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Clips from M*A*S*H - Sometimes You Hear the Bullet (S01E01)

"[Knocking]"
M*A*S*H
"— Margaret. — Frank."
M*A*S*H
"— [ Laughing] —You all right?"
M*A*S*H
"I‘lltry."
M*A*S*H
"Margaret, I need help!"
M*A*S*H
"Oh, and you‘ll get help, my darling, but not in my tent!"
M*A*S*H
"I never talk politics with an olive."
M*A*S*H
"— But they do come from up there. — Mm—hmm."
M*A*S*H
"You can‘t conquer the world with a shoddy olive."
M*A*S*H
"Mmm, mmm! Oh, this is sensational."
M*A*S*H
"You‘re my kind ofgirl, Nancy."
M*A*S*H
"I hate him when he‘s serious. I‘ll be right back."
M*A*S*H
"Going in that direction. The showers."
M*A*S*H
"— Well, Frank, how goes it? — He‘s resting comfortably, Colonel."
M*A*S*H
"Thankyou. Radar,"
M*A*S*H
"— Thankyou. — You‘re welcome."
M*A*S*H
"Unless Frank‘s tongue‘s broken, I‘d like to hear it from him."
M*A*S*H
"But according to your accident report, you tripped in the mud..."
M*A*S*H
"Is that the wayyou want it announced at the awards ceremony?"
M*A*S*H
"—We|l,we|l, |—— — Sir, this injury was sustained ata front—line unit."
M*A*S*H
"Butl need Dr. Pierce. He‘s the only one who can help me."
M*A*S*H
"Well, the recruiting sergeant peeked under my dress, and here I am."
M*A*S*H
"[Laughing Nervously]"
M*A*S*H
"Well, how‘s it going, Tommy?"
M*A*S*H
"He did."
M*A*S*H
"Listen, how long have you two nuts known each other?"
M*A*S*H
"— Milk monitor? —We|l, that was avery responsible position."
M*A*S*H
"It was the Depression, and anybody with milk carried a lot ofweight."
M*A*S*H
"What I don‘t understand is what a guy like you with your background is doing here?"
M*A*S*H
"I‘m keeping my country safe from the Communist menace."
M*A*S*H
"|f| was a correspondent, I‘d be reporting the war. In the infantry, I‘m living it."
M*A*S*H
"— So what‘s the difference? — Here."
M*A*S*H
"You know what he said?"
M*A*S*H
"— I‘ll drinkto that. —I never drink."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, say good—bye to Henry for me. He‘ll understand."
M*A*S*H
"Tommy Gillis, you‘re a genuine lunatic. Come back and see us soon."
M*A*S*H
"So, dumbbell,when will I seeyou again, soon?"
M*A*S*H
"Multiple lacerations, contusions and abrasions."
M*A*S*H
"Nancy, you prep the appendectomy, and we‘ll sew up Zale and Graziano."
M*A*S*H
"Yeah, I got it, I got it. Okay, lighten up on him."
M*A*S*H
"Frank is in traction, and Trapper is watching a movie in the mess tent."
M*A*S*H
"Please, |don‘t wanna go home."
M*A*S*H
"Wendell, another word for gooks is people."
M*A*S*H
"How long before| can get back to my outfit, sir?"
M*A*S*H
"Maybe a few more weeks. Depends on how much post—operative pain you have."
M*A*S*H
"Really, I‘m 18."
M*A*S*H
"Dirty book ? It‘s Snow White and the Seven Dwari/es."
M*A*S*H
"Radar, ifyou don‘t get out of here, I‘ll shoot Hot Lips."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ll seeya."
M*A*S*H
"[ Shouting, Chattering ]"
M*A*S*H
"— Bernice ? That your sergeant? — That‘s my girl."
M*A*S*H
"|just know Bernice‘d beg me to come back."
M*A*S*H
"— Wendell‘s my brother‘s name. — Right. | wasjust wondering..."
M*A*S*H
"And it‘s none of my business."
M*A*S*H
"It‘s gonna be a long night. Come on."
M*A*S*H
"Give me some suction. |can‘t see anything."
M*A*S*H
"Dr. Pierce, this one‘s very shocky."
M*A*S*H
"Pierce, I heard that little remark."
M*A*S*H
"He‘s had ten milligrams ofmorphine. Pressure, 80 over 50, and faint."
M*A*S*H
"Sixty."
M*A*S*H
"I know why I‘m crying now. Tommy was my friend, and I watched him die,"
M*A*S*H
"I‘ve watched guys die almost every day. Why didn‘tl ever cry for them?"
M*A*S*H
"I don‘t know."
M*A*S*H
"Do you ?"
M*A*S*H
"this is Private Wendell Petersen, United States Marines,"
M*A*S*H
"Let‘s hope it‘s a long and healthy hate."
M*A*S*H
"— “that Franklin D. Burns, Major, US. Army Reserves, - Sir?"
M*A*S*H
"-Sir? — May| have the medal, please?"
M*A*S*H
"— Have a good trip, Wendell. — Walter."
M*A*S*H
"Well, what do you expect? Somebody‘s stolen Frank‘s medal."
M*A*S*H
"J; [ Instrumental: “I‘m in the Mood for Love”]"
M*A*S*H
"JM Humming]"
M*A*S*H
"Here we are."
M*A*S*H
"— [ Knocking] —[l(noc/"
M*A*S*H
"Margaret, you don‘t know what it does to me being nearyou all day in surgery,"
M*A*S*H
"only able to touch you through rubber gloves."
M*A*S*H
"Dance .7"
M*A*S*H
"Yes. It‘sjust this song. It gives me goose bumps."
M*A*S*H
"I‘m the same way about “Pennsylvania Six—Five—Thousand.”"
M*A*S*H
"Oh, you‘re so light on your feet."
M*A*S*H
"I was voted most graceful in my class at Veloz and Yolanda."
M*A*S*H
"Oh."
M*A*S*H
"[Laughing] Oh, Frank."
M*A*S*H
"It‘s not marvelous, Margaret, it‘s my back. I can‘t move."
M*A*S*H
"— [ Moaning] — Frank, don‘t moan!"
M*A*S*H
"But I have to ! When a man‘s in pain, he has to moan."
M*A*S*H
"Shh! No, not unless he wants to get caught in a lady‘s tent."
M*A*S*H
"[Both Moaning]"
M*A*S*H
"— I won‘t moan a word, but we‘ve got to do something! — Can you let go ofme?"
M*A*S*H
"[Groans] Oh!"
M*A*S*H
"Now, go get help."
M*A*S*H
"But they‘ll see us... dressed like this..."
M*A*S*H
"in my tent... with a candle..."
M*A*S*H
"and “I‘m in the Mood for Love.""
M*A*S*H
"I don‘t think I should be here, Hawkeye."
M*A*S*H
"War‘s a dirty business, Lieutenant. None of us should be here."
M*A*S*H
"—I mean, in your tent. — My tent‘s a dirty business too,"
M*A*S*H
"but it‘s a lot more fun than the war."
M*A*S*H
"Wait, no. Have an olive foryour martini."
M*A*S*H
"There are at least a dozen right here in thisjar. From China."
M*A*S*H
"Communist China?"
M*A*S*H
"— How .7 — Well, let‘sjust say..."
M*A*S*H
"I know a red on the black market who gets me green olives."
M*A*S*H
"— [ Both Groaning] — Oh, that‘s terrible."
M*A*S*H
"Those dumb Commies. That‘s why they‘ll lose."
M*A*S*H
"Hitler found that out."
M*A*S*H
"[ Trapper] Ha wke ye !"
M*A*S*H
"— You a ventriloquist? — Mm—mm. It‘s your roomie."
M*A*S*H
"I thought you were shooting craps with the chaplain."
M*A*S*H
"— Frank—— he‘s had an accident. —We|l, give him a mop..."
M*A*S*H
"and tell him to be more careful next time."
M*A*S*H
"Come on, give me a hand, will ya .7 I‘m serious."
M*A*S*H
"— What‘s the matter, Frank? — It‘s my——"
M*A*S*H
"His back. It‘s his back."
M*A*S*H
"— How‘d it happen? —Well, |—-"
M*A*S*H
"He fell on his way to the shower."
M*A*S*H
"He was coming from that direction. From his tent, I guess."
M*A*S*H
"Were you directing traffic at the time ofthe accident, Officer?"
M*A*S*H
"Oh, it goes out every few years."
M*A*S*H
"Last time was V—] Day in Times Square when this big sailor hugged me."
M*A*S*H
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