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Clips from M*A*S*H - I Hate a Mystery (S01E01)

"Willyoujust deal?"
M*A*S*H
"Her name is Margaret."
M*A*S*H
"— Ooh! — $24.50, Ho—jon. What‘s the total?"
M*A*S*H
"The frame."
M*A*S*H
"You stole her frame, you... guys!"
M*A*S*H
"You‘ve done some terrible things before, but this is the worst!"
M*A*S*H
"— Would you hand me my brushes? —I don‘t think spanking them will do any good."
M*A*S*H
"— It‘s getting late. |mightjust stay for 50. — Frank, my brushes?"
M*A*S*H
"My brushes! Where are they? Where are my brushes?"
M*A*S*H
"I sent to..."
M*A*S*H
"Tokyo for this."
M*A*S*H
"|tcertainlyis."
M*A*S*H
"Oh!"
M*A*S*H
"Henry."
M*A*S*H
"Have you seen my watch?"
M*A*S*H
"Ah, the symphony begins."
M*A*S*H
"The sultry saxophone splashes ofmelody."
M*A*S*H
"“Stizzle swick” not here."
M*A*S*H
"Who stole my “stizzle swick”?"
M*A*S*H
"As it stated, in the interest ofmorale and unity——"
M*A*S*H
"The lights will now he..."
M*A*S*H
"And the aforementioned guilty party may now return the things."
M*A*S*H
"— Hey, my bag is gone! — Mine too!"
M*A*S*H
"/ ’m including m yselr,’ right down to my right hand, Corporal O’Reilly."
M*A*S*H
"Naturally / regret any and all embarrassment..."
M*A*S*H
"At ease, men."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ll be thejudge ofthat."
M*A*S*H
"That is Exhibit “,"A Frank."
M*A*S*H
"I was thinking ofyou, Frank."
M*A*S*H
"— Okay, let‘s knock it off. — Let me know when you all come to your senses."
M*A*S*H
"— He was caught with the goods. — At least that‘s the way General Barker understands it."
M*A*S*H
"I say he should be kept under constant surveillance."
M*A*S*H
"Hiya, Radar. What‘s up?"
M*A*S*H
"That‘s a very fine distinction."
M*A*S*H
"[ Man Over PA System] And now, a special dedication to Captain Hawkeye Pierce:"
M*A*S*H
"— Have a seat, my son. — Uh, may| helpyou?"
M*A*S*H
"The dictionary?"
M*A*S*H
"the riveting tale ofa man who steals, and is relentlessly pursued."
M*A*S*H
"Don‘t sugarcoat it. Give it to me straight."
M*A*S*H
"Come on, Radar. Let‘s call it a night."
M*A*S*H
"|fwe can catch the person that did this, you‘re liable to get a promotion."
M*A*S*H
"Well, what do I have to do?"
M*A*S*H
"All right now, listen carefully!"
M*A*S*H
"[ Hawkeye On PA System ] Tomorrow morning the supply chopper is coming..."
M*A*S*H
"[Hawkeye] Give me those articles for one hour and we 7/ have our thief"
M*A*S*H
"Captain 5pearchucl"
M*A*S*H
"Corporal Radar O’Reilly."
M*A*S*H
"I trust you will forgive me for disturbing you at this late hour,"
M*A*S*H
"Remember the old adage: “Methinks he doth protest too much.”"
M*A*S*H
"— The man‘s a fruit cake! — And yet you, Lieutenant,"
M*A*S*H
"were committed in several places,"
M*A*S*H
"and was perhaps short enough to go unnoticed."
M*A*S*H
"There is only one man here short enough..."
M*A*S*H
"to bathe in his own helmet, right, Radar?"
M*A*S*H
"Thus I made it publicly known that there were fingerprints..."
M*A*S*H
"with hydrochloric—alpha—terracin."
M*A*S*H
"Yeah, I know, there couldn‘t be. I was bluffing."
M*A*S*H
"Why, Ho—jon? What did you need those things for?"
M*A*S*H
"To bring my mother and sister from our village up north."
M*A*S*H
"I didn‘t think anyone would miss their bits and pieces."
M*A*S*H
"you canjust keep the fishing reel."
M*A*S*H
"Three hundred and almost ten dollars."
M*A*S*H
"Isn‘t that fantastic? This kid only makes a couple of bucks a week,"
M*A*S*H
"— One. — One?"
M*A*S*H
"— One! — Can you believe this guy? He asks for one."
M*A*S*H
"Man‘s luck is not to be believed."
M*A*S*H
"— Nothing worse than a sore winner. — Luck?"
M*A*S*H
"My openers. Luck has nothing to do with it."
M*A*S*H
"Iwin all the time because my heart is pure. Right, Frank?"
M*A*S*H
"You‘re a vice—ridden degenerate. |don‘t thinkyou even have a heart."
M*A*S*H
"Ooh! Frank, for a doctor, that‘s a very serious diagnosis."
M*A*S*H
"Now, now. We all know how competent and dedicated Frank is."
M*A*S*H
"That‘s why he and Hot Lips spend every night together in the examination room."
M*A*S*H
"It so happens that Major Houlihan and |..."
M*A*S*H
"Ah, $309.68, Hawkeye."
M*A*S*H
"You keep that up and I‘m gonna put your tongue in traction."
M*A*S*H
"Why did you two ever become doctors?"
M*A*S*H
"— Why did you become a doctor, Major? — To meet girls."
M*A*S*H
"It was the wish of my dear mother,"
M*A*S*H
"the guiding force ofmylife who——"
M*A*S*H
"— Her sterling silver frame! —Take it easy, Frank."
M*A*S*H
"You‘re... fiends!"
M*A*S*H
"— Margaret, |—— — Aaah!"
M*A*S*H
"— You look awful. — Oh, Frank, what do you want?"
M*A*S*H
"My mother‘s silver frame is gone."
M*A*S*H
"Well, I didn‘t take it."
M*A*S*H
"I‘m not accusing you, but it‘s gone!"
M*A*S*H
"You know how much my mother means to me."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, Frank, it‘s only a frame."
M*A*S*H
"It‘s the principle. I feel... violated. My own mother‘s picture."
M*A*S*H
"To think that those animals even laid their hands on it."
M*A*S*H
"No, Frank, I‘m gonna brush my hair."
M*A*S*H
"One hundred strokes... every night."
M*A*S*H
"— Margaret, control yourself. — They‘re gone! Somebody took them!"
M*A*S*H
"Margaret, they‘re only brushes."
M*A*S*H
"No, they‘re not! My father gave those to me!"
M*A*S*H
"[ Laughing, Gigg/ing]"
M*A*S*H
"— Leslie? —Yes?"
M*A*S*H
"Oh, is it mine?"
M*A*S*H
"Oh, Henry!"
M*A*S*H
"That‘s the fish you caught last week. Your very first."
M*A*S*H
"And you had it stuffed just for me."
M*A*S*H
"That‘s not all."
M*A*S*H
"As a little token of my admiration,"
M*A*S*H
"Oh, Henry. Oh, it‘s not——"
M*A*S*H
"A Sato Tanaka double—cammed reel..."
M*A*S*H
"Well, I can hardlywait to show the girls."
M*A*S*H
"Open it."
M*A*S*H
"It‘s gone!"
M*A*S*H
"— I‘ve got post—op duty, Captain. — Not for 26 minutes, you don‘t."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ll check my alarm watch."
M*A*S*H
"Hmm. Must have left it in the tent. We‘ll make our own clock."
M*A*S*H
"First, you put the big hand here, and then the little hand there."
M*A*S*H
"You‘re running a little fast."
M*A*S*H
"[ Trapper] Hey!"
M*A*S*H
"What a day! | sewed up enough people to make a crazy quilt!"
M*A*S*H
"It‘s Tuesday. It‘s 1951. What more do you have to know?"
M*A*S*H
"/ ’d like to find my watch."
M*A*S*H
"Drinks for me and my men, and water for our horses."
M*A*S*H
"Ah, where is it? There it is."
M*A*S*H
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