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Clips from Hung - Comedy (S01E01)

Videos 2009 Season 1, Episode 4 3 min 417 clips
Short Comedy

Episodes from this show

...as a coach, history teacher and all-around inspiration.
"...as a coach, history teacher and all-around inspiration."
Hung
Not only did she make me sound like a turd, she left out the best parts.
"Not only did she make me sound like a turd, she left out the best parts."
Hung
We hope you enjoy the beams for many years to come.
"We hope you enjoy the beams for many years to come."
Hung
You have to give me an answer. Tell me which way you're leaning...
"You have to give me an answer. Tell me which way you're leaning..."
Hung
Did you bring pictures?
"Did you bring pictures?"
Hung
No.
"No."
Hung
Not gonna happen. I would never employ a freaky guy.
"Not gonna happen. I would never employ a freaky guy."
Hung
No liars or addicts or drug users.
"No liars or addicts or drug users."
Hung
And as you can see, I'm a woman just like you.
"And as you can see, I'm a woman just like you."
Hung
...of some muscled-out, shiny-Iooking, probably gay boy gyrating on me.
"...of some muscled-out, shiny-Iooking, probably gay boy gyrating on me."
Hung
...you know, in that way.
"...you know, in that way."
Hung
Lenore said she'd never had such...
"Lenore said she'd never had such..."
Hung
Don't even send me medium size. I'm not even kidding.
"Don't even send me medium size. I'm not even kidding."
Hung
It's not like I do this every day.
"It's not like I do this every day."
Hung
- She said I should pay up-front. - Three hundred.
"- She said I should pay up-front. - Three hundred."
Hung
- Well, thanks for showing it to me. - Sure.
"- Well, thanks for showing it to me. - Sure."
Hung
You know, like, unexpectedly. Take her to Mamma Mia!
"You know, like, unexpectedly. Take her to Mamma Mia!"
Hung
Maybe it will cheer her up.
"Maybe it will cheer her up."
Hung
It sounded so easy when Mom used to say it.
"It sounded so easy when Mom used to say it."
Hung
You never called me back.
"You never called me back."
Hung
Ray, I know you're in there.
"Ray, I know you're in there."
Hung
Could you not be arrogant about your health?
"Could you not be arrogant about your health?"
Hung
- What makes you so busy? - I'm putting in a roof beam.
"- What makes you so busy? - I'm putting in a roof beam."
Hung
And I'm gonna do it with whatever cash comes my way.
"And I'm gonna do it with whatever cash comes my way."
Hung
So you don't have a camera hidden somewhere on your body?
"So you don't have a camera hidden somewhere on your body?"
Hung
- Nope. - Can I check?
"- Nope. - Can I check?"
Hung
Are you gonna be okay?
"Are you gonna be okay?"
Hung
Well, yeah, I know, but when I was in high school, for example...
"Well, yeah, I know, but when I was in high school, for example..."
Hung
I'm not you.
"I'm not you."
Hung
- It doesn't mean you're gay. - I'm not gay.
"- It doesn't mean you're gay. - I'm not gay."
Hung
Sweetheart, I'm gonna have to call you back.
"Sweetheart, I'm gonna have to call you back."
Hung
And how's the salts?
"And how's the salts?"
Hung
Good.
"Good."
Hung
- Antibiotics are bad even for chickens. - Will you turn around, Tanya?
"- Antibiotics are bad even for chickens. - Will you turn around, Tanya?"
Hung
I'm not shy.
"I'm not shy."
Hung
I don't know. Just, I...
"I don't know. Just, I..."
Hung
- My God, so insulting. - What?
"- My God, so insulting. - What?"
Hung
I mean, come on, Tanya.
"I mean, come on, Tanya."
Hung
I got rights too, you know?
"I got rights too, you know?"
Hung
Not every customer is gonna be some perfect, big-breasted 10.
"Not every customer is gonna be some perfect, big-breasted 10."
Hung
...and getting turned on by a woman's mind?
"...and getting turned on by a woman's mind?"
Hung
The car's a closed environment, kids. I thought I'd play it safe.
"The car's a closed environment, kids. I thought I'd play it safe."
Hung
Why are outdoor movies always so violent?
"Why are outdoor movies always so violent?"
Hung
Blood and gore plays great on the big screen.
"Blood and gore plays great on the big screen."
Hung
- Where are you going? - I need popcorn.
"- Where are you going? - I need popcorn."
Hung
Forget about him, Darb. Just ignore him.
"Forget about him, Darb. Just ignore him."
Hung
- Let's leave. Pretend you don't know him. - Shut up.
"- Let's leave. Pretend you don't know him. - Shut up."
Hung
Can we talk for a second, please?
"Can we talk for a second, please?"
Hung
You mean, like now?
"You mean, like now?"
Hung
- You Hammer? - Yes, sir.
"- You Hammer? - Yes, sir."
Hung
- Damester. Hey, man, you crying? - No.
"- Damester. Hey, man, you crying? - No."
Hung
- Why's your face all wet? - I'm not crying, Dad.
"- Why's your face all wet? - I'm not crying, Dad."
Hung
If you like lemonade.
"If you like lemonade."
Hung
- The point is? - There... There is no point.
"- The point is? - There... There is no point."
Hung
I don't think you should spend time with Tanya, Ray.
"I don't think you should spend time with Tanya, Ray."
Hung
That young woman should be surrounded...
"That young woman should be surrounded..."
Hung
Oh, by the way, how's the vintage-car business coming?
"Oh, by the way, how's the vintage-car business coming?"
Hung
It's good.
"It's good."
Hung
It's great.
"It's great."
Hung
- Are you done with the Circuit City thing? - Oh, God.
"- Are you done with the Circuit City thing? - Oh, God."
Hung
So that's just enough for about a half a structural beam, right?
"So that's just enough for about a half a structural beam, right?"
Hung
I mean, I had the flu shot.
"I mean, I had the flu shot."
Hung
You're so...
"You're so..."
Hung
He... He doesn't...
"He... He doesn't..."
Hung
But he's terrible at sex.
"But he's terrible at sex."
Hung
...challenging.
"...challenging."
Hung
I wouldn't mind just looking at your penis.
"I wouldn't mind just looking at your penis."
Hung
I've been sitting here, Ray, about to shoot myself.
"I've been sitting here, Ray, about to shoot myself."
Hung
Coach Ray Drecker...
"Coach Ray Drecker..."
Hung
... a West Lakefield legend.
"... a West Lakefield legend."
Hung
He started out as West Lakefield's star athlete...
"He started out as West Lakefield's star athlete..."
Hung
...and a member of the legendary Wolves class of '84...
"...and a member of the legendary Wolves class of '84..."
Hung
...when he lettered in three sports.
"...when he lettered in three sports."
Hung
After attending University of Central Florida on a prestigious baseball scholarship...
"After attending University of Central Florida on a prestigious baseball scholarship..."
Hung
...Coach Ray chose to return to West Lakefield High...
"...Coach Ray chose to return to West Lakefield High..."
Hung
Like my contract with the Braves, and my ligament injury.
"Like my contract with the Braves, and my ligament injury."
Hung
Like how I tasted and came close to greatness.
"Like how I tasted and came close to greatness."
Hung
Since then, Coach Ray has been with us through thick and thin...
"Since then, Coach Ray has been with us through thick and thin..."
Hung
...through the good times and the bad times.
"...through the good times and the bad times."
Hung
Coach Drecker's always there when we need him.
"Coach Drecker's always there when we need him."
Hung
Is that what I was to them?
"Is that what I was to them?"
Hung
The guy who was there?
"The guy who was there?"
Hung
The guy they could count on to stay behind when they leave?
"The guy they could count on to stay behind when they leave?"
Hung
- And go to college and forget our high-school days...
"- And go to college and forget our high-school days..."
Hung
...Coach Drecker will be here.
"...Coach Drecker will be here."
Hung
Coach Drecker is always here for us, which is why the student council...
"Coach Drecker is always here for us, which is why the student council..."
Hung
...has chosen to make Coach Ray...
"...has chosen to make Coach Ray..."
Hung
...the recipient of our fall fundraiser, Meet You at the Car Wash.
"...the recipient of our fall fundraiser, Meet You at the Car Wash."
Hung
Okay.
"Okay."
Hung
So we thought we'd buy you a structural beam.
"So we thought we'd buy you a structural beam."
Hung
...depending on the quality of the wood.
"...depending on the quality of the wood."
Hung
Then they gave me the pickle jar.
"Then they gave me the pickle jar."
Hung
This is Ray. I lost my old phone in the fire...
"This is Ray. I lost my old phone in the fire..."
Hung
... so make sure and leave your number.
"... so make sure and leave your number."
Hung
...because this train is really leaving the station.
"...because this train is really leaving the station."
Hung
- Well, how can I choose then? - You have to trust me. I choose for you.
"- Well, how can I choose then? - You have to trust me. I choose for you."
Hung
L... It's a responsibility I take very seriously.
"L... It's a responsibility I take very seriously."
Hung
Very seriously in every way. It's what I do.
"Very seriously in every way. It's what I do."
Hung
What if you send me some kind of freak?
"What if you send me some kind of freak?"
Hung
I really just want somebody calm and normal.
"I really just want somebody calm and normal."
Hung
That's why a service like mine can come in so handy, Molly.
"That's why a service like mine can come in so handy, Molly."
Hung
I personally vet every individual who works for me.
"I personally vet every individual who works for me."
Hung
A normal person sitting across the table.
"A normal person sitting across the table."
Hung
I don't like the idea...
"I don't like the idea..."
Hung
And anonymous sex ads, they're a turnoff...
"And anonymous sex ads, they're a turnoff..."
Hung
...but that doesn't mean that I don't feel very sexy sometimes...
"...but that doesn't mean that I don't feel very sexy sometimes..."
Hung
Yeah, it's really true.
"Yeah, it's really true."
Hung
Yeah, I can understand what reasonable women want...
"Yeah, I can understand what reasonable women want..."
Hung
...because I am one of those women.
"...because I am one of those women."
Hung
That's why we're called Happiness Consultants.
"That's why we're called Happiness Consultants."
Hung
Here, let me give you one of our refrigerator magnets.
"Here, let me give you one of our refrigerator magnets."
Hung
It's a freebie.
"It's a freebie."
Hung
Yeah.
"Yeah."
Hung
Make sure you throw me a good-Iooking one then.
"Make sure you throw me a good-Iooking one then."
Hung
- Naturally. - And make sure he doesn't have a small...
"- Naturally. - And make sure he doesn't have a small..."
Hung
...you know... - Yeah.
"...you know... - Yeah."
Hung
...wiener.
"...wiener."
Hung
Look, I get enough teeny-weeny dick already.
"Look, I get enough teeny-weeny dick already."
Hung
Molly, relax. We have no problems in that arena.
"Molly, relax. We have no problems in that arena."
Hung
Oh, my God. Can you believe the things Lenore introduces me to?
"Oh, my God. Can you believe the things Lenore introduces me to?"
Hung