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Clips from M*A*S*H - Germ Warfare (S01E01)

"on how to lead a good, clean life has been canceled..."
M*A*S*H
"Mm—hmm. Another day of bed rest."
M*A*S*H
"— Quality shows, Frank. — I like to think so."
M*A*S*H
"You‘ve bought enough shrapnel in your backside to use it as a doorstop."
M*A*S*H
"— How areyou this morning, Pierce? — Not too good..."
M*A*S*H
"but I‘ll feel better once I desert."
M*A*S*H
"| just got this kid out ofshock. He‘s got multiple lacerations."
M*A*S*H
"Look, if| hand out AB neg to somebody from the other side..."
M*A*S*H
"— No, I want the transfer orders. — Yes, sir."
M*A*S*H
"Those ones that you‘ve got there in your hand. Those are the ones."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ve got no choice. Now, honest."
M*A*S*H
"— No. — One day."
M*A*S*H
"[Sighs]Yeah. All right. Take all the time you want."
M*A*S*H
"[ Henry ] Anywhere. Bur / don ’r want any more static from Frank Burns."
M*A*S*H
"Welcome to the end ofthe war, Pai."
M*A*S*H
"Haw/"
M*A*S*H
"Terrific. Take two splints out of petty cash."
M*A*S*H
"Shh. Not so loud, my count."
M*A*S*H
"But then, he gets a lot of practice while he‘s awake."
M*A*S*H
"You get him cleaned up."
M*A*S*H
"— I was speaking for my fantasies. — You never quit, do you?"
M*A*S*H
"Is this a new one, or are you undressing me with your eyes again?"
M*A*S*H
"Actually, I‘m trying to make some time with this lieutenant person."
M*A*S*H
"Might be a new variant."
M*A*S*H
"I mean, doyou have any signs offatigue or anything?"
M*A*S*H
"You know something? You could be coming down with something."
M*A*S*H
"Guy works as hard as you."
M*A*S*H
"The lab down in Seoul can do a complete run on you..."
M*A*S*H
"and have the results back here in two hours."
M*A*S*H
"”Ghouls.” That‘s a nice thing to call us vampires."
M*A*S*H
"Might be enough."
M*A*S*H
"Frank, old buddy, let‘s hope you‘re not too housebroken."
M*A*S*H
"Yeah, / thought for once he ’d be a regular guy"
M*A*S*H
"Well, let‘s see."
M*A*S*H
"— Tastes all right to me. — That‘s not enough to tell."
M*A*S*H
"and try this one."
M*A*S*H
"Now, which one was stronger, the first one or the second?"
M*A*S*H
"Well, what do you think?"
M*A*S*H
"— Why are you two following me? — No problem. It‘s on our way."
M*A*S*H
"5eeming/y calm and detached”"
M*A*S*H
"Uh—oh. The signaling process has begun."
M*A*S*H
"and our l"
M*A*S*H
"/t is almost impossible..."
M*A*S*H
"for the uninitiated to discern any connection..."
M*A*S*H
"— Now? —Yes, sir."
M*A*S*H
"— Okay, where will we start? — Oh, anywhere."
M*A*S*H
"— Ah—ha. Good thinking. — Thankyou."
M*A*S*H
"almost spiritual relationship."
M*A*S*H
"and I‘ll bite your chest right through your shirt."
M*A*S*H
"Where can we go?"
M*A*S*H
"There‘s always the coffee break."
M*A*S*H
"Hey, Frank, we got a pretty light load in there today."
M*A*S*H
"— Why don‘t you let us handle it? —I carry my own weight."
M*A*S*H
"I think you‘d better tell him."
M*A*S*H
"We thinkyou might have hepatitis, Frank."
M*A*S*H
"— You what? — You took his what?"
M*A*S*H
"My gown, Major."
M*A*S*H
"Quiet, please. This is a hospital."
M*A*S*H
"—I don‘t thinkwe should tell him. — No, I don‘t think we should."
M*A*S*H
"Yeah, well, it looks a little silly—— I mean, without the music."
M*A*S*H
"-Sir? —Yes?"
M*A*S*H
"Unlock him."
M*A*S*H
"Lab report, Frank. All tests for hepatitis, negative."
M*A*S*H
"That P.O.W. came in here with it. You stole a pint of my blood for nothing!"
M*A*S*H
"Okay, folks. Visiting hours are over."
M*A*S*H
"— Uh—oh. Bad news, Frank. — What?"
M*A*S*H
"Bad enough."
M*A*S*H
"No hard feelings, Frank?"
M*A*S*H
"a transplant we‘d like to experiment with, and you‘rejust the right type."
M*A*S*H
",L‘ [ Woman Singing In Korean Over Radio ]"
M*A*S*H
",‘ Happy days are here again;"
M*A*S*H
"[Man Over P.A.] Attention, all MASH personnel."
M*A*S*H
"Tonight‘s War Department film..."
M*A*S*H
"due to unusually heavy indifference."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, yes."
M*A*S*H
"He‘s coming along splendidly."
M*A*S*H
"I did this one myself."
M*A*S*H
"All right. Try not to move."
M*A*S*H
"Let‘s watch our language, shall we, McIntyre?"
M*A*S*H
"[Sighs] Frank, I‘m sorry about that. But you know how it is."
M*A*S*H
"War is heck."
M*A*S*H
"|f| could have done that, I‘d have become a lawyer."
M*A*S*H
"—This man‘s North Korean. — Right, first time."
M*A*S*H
"You‘d better tell the M.P.s to have him transferred to the POW. section."
M*A*S*H
"Time, Frank. Time."
M*A*S*H
"You stick him in the clink, he‘s liable to kick off."
M*A*S*H
"He doesn‘t look that bad to me."
M*A*S*H
"Whatever he needs, he can get it at the next stop. I‘m sending him out."
M*A*S*H
"Hold it, Doctor."
M*A*S*H
"What this guy needs is some plasma and some rest."
M*A*S*H
"He doesn‘t need a ticket for being on the wrong side."
M*A*S*H
"We‘ve got limited bed space. You know that."
M*A*S*H
"Why doesn‘t somebody tell them that up at the front?"
M*A*S*H
"They keep shooting each other like we‘ve got beds for everybody."
M*A*S*H
"— Get him out today. —I don‘t think so."
M*A*S*H
"— He goes. — He stays."
M*A*S*H
"I‘m sorry, but this time he happens to be right."
M*A*S*H
"Look, I know the guy behaves like an enlistment poster..."
M*A*S*H
"but this time I got to back Frank up."
M*A*S*H
"I want one day for that patient. One day."
M*A*S*H
"You want. You know, Pierce, you‘ve got a way ofmaking..."
M*A*S*H
"every man in this outfit feel as ifhe‘s working foryou."
M*A*S*H
"Henry, open your middle drawer."
M*A*S*H
"Look, this is notjust another beef against Frank Burns, you know."
M*A*S*H
"We can‘t turn that kid away."
M*A*S*H
"Well, | mean,you‘re not asking much, areyou?"
M*A*S*H
"|mean,you onlywant me to give him one unit ofAB negative."
M*A*S*H
"One lousy pint of blood. Henry, I mean, who will ever miss it?"
M*A*S*H
"We‘re talking about AB negative."
M*A*S*H
"and then one ofour kids needs it..."
M*A*S*H
"General Hammond will personally give me a tail—ectomy without a local."
M*A*S*H
"How many times have I told you not to come in here before I call you?"
M*A*S*H
"I don‘t like to be late, sir."
M*A*S*H
"How can you be late ifyou come in here before I even know I want you?"
M*A*S*H
"Ours is not to question why, sir."
M*A*S*H
"— What orders are those? — You‘re not transferring the Korean?"
M*A*S*H
"We‘ve only got so many beds, and this kid‘s got one waiting someplace else."
M*A*S*H
"That‘ll be all, Rad——"
M*A*S*H
"Give me 24 hours before you ship him out."
M*A*S*H
"As opposed to 24 hours."
M*A*S*H
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