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Clips from The IT Crowd - Return of the Golden Child (S02E02)

TV Movies 2006 Season 2, Episode 2 370 clips
Comedy

Episodes from this show

Which means, which means... a profit so far this year of...
"Which means, which means... a profit so far this year of..."
The IT Crowd
- 1,800 billion billions. - Splendid!
"- 1,800 billion billions. - Splendid!"
The IT Crowd
This doesn't even include the added revenue
"This doesn't even include the added revenue"
The IT Crowd
ITV? I'd forgotten about ITV. Brilliant!
"ITV? I'd forgotten about ITV. Brilliant!"
The IT Crowd
I had just two things in my possession:
"I had just two things in my possession:"
The IT Crowd
Today, I have a business empire, the like of which...
"Today, I have a business empire, the like of which..."
The IT Crowd
Nice.
"Nice."
The IT Crowd
- Wi-Fi enables... - Ask me what kind of phone I've got.
"- Wi-Fi enables... - Ask me what kind of phone I've got."
The IT Crowd
Voice recognition. So let's say I wanted to call my mum,
"Voice recognition. So let's say I wanted to call my mum,"
The IT Crowd
No, I'm sorry. No, Moss said that.
"No, I'm sorry. No, Moss said that."
The IT Crowd
Just you know, welly up the vibrator a bit.
"Just you know, welly up the vibrator a bit."
The IT Crowd
Are we still on this?
"Are we still on this?"
The IT Crowd
You keep interrupting! We would've been done ages ago,
"You keep interrupting! We would've been done ages ago,"
The IT Crowd
Question 39. When was the last time you exercise?
"Question 39. When was the last time you exercise?"
The IT Crowd
I'm still reeling from your answer to question 12.
"I'm still reeling from your answer to question 12."
The IT Crowd
What was question 12?
"What was question 12?"
The IT Crowd
Do you get your five fruit and veg?
"Do you get your five fruit and veg?"
The IT Crowd
I mean, I certainly try to... I would say I probably do.
"I mean, I certainly try to... I would say I probably do."
The IT Crowd
I do not wanna know the date of my death.
"I do not wanna know the date of my death."
The IT Crowd
Close it.
"Close it."
The IT Crowd
What do you want?
"What do you want?"
The IT Crowd
Okay, yeah, someone will be up in a minute.
"Okay, yeah, someone will be up in a minute."
The IT Crowd
You looked!
"You looked!"
The IT Crowd
- I told you not to look! - I made a mistake.
"- I told you not to look! - I made a mistake."
The IT Crowd
When is it?
"When is it?"
The IT Crowd
My advice, Roy, is to forget all about this.
"My advice, Roy, is to forget all about this."
The IT Crowd
You see, I don't think this is taking into account leap years.
"You see, I don't think this is taking into account leap years."
The IT Crowd
Does it say I'm already dead?
"Does it say I'm already dead?"
The IT Crowd
- It's Thursday. - What?
"- It's Thursday. - What?"
The IT Crowd
- It's Thursday. - Thursday?
"- It's Thursday. - Thursday?"
The IT Crowd
It's Thursday!
"It's Thursday!"
The IT Crowd
Although, not too late after noon, so that gives you most of the day.
"Although, not too late after noon, so that gives you most of the day."
The IT Crowd
Oh, good.
"Oh, good."
The IT Crowd
Thank you, some attention please.
"Thank you, some attention please."
The IT Crowd
32?
"32?"
The IT Crowd
It was a car accident? Brilliant!
"It was a car accident? Brilliant!"
The IT Crowd
Mum, I have to go.
"Mum, I have to go."
The IT Crowd
Unbelievable, some brainiac disabled his firewall
"Unbelievable, some brainiac disabled his firewall"
The IT Crowd
which means that all the computers on floor 7 are teeming with viruses.
"which means that all the computers on floor 7 are teeming with viruses."
The IT Crowd
Plus, I've just had to walk all the way down the mother fudging stairs
"Plus, I've just had to walk all the way down the mother fudging stairs"
The IT Crowd
- not go to this one? - No, why?
"- not go to this one? - No, why?"
The IT Crowd
So morbid.
"So morbid."
The IT Crowd
I'm being an idiot.
"I'm being an idiot."
The IT Crowd
- Scared? - No.
"- Scared? - No."
The IT Crowd
I didn't know you smoked.
"I didn't know you smoked."
The IT Crowd
I was on 40 a day by the end.
"I was on 40 a day by the end."
The IT Crowd
Oh, no, I enjoyed doing it.
"Oh, no, I enjoyed doing it."
The IT Crowd
- Can I have a word, please? - Sure.
"- Can I have a word, please? - Sure."
The IT Crowd
Hey, oh, my phone.
"Hey, oh, my phone."
The IT Crowd
That is the lowest setting.
"That is the lowest setting."
The IT Crowd
Never have, never will.
"Never have, never will."
The IT Crowd
I would much rather use this basement for something important.
"I would much rather use this basement for something important."
The IT Crowd
- Really? I did send out a memo. - I didn't get it.
"- Really? I did send out a memo. - I didn't get it."
The IT Crowd
However, I am prepared to give you another chance.
"However, I am prepared to give you another chance."
The IT Crowd
This should be the first chance. You should give us this chance.
"This should be the first chance. You should give us this chance."
The IT Crowd
And then, another chance.
"And then, another chance."
The IT Crowd
I got to put it up to 5.
"I got to put it up to 5."
The IT Crowd
I'm not gonna put it up to 8, Moss! It'll blow my cock off.
"I'm not gonna put it up to 8, Moss! It'll blow my cock off."
The IT Crowd
I mean Mr. Reynholm!
"I mean Mr. Reynholm!"
The IT Crowd
You have to be careful, he's our new boss.
"You have to be careful, he's our new boss."
The IT Crowd
No, you are not coming to the funeral, Richmond!
"No, you are not coming to the funeral, Richmond!"
The IT Crowd
What funeral?
"What funeral?"
The IT Crowd
I'll make it a quarter to.
"I'll make it a quarter to."
The IT Crowd
you were going to die at 3pm, didn't it?
"you were going to die at 3pm, didn't it?"
The IT Crowd
It clearly stated that you were going to die, today.
"It clearly stated that you were going to die, today."
The IT Crowd
At precisely 3:00. Unless, it was tomorrow.
"At precisely 3:00. Unless, it was tomorrow."
The IT Crowd
But no, it's today, at 3:00.
"But no, it's today, at 3:00."
The IT Crowd
Right, you're right, out of my mind.
"Right, you're right, out of my mind."
The IT Crowd
Okay, there's Denholm's wife.
"Okay, there's Denholm's wife."
The IT Crowd
Neither do I. I'm terrible.
"Neither do I. I'm terrible."
The IT Crowd
It's not like you've lost a pen, is it?
"It's not like you've lost a pen, is it?"
The IT Crowd
Would you like a pen?
"Would you like a pen?"
The IT Crowd
- I have this spare one. - Oh, no, thank you.
"- I have this spare one. - Oh, no, thank you."
The IT Crowd
Yes...
"Yes..."
The IT Crowd
- ...past of a great man. - Nothing.
"- ...past of a great man. - Nothing."
The IT Crowd
A man...
"A man..."
The IT Crowd
I've never seen a grand-father clock in a church before.
"I've never seen a grand-father clock in a church before."
The IT Crowd
We know Denholm was a man of money.
"We know Denholm was a man of money."
The IT Crowd
I'm not f****** joking!
"I'm not f****** joking!"
The IT Crowd
I'm not f****** joking!
"I'm not f****** joking!"
The IT Crowd
And it's all thanks to these little things.
"And it's all thanks to these little things."
The IT Crowd
Like they killed my father, my father's father,
"Like they killed my father, my father's father,"
The IT Crowd
You delicious bastards!
"You delicious bastards!"
The IT Crowd
That rhyming thing, this isn't working.
"That rhyming thing, this isn't working."
The IT Crowd
Also call Who's Who and get them to update my entry.
"Also call Who's Who and get them to update my entry."
The IT Crowd
Well, thanks everyone for coming! Enjoy the rest of the funeral.
"Well, thanks everyone for coming! Enjoy the rest of the funeral."
The IT Crowd
over the coming months.
"over the coming months."
The IT Crowd
But, as you all know, Denholm's son Douglas
"But, as you all know, Denholm's son Douglas"
The IT Crowd
Let me start by reading this poem that I saw
"Let me start by reading this poem that I saw"
The IT Crowd
in the film Four Weddings and a Funeral.
"in the film Four Weddings and a Funeral."
The IT Crowd
Where is your God?
"Where is your God?"
The IT Crowd
Here lies a great man!
"Here lies a great man!"
The IT Crowd
A great man!
"A great man!"
The IT Crowd
I just smoked a cigarette from a drain.
"I just smoked a cigarette from a drain."
The IT Crowd
- Hi, I'm Douglas. - Jen Barber.
"- Hi, I'm Douglas. - Jen Barber."
The IT Crowd
- Douglas! - Speak, priest!
"- Douglas! - Speak, priest!"
The IT Crowd
Hello again. If you're watching this,
"Hello again. If you're watching this,"
The IT Crowd
caused a scene, and is currently chatting up some nearby trull.
"caused a scene, and is currently chatting up some nearby trull."
The IT Crowd
Reynholm Industries is now yours.
"Reynholm Industries is now yours."
The IT Crowd
I want you to promise me now, in front of all your new employees,
"I want you to promise me now, in front of all your new employees,"
The IT Crowd
concerning irregularities in the pension fund.
"concerning irregularities in the pension fund."
The IT Crowd
- to manage what I call the suck fund! - Where is the remote?
"- to manage what I call the suck fund! - Where is the remote?"
The IT Crowd
Good bye, father!
"Good bye, father!"
The IT Crowd
Right, I'm off. I'll see you all on Monday.
"Right, I'm off. I'll see you all on Monday."
The IT Crowd
Douglas! Sorry,
"Douglas! Sorry,"
The IT Crowd
I worked very closely with your father.
"I worked very closely with your father."
The IT Crowd
Derek, good to meet you.
"Derek, good to meet you."
The IT Crowd
Okay, good luck everyone, and...
"Okay, good luck everyone, and..."
The IT Crowd
I'm told my father was particularly proud of the IT department.
"I'm told my father was particularly proud of the IT department."
The IT Crowd
I just mean files.
"I just mean files."
The IT Crowd
I sorted out this for you.
"I sorted out this for you."
The IT Crowd
So, you may wanna put it all the way up to ten.
"So, you may wanna put it all the way up to ten."
The IT Crowd
Shall I do...
"Shall I do..."
The IT Crowd
Now, I like that!
"Now, I like that!"
The IT Crowd
arising for your take over of ITV!
"arising for your take over of ITV!"
The IT Crowd
a dream and 6 million pounds.
"a dream and 6 million pounds."
The IT Crowd
the world has never seen the like of which.
"the world has never seen the like of which."
The IT Crowd
Hope it doesn't sound arrogant when I say...
"Hope it doesn't sound arrogant when I say..."
The IT Crowd
that I am the greatest man in the world!
"that I am the greatest man in the world!"
The IT Crowd
Oh, you don't have any glasses. Just pretend.
"Oh, you don't have any glasses. Just pretend."
The IT Crowd