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Clips from Night Court - Hi Honey, I'm Home (S01E01)

"The arrest report, sir."
Night Court
"Breaking and entering, Mr. Bowers."
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"Mr. Prosecutor?"
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"Your Honor, we have a bit of a legal gray area here."
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"- How gray? - You see, Mr. Bowers here is dead."
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"Well, Your Honor, Mr. Bowers bought the farm in the legal sense a year ago, June."
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"When his wife had him declared dead."
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"Mitch? When I got that letter about you, I had to assume..."
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"...the government knew what they were talking about."
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"That's your first mistake."
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"Marrying that little twerp was your second."
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"- Miss Williams. - Your Honor..."
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"...my client served with the Marine Corps in Vietnam."
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"He was presumed to have been killed in action in 1973..."
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"...but in reality, he was captured by an enemy patrol..."
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"...and spent the next several years in one of their prisons."
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"While I'm busting my butt trying to escape..."
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"...she hires some lawyer to snuff me out so she can marry that dipstick."
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"The dipstick in question..."
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"Mr. Duane Sedgewick, the lady's present husband."
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"Would you all approach the bench?"
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"Why are we wasting time? Just let me and him arm-wrestle for her."
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"Your Honor, I can understand Mr. Bowers' pique."
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"This has been quite a shock for me as well as..."
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"Stow it, four-eyes."
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"Four-eyes? How archaic."
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"That'll be enough name-calling."
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"Your Honor, I'd like to clear up this notion..."
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"...that I'm some sort of home wrecker."
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"That couldn't be farther from the truth."
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"Like we used to say in the Corps:"
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""Any port in a storm." Right, Nora?"
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"Not for a long time."
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"Mitch, from the time you left the States, I was completely..."
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"...you know, celibate..."
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"...for over nine years."
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"And all those years, I loved you."
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"- I still do. - Great."
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"Then dump Mr. Potato Head here and let's go home."
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"- I can't do that. - Why not, Nora?"
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"Because."
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"I love him too."
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"I understand that there's a lot of heartache..."
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"...and personal anguish involved here."
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"But I'm afraid all I can deal with is the charge before me. Miss Tracy?"
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"- Miss Tracy? - Still looking for the foot, sir."
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"Would you mind putting the garbage down and finding me the summary of damages?"
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"Would the counsels approach the bench?"
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"I'm afraid there's not much we can do here, guys."
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"- This is a case for a civil court. - Agreed."
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"But if the prosecution would drop the charges..."
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"- Could be jelly. - That'll come right out."
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"It's fine. It's fine. It's great."
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"The saliva has removed most of the jelly."
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"What are the locks for? You never needed them when I was around."
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"- You never had antiques. - Never had any use for them."
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"Never had use for poachers, either."
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"Oh, honeys, please!"
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"Will both of you please stop it?!"
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"Mrs. Sedgewick."
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"I'm... I'm sorry, Your Honor. I really am."
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"I mean, I felt... I knew it."
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"You see, I don't wanna hurt either one of them."
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"They're good men."
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"...have made me the happiest woman in the world."
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"- Come on, now, honey. Stop it. - Don't cry, Nora."
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"Take your hands off her, or we'll end this quick."
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"Oh, yes, violence! Just the sort of behavior I'd expect from a borderline Homo sapien."
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"Why, you... I never even hugged my father!"
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"So have I. Can't you see that Nora is mine now?"
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"- Over my dead body! - Lf you two gentlemen..."
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"- He's out cold! - Get the ice."
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"There's some in my refrigerator. I'll get it!"
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"Brown bag, tuna. Help yourself."
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"Did I mention it was on whole wheat?"
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"All right, can we sit up, Mr. Fielding?"
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"- There you go. - There we are."
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"- How is he, doc? - He took a real nasty bump on the snoot."
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"That's based on what, nine, 10 years of higher education?"
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"It's definitely broken."
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"- Thanks for taking care of it. - It should be all right..."
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"I mean, if it didn't set right, we would have to re-break it, wouldn't we?"
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"- Dan, are you okay to work? - Yeah, I suppose so."
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"Just as long as I stay away from words like "small claims" or "Smithsonian.""
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"- I'm sorry. - You know..."
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"Charley, can we try to rearrange...?"
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"Charley?"
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"No trace. Not a piece of fur, nothing."
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"Forget about the rabbit's foot. It was an accident. It's gone."
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"Don't worry about it, I'm not."
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"What I did was unforgivable."
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"I wouldn't blame you if you fired me."
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"Charley, I'm happy with you, and I'm happy with your work. Okay?"
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"- Your Honor? - Yeah, Bull?"
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"- I put Bowers in the holding cell. - Good."
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"I wanna see him and the Sedgewicks in my chambers right after I wash up."
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"Duck."
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"You got any aspirin?"
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"Bernie, It's not for me. It's for the DA."
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"I am not interested."
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"Selma, I feel I have a lot to offer you."
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"For example, companionship."
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"Selma, you're the kind of person..."
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"...I could live out the golden years with."
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"...but I am not looking for a man."
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"Did I mention the two Plymouths and the life insurance policy?"
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"Bernie, I want to be alone."
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"Selma, are you trying to tell me something?"
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"You again, huh?"
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"You know, this intimidation stuff is just not working."
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"So I lost my rabbit's foot."
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"So what? It was more of a keepsake than a lucky charm, anyway."
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"...unless you want to count some jelly on some papers or some tuna..."
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"Roll over."
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"Give me a dog any day."
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"The judge would like to see you two in his chambers, right through that door."
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"- Here he is, Your Honor. - Thanks, Bull."
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"We're not gonna have any more punching, are we?"
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"Hey, man, I'm sorry. It was just one of those things."
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"You broke one of those things."
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