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Clips from The IT Crowd - The Speech (S03E03)

TV Movies 2006 Season 3, Episode 4 354 clips
Comedy

Episodes from this show

I know.
"I know."
The IT Crowd
- Really? I thought you won it once. - No, everyone thought I was dead.
"- Really? I thought you won it once. - No, everyone thought I was dead."
The IT Crowd
Yeah, it's a valued title.
"Yeah, it's a valued title."
The IT Crowd
it would appear that you do very little around here.
"it would appear that you do very little around here."
The IT Crowd
I think someone up there must have sensed something in me,
"I think someone up there must have sensed something in me,"
The IT Crowd
Don't worry, I won't let it go to my head.
"Don't worry, I won't let it go to my head."
The IT Crowd
Guess who's won Employee of the Month.
"Guess who's won Employee of the Month."
The IT Crowd
- Richmond. - No.
"- Richmond. - No."
The IT Crowd
- Harry. - Who's Harry?
"- Harry. - Who's Harry?"
The IT Crowd
- Oh! Oh, about time! - Yeah.
"- Oh! Oh, about time! - Yeah."
The IT Crowd
- Whatever happened to Richmond? - He got scurvy.
"- Whatever happened to Richmond? - He got scurvy."
The IT Crowd
I'm trying to build up a picture of your role in Reynholm Industries.
"I'm trying to build up a picture of your role in Reynholm Industries."
The IT Crowd
Well, I'm the boss, head honcho, el numero uno,
"Well, I'm the boss, head honcho, el numero uno,"
The IT Crowd
Mr Big, the Godfather,
"Mr Big, the Godfather,"
The IT Crowd
the Bourne Identity,
"the Bourne Identity,"
The IT Crowd
er... Taxi Driver,
"er... Taxi Driver,"
The IT Crowd
I had to choose the Employee of the Month from the box.
"I had to choose the Employee of the Month from the box."
The IT Crowd
One of my little hobbies is caricature.
"One of my little hobbies is caricature."
The IT Crowd
- May I? - Well, I'm not very good.
"- May I? - Well, I'm not very good."
The IT Crowd
I'll tell you what, let's just do some quickfire questions.
"I'll tell you what, let's just do some quickfire questions."
The IT Crowd
OK.
"OK."
The IT Crowd
It wasn't Watson.
"It wasn't Watson."
The IT Crowd
Don't tell me, I suppose he was fictional too?
"Don't tell me, I suppose he was fictional too?"
The IT Crowd
OK, then, favourite fictional character?
"OK, then, favourite fictional character?"
The IT Crowd
Favourite popular figure?
"Favourite popular figure?"
The IT Crowd
- Paris?! - Paris, yes.
"- Paris?! - Paris, yes."
The IT Crowd
That's right, we're going to Hull!
"That's right, we're going to Hull!"
The IT Crowd
is to live the life of your dreams"--
"is to live the life of your dreams"--"
The IT Crowd
I suppose that is the biggest adventure.
"I suppose that is the biggest adventure."
The IT Crowd
- Is this a new desk? - Yeah.
"- Is this a new desk? - Yeah."
The IT Crowd
"And if not, why not?
""And if not, why not?"
The IT Crowd
would it hurt to smile?
"would it hurt to smile?"
The IT Crowd
So, what's your speech going to be about?
"So, what's your speech going to be about?"
The IT Crowd
How's that?
"How's that?"
The IT Crowd
- What's up, guys? - All right, Jen?
"- What's up, guys? - All right, Jen?"
The IT Crowd
Ohhhhh... God!
"Ohhhhh... God!"
The IT Crowd
You know, I was thinking...
"You know, I was thinking..."
The IT Crowd
Erm, is there anything you'd like to say to the shareholders, Moss?
"Erm, is there anything you'd like to say to the shareholders, Moss?"
The IT Crowd
- Just say hi. - Say hi from us.
"- Just say hi. - Say hi from us."
The IT Crowd
How many more times is she going to come in?
"How many more times is she going to come in?"
The IT Crowd
I think it would give you experience in writing a speech for a public figure.
"I think it would give you experience in writing a speech for a public figure."
The IT Crowd
But you know what, Jen? I'm actually snowed under here.
"But you know what, Jen? I'm actually snowed under here."
The IT Crowd
- You have to do it. - Why would I do that?
"- You have to do it. - Why would I do that?"
The IT Crowd
Thanks. I'm off for lunch. Leave it on my desk.
"Thanks. I'm off for lunch. Leave it on my desk."
The IT Crowd
I know.
"I know."
The IT Crowd
We can put any old bollocks in that speech, and she shall repeat it.
"We can put any old bollocks in that speech, and she shall repeat it."
The IT Crowd
OK, so let's just... I don't know, let's just throw around a few ideas.
"OK, so let's just... I don't know, let's just throw around a few ideas."
The IT Crowd
Ooh! Could we tell her that there's an apple inside every Apple Mac?
"Ooh! Could we tell her that there's an apple inside every Apple Mac?"
The IT Crowd
because he owns a lot of gates.
"because he owns a lot of gates."
The IT Crowd
He probably does.
"He probably does."
The IT Crowd
I think I may have it.
"I think I may have it."
The IT Crowd
Do you know, I've never been so enchanted by a woman in all my life.
"Do you know, I've never been so enchanted by a woman in all my life."
The IT Crowd
April... after dinner,
"April... after dinner,"
The IT Crowd
I've let my heart overpower my head, which is my wont.
"I've let my heart overpower my head, which is my wont."
The IT Crowd
But I don't care. I find you enchanting.
"But I don't care. I find you enchanting."
The IT Crowd
And there's a condom machine in the toilet-- I've checked.
"And there's a condom machine in the toilet-- I've checked."
The IT Crowd
I- I have a secret.
"I- I have a secret."
The IT Crowd
Oh?
"Oh?"
The IT Crowd
Erm...
"Erm..."
The IT Crowd
I wish there was an easier way of saying that,
"I wish there was an easier way of saying that,"
The IT Crowd
I've had a lot of hormone therapy and a number of operations.
"I've had a lot of hormone therapy and a number of operations."
The IT Crowd
I'm really sorry. I... I hope you don't feel I deceived you.
"I'm really sorry. I... I hope you don't feel I deceived you."
The IT Crowd
What?!
"What?!"
The IT Crowd
It takes all sorts to make a world.
"It takes all sorts to make a world."
The IT Crowd
Are you up for it?
"Are you up for it?"
The IT Crowd
Amazing! Just amazing.
"Amazing! Just amazing."
The IT Crowd
Tell me, what are you doing tomorrow night, April?
"Tell me, what are you doing tomorrow night, April?"
The IT Crowd
- The whole internet? - Yep.
"- The whole internet? - Yep."
The IT Crowd
I asked for a loan of it so that you could use it in your speech.
"I asked for a loan of it so that you could use it in your speech."
The IT Crowd
It's so small!
"It's so small!"
The IT Crowd
Hang on, it doesn't have any wires or anything.
"Hang on, it doesn't have any wires or anything."
The IT Crowd
and you will get quite a response.
"and you will get quite a response."
The IT Crowd
Oh! It's so light!
"Oh! It's so light!"
The IT Crowd
Of course it is, Jen. The Internet doesn't weigh anything.
"Of course it is, Jen. The Internet doesn't weigh anything."
The IT Crowd
Hey!
"Hey!"
The IT Crowd
- What if she drops it? - I won't drop it. I'll look after it.
"- What if she drops it? - I won't drop it. I'll look after it."
The IT Crowd
That's where you get the best reception.
"That's where you get the best reception."
The IT Crowd
I promise I won't let anything happen to it.
"I promise I won't let anything happen to it."
The IT Crowd
The elders of the Internet would never stand for it.
"The elders of the Internet would never stand for it."
The IT Crowd
No, Roy, I spoke to the elders of the Internet not one hour ago.
"No, Roy, I spoke to the elders of the Internet not one hour ago."
The IT Crowd
I told them about Jen winning Employee of the Month.
"I told them about Jen winning Employee of the Month."
The IT Crowd
And they were so impressed that they wanted
"And they were so impressed that they wanted"
The IT Crowd
to do whatever they could to help.
"to do whatever they could to help."
The IT Crowd
Wait a minute! The elders of the Internet?
"Wait a minute! The elders of the Internet?"
The IT Crowd
The elders of the internet know who I am?!
"The elders of the internet know who I am?!"
The IT Crowd
You've got to let me have it!
"You've got to let me have it!"
The IT Crowd
No, Jen. I'm sorry, it's just too risky.
"No, Jen. I'm sorry, it's just too risky."
The IT Crowd
Well... Moss, has it been completely demagnetised?
"Well... Moss, has it been completely demagnetised?"
The IT Crowd
Who sends his congratulations, by the way.
"Who sends his congratulations, by the way."
The IT Crowd
So can I have it?
"So can I have it?"
The IT Crowd
You can.
"You can."
The IT Crowd
- Shh! - Shh!
"- Shh! - Shh!"
The IT Crowd
Oh, Douglas, I love you too!
"Oh, Douglas, I love you too!"
The IT Crowd
Oh, poppet...
"Oh, poppet..."
The IT Crowd
I don't care where you're from - Iran, France...
"I don't care where you're from - Iran, France..."
The IT Crowd
Doesn't bother me. I'm very modern.
"Doesn't bother me. I'm very modern."
The IT Crowd
I'm not from Iran.
"I'm not from Iran."
The IT Crowd
Yes!
"Yes!"
The IT Crowd
I'm certainly looking forward to hearing what she has to say.
"I'm certainly looking forward to hearing what she has to say."
The IT Crowd
Good morning.
"Good morning."
The IT Crowd
about what it is I do and everything...
"about what it is I do and everything..."
The IT Crowd
I was very excited.
"I was very excited."
The IT Crowd
Oh, please, no flash photography. You'll harm the Internet.
"Oh, please, no flash photography. You'll harm the Internet."
The IT Crowd
- Ladies and gentlemen... - Why is no one laughing?
"- Ladies and gentlemen... - Why is no one laughing?"
The IT Crowd
Oh, darling, couldn't we do this at home?
"Oh, darling, couldn't we do this at home?"
The IT Crowd
I love that you used to be a man - it's your thing.
"I love that you used to be a man - it's your thing."
The IT Crowd
I love thinking about that operation that you had.
"I love thinking about that operation that you had."
The IT Crowd
Oh, please! Look at me - I am a woman.
"Oh, please! Look at me - I am a woman."
The IT Crowd
Please, Douglas. Please!
"Please, Douglas. Please!"
The IT Crowd
How could you do this?
"How could you do this?"
The IT Crowd
you know, something we'd remember.
"you know, something we'd remember."
The IT Crowd
It's over, April!
"It's over, April!"
The IT Crowd
The Internet!
"The Internet!"
The IT Crowd
Wait for me! Wait!
"Wait for me! Wait!"
The IT Crowd
He's done it!
"He's done it!"
The IT Crowd
But it's not the same!
"But it's not the same!"
The IT Crowd
Oh, April!
"Oh, April!"
The IT Crowd
Wow! That's quite something. Quite an honour.
"Wow! That's quite something. Quite an honour."
The IT Crowd
They must be very impressed with you.
"They must be very impressed with you."
The IT Crowd
I didn't even know they had an Employee of the Month thing here.
"I didn't even know they had an Employee of the Month thing here."
The IT Crowd