
[ Woman Gigg/ing Sighing]
"[ Woman Gigg/ing Sighing]"
M*A*S*H
It was the only reservation I could get.
"It was the only reservation I could get."
M*A*S*H
— [ Growls] -Oh! Oh!
"— [ Growls] -Oh! Oh!"
M*A*S*H
Someday, baby, all this will be yours——
"Someday, baby, all this will be yours——"
M*A*S*H
the mine field, the cesspool, all ofit.
"the mine field, the cesspool, all ofit."
M*A*S*H
Now, listen. Tomorrow, we send Ho—jon into Seoul.
"Now, listen. Tomorrow, we send Ho—jon into Seoul."
M*A*S*H
We can start demoosifying her right now.
"We can start demoosifying her right now."
M*A*S*H
Hawkeye—san make sleep in bed. I make sleep so——
"Hawkeye—san make sleep in bed. I make sleep so——"
M*A*S*H
— [All Cheering] — Very good!
"— [All Cheering] — Very good!"
M*A*S*H
I am also beautiful.
"I am also beautiful."
M*A*S*H
Look them in the eye, and don‘t back off.
"Look them in the eye, and don‘t back off."
M*A*S*H
— Go get Young Hi, okay? — Okay.
"— Go get Young Hi, okay? — Okay."
M*A*S*H
— Hi, Benny! — Hey, Young Hi! Howare you, baby?
"— Hi, Benny! — Hey, Young Hi! Howare you, baby?"
M*A*S*H
— We got an ” E” for effort. — That‘s the way the moose bounces.
"— We got an ” E” for effort. — That‘s the way the moose bounces."
M*A*S*H
Atriple, I think.
"Atriple, I think."
M*A*S*H
LieutenantJones teach me to make martini drink. She has much knowledge.
"LieutenantJones teach me to make martini drink. She has much knowledge."
M*A*S*H
I learn much knowledge here in convent school in Seoul.
"I learn much knowledge here in convent school in Seoul."
M*A*S*H
Oh!
"Oh!"
M*A*S*H
Look. It‘s daylight again.
"Look. It‘s daylight again."
M*A*S*H
Somebody is using the U.S. Army for target practice.
"Somebody is using the U.S. Army for target practice."
M*A*S*H
Would you tell me wherel might find Colonel Blake‘s office?
"Would you tell me wherel might find Colonel Blake‘s office?"
M*A*S*H
and you look for a broken—down, dirty, old man and follow him.
"and you look for a broken—down, dirty, old man and follow him."
M*A*S*H
—Yes, sir. He‘ll take me to Colonel Blake? —That is Colonel Blake.
"—Yes, sir. He‘ll take me to Colonel Blake? —That is Colonel Blake."
M*A*S*H
Find the noncom tent, organize a shower, unpack my clean fatigues...
"Find the noncom tent, organize a shower, unpack my clean fatigues..."
M*A*S*H
and shine my other boats.
"and shine my other boats."
M*A*S*H
Draw rations from the mess tent and unpack the other gear.
"Draw rations from the mess tent and unpack the other gear."
M*A*S*H
And be sure and keep them cigarettes under lock and key. Understood?
"And be sure and keep them cigarettes under lock and key. Understood?"
M*A*S*H
— What‘s she going to do with the rest ofthe day? — Practice her shorthand.
"— What‘s she going to do with the rest ofthe day? — Practice her shorthand."
M*A*S*H
— The gooks, they don‘t mind working. — Uh, Sergeant...
"— The gooks, they don‘t mind working. — Uh, Sergeant..."
M*A*S*H
— Nothing personal, sir. — Then knock it offl
"— Nothing personal, sir. — Then knock it offl"
M*A*S*H
Yes, sir. Thankyou, sir.
"Yes, sir. Thankyou, sir."
M*A*S*H
Okay, Young Hi, let‘s move.
"Okay, Young Hi, let‘s move."
M*A*S*H
What do you mean, ”his moose”?
"What do you mean, ”his moose”?"
M*A*S*H
That‘sjust the name for it, Hawkeye—— ”moose.”
"That‘sjust the name for it, Hawkeye—— ”moose.”"
M*A*S*H
It‘s from "musume, " Japanese for ”girl.”
"It‘s from "musume, " Japanese for ”girl.”"
M*A*S*H
Yeah? What‘sjapanese for ”living together”?
"Yeah? What‘sjapanese for ”living together”?"
M*A*S*H
That might not be the case here. She could bejust his servant.
"That might not be the case here. She could bejust his servant."
M*A*S*H
Yeah? With or without fringe benefits?
"Yeah? With or without fringe benefits?"
M*A*S*H
” Bought her”? Is that what you said, or do we have a bad connection?
"” Bought her”? Is that what you said, or do we have a bad connection?"
M*A*S*H
Some ofthe locals sell their kids for the money. They have no other means.
"Some ofthe locals sell their kids for the money. They have no other means."
M*A*S*H
— That‘s right. — Do you believe that?
"— That‘s right. — Do you believe that?"
M*A*S*H
— That slob bought a human being. —Why doesn‘t the Army do something?
"— That slob bought a human being. —Why doesn‘t the Army do something?"
M*A*S*H
They will bust a guy ifthey find out, but they don‘t go looking for it.
"They will bust a guy ifthey find out, but they don‘t go looking for it."
M*A*S*H
The dislike I felt for that sergeant has blossomed into instant hatred.
"The dislike I felt for that sergeant has blossomed into instant hatred."
M*A*S*H
| read someplace the U.N. was here to liberate these people. Must‘ve been a misprint.
"| read someplace the U.N. was here to liberate these people. Must‘ve been a misprint."
M*A*S*H
—Yeah. —Our Henry?
"—Yeah. —Our Henry?"
M*A*S*H
I thought you said you were going to do something about it.
"I thought you said you were going to do something about it."
M*A*S*H
I can order Baker to release her, and he can pick her up five minutes after he leaves.
"I can order Baker to release her, and he can pick her up five minutes after he leaves."
M*A*S*H
— That‘s rotten. |t stinks. — Okay, okay.
"— That‘s rotten. |t stinks. — Okay, okay."
M*A*S*H
Excuse me. [Chirps]
"Excuse me. [Chirps]"
M*A*S*H
—I never thought you‘d chicken out like this. — Come on!
"—I never thought you‘d chicken out like this. — Come on!"
M*A*S*H
I‘ll quit the war.
"I‘ll quit the war."
M*A*S*H
Really? Well, who‘s gonna break the news to Truman and MacArthur?
"Really? Well, who‘s gonna break the news to Truman and MacArthur?"
M*A*S*H
Uh, y—you understand that it‘s wrong for human beings to own each other?
"Uh, y—you understand that it‘s wrong for human beings to own each other?"
M*A*S*H
Yeah, but do you really understand?
"Yeah, but do you really understand?"
M*A*S*H
Yes. | make English perfect.
"Yes. | make English perfect."
M*A*S*H
Speak very goodly. Hello,joe. What you know?
"Speak very goodly. Hello,joe. What you know?"
M*A*S*H
You got candy bar for Mother? She sick.
"You got candy bar for Mother? She sick."
M*A*S*H
Why do you stay with this Baker?
"Why do you stay with this Baker?"
M*A*S*H
— Are you in love with that slob? —What mean ”slob”?
"— Are you in love with that slob? —What mean ”slob”?"
M*A*S*H
— Well, it‘s a way of referring to another person. — Roger wilco.
"— Well, it‘s a way of referring to another person. — Roger wilco."
M*A*S*H
Don‘t love Baker slob—san. Don‘t make monkey business with him.
"Don‘t love Baker slob—san. Don‘t make monkey business with him."
M*A*S*H
To run away, I dishonor my family.
"To run away, I dishonor my family."
M*A*S*H
Sergeant pay money for me. I can leave only when he say.
"Sergeant pay money for me. I can leave only when he say."
M*A*S*H
Is it possible this kid likes herwork?
"Is it possible this kid likes herwork?"
M*A*S*H
No, shejust doesn‘t understand. She‘s too young.
"No, shejust doesn‘t understand. She‘s too young."
M*A*S*H
I must work now.
"I must work now."
M*A*S*H
Where were you when I wanted to get married?
"Where were you when I wanted to get married?"
M*A*S*H
Go ahead, but tell Baker slob—san...
"Go ahead, but tell Baker slob—san..."
M*A*S*H
— You get it? —| get it, Captain—san. Roger wilco.
"— You get it? —| get it, Captain—san. Roger wilco."
M*A*S*H
Sergeant, we‘ve never had anybody in this outfit who owned a moose.
"Sergeant, we‘ve never had anybody in this outfit who owned a moose."
M*A*S*H
It‘s un—Korean. It‘s un—everybody.
"It‘s un—Korean. It‘s un—everybody."
M*A*S*H
Therefore, I orderyou to release this person you‘ve bought.
"Therefore, I orderyou to release this person you‘ve bought."
M*A*S*H
—Sir, all I did—— — That is a direct order.
"—Sir, all I did—— — That is a direct order."
M*A*S*H
— You heard the captain. — I want her offthis post...
"— You heard the captain. — I want her offthis post..."
M*A*S*H