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Clips from Seinfeld - The Pitch (S04E04)

"You can't leave."
Seinfeld
"...from a conversation with one of my relatives."
Seinfeld
"I didn't shave this morning. I don't feel like myself."
Seinfeld
"He'll go, Go. Go ahead. Go to your fancy fire."
Seinfeld
"If that's what you have to do."
Seinfeld
"Because I shaved yesterday in the afternoon."
Seinfeld
"- Why? - Because of the day before."
Seinfeld
"It's a long story."
Seinfeld
"I can't get back on schedule."
Seinfeld
"It's not him!"
Seinfeld
"Mr. Seinfeld. What about Mr. Costanza?"
Seinfeld
"I'm not here?"
Seinfeld
"You're gonna be a little more flexible on the nothing idea."
Seinfeld
"- Just a little. - All right. A little."
Seinfeld
"Okay. You all set? You got your story?"
Seinfeld
"- No. - When he stopped me..."
Seinfeld
"...I told him I was rushing because my friend was about to commit suicide."
Seinfeld
"You're that friend. All we need is a reason..."
Seinfeld
"...why you were gonna commit suicide."
Seinfeld
"I never had an air conditioner."
Seinfeld
"No. That's no reason to kill yourself."
Seinfeld
"Why? It gets hot at night. You can't sleep."
Seinfeld
"I sleep in a really hot room. I don't wanna kill myself."
Seinfeld
"I've slept in really hot rooms and wanted to kill myself."
Seinfeld
"No, no, that's not gonna work. Something else."
Seinfeld
"I was never able to become a banker."
Seinfeld
"Banker! So you're killing yourself..."
Seinfeld
"...because your dreams of becoming a banker have gone unfulfilled."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, yeah. If I can't be a banker, I don't wanna live."
Seinfeld
"- You must be a banker! - Must be a banker!"
Seinfeld
"Okay, we'll go with the banker story."
Seinfeld
"You must have a good story. Otherwise, it's just masturbation."
Seinfeld
"People really have to care about the characters."
Seinfeld
"Care? Forget about care. Love."
Seinfeld
"They have to love them. Otherwise..."
Seinfeld
"- Would they tune in? - No tune."
Seinfeld
"You have your highs and your lows. And it goes up and down."
Seinfeld
"This show will be like a heart attack."
Seinfeld
"Just a huge, massive coronary."
Seinfeld
"So, what you said last week about no story..."
Seinfeld
"...you're a little flexible on that now."
Seinfeld
"He couldn't believe it."
Seinfeld
"I said- I said, Get out of here. No story?"
Seinfeld
"Is that what I said?"
Seinfeld
"Well, I informed him that he was exceeding the speed limit..."
Seinfeld
"...and that's when he told me that he was racing home..."
Seinfeld
"...because his friend was about to commit suicide."
Seinfeld
"He became very loud and hysterical."
Seinfeld
"He was flailing his arms about as he told the story..."
Seinfeld
"...and then he threw himself on the ground..."
Seinfeld
"...and he grabbed me around the legs..."
Seinfeld
"...and he begged me to let him go. And when I refused..."
Seinfeld
"...that's when he began to scream, My friend's going to die."
Seinfeld
"I don't know how you guys feel, but we would like to be in business with you."
Seinfeld
"- We'd like to be in business. - Love to."
Seinfeld
"- We'll do business. - Business."
Seinfeld
"Would it be possible to get a copy of La Cocina?"
Seinfeld
"Your off-Broadway play."
Seinfeld
"Gee, you know..."
Seinfeld
"It's- It's the damndest thing. I-"
Seinfeld
"I moved recently, and my files disappeared."
Seinfeld
"Now I- I don't know if they fell off the truck..."
Seinfeld
"I am not through with that moving company."
Seinfeld
"That's my vow to you."
Seinfeld
"Well, I got a feeling about you two."
Seinfeld
"- Good judgment. - Good judgment."
Seinfeld
"- That's a pile of judgment. - Yes. Yes, judgment with earrings on."
Seinfeld
"So let's make a pilot."
Seinfeld
"I go every Tuesday."
Seinfeld
"I do charity work with the blind..."
Seinfeld
"...in my spare time for the Lighthouse."
Seinfeld
"I was in the middle of a game of Parcheesi with an old blind man..."
Seinfeld
"...and I excused myself to call my friend..."
Seinfeld
"...as he was very depressed lately..."
Seinfeld
"...because he never became a banker."
Seinfeld
"I don't understand."
Seinfeld
"Just the day before, he was turned down by a bank."
Seinfeld
"I believe it was the Manufacturers Hanover..."
Seinfeld
"...on Lexington and 40th Street."
Seinfeld
"That was the third bank in two weeks to turn him down..."
Seinfeld
"Well, Your Honour, he was barely audible..."
Seinfeld
"...but I- I distinctly recall him saying-"
Seinfeld
"Hey, Yo-Yo Ma."
Seinfeld
"So I sped home to save my friend's life, and I was stopped for speeding."
Seinfeld
"Yes, I admit I was speeding..."
Seinfeld
"...but it was to save a man's life."
Seinfeld
"But only by the grace of God."
Seinfeld
"He is in the courtroom today, sitting right over there!"
Seinfeld
"And he can corroborate my entire testimony."
Seinfeld
"- Now all we gotta do is write it. - Yes!"
Seinfeld
"- Thank you. Thanks. - Thank you."
Seinfeld
"You know, I thought you were mad at me."
Seinfeld
"Mr. Seinfeld, you have a telephone call."
Seinfeld
"Phone call? Who knows I'm here?"
Seinfeld
"Hello? Mom?"
Seinfeld
"How did you know I was here?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, I was not rude to him. That is baloney!"
Seinfeld
"When you sent me the bill, I thought the show didn't have a chance."
Seinfeld
"Oh, it was only vomit."
Seinfeld
"Anyway, I would like to pay for the dry cleaning."
Seinfeld
"- Oh, no, no. It's okay. - Oh, no, no, no."
Seinfeld
"We all chipped in. We have the money."
Seinfeld
"Well, it was $18."
Seinfeld
"- Okay, $18. There it is. There you go. - All right."
Seinfeld
"- Yeah. Call me. - All right. Great."
Seinfeld
"- Bye. - Bye. Thanks."
Seinfeld
"Bye."
Seinfeld
"I can't believe she took the money."
Seinfeld
"Why?"
Seinfeld
"I offered to pay. She should have said no."
Seinfeld
"She did. You insisted."
Seinfeld
"This is what the pilot should be about. Vomiting on somebody's vest."
Seinfeld
"How much are we gonna get for this?"
Seinfeld
"- Oh, I- I don't know. - We gotta get 50. Gotta get 50."
Seinfeld
"We'll go. You call your manager. Maybe they made an offer."
Seinfeld
"- Okay. - All right, let's go, let's go."
Seinfeld
"Thirteen thousand?"
Seinfeld
"Thirteen thousand."
Seinfeld
"- You're nuts. - I'm sorry."
Seinfeld
"I can't live knowing that Ted Danson makes that much more than me."
Seinfeld
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