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Clips from Blackadder (1982) - The Archbishop (S01E01)

"To me, of course!"
Blackadder (1982)
"and enormous devils break wind both night and day."
Blackadder (1982)
"and your bottom never free from the pricking of little forks."
Blackadder (1982)
"Hell...where the softest bits of your nether regions"
Blackadder (1982)
"What?"
Blackadder (1982)
"Ah, you will change your mind later. I know it!"
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"'Orribly is all I was given."
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"I've heard it. Will you go away?"
Blackadder (1982)
"I've a pretty shrewd idea myself."
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"He was coming out of the Duke of Winchester's room."
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"Well, yes."
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"The King's hired killer?"
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"That's him."
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"Mortimer was wearing a Turkish helmet."
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"Tragic!"
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"falling backwards onto the spire of Norwich Cathedral."
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"I don't know how I'm going to break it to his catamite."
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"Accident, my codling!"
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"One of the bishop fellows, I imagine."
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"Really?"
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"Prince Harry, archbishop, My Lord?"
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"Good Lord! Prince Harry, archbishop!"
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"No, no, no, no, no, no!"
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"the one who told me about the chocolate chastity belt."
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"— And codpiece, My Lord? — Well, let's go..."
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"Any news, Baldrick?"
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"(Fanfare)"
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"May he last longer in his post than his predecessors."
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"I appoint to the Holy See of Canterbury"
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"..Edwin, Duke of Edinburgh!"
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"Enter!"
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"Ha! My Lord Archbishop!"
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"Don't be mistaken about this appointment."
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"I just wondered whether another man"
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"No, of course not. Silly me!"
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"Oh, well, I think that's everything cleared up."
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"Goodness! It must be almost time for Evensong. Must go."
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"I shall make myself available for all eventualities."
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"Thank you so much."
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"those long rods you r—ram..."
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"(The King) Fresh horses!"
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"My Lord, if we're to catch the boat for France, you'll have to hurry."
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"I thought we all were."
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"Yes."
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"I dunno, but that tall fellow, he had a face full of manure."
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"That's what I call style!"
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"(Bell tolls)"
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"I dunno, My Lord."
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"My life is hanging by a thread!"
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"Then, Lord Graveney, you will assuredly go to Hell."
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"I place my lands in the hands of the Church."
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"And so bid the world farewell!"
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"Out of my way!"
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"My Lord! My Lord! Aa—ii—ee!"
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"I said, "Out!" Get out!"
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"Oh, Your Grace, I have left all my lands to the Church."
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"No, you treacherous swine! I'LL kill you!"
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"Um, you know, the Church doesn't really need your lands."
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"like singing, talking to God, watering pot plants."
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"adultery, pillage, torture...those areas."
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"Mmm. Once you're dead, you'll have the time of your life."
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"Adultery, pillage — through all eternity?"
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"Struck with large sticks against your tender portions..."
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"Amen!"
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"— Father! — My son!"
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"(The King) You Turkish dog!"
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"Oh, yes. Sorry, Harry. You're improving."
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"And how are his dear little sheep?"
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"— Whose sheep? — Edmund's sheep."
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"I can't understand it. Edmund doesn't even like religion."
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"That was a long time ago."
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"A long and healthy life to him!"
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"What?"
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"I said, "Who will rid me of this turbulent priest?”"
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"Selling? Some people actually pay for them?"
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"Well, this is a fair selection. You seem to get what you pay for."
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"signed by an apprentice curate."
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"How much is that?"
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"— Who is that signed by? — Both Popes."
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"That's the bottom end of the market."
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"They run to this one for four ducats."
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"I have here a true relic."
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"But for a quick sale, you can't beat a nose."
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"Oh!"
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"— Hello. — Good evening."
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"Well, we're here to murder the Archbishop of Canterbury..."
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"Two drunken knights fresh from the Crusades"
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"and here on a mission for King Richard, bless him!"
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"We're here to kill..."
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"Oh, my God!"
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"My Lord, I've something to tell you."
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"If it's about the nuns at Uppingham and the candelabra, I've heard it."
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"What?"
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"I=1"'m terribly sorry about this. I'll just see what the delay is."
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"Those two men have come to kill us!"
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"Oh, just because they've a bit of class, you assume they're killers!"
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"They've dropped off!"
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"Damn! They must have gone down the secret passage to the nunnery."
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"Sisters, three men came in. Which way did they go?"
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"Wait! They'll be watching out for us dressed like this."
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"Girls! Girls!"
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"Ah, the fine embroidery!"
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"Unable to resist the slide into depravity,"
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"— in a heathen orgy. — That's it, yes."
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"# Unless you want to end up shorter"
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"# Black his gloves of finest mole"
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"# Black Adder, Black Adder"
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"# You horrid little man! #"
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"Alas! The corruption of the world!"
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"Yes, alas!"
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"I'm tired and weary. You may leave."
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"No. No, not tonight, Sara."
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"(Feeble voice) Dying, My Lords?"
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"— Am I dying? — Never!"
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"— Never! — Yet, my son,"
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"to pass away the idle hours till your recovery..."
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"..let us imagine you were to pass away."
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"To whom would you leave your lands?"
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"Ye—es. To my beloved king."
Blackadder (1982)
"May your filthy soul be prepared for Hell, my son."
Blackadder (1982)
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