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Clips from M*A*S*H - Bananas, Crackers and Nuts (S01E01)

"— Give me some more ofthose sponges. — You got ‘em."
M*A*S*H
"— It‘s Friday. — Somebody owes us a Thursday."
M*A*S*H
"What‘s that I smell?"
M*A*S*H
"Fresh air, ifmemory serves."
M*A*S*H
"Right after we get something to drink."
M*A*S*H
"Listen, after having sandwiches stuffed in my ears for three days,"
M*A*S*H
"How big?"
M*A*S*H
"Darling, we‘re about to make each other very happy."
M*A*S*H
"I mean, it is, but it isn‘t!"
M*A*S*H
"Our first fight."
M*A*S*H
"Yeah?"
M*A*S*H
"Two days rest and recreation at the R&R center in Tokyo."
M*A*S*H
"Actually, I was thinking about three days."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, gonna do a little outdoor surgery, huh, Henry?"
M*A*S*H
"and I dreamt it while I was awake!"
M*A*S*H
"|, uh, let him write a letter to his mother,"
M*A*S*H
"but I think it may have been too much for him..."
M*A*S*H
"[Breathing]"
M*A*S*H
"|fit‘s the one I want to hear."
M*A*S*H
"Listen, maybe I‘ve been unfair."
M*A*S*H
"I mean, you‘ve asked me out so many times and——"
M*A*S*H
"You thinkjust because a guy smiles at you..."
M*A*S*H
"That‘s exactly the point. He‘s not himself."
M*A*S*H
"All right, what‘s all that funny business there?"
M*A*S*H
"This is mine, and you can‘t have any."
M*A*S*H
"He was very clean."
M*A*S*H
"Well, I know we‘ve all been working desperately hard,"
M*A*S*H
"I‘ll make the arrangements."
M*A*S*H
"He has fiipped."
M*A*S*H
"I have a psychiatrist friend in the 423rd Evac."
M*A*S*H
"Frank, you‘rejealous."
M*A*S*H
"—I envy the cotton tips you stick in your ears. |—— — Frank,"
M*A*S*H
"for an examination by Captain Philip G. Sherman—— Sherman.”"
M*A*S*H
"|thinkthey‘re waiting fora tip."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ve got to know what‘s bothering you, ifanything."
M*A*S*H
"Beg your pardon?"
M*A*S*H
"— Doctor—— — Nurse."
M*A*S*H
"You don‘t know what it‘s been like living together..."
M*A*S*H
"|fonly he knew I sleep every night with his shaving brush under my pillow."
M*A*S*H
"| always try to operate at the same table he does."
M*A*S*H
"I mean, I realize I‘m only a captain and he‘s a major."
M*A*S*H
"But after all, fair is fair. Don‘t you agree?"
M*A*S*H
"[ Continues Laughing]"
M*A*S*H
"|don‘t think I‘ll ever forget it, sir."
M*A*S*H
"— Yeah. —I don‘t think he should get those three days of R&R."
M*A*S*H
"— You‘re gonna what? — I think Captain Pierce can use a few weeks ofobservation."
M*A*S*H
"We||,waita minute. I mean, what if| never get him back?"
M*A*S*H
"— We‘ll do the best we can. — This is the army."
M*A*S*H
"You mean poor Hawkeye?"
M*A*S*H
"Sick, sick, sick."
M*A*S*H
"— What‘s up? — A mission you just volunteered for."
M*A*S*H
"We||,you waited this long."
M*A*S*H
"No, not at all, Corporal."
M*A*S*H
"— Would you like some soup, sir? — No. No, thankyou."
M*A*S*H
"how great she thinks you are."
M*A*S*H
"What were you doing in the women‘s shower?"
M*A*S*H
"I‘m sure she was talking about somebody else."
M*A*S*H
"[Clicks]"
M*A*S*H
"It‘s true."
M*A*S*H
"[ Screaming Continues]"
M*A*S*H
"[Muffler] Screaming]"
M*A*S*H
"Oh, pardon me. |thought| heard somebodyyell for help."
M*A*S*H
"Help! Help! Help!"
M*A*S*H
"— It‘s all right, baby. —All right forwho?"
M*A*S*H
"Captain Sherman!"
M*A*S*H
"What the Sam Hill is going on in here?"
M*A*S*H
"— I‘m a very controlled person. — Ofcourse you are."
M*A*S*H
",L‘ [Humming]"
M*A*S*H
"— [HelicopterApproaching] — Incoming casualties!"
M*A*S*H
"[ Ha wke ye ] Give me a sponge without a stick."
M*A*S*H
"Mmm."
M*A*S*H
"McIntyre."
M*A*S*H
"— McIntyre. — Huh?"
M*A*S*H
"[5/urping]"
M*A*S*H
"— What a session. — Is it Tuesday or Wednesday?"
M*A*S*H
"Either that or two Wednesdays."
M*A*S*H
"More choppers, ambulances?"
M*A*S*H
"The deluge is over. The enemy‘s pulled back,"
M*A*S*H
"and it‘s gonna take ‘em at least a week to regroup."
M*A*S*H
"Hey! Okay."
M*A*S*H
"[Laughs] Come on. Let‘s get something to eat."
M*A*S*H
"Is that all you ever think about, drinking?"
M*A*S*H
"You have to have a martini first."
M*A*S*H
"—just one. — One big one."
M*A*S*H
"Boy, have| been looking forward to this."
M*A*S*H
"— It‘s dry! — You can‘t make ‘em dry enough for me."
M*A*S*H
"I mean the still is dry, you knucklehead!"
M*A*S*H
"You didn‘t put the fixings in last night!"
M*A*S*H
"You know what this means? No martinis!"
M*A*S*H
"You should have enough martinis stored in your hump to last you seven days!"
M*A*S*H
"And don‘t call me knucklehead!"
M*A*S*H
"[ Metal C/angs ]"
M*A*S*H
"We‘re always on the same side."
M*A*S*H
"Yeah. Us against them."
M*A*S*H
"Whoever the them, we were always us."
M*A*S*H
"You know, ifl was to analyze your symptoms,"
M*A*S*H
"— I would say stress. — Yeah, yeah."
M*A*S*H
"— |rritabi|ity from overwork. — That‘s what I got."
M*A*S*H
"And do you know what I would prescribe?"
M*A*S*H
"Well, you‘re the doctor. Shall we visit our friendly travel agent?"
M*A*S*H
"— Nothing wrong with a little relaxation. — Precisely."
M*A*S*H
"Before you go, we want you to arrange for a few days for us at the R&R center."
M*A*S*H
"Henry, ifyou don‘t let us go, they‘ll take us out of here in a rubber truck."
M*A*S*H
"— |fyou‘re leaving, Frank Burns is in charge. — And he‘ll never let us out."
M*A*S*H
"Every time you go, he turns into instant Hitler."
M*A*S*H
"— Thankyou, Radar. — [ Engine Starts]"
M*A*S*H
"|f| don‘t get away for a while, I‘m gonna start picking fiowers offthe wallpaper."
M*A*S*H
"— Let go. —I had a dream last night that I was asleep,"
M*A*S*H
"Are you nuts? Move out."
M*A*S*H
"Were you acting?"
M*A*S*H
"You ain‘t seen nothin‘ yet."
M*A*S*H
"Lieutenant, check the patient in bed number five, hmm?"
M*A*S*H
"because| don‘t like the way he‘s breathing."
M*A*S*H
"Yes, Doctor."
M*A*S*H
"Well, I‘m not on duty tonight, so, well, I was wondering——"
M*A*S*H
"You can stop wondering. You‘re about to face reality."
M*A*S*H
"Waita minute. What did you have in mind?"
M*A*S*H
"Whateveryou have in mind."
M*A*S*H
"What?"
M*A*S*H
"Lieutenant, if| didn‘t know you better, I‘d be hurt."
M*A*S*H
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