Loading...
You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from M*A*S*H - To Market, to Market (S01E01)

",L‘ [ Humming Continues]"
M*A*S*H
"—Phew! —I knew a brigadier once had a star tattooed on his chest..."
M*A*S*H
"What are you talkin‘ about?"
M*A*S*H
"— Come on. — Yeah. Whoever screwed up on those orders—— somebody‘s gonna get it."
M*A*S*H
"The army is well aware ofits responsibilities. It so happens a truck..."
M*A*S*H
"They‘re insufferable."
M*A*S*H
"Well, this is what a man needs, far from the security of home."
M*A*S*H
"I‘m well aware ofthat. I mean, I am a doctor too, you know."
M*A*S*H
"Henry, that‘s your high school diploma."
M*A*S*H
"— Hello, General. — [ Hammond ] What do you want?"
M*A*S*H
"Didn‘tl tell you to stay away from that homemade stuff?"
M*A*S*H
"Well, it‘s terrible."
M*A*S*H
"Could you possibly send us another batch of hydrocortisone?"
M*A*S*H
"Now, listen, Henry. Idon‘t give a hoot in hell..."
M*A*S*H
"Good—bye, sir."
M*A*S*H
"then we don‘t deserve the illustrious reputation we‘ve tried so hard to achieve."
M*A*S*H
"— Lean over the desk. Yeah. — Yeah."
M*A*S*H
"— Fine. No problem. — Business okay?"
M*A*S*H
"— There‘s a lot of call for that. — We don‘t mind the other stuff,"
M*A*S*H
"The stuffgoes for$i 0,000."
M*A*S*H
"|fthere wasjust something you had I could use."
M*A*S*H
"A very special item that would enhance this office and give it what it cries out for:"
M*A*S*H
"J; [ Speaker: Man Singing Injapanese]"
M*A*S*H
"[Muttering, Indistinct]"
M*A*S*H
"Idon‘t suppose you‘d care for a little refreshment this early in the day?"
M*A*S*H
"Depend on what you have. In my place, we have nothing but the best."
M*A*S*H
"— General, nothing but the finest, sir. — |fit‘s good stuff, I‘ll know."
M*A*S*H
"— Yeah. Don‘t leave out a thing. — Well, first ofall, I‘ll bet you don‘t know what wood it is."
M*A*S*H
"Okay. Wanna sell one? Pay top dollar."
M*A*S*H
"They can wrap Henry around their little fingers."
M*A*S*H
"court—martialed and behind bars for 20 years."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, Frank, doyou thinkyou could?"
M*A*S*H
"[Gasps]"
M*A*S*H
"— Margaret, is that you? — Frank?"
M*A*S*H
"the way the flashlight catches your hair."
M*A*S*H
"Thankyou."
M*A*S*H
"— Thankyou. — For what?"
M*A*S*H
"[ Door L ocking]"
M*A*S*H
"All right."
M*A*S*H
"The truth is, sir, that this man is not a deliveryman."
M*A*S*H
"Well, it so happens he looks fantastically like the man..."
M*A*S*H
"Mass?"
M*A*S*H
"Well, where is Father Mulcahy?"
M*A*S*H
",L‘ [Hawkeye Humming]"
M*A*S*H
"Yeah. Take away their skivvies, and they all look like P.F.C.s."
M*A*S*H
"Tell me, Doctor. What was the general doing on the front lines, anyway?"
M*A*S*H
"This one, he‘s a fighting general. You know—— [Whistles]"
M*A*S*H
"— Hey. — What? Okay."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, boy, very/shock] Push the plasma."
M*A*S*H
"Give meiOO milligrams of hydrocortisone to give |.V."
M*A*S*H
"— It‘s empty, Doctor. — Empty? Get another one. — It‘s the last one."
M*A*S*H
"All right. Keep pushing the plasma. Get me some O—negative blood on the double."
M*A*S*H
"Hurry up."
M*A*S*H
"But don‘t tell him a mere captain saved his life. He might not pay his bill."
M*A*S*H
"— Yeah. You wanna know where? — [Trapper] He should be hung up [7 y h/s thumbs."
M*A*S*H
"/’m old—fashioned / ’m for slipping him a pint of castor oil and locking him in a closet."
M*A*S*H
"— Who are you talking about? — Whoever it is that ordered supplies last month."
M*A*S*H
"Itjust so happens I signed that requisition, McIntyre."
M*A*S*H
"Well,you almost lost us a man, ‘cause this was empty."
M*A*S*H
"Well, well, that’s not my fault"
M*A*S*H
"You can‘t blame me. I certainly had hydrocortisone on my list somewhere."
M*A*S*H
"You have no right to blame Major Houlihan."
M*A*S*H
"That hydrocortisone and half our other supplies were hijacked before they ever left Seoul."
M*A*S*H
"— It‘s those vicious black marketeers. — So where are the M.P.s?"
M*A*S*H
"Yeah. They‘re supposed to do something besides direct traffic and rinse their gloves at night."
M*A*S*H
"just pulled up outside with our replacement supplies."
M*A*S*H
"Why didn‘t you say so? Frank‘s gotta stop every five minutes..."
M*A*S*H
"and do a commercial foryour friendly American war."
M*A*S*H
"They both broke theirjaws and had to have their mouths wired shut."
M*A*S*H
"Sorry I‘m late, but| got stopped by an MP. roadblock. They‘re checkin‘ everybody."
M*A*S*H
"The area‘s crawling with hijackers. Whoops."
M*A*S*H
"— I‘ll bet you don‘t know what kind ofwood this is. — It‘s oak."
M*A*S*H
"Nope. It‘s oak. Just look at it."
M*A*S*H
"It‘s a hundred years old ifit‘s a day."
M*A*S*H
"Roots. Solidity."
M*A*S*H
"Strength."
M*A*S*H
"— Henry. Henry, we‘re in big trouble. — Don‘t do that."
M*A*S*H
"I‘m sorry about that. Hey, how do you like my new desk?"
M*A*S*H
"Your new desk? Wejust lost 200 vials of hydrocortisone."
M*A*S*H
"— What do you want from me? — We want you to call General Hammond..."
M*A*S*H
"down in Seoul right away, demand some action."
M*A*S*H
"[Trapper] Henry, we ha ve got to ha i/e that stuff"
M*A*S*H
"Get me the Fourth Convalescent in Seoul. I want to talk to General Hammond."
M*A*S*H
"|t‘s—— |fhe‘s not there, try him at the officers‘ mess. It‘s urgent."
M*A*S*H
"Well, don‘t you recognize my voice yet, you knucklehead?"
M*A*S*H
"This is Colonel Blake."
M*A*S*H
"Offthe desk."
M*A*S*H
"—Yeah, hello? Hello? Okay. Uh, Colonel Blake? — Hmm?"
M*A*S*H
"— General Hammond. — Well, now, there‘s a coincidence foryou,"
M*A*S*H
"him calling me right now."
M*A*S*H
"—We|l,you called me, sir. —I called you, huh?"
M*A*S*H
"— Black market. — Offthe desk."
M*A*S*H
"Oh—— No, sir. /’m sorry What/ wanted to talk to you about was the black market."
M*A*S*H
"What / mean is, they just knocked off our supplies again."
M*A*S*H
"ifyou do have somebody that can bring us Bob Hope for Christmas."
M*A*S*H
"— The 4077th got their allotment That’s all you get — But General——"
M*A*S*H
"/’m a busy man, Henry / ’ve got an important meeting.."
M*A*S*H
"this afternoon with MacArthur."
M*A*S*H
"Oh. Yes, sir."
M*A*S*H
"—I tried. — That was trying, huh?"
M*A*S*H
"Well, we can‘t bother the general with this sort ofthing."
M*A*S*H
"We gotta do something and be brilliant."
M*A*S*H
"Listen. |fwe can‘t figure out a way to out—black—market the black market,"
M*A*S*H
"— [Hawkeye]Any/uel — Top pocket."
M*A*S*H
"—Charlie Lee? — He‘s your man."
M*A*S*H
"He‘s the biggest operator in Seoul. He has an office behind the bar..."
M*A*S*H
"that‘s owned by Madam Koo."
M*A*S*H
"[Swallowing] |, uh, signed out ajeep foryou. It‘s outside."
M*A*S*H
"Make sure nobody steals it down there, huh?"
M*A*S*H
"Thanks, Radar."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ll be back later to pump out your stomach."
M*A*S*H
"Hey, listen. We‘d better hire somebody to watch thejeep."
M*A*S*H
"I mean, with all this black market action. You know, they‘re like piranhas."
M*A*S*H
"— But you didn‘t get it fast enough. — They must’i/e worked a pit stop."
M*A*S*H
"I hope they choke on the tires."
M*A*S*H
"[Knocking]"
M*A*S*H
"— [Hawkeye]Mr. Lee? — To you, Charlie."
M*A*S*H
"— I‘m Hawkeye Pierce. This is Trapper McIntyre. — And a terrific surgeon too."
M*A*S*H
"— He‘s checked us out. — Yeah."
M*A*S*H
"You guys got the best rep in the Southeast Asia theater ofoperations."
M*A*S*H
Show more clips