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Clips from Hung - Comedy (S01E01)

Videos 2009 Season 1, Episode 2 3 min 444 clips
Short Comedy
Thanks, Mike.
"Thanks, Mike."
Hung
Come on, I'm divorced, Mike.
"Come on, I'm divorced, Mike."
Hung
I was just talking to him.
"I was just talking to him."
Hung
- Think they're gonna lay us off next? - No, Mike.
"- Think they're gonna lay us off next? - No, Mike."
Hung
Oh, baloney. They're not gonna cut sports.
"Oh, baloney. They're not gonna cut sports."
Hung
- So how much? - I could probably get you done for 30...
"- So how much? - I could probably get you done for 30..."
Hung
Okay.
"Okay."
Hung
That's what I kick myself for the most, the loan.
"That's what I kick myself for the most, the loan."
Hung
An arm that's now got its hand around my throat.
"An arm that's now got its hand around my throat."
Hung
All right.
"All right."
Hung
Sure, Tanya. Are you on crack?
"Sure, Tanya. Are you on crack?"
Hung
Ray, you have to spend money to make money.
"Ray, you have to spend money to make money."
Hung
Ask any musician or hairdresser.
"Ask any musician or hairdresser."
Hung
It's fine, whatever.
"It's fine, whatever."
Hung
Just the point is we have to think big.
"Just the point is we have to think big."
Hung
It's pretty good. Clean, but it's not very complex.
"It's pretty good. Clean, but it's not very complex."
Hung
So these clients of yours?
"So these clients of yours?"
Hung
My ladies are so loaded, they're recession-proof.
"My ladies are so loaded, they're recession-proof."
Hung
You know, I'm planning on leaving Wagner & Finch too.
"You know, I'm planning on leaving Wagner & Finch too."
Hung
Maybe start a business.
"Maybe start a business."
Hung
I think I'm insane. I think this whole plan is nuts.
"I think I'm insane. I think this whole plan is nuts."
Hung
I also think I'm broke, my ex-wife is up my ass...
"I also think I'm broke, my ex-wife is up my ass..."
Hung
I always wanted to be a product when I grew up.
"I always wanted to be a product when I grew up."
Hung
Okay.
"Okay."
Hung
All right, just calm down, Darby. I hear you.
"All right, just calm down, Darby. I hear you."
Hung
Who knew chorus could be so political?
"Who knew chorus could be so political?"
Hung
What I have is a service to offer.
"What I have is a service to offer."
Hung
I'm a pimp.
"I'm a pimp."
Hung
...and I'm willing to offer your clients a significant discount.
"...and I'm willing to offer your clients a significant discount."
Hung
I don't recommend anything to my clients that I don't know intimately myself.
"I don't recommend anything to my clients that I don't know intimately myself."
Hung
Of course that's assuming he's cute and he can fuck.
"Of course that's assuming he's cute and he can fuck."
Hung
Oh, he can.
"Oh, he can."
Hung
Terrific. Good cock is hard to find.
"Terrific. Good cock is hard to find."
Hung
And with a discount, of course.
"And with a discount, of course."
Hung
Isn't this nice?
"Isn't this nice?"
Hung
We just want to eat ice cream.
"We just want to eat ice cream."
Hung
- Hi. - Hi.
"- Hi. - Hi."
Hung
So...
"So..."
Hung
- Couch. ...and here in a cool, relaxed way.
"- Couch. ...and here in a cool, relaxed way."
Hung
Why? Why can't they just fuck me for me?
"Why? Why can't they just fuck me for me?"
Hung
No. Now that makes me nervous.
"No. Now that makes me nervous."
Hung
- That wasn't a grab. - That was a little sudden.
"- That wasn't a grab. - That was a little sudden."
Hung
But make it sound sincere.
"But make it sound sincere."
Hung
- Why? What's wrong with that? - Women hate it.
"- Why? What's wrong with that? - Women hate it."
Hung
I'm a...
"I'm a..."
Hung
I'll do normal things. Market me that way.
"I'll do normal things. Market me that way."
Hung
I didn't keep my marriage vows.
"I didn't keep my marriage vows."
Hung
- Whose fault is it, then? - Honey, still.
"- Whose fault is it, then? - Honey, still."
Hung
I think I thought when we got the kids that I'd...
"I think I thought when we got the kids that I'd..."
Hung
Hi there.
"Hi there."
Hung
Not bad.
"Not bad."
Hung
Where'd you get that suit though?
"Where'd you get that suit though?"
Hung
- I'm not sure. - I am.
"- I'm not sure. - I am."
Hung
No.
"No."
Hung
You're very pretty.
"You're very pretty."
Hung
- You can. - I hear you've got a big one.
"- You can. - I hear you've got a big one."
Hung
- Put your hands on my ass. - What?
"- Put your hands on my ass. - What?"
Hung
But don't hurt me. Just...
"But don't hurt me. Just..."
Hung
Flex again.
"Flex again."
Hung
Lick my tummy.
"Lick my tummy."
Hung
Flex, lick, lay down, sit up, stand...
"Flex, lick, lay down, sit up, stand..."
Hung
I told myself I'd wait ten minutes.
"I told myself I'd wait ten minutes."
Hung
I don't want a lawsuit on my hands.
"I don't want a lawsuit on my hands."
Hung
These kids do not need their lives compared to bugs carrying balls of dung.
"These kids do not need their lives compared to bugs carrying balls of dung."
Hung
There's a crisis. The whole law firm is freaking out.
"There's a crisis. The whole law firm is freaking out."
Hung
Some bank has gone belly up.
"Some bank has gone belly up."
Hung
Don't worry? She has my identity, Tanya.
"Don't worry? She has my identity, Tanya."
Hung
I will get your wallet back.
"I will get your wallet back."
Hung
Fine, it was exhausting, irritating...
"Fine, it was exhausting, irritating..."
Hung
I'm about to go teach first period, Tanya.
"I'm about to go teach first period, Tanya."
Hung
Yeah, I know, I know. I'm kidding.
"Yeah, I know, I know. I'm kidding."
Hung
As Yogi Berra used to say:
"As Yogi Berra used to say:"
Hung
" When you come to a fork in the road, take it. "
"" When you come to a fork in the road, take it. ""
Hung
Stanley, I just heard.
"Stanley, I just heard."
Hung
- Me too. - They just told you to clear out your desk?
"- Me too. - They just told you to clear out your desk?"
Hung
- They didn't give you any notice? - Nothing.
"- They didn't give you any notice? - Nothing."
Hung
Can you believe this?
"Can you believe this?"
Hung
We can do it at my house.
"We can do it at my house."
Hung
Stanley, call me. I'll buy you a beer.
"Stanley, call me. I'll buy you a beer."
Hung
Hey, what's that on your neck?
"Hey, what's that on your neck?"
Hung
I got a bruise or something.
"I got a bruise or something."
Hung
- Looks like a hickey. - A hickey?
"- Looks like a hickey. - A hickey?"
Hung
- Can you see it now? - Kind of.
"- Can you see it now? - Kind of."
Hung
Too bad about Stanley, huh?
"Too bad about Stanley, huh?"
Hung
This is bad. They're cutting everything.
"This is bad. They're cutting everything."
Hung
Basketball is more important than art.
"Basketball is more important than art."
Hung
You never know. It's nonessential.
"You never know. It's nonessential."
Hung
- You have any deodorant? - Deodorant?
"- You have any deodorant? - Deodorant?"
Hung
- Yeah. - No.
"- Yeah. - No."
Hung
I got some baby powder.
"I got some baby powder."
Hung
Coach Drecker is needed in the principal's office.
"Coach Drecker is needed in the principal's office."
Hung
Coach Drecker.
"Coach Drecker."
Hung
Come on. I've left you three messages already.
"Come on. I've left you three messages already."
Hung
Watch it, Landgraf!
"Watch it, Landgraf!"
Hung
Call me back. Please. This is serious. Everybody's getting canned around here.
"Call me back. Please. This is serious. Everybody's getting canned around here."
Hung
They're looking for excuses to fire people. And I got a fucking hickey.
"They're looking for excuses to fire people. And I got a fucking hickey."
Hung
Megan.
"Megan."
Hung
Rhonda.
"Rhonda."
Hung
Hey, coach. Mind closing the door?
"Hey, coach. Mind closing the door?"
Hung
No, not at all.
"No, not at all."
Hung
Listen, if it's about the losing streak, I'm sorry.
"Listen, if it's about the losing streak, I'm sorry."
Hung
I mean...
"I mean..."
Hung
...I've been working my heart out with these kids.
"...I've been working my heart out with these kids."
Hung
And sometimes a coach has to plant seeds that are gonna be harvested at a later date.
"And sometimes a coach has to plant seeds that are gonna be harvested at a later date."
Hung
You know?
"You know?"
Hung
Sometimes it's just bad luck.
"Sometimes it's just bad luck."
Hung
You know, timing.
"You know, timing."
Hung
- Fate. - It's not about the losing streak, Ray.
"- Fate. - It's not about the losing streak, Ray."
Hung
What's it about then?
"What's it about then?"
Hung
It's disturbing when I think about how the kids look up to you, Ray.
"It's disturbing when I think about how the kids look up to you, Ray."
Hung
They love you.
"They love you."
Hung
You're supposed to be a role model.
"You're supposed to be a role model."
Hung
Oh, man. How did things get so fucked up in only one week?
"Oh, man. How did things get so fucked up in only one week?"
Hung
See? That's all mold and mildew.
"See? That's all mold and mildew."
Hung
The stench is gonna be unbearable.
"The stench is gonna be unbearable."
Hung
All this here gotta be gutted to the bones.
"All this here gotta be gutted to the bones."
Hung
You do the work cheap, you'll never get rid of that smell.
"You do the work cheap, you'll never get rid of that smell."
Hung
We played ball together, man.
"We played ball together, man."
Hung
Wolves of '84. Give me the wolf pack price.
"Wolves of '84. Give me the wolf pack price."
Hung
Thirty is the competitive price, Ray.
"Thirty is the competitive price, Ray."
Hung