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Clips from M*A*S*H - Dear Dad, Again (S01E01)

"then, ofcourse, there‘s the war."
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"Business unfortunate/y remains very brisk."
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"— / think you know by now /’m not being flip... — [ Bomb Exploding]"
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"Keep it down. I‘m doing something very difficult here."
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"[Hawkeye Reading] "L uckily we’ve got an extra pair ofhands these days——"
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"— CaptainAdam Casey — [ Bomb Exploding]"
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"He ’5 really a fine surgeon, every bit as good as lam——"
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"Wanna give me a hand with these intestines? They‘re shot to pieces."
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"[Margaret] We need some lights in here."
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"— [Frank] Who’s panicking? — You’re panicking, Frank!"
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"Shove any patients you can‘t finish under a table. They‘ll be safe there."
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"Nothin‘ much. What‘s ”snoo” with you?"
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"Captain, I have the X rays you wanted to look over."
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"doyou mind a little constructive criticism?"
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"[Groaning]"
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"Thanks, Captain Casey."
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"You stay with your back toward me, Father..."
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"andjust relax."
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"Now how‘s that feel?"
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"[Hawkeye] "/ don’t want you to think this is a madhouse, Dad"
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"One for the road, as it were."
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"[Southern Accent] I have always relied upon the kindness ofstrangers."
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"J; [ Whistling]"
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"but / can ’t wait to get home and find out. ""
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"— My dad‘s pen. - Oh."
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"—| see. — Mm—hmm. Uh—huh."
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"Well, uh, it‘s final week——"
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"Oh, no. That says that I passed my final exam."
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"I mean, I‘ll sign the surrender papers——"
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"Ijust didn‘t wanna take up your time."
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"That‘s no problem."
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"All right, Radar, take a piece of paper..."
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"and a pencil and sit down."
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"I‘m-- I—- I‘m very nervous, sir."
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"Well, look, take a deep breath."
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"Youjust memorized them in the wrong order."
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"- i 492. —Okay, hold it."
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"- 1776. - 1776. Uh-huh."
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"You‘vejust graduated from the Triple—A High School Diploma Company of Dellavin, Indiana."
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"Thankyou very much. Um——"
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"Yes, sir."
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"” Now, Dad, let me bring you up to date on Frank Burns and Hot Lips——"
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"Was Abe Lincolnjust here?"
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"— A drink? You, Frank? —Adoub|e."
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"— Frank, you could breakyour face. — And leave out the olive."
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"I don‘t wanna talk about it. I don‘t wanna think about it."
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"— [Hawkeye] Frank. — J Zoo J;"
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"— Or a ” pooter parpee.” [Cackles] — [ Trapper] Frank."
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"J Oh, shut your cake hole J"
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"[Man Shouting] Hey, knock it offo ver there!"
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"[Loud Crash]"
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"I thinkyou‘re gonna wanna see this."
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"— Where are you going right now? — To the nurses‘ shower."
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"It better be or I‘m putting your appendix back."
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"a lawyer, an engineer."
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"Before bringing on our all—star attraction..."
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"under the direction ofColonel Henry Blake."
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"JJ[ False Start]"
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"JJ [ ” My Blue Heaven”]"
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"J; [Discordant Note On Piano]"
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"JWe‘ll hurry to J"
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"JWhere the roses bloom J"
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"”I‘d like to write more, Dad, but it is Saturday night——"
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"I‘m gonna shower now, shave..."
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"There‘s somebody here who‘d like to say good—bye to you."
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"Good—bye, my son."
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"[ Hawkeye] ” Dear Dad. Sorry I haven‘t written sooner..."
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"but you know how the work piles up around here."
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"The fighting goes on—— the hatred, the violence..."
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"the senseless brutality, men behaving like animals..."
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"but, doing meatball surgery, you either develop a thick skin..."
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"or you wind up in the Tokyo GigglingAcadem y ""
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"Oh, wow, what a mess. Stomach, kidney, liver."
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"[Hawkeye] What is this—— an organ recital?"
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"Trying to tie your shoe again, Frank?"
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"Colonel Blake, could we have some measure ofmilitary discipline?"
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"[ Trapper] Good idea. Everybody up for cal/sthenics."
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"[Hawkeye] Care to join me forsome push—ups, Hot Lips?"
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"— [Margaret] Oh, really! — Knock it off!"
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"and / ’ll get him for it. ""
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"Give me a retractor."
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"— the North Koreans to hand us a couple of laughs. " — [ Bomb Approaching]"
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"[Exploding]"
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"— Oh, what is that? — [Henry] They got the generator."
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"[ Henry ] All right, nobody panic Let’s keep cool"
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"— / can ’t see anything But it’s dark. — So?"
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"How the hell did you get in the army, Frank?"
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"—Three—0 silk. —Three—0 silk."
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"”Snoo”?What‘s ”snoo”?"
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"— Can‘t you ever be serious? —I tried it once. Everybody laughed."
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"Here comes Corporal Klinger, one ofour orderlies."
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"— only Klinger—— he‘ll stop at nothing.” — [ Knocking]"
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"Come in."
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"Thankyou."
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"— No, sir. — First ofall, it‘s gorgeous."
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"It‘s easy to go overboard with one ofthose things, but that‘s tasteful without being gaudy."
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"You must wear a slip."
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"With the sun behind you, I can see clear through to your shorts."
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"I‘m entitled. I‘m avirgin."
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"[Hawkeye] "/ guess the sanest guy in the outfit is Father Mulcahy"
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"It’s a wonder he doesn’t go deaf from the sound of all the commandments breaking here. ""
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"Father, is everything all right?"
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"— It‘s my back. — Did you throw it out?"
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"No, but I‘d sure like to."
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"— Let‘s go in the tent. I‘ll take a look at it. — Thanks."
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"Do you have a history of back trouble?"
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"Yeah. Started injesuit school——"
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"— [Cracking] — [Grunts]"
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"Good, good. Now, youjust try and take it easy for a few days..."
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"and stay offyour knees."
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"Thankyou very much, Doctor."
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"It‘s all right."
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"Oh, Doctor, one good turn deserves another."
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"Father..."
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"can we consider this a confessional?"
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"I am a priest."
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"[Moaning]"
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"We ’re no where near that organized"
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"What we are mainly is bored——"
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"bored right out of our skulls. ""
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